Anne N. Mouse: Blog

I have a tendency to <s>rust</s> er rest too much when I don't have a regular job... :( so when I do go back to work I often end up feeling like rigor mortis or something has set in once I stop moving at the end of the day... I mean there are days when in the midst of the work I almost wish a chunk of rust would break free and put an end to the pain of trying to go back to work after <s>rest</s> er rusting too long....
Yeah I know bad habits and all... :-(

I refuse to believe that any of my work deserves a vote of less than three. Therefore it is my contention that any votes I have of one or two are as always, someone who essentially bombed the story because they didn't like the subject or the manner in which I handled it... My latest story has about 260 downloads and the usual nice spread of votes in the 6,7,8 range, with the obligatory 2 dragging the cumulative score down. Now I understand there is one more possibility that is driving that in this case, and that is that the story is just over 700 words and I may have not really got a beginning, middle and end in it... But if that is so, and someone disliked that issue, maybe rather than just a drive-by bombing, couldn't they at least send me a note saying, you failed to really have a story here?

In essence Google, Facebook and Twitter are the new gatekeepers with regard to what you can publish in the 'journalist' area, while Amazon is the gatekeeper for what you can publish if you want to go the way of a long form novel in essence, and if you can't get your novel on their platform you essentially can't make a living if being a novelist is what you want to do.
Then finally there is the whole money transfer business of paypal which can say they won't pay you if they don't approve of your business not to mention patreon which purports to be the place where a person can go to raise money if they can promote themselves...
Anyway, given my paranoia issues, I don't use anything except blogger (which is a Google company) which won't monetize my account because I marked it as having 'adult' content.
The thing is that for about three hours I've been sitting here listening to Tom Pool and getting an even wider education about the whole issue of these platforms being able to remove people from their platform which probably isn't helping my paranoia issue.
Now where was I going? Oh yeah... short thought, how to get past the gatekeepers and an appreciation of Laz for providing the platform here that he has only limited to the extent that he is limited by the law of the nation where he has his server.
Mind that Canada worries me to a great deal. I make no bones about the fact that I'm bisexual, that I've had a relationship with one person of each sex and that they both failed spectacularly, and that both partners blamed me so I assume I'm too broken to try again.
Well shit there I went oversharing... Just trying to establish my bonefides given that I have used language that is very inflammatory in my writing. And I worry about eventually having to pull some of my stories or further limit what I will write...
Most people have an idea what issues have been talked to death here that Canada has already stepped in on WRT items publish on this site. Given their current direction of movement I do worry.

So... Obviously I ought to practice better work habits. That means writing something for posting to my stories section (or my external blog) before writing here or commenting on youtube videos. Yet here I am (and there I've been) Here I'm writing this blog, and on youtube I've been doing some commentary on posted video.
Anyway, I suppose that I ought to post this and then get over to a blank WP and work on something that I can see the result of wrt how many views an individual item gets.

I don't know if I've discussed this here before, but probably I have... Anyway, I'm an addict. What am I addicted to? Playing an online game.
That sounds like something I ought to be able to kick relatively easily... Right? Not really, so I've discovered. I've known for most of my life that I had issues with this area of my personality... When I was in the military and over seas I would take two dollars and buy a roll of nickles (leave any other cash and my checkbook in my locker) then walk to the all ranks club where I would play the slots as long as the nickles would last... Now the nickle slot was somewhat loose... to the point that could eat several hours if I never won big (500 or so coins... Then I would stop!) sometimes if it got to closing time (hey they had to close early all the people who used the club had to be at work early in the morning) I'd leave with no money, sometimes with just a bit more than I came with and rarely with a pocket full of bills. Occasionally I'd feel good and play the push line on the craps table at a dollar bet and pull that off every time I won... (start with no more than $10 using the same rules as I did for slots) anyway, this was a nearly nightly habit. It didn't keep me broke, but it didn't help! It also meant that I didn't do everything I should as a soldier.
Fast forward a few years, I'm not a heavy drinker, but like to have a couple after work. No problem right? I'm never really drunk, I'm not driving, etc, etc all the 'safe' things you're supposed to do to drink safely. But as my then SO told me one day just after I'd had about half my first beer: You're nasty and mean to the kids when you're drinking. Now if I'd been more sober I might have ignored that, and if I was more drunk I might have ignored that, but I was just lit enough for that to hit directly home. I poured out the rest of that beer and gave any other beer that I had in the house to a neighbor and told said neighbor that I would not take any more beer from them.
For a long time after than I wouldn't even have beer in the house! Not even when it might have been nice, like when I was working at roofing and could have used the occasional beer to make things just a bit easier after lumping shit around all day.
Fast forward to now, so I'm divorced (according to my SO my fault so not trying that again... Not even a 'committed relationship' [tried that too, SO there told me they left because reasons to do with me... I must be too broken to be in a relationship according to two people]) I can live without that sort of pain and drama in my life. So I bought a bit of beer to prove to myself that I had control over that... I do. I've had the same 12 pack in my fridge for 4 years...
But recall earlier I spoke of the reels on the slot machine being able to fascinate me and keep me away from what I should do as a soldier? Well online there are slots... I know to avoid those!!! But there are other non gambling games on the web. Some of those involve 'building' a 'world' whether that means Civilization or any of the knockoffs or farmville where you build a farm or trains... Well you get the picture. I started one of the farm games about 4 years ago... Was one farm enough? No! Two? No! Three? Barely...
And now I've sworn I'll quit 'farming', but I haven't managed it yet!