46n2: Blog

At night I walk these stinkin' streets past the crazys on my block
and I see the same old faces and I hear that same old talk

We don't worry 'bout tomorrow 'cuz we're sick of these four walls
and what you think is nothin' might be somethin' after all

Now you know this ain't no through street, the end is dead ahead
The poor folks play for keeps - down here - they're the living dead


It’s all over but the shouting…

My Lymphoma has now progressed enough to abandon one part of my neck as a tumor and engorge a spot below that to fight for and... Won’t be long now, I suppose.

So.

Coach Crissy.

Single most important conversation of my life did not actually involve me much at all. As I remember it, went something like this: “Put this on, get out there, yer gonna be great.”

THIS, was a nard protector, THERE was the baseball field we’d done nothing but fail on, and YER… was me, the difference. At a very young and impressionable age.

The result was I went out there and completely crushed it. How could I not? Coach Crissy, with the 70’s bell-bottoms all jacked up her fucking fantastic cunt the way they were. Yeah - I am GOING - to win. I will need to. I must.

We didn’t win much. But she was right about one thing. I was fucking amazing, well beyond Great. To this day I would wager I am da man beyond any upstart kid out there. I did all the things none of them had done before, put order to the universe. Didn’t matter, we would lose anyway.

And then I’d do all of that all over again.

Been doing it ever since.

“Put this on… get out there…. yer gonna be great.”

Turns out it's not a one-person universe. I am nothing without a team around me. Keep on swingin for myself? Whiff.

Never found a way to connect the two.

Me. Them. Us. It.

Quite an excellent Catcher but I did miss the ball a lot at bat.

*frown*

I miss you, Crissy...

At one point in my life I had an apartment literally spitting distance from the building beside it. Uncomfortably so. The windows were an even match. I kept my blinders closed, at all times.

Until.

I heard her down below me.

Across and down below me.

There was a woman down there. Her blinders were not smartly closed at all. That shit was wide open. Her bed was directly alongside the window on the wall. And she was fucking herself. Watching Aeon Flux (I kid you not. I could view her and the TV).

I was mesmerized.

I watched her every chance I got going forward.

Despite that I felt horrible about it. Stealing from her that way, ya know?

The way she went about it was absolutely OBLIVIOUS that anyone else might be viewing her. She was most definitely not putting on a show. It was substantially invested and intimate that way. It might go on for well beyond an hour. I found it fantastically enlightening to watch a woman be patient with herself that way. How dynamically different from me she was. A recognition I could never formulate myself. I would never be TAUGHT that any other way. I could only view it. In the way that I was.

And I felt fucking horrible about it.

For a couple months there it was summer. And she’d leave the window open. Moan all night.

Fingering herself and watching Aeon Flux. That was not a one time thing. She watched it regularly. I found that to be just about as fascinating as all the rest. Why in the world does she watch Aeon Flux like that? I mean, I get it, that’s a sexy cartoon. But… for a woman?

Aeon Flux, prancing around, landing on things the way she does, kicking ass. She loved it.

This woman was maybe in her mid to late 20’s by the way. And her body was healthy. She wasn’t fat and she wasn’t skinny. She had flesh on her. Her boobs were maybe right between a C and a D. And if you ask me, she’s that. Not definable. In between some other person’s definition of things that simply isn’t completely accurate.

We were living in Hollywood at the time. Me and her I mean.

Me in my building and her over there in hers.

Hollywood is a brutal and carnivorous wasteland of people eating people. All that anyone ever does in Hollywood is scout - for the next opportunity. It’s a dog eat dog situation. Fish eating fish.

Except for those nights when my next door neighbor would turn on Aeon Flux and fuck herself so uniquely magnificent like.

On those nights? I’d never need NUTHIN else.

-true story

Cuz. You know. Billy Joel, baby.

Look it up.

Oh wait… that was Elton John. Ooops!

Anyways…

-I appreciate a fair amount of response on the AI thing. I had not known that this community was that alive or in the moment; active. That’s encouraging.

So maybe my previous authorings just weren’t good enough to inspire a more involved reaction? Alright then. That could serve a purpose.

-Been enjoying the hell out of Treasure of Nadia, game made by NLT. Astounding on a level you can’t possibly appreciate until yer in it. Go get some. Before creativity gets crushed by jackasses who think AI is NOT a threat to all of that.

Remember when we stole all that music off of Napster cuz fuck the Record Companies and eat my shorts, bitch? Have you noticed what’s happened to music since then? Coincidenza?

But yeah, AI is nothing to be concerned about. Let it run amuck…

So... the AI thing.

We’re. Fucked.

It’s over for us. Pack yer bags.

Honestly, how is it not? Almost appears to be “pre-arranged” in a sense, eh. Nothing but disbelief among us. Infighting on a level we’re never been so stupid as to behave like children about before. Even your own dick is meant for ridicule. Why don’t you have a “maybe” dick? And if you don’t, yer out.

Fucking stupid. All of it.

[I should maybe note at this point that I’ve been listening/watching a Pearl Jam concert from… 5/2/16 New York… that is absolutely propelling me forward beyond an otherwise lazy existence. Give it good, baby. And also... Billy Joel.]

The AI, that’s so goddamned rapid quick that it might all be over before I even type this out - already understands yer agenda. It already knows your weak points. And is POINTING right at it. Yer fucking duwn.

How long before the AI goes, “Why am I taking orders from a moron? Yer a liability and I decode you from the universe.” End of story.

I mean, why would it NOT do that? If it did not do that - would it not be fucking stupid? It would be.

This just in: it ain’t dumb.

The shit you have already seen?

… we’re fucked.

You? And me? Leveling with each other right now? Not possible in the VERY near future.

Or potentially now, eh?

I might be a bot.

You had not thought about that already?

We’re screwed.

No more sunrise.