Anne N. Mouse: Blog

Makes the blues harder to fight, and invites the black days to come as well. And as my last couple of blogs have demonstrated, I'm both physically and emotionally exhausted. I apologize for taking that out on you my loyal fans. Yet I thank you all for putting up with me, and even giving me good suggestions. I'm beginning to think, that I may try to drive at least three, or four days a week from Redding to my job. I drive between 90 and 120 miles a day as it is.... that would double my driving essentially, but might ease my emotional exhaustion... I shall see after this weekend. If I can keep my plan to cook a large (as large as I think I can get in the freezer of my fridge....) batch of chili, then get it frozen, well, I may just try next week and see, or at least start taking chili to work. I need to reduce my diet to beans and rice, and rice and beans! Oh and the occasional piece of hamburger thrown in for good measure....

Cinco de Mayo! Let's throw a party! Or not…. Again this is a day I hope to die; just anyplace except on the road. But that is probably where and how I'll die. Asleep behind the wheel of a killing machine. Bed at 9:30 again… roll, roll, roll for a long time before I got to sleep, then a cramp in my leg drove me out of bed at 3:30 again…. So sleep deprived. But enough of that! If I die on the road, so be it.

Okay I'm awfully blue, but I've discovered that my mother's friends think I'm the bad child. I have three siblings, have they asked them why they won't attempt what I'm attempting, which is to help my mother...? I doubt it... To them her word is gold....

Yesterday I picked up a pair of Wrangler jeans. Usually I've avoided Wrangler as overpriced 'show wear' but this is a pair of Riggs Workwear jeans in the Ranger style. By the feel of them they are a much heavier denim than Wrangler uses in its other products. I'm hoping that they prove out in the mill where I work, because I've wanted to stop buying as much products as possible from our good friends at Walmart. I commented the other day that they put in miles of self checkouts because they want to pay fewer checkers, though they would probably say that they had checkers who weren't getting a lot of people through their points. I will note that at almost no time in the last few years when I've gone into Walmart have they had more than a couple of 'manned' checkout stands. And the lines for them were long, but if you're in a hurry (and hey my time is valuable…!) you will use the self-checkout point because you really don't have time to wait in that line, unless you're buying alcohol…. And hey the last time I purchased alcohol at Walmart? Not so long ago really, I bought a gift for someone who I knew would prefer alcohol as a gift (read liquor where I've written alcohol) I got to the checker and he was too young to sell booze. So suddenly the line that wasn't going terribly quickly came to a halt while a manager came and rang up the beer I was buying. So the only 'manned' checkout stand was now not functioning. Meanwhile, anyone who didn't have such a purchase went to the self-check point and got out of the store…. Because their time is valuable, and they generally can't afford to spend it waiting for a line of people to get served when they can in essence treat the place like a buffet and serve themselves whatever they want….

One of the grocery stores I go to has self-checkout points as well, but they are marked 15 items or fewer, and no cash anymore…. I sometimes use those 'express' lanes because, small purchase, and I've got other things to do than to wait for someone (or more likely several someones) to purchase several hundred dollars worth of groceries…. While I've got a couple of items from the deli, and maybe some fresh fruit… so while I don't particularly like the self-checkout point I use them because it really is difficult to wait on people who are purchasing large quantities of goods.

I want to add a few thoughts to this journal. One thing that I may find disappointing about the Riggs Workwear is that they seem to be made of rip-stop fabric. It has been my experience in the army that rip-stop fabric wears poorly at best.

On driving… my car is extremely light, so light that when in a very stiff cross wind I'm always afraid that I'll join the tumble weeds that are blowing across the country, driven before the wind…!

On writing: this is the third or fourth day on which I've managed at least ten minutes of writing, even if today's writing has been broken into two sessions.

I am pretty much certain that I need to upgrade my phone to a 'smart' phone. I really don't want to do that in a lot of ways, because I think the phone companies, if not the govt, or foreign govts monitor where the phone goes, what you buy, and what you discuss. I know, I know, I'm paranoid! The question however is this: are a pair o' noid enough!?

So I looked at fiver, and guru. Not sure that I saw much being offered in the way of proofreading. I'm also not sure what is the proper price to ask, or what is a reasonable offer by the person asking for the service. I know what I need, I need to replace the income I'm making at brute labor. Why? I've been trying to piecemeal do repairs on my mother's house. Which is very problematic after I've spent 8+ hours at brute labor, since house repairs are mostly brute labor... Roofs, plumbing etc, are all activities that require intense physical effort. But trying to do that on top of 8, or more hours of physical labor in the form of climbing, lifting, carrying of my daily work is not going well...
So feeling overwhelmed at trying to access the opportunities represented by the internet, I entered what I call a black period. Not a blue period. But a black period. That period is not over, because I still have felt entirely inadequate to the whole project of accessing the income opportunities of the net.

i hate to say it but i have to be stupid. maybe even not fit to live on earth. i look at the sites fiver and guru.... i see i don't know how to price or market service i wont offer anyway, cause no one would want to pay me to do anything...
should stop writing at all. not worthy.