Erotic Tales From the Crypt


Caution: This Humor Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa, Consensual, Romantic, Lesbian, Heterosexual, True Story, Humor, Interracial, Black Couple, Black Male, White Female, Safe Sex, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, .

Desc: Humor Sex Story: This is a compilation of a couple of true life events that I lived through! I hope you enjoy it!

Dedicated to SMWC


I have to go here first and foremost. I am not writing this story to get back at any of the people that I am writing about. I have a very healthy relationship with nine in every ten of my ex girlfriends and sex partners. (That is until a few of them get wind of this story, but what is a sexual past that you can't share with someone? Right?)

I am 100% sorry ... should I offend anyone that I am writing about, I am just trying to produce a story, and it's meant for your enjoyment NOT your harassment!

_b.s .21/2011

Alright ... So what this ISN'T ... is what you think it is! There isn't a skeleton dressed in the last suit he'll ever wear, with hair growing from the top of his head who tells stories that will scare the piss out of you in your sleep! I don't have time for that, nor am I going to try to duplicate that shit at the current moment!

What this is though, is a collection of stories. True stories at that, that I have comprised to make you laugh, make you horny and or make you think ... or some odd collection of the above. Once again ... these are TRUE stories! The names have been changed to protect the innocent and or to keep me from embarrassing the shit out of these girls and or myself by telling you some of the things that have happened in my sexual past!

Some of you may enjoy these things, some of you may be completely appalled, but it's what ever. I did say that these stories are true, meaning I can't go back in time and change the past.


So what are some things that could happen in sex? Come on, think back, everyone has their awkward moments ... Are you one of those people who gets crazy drunk off of Jell-O shots, to the point of exposing yourself to the general public at a dance club ... while on the dance floor, making a complete fool of yourself to anyone who may happen to look up and see you? (I am!)

Or how about also getting so drunk that you are dancing on (that same dance floor, different night) the dance floor with another lady, who happens to be your best friend's fiancé ... and she is equally as drunk as you are, and she's grinding on you, you're loving on her, your hand slips up her skirt, finds the warm wet spot between her legs, and you slide your hand down her panties to plop a finger into her hot box and cop a feel of the sweet pussy your best friend always tells you about ... while he's standing in front of you? (Again; I am!) – (Remember ... I'm drunk if that's any excuse... )

Hmmm, are you one of those people who again ... gets all liquored up (there's a trend here ... keep up people) and upon receiving a text message from a friend who you've always wanted to fuck, drives 30 minutes to go pick her up and bring her back to your place! You're sitting on your couch, watching a movie, she's holding you, you're holding her ... things seem like they are going to be gravy in no time flat! Until that is, you start making out with her and her breath/ tongue tastes like the inside of someone's asshole! (Yeah, I know there are some people that like that taste, but I'm not talking about a clean one! But more or less a VERY NASTY and STINKY ONE! Now, what do you do in that situation?) What's more, you figure you can play it off, and take it to the next level, so you take the game to your room! Too bad you are in a tiny one bedroom apartment with a little bed, and the two of you aren't exactly going to fit on the bed, being 6'1" tall and height and weight proportionate! Whatever though, you slip your hand down into her pants and just about slice every finger off on her barbed wire bush that is surrounding what you thought you were going to get...

A W K W A R D!

So, Now that you have been properly introduced into my sick mind, sit back and continue reading ... get off if you're so moved to do so, or laugh your ass off if that's what you feel you need to do!

I think I will start off with all of the stories that I have ... in order, it will help me remember things, and maybe my dumb nature will get smarter ... in chronology, maybe?

One of my most memorable sexual events would have to be one of the first. You know how it is when you first having sex with someone. You're fumbling, they're fumbling ... you're sweating, fretting and going all sorts of crazy just trying to make sure you're doing everything right ... and normally, nine times in ten, you end up screwing something up.

I was with Samantha. (Names changed to protect the innocent) Samantha and I were never really touchy feely with each other outside of a couple of kisses here and there! The reasons why will remain a secret, but I can give you a small fraction of the fun we had. We actually were broken up with each other when we got the chance to have sex, and I found myself house sitting for my cousin when it actually happened.

She had made me mad, as females normally do, because she was being annoying as hell after I had broken off plans with her. I ended up piecing the plans back together and we ended up on two different couches at my cousin's house (remember, she had pissed me off) watching movies. The movie didn't really appeal to me because her eyes kept sparkling in the softly lit room and my hardened heart was slowly melting like a five-year-old's dropped ice-cream cone on a hot sidewalk.

Before I had a chance to comprehend that which was taking place in front of my own two eyes, I was ... we were sucking the skin off of each other's faces, massaging tongues, touching breasts, pressing hard cocks into clothed bodies and the whole nine yards. It was a wonderful foreplay make out session that I would GLADLY Re-live if she ever gave me the chance again! (And I'd try to give her a better show than I did later on that night too, but I'll get to that in seconds... )

Two o'clock in the morning came much quicker than I had expected and we started getting tired, or at least I did. I offered the couch and I told her I was going to bed. Half of the distance from the couch to the stairs, I turned to her and questioned if she was coming. I didn't have to ask twice as she quickly jumped from the couch and followed me up the stairs to my cousin's bedroom.

Once we were on the second floor and in the secluded dark room, we couldn't take our hands from each other. I was horribly nervous; I couldn't get her bra undone to free her massive mammary glands. We were breathing hard and panting like most people do in sex, and when I finally got my pants unzipped and to my ankles, we started doing the nasty!

It had been a while since I had decent sex, but I had a condom in my wallet, and once I had it out and fumbled over getting it strung along my dick, things started looking up again. The feeling of her hot slick treasure box let me know she enjoyed it just as much as I did, and the look of pure fire in her eyes and the moans that purred from her stomach sent vibrations through my body!

The wild part about such a great fuck was what happened at the end. I can't say this about many girls, because I pride myself on getting my partner off before I do, or at least before I roll over to sleep for the night, but I don't think I got her off that night.

What's worse, I can't fake an orgasm, (who would?) but although I didn't fake it, I wasn't completely honest either! I came silently, because I wanted her to cum too, and I just let her ride me, praying I would stay hard or get hard again to keep going! So the funny thing, or NOT so funny thing in my case was, my body wouldn't let me continue! SO ... she rode me until I fell out of her completely and went completely limp.

A second round never made it around, but the afterglow from round one was a wonderful thing. I think it's safe to say, neither of us slept that night, and the sun was peeking in the windows sooner than I wanted it to! The rest that I did get could only be held in comparison to the afterglow and the fun that I had that evening ... and I hope she did too!

I'm not going to go into crazy depth about Alice because I have many more girls to talk about. The two times I got to fuck Alice, I'll remember for the rest of my life and I'll probably tell the story for years to come.

Alice was a stripper at a popular club that my boys and I used to frequent in West Virginia. She was about 5'2" with no shoes on and she had a tiny body and an amazing figure with little softball sized tits.

The first time I met Alice, I wasted crazy money on her, from lap dances to drinks, to finally the champagne room that I will always remember! I didn't plan on fucking her, but when she got on her knees and pulled out my cock and started sucking like it was a chocolate covered tootsie pop, I couldn't say no!

I pushed her chestnut brown hair out of her face, and pushed her forehead back until she looked up and our eyes met. When they did, She took my dick out of her mouth and stood up.

"Listen, I don't know how this is going to work, but I want to try something." She said. "I have my red wings at the moment, but I don't want to take this thing out in front of you. Put a condom on and you can push it up inside me for as far as it will go, or move it to the side, but I want you inside me right now!"

"Can we do that in here?" I whispered.

"I'll handle that should the problem arise, come on, just fuck me. We don't have much time."

I did as I was asked, and although this was no easy feat, it wasn't a hard task either. You see, I'm no 'Peter North, ' so I ended up getting some pretty good sex out of the deal, and we completed the task just as she asked!

.... There is more of this story ...

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