| < | 1 2 3 5 6 | > |
I am going to take a break on "Indentured: a New Beginning" after Chapter 27 is posted.
I was asked to post some chapters of "Taking Ownership of Belinda" that has pony girls on ranches. It is in the same world as "Indentured: a New Beginning", but further in the future.
This future is even more darker and depraved. It is more Dolcett and less Erenisch.
In the meantime, any feedback on what readers liked in "Indentured: a New Beginning" and what they would like to see in future chapters when I get back to writing it would be appreciated.
I have been asked by a reader, "so what is the big deal about Lien giving Tom a blowjob when he was asleep".
From Chapter 20 of Indentured: a New Beginning:
"According to the law, if a slavegirl initiated sex with any male without command she had to be disposed of. If a slut initiated sex without permission, I'm not sure what the ramifications were. I needed to talk to the university legal office about it."
To give some more background to the story:
It is a closely held secret in the BFA Archives that Jean-Pierre Marteau was a "boytoy" and kept as a sex slave for over twenty years by several members of the Inner Circle of the FLF. And that it was one of his daughters that released the information proving that the FLF had created and released the virus that almost caused the complete extinction of men.
Jean-Pierre Marteau said in his Fist and Arrow manifesto that female sexual agency was the greatest of all threats to men, especially with respect to a woman's sexual initiation to a nonconsenting man.
After the Glorious Androcratic Revolution, the Compulsory Female Enslavement Law was written under the assumption that all adult women would be slavegirls. However to get the law to pass, the Equalists insisted on having a method of limited exclusion from slavery for women. Thus the "Freedom Fee" came into existence.
Section 2 - The Freedom Fee
a- A female who is not registered as a slave by her closest male relative or any other male who purchased her from her closest male relative is considered free. Property rights of a free female belong to the closest male relative (CMR). A female shall remain free until the time her CMR decides to enslave or sell her, and she cannot be enslaved without the consent of her CMR. All females over the age of 18 must be registered by the Bureau of Female Affairs. CMRs of females who choose not to sell their females must pay a "freedom fee" in order to buy a "limited exclusion from slavery" permit. A female can be excluded from slavery for only two years with a single permit. The exclusion term can be extended by further payment. Failure to pay will result in immediate enslavement of the female subject by the BFA.
b- The exclusion from slavery will be nullified if;
i- The female fails to pay the fees by the deadlines specified in her exemption permit.
ii- The female voluntarily submits to a master before the end of the exclusion.
iii- The female commits a felony during her exclusion.
Tom's confusion is that he does not know if a "limited exclusion from slavery" permit legally allows a woman to initiate sex to a sleeping man without prior permission.
>I feel like the 1 and 2 voters are just idiot trolls who are trying to discourage authors of content they don't like.
I agree. I was just trying to make a point about the 1 voters.
I don't mind the 2 voters. If they hate the story, they hate the story.
As a writer, I appreciate that they took the time to let me know their feelings about what I wrote.
>Clearly you have a "Story" - at some point it makes no sense to allow a 1 vote to affect the average since it has a start, middle and end and fits the criteria for a story.
As the novelist E. M. Forster said, "The king died, and then the queen died, is a story, while The king died, and then the queen died of grief, is a plot."
By this criteria, not only is "Indentured: a New Beginning" a story but it also has a plot.
Some readers might have trouble seeing the plot if they are skipping over the "boring parts" and are only reading ahead to the "fun parts". LOL
Even though cats, cattle, dogs, and horses were also infected with the virus, they still exist in world just like humans. It's just very expensive to able to have a male born in those species.
Only the very rich are able to own cats, dogs, and horses. Cow's milk and cheese are still available in upscale groceries. Beef was only found in the most expensive of restaurants for the longest time.
However recently, the price of beef has dropped significantly. The Beef Industry announced that they had adopted new and improved animal husbandry methods which increased livestock production by using better breeders.
Now for the readers that like to read esoterically or to find the subtext by reading between the lines, whatever speculations you come up with will be a reflection on how depraved and twisted your mind is.
>Maybe its a case of having raised my expectations too high. Tried to tell just how I felt reading. Hope You can see the constructive side and are not discouraged . All the Best!
I took your comments as constructive criticism. I appreciate the time and effort that you took to give that feedback.
I also appreciate all those who gave a Score by voting on the story.
I find it interesting that there are more "1" scores than "2" scores, and there are more "10" scores than "9" scores.
They currently average out to a 5.45 score.
I think if I can improve my writing enough then the voters that voted a "1" score (You Call this a Story!?) will switch their vote to a "2" score (Hated it) and the average score will finally break into the "6" score level.
| < | 1 2 3 5 6 | > |