Paige Hawthorne: Blog

The Research Department went full rogue in direct defiance of the corporate restraining order.

The Board of Directors had unanimously agreed to avoid further humiliation on SOL. The mandate: Do not allow readers to vote for my latest story, "On the Road Again - Flint Murdock".

So what did the Research Department do? Yep.

Have at it, you 1-bombers.

Memo to Research Department: Bare-bottom caning is now on the agenda.

Paige

But they do not thinketh well.

Yes, I was aced out for Author of the Year. Yet again.

So, why am I smiling? I'll tell you why. I'm pleased because my readers are smarter than a certain Author of the Year's readers. A lot smarter.

As tout le monde now knows, the Supremes - in an inexplicable decision, an inexcusable decision - voted 5-4 along party lines to allow the Big Clit election to proceed. Just as if there weren't a contagion ravaging the world.

My loyal guys were torn between supporting their beloved author and risking their lives in the voting booth. The savviest ones fled the polls like they were racing for the last steamship out of Krakatoa.

So while SOL bent me over the back of the couch for my annual molestation, this time around I didn't mind that someone else won. Nope, not at all.

(Not that I pay the slightest attention to reader scores.)

Paige

I've clapped twice and reluctantly turned on the Voting machine for "Hide & Seek". Have at me, you 1-bombers, have at me.

I suppose, in the overall scheme of things, it doesn't really matter all that much since this is also the final month of my annual Big Clit humiliation. What's one more opprobrium?

Paige

Oh my, I can just picture you 1-bombers - snarling deeply, straining at the leash, eyes bulging, saliva drizzling …

At ease, lads. I will indeed swivel the Vote lever to the ON position for "Hide & Seek". Just not quite yet.

Just not quite yet.

Paige

NB: Frustrated by all of this delayed gratification? The Comments section is accessible right now.

In addition, it's Big Clit time, and my Annual Humiliation is in full flower

Time goes by so slowly …

The editors - Steven, Mike, and pc - resolutely deny any and all guilty knowledge re: my latest story, "Hide & Seek". We'll see how that plays out if and when a courtroom gavel bangs down.

From my own POV … why plagiarize just one novel at a time? Thus, my earnest hope is that the attorneys for Michael Connelly and Thomas Perry and Lawrence Block and Ross Thomas don't visit this particular site to read this particular story.

Oh, a "Vanity Fair" article provided some valuable intel on Instagram Influencers. Hmm … I may also have borrowed a speech or two from "The Crown".

Wait. Why should I think of my little story as stolen property? Let's consider it an homage, with a silent 'h'.

Oh yeah, I homaged the fuck out of some white supremacy stuff from T. Jefferson Parker.

Paige

NB: The Annual Humiliation - Paige Hawthorne Division - is underway over at the Big Clit. So be sure to go vote for other writers and stories. Thank you.