A mage and his grandfather on the run in ancient America. Wanted for murder Toman thought his life was over. Little did he know what laid ahead. EXTENSIVE 30-HOUR EDITING DONE TO THE ENTIRE BOOK!
Size: 446 KB (88,531 words)
Genre: Science Fiction
Sex Contents: No Sex
Tags: mt/ft, Ma/ft, mt/Fa, Magic, Heterosexual, Fiction, Extra Sensory Perception, Paranormal, Transformation, Violent
Review by manddscott [other reviews by manddscott]
Reviewed:
I had added this story to my library a while back and looked forward to reading it given the high score it had from readers. I think the description from the author does the story some justice. I completely disagree with the scores the story has received so far, however.
For plot, I give the story a B (7). It jumps around quite a bit and can be difficult to follow. The description of the supposed ages of the main character does not mesh with their actions and understanding of the world and of relationships. The MC is supposedly 200 years old, but behaves more like a 10-year old to start the story. His fights and time on the run supposedly take 60+ years, although they are described in other parts as just a year or two, yet he matures as if only a couple of years had passed.
As confusing as the plot can be, what this story needs more than anything else is a good editor. Not only would they be able to fix the plot holes and inconsistencies, but they could correct the tremendous number of run-on sentences, along with other grammatical and spelling errors. The technical score on this would have to be an F (4) simply because of that. When I started reading the story, I made notes for the first couple of mistakes found, but soon realized I would be spending more time making notes than reading.
For appeal, because of the issues mentioned above, I give the story a D (5). If the author chooses to fix the issues, I would gladly try to re-read it and re-score it. I do believe it could be worthy of an A (8) if time was taken to correct the issues.
