Paige Hawthorne: Blog

I have approximately 800 followers, five off-and-on editors, and three remaining readers. Plus, countless detractors who are generous in sharing ways that I could improve their lives. How? Stop writing stories, stop posting them, disappear from SOL for … like forever.

Recently, the one-bombers came up with a new twist on that old theme. I wrote one story last year — “Heaven Sighs” — and it recently won some sort of Big Clit award. Earnestly searching for a new angle to get rid of me, some haters have started a populist movement — “Since you won a prize, now is a good time to retire.” It hasn’t yet reached groundswell proportions, but the campaign is gaining momentum.

I have two words for you gomers, you louts … those of you who resemble the most unsavory of the Disney dwarfs. The second word is ‘you’.

Paige

Admittedly, SOL readers are not overly celebrated for their intelligence, and certainly not for their discretion. When I decided to write a story — “The Real Housewives of Sausalito, Mississippi” — where Sex was not only the Main Character, it was the Plot, I anticipated a negative reaction.

And, understandably so. There is little redeeming social value; many of the sexually-active players are selfish and greedy; what storyline there is, is mainly a backdrop, an excuse, for more indecent behavior.

Surprisingly, “Housewives” has a legion of fans who — keep those cards and letters coming in — are clamoring for more. More sex, more depravity, more … more everything.

One can only hope that the readers here are not a representative cross-section of the world’s population. Surely there are some good, decent, moral folks out there. Surely.

Paige

I had five editors, most of whom could read and comprehend at at least a fourth-grade level.

One died — Requiescat In Pace, pcbondsman.

Of the remaining four editors, three of them are on sick leave with various ailments, some of which may be true. Let’s see … four minus three comes to … about one.

Now this sterling survivor is, it is rumored, able to read without his lips becoming too tired. And, there is a certain snarky literary perception to his criticisms.

The problem? He is somewhat under-enthusiastic about my current story — ‘The Real Housewives of Sausalito, Mississippi’. Okay, he detests it.

Too much sex. Pointless, no justification, sex. Fair-warned is … um, fair-warned

Paige

The wicked guy in charge here has mandated that all stories must now be open for voting. I had hoped to avoid ignominy this time around with “The Real Housewives of Sausalito, Mississippi”. Foiled!

Of course it’s Glory Times for you one-bombers out there. Not that I pay the slightest attention to reader scores.

Gnashing teeth,

Paige

Or is it well? Lee Child, creator of the Jack Reacher series, says that it all comes down to the character. That readers don’t really care too much about the plot. But a memorable protagonist … zowie!

Michael Connelly — the guy who dreamed up Hieronymus Bosch and the Lincoln Lawyer, Mickey Haller, — has a similar take, “It is all about character and velocity.” He posits that a book is like a car with the passenger door open and the engine revving. Do you want to hop in for a ride?

Then it’s up to the driver to tell you a story. Sharp turns, frantic braking, whiplash acceleration. Whew.

Paige