Paige Hawthorne: Blog

For a change of pace, I wrote my newest story - "The Second Sausalito" - in the third person. Which has advantages such as providing the reader with some omniscience. On the downside, I wasn't able to get inside the protagonist's head as much as I would have liked.

(Of course this new perspective further befuddled the editors - Thorny, Steven, Mike, and pc.)

Many of the characters in this story are fictional and aren't intended to bear any resemblance to … well, you know the drill. Further, if there is any sex depicted herein - and I can't quite remember - it occurs between and among characters who are at least 14-years of age as measured by the Gregorian calendar. Or is it the Julian? One or the other.

As to plagiarism … well, let me say this about that. No, better to quote my attorneys - Venal, Moreover, and Dodgy - "All grand jury testimony is under seal." That, and something about one of the Constitutional Amendments. Numero Cinco, if memory serves.

Paige

My ace Research Department (teenage son) informed me that a couple of my stories have been nominated in the annual rodeo known as the Big Clit. Also, so have I.

Further investigation reveals that both the stories and I are at, or near the bottom, of the vote-harvesting apparatus.

No surprise, not really, when you consider that I'm down to three regular readers; and two of them can't figure how how to cast a ballot.

What to do?

Well, I may just post another story; that usually causes adverse reactions among the real writers here. Dread, tremors, temperature spikes, hiding under the covers, etc.

Not that I pay the slightest attention to reader scores,

Paige

The Research Department went full rogue in direct defiance of the corporate restraining order.

The Board of Directors had unanimously agreed to avoid further humiliation on SOL. The mandate: Do not allow readers to vote for my latest story, "On the Road Again - Flint Murdock".

So what did the Research Department do? Yep.

Have at it, you 1-bombers.

Memo to Research Department: Bare-bottom caning is now on the agenda.

Paige

But they do not thinketh well.

Yes, I was aced out for Author of the Year. Yet again.

So, why am I smiling? I'll tell you why. I'm pleased because my readers are smarter than a certain Author of the Year's readers. A lot smarter.

As tout le monde now knows, the Supremes - in an inexplicable decision, an inexcusable decision - voted 5-4 along party lines to allow the Big Clit election to proceed. Just as if there weren't a contagion ravaging the world.

My loyal guys were torn between supporting their beloved author and risking their lives in the voting booth. The savviest ones fled the polls like they were racing for the last steamship out of Krakatoa.

So while SOL bent me over the back of the couch for my annual molestation, this time around I didn't mind that someone else won. Nope, not at all.

(Not that I pay the slightest attention to reader scores.)

Paige

I've clapped twice and reluctantly turned on the Voting machine for "Hide & Seek". Have at me, you 1-bombers, have at me.

I suppose, in the overall scheme of things, it doesn't really matter all that much since this is also the final month of my annual Big Clit humiliation. What's one more opprobrium?

Paige