This was an interesting, and challenging piece for me to do. Most of my works are usually pure fiction with perhaps a sprinkling of fact based on similar experiences, or people I've known thrown in. As many of us here at Lit sometimes find, we get emails or feedback from people who have read and appreciated our stories. Sometimes a friendship can come from this, or at the very least dialogue begins borne from someone's desire to see a particular story written, or an idea or fantasy shared.
This is a story about a very interesting lady, a woman who candidly told me how she went from having no sexual desires whatsoever, to blossoming into a sensual, open-minded, even sometimes kinky woman who explored her desires with the help of another individual who helped her discover who she truly was, and not what she'd become because of a horrible accident.
For obvious reasons I have changed the actual names of the people and places in this story to protect their identities. Most of what follows is what was described to me very often in candid, though explicit detail. I am not sure I have done justice to the emotion, fears, concerns, and eventual discovery and freedom for the woman who I now have come to know and believe to be a very special individual, all the while trying to tell her story within a story. But I tried.
This is her story.
Penny was just sixteen years old when a horrible car accident caused her to lose both legs just above the knee. She had been a gymnast in school, had tried out and been accepted as a cheer-leader for the following year, with dreams and aspirations to perhaps further her gymnastics abilities in the very near future while attending college. All that came to a horrible and tragic end with the accident, along with Penny's self esteem and hopes for the future. Though she had always been considered attractive, good natured and outgoing, after the accident she withdrew into herself, no longer caring how she looked, felt or even behaved around friends and family who shared her pain, her loss, but who also unfortunately and sadly, distanced themselves from her over time, though she did much of that herself in pushing them away, preferring to look upon herself as a horribly disfigured woman who no man would ever want or love.
Seeing and believing herself in this way, sex was of course the last thing on her mind and something she found she had no desire to experience or share with anyone.
By the time she was thirty, Penny had learned of course to be self-sufficient, though she remained for the most part glued to her wheel chair. She'd made some effort at trying to walk again with the help of artificial limbs, but had eventually given up any hope or desire of accomplishing that, self-pity, frustration and anger winning out over any desire other than to spend the rest of her life in her chair. Her only real accomplishment was in buying one-half of a duplex that she soon after moved into that had room enough for her to move around in as well as easy access for exiting and entering. She learned to use a moveable step-stool ladder in her home in order to cook, store groceries, and try to live as normal a life as she could on her own, content to do so having long ago accepted the fact emotionally that she would in all likelihood never marry, never have kids, and since she'd also chosen to remain a virgin having never had any sort of intimate sexual relationship with anyone, short of the very rare instances when she would sometimes masturbate, though even those moments were far and few in-between.
Her one and only real friend was William, though he preferred being called "Will" over "Bill" as he'd informed her after they'd first met. Will owned the duplex that Penny was purchasing her half from. As such, he'd helped her move and get settled in to some extent, offering her help only when he knew she needed and wanted it, astute enough to not offer unless she actually asked. It was because of this perhaps that over time, she had actually begun to look forward to his visits with her, though he was twenty years older, divorced, with two teenage daughters she couldn't really stand whenever they came to visit their father, and not because they were bratty or obnoxious, but because they reminded her too much of herself back when she was their age, just before the accident.
And just like Will's daughters, she had once worn her naturally blond hair long, well past her shoulders. Now, she kept it short, cutting it herself as it too had become too much of a nuisance, too much of a burden, and too much of a reminder of her past. Penny had even seriously considered having a breast reduction, and though her boobs weren't overly large by any means, they were enough so that she thought herself even more top-heavy and grossly miss-proportioned whenever she looked at herself in the mirror, which she hardly ever did anyway, not liking what she saw there whenever she had.
It was on a particular very hot summer evening, Penny sat outside on the back shared Patio that Will had built. He was in the process of barbequing some chicken for them for dinner, Penny volunteering to make a nice green salad to go along with, watching Will as he cooked, enjoying the glass of wine he'd given her, though this was already her third, and she was already feeling it. Still, all in all she hadn't felt quite this much at peace with herself in quite some time, and Will had truly proven himself to be a good friend and neighbor, so she was very relaxed and comfortable around him. Perhaps it was because of that, along with the several glasses of wine that she'd consumed already, Penny found herself in one of her very rare, very infrequent moods when normal, natural desires and curiosities caused her to question Will intimately about his own personal life as they sat down to eat.
"Why is it that I never see you bring anyone home, or ever go out on the weekends?" she asked suddenly. "Except for when you're working, you're always here just like I am."
Will gave Penny a knowing look. "First of all, because I hate dating, especially at my age, and secondly, because every woman I've ever met has tried to make me into something I'm not."
Penny grinned in spite of herself, she knew exactly what that felt like. But it was the wine that had loosened her tongue as well as her curiosity. Had it not been for that, her next question might never have been asked. Will certainly was an attractive looking man, even she had to admit that to herself, but he was the first one she'd ever met and gotten to know whose world didn't seem to revolve around sex.
"Do you miss not being with a woman?" she began, continuing before Will had time to respond to that. "What I mean is, do you prefer being celibate?"
He laughed openly, almost a boyish kind of laughter as he nearly spilled wine on himself, barely setting his glass back down on the table before doing so. "Do I miss not being with a woman? Hell yes I do! I miss it every day, though I'll freely admit this to you, it's not my ex-wife that I miss. It was because of her that I met and actually fell in love with someone else who showed me what intimacy, love and adventure could really feel like. And it's not even her that I miss either, but that! And as far as being celibate goes, it's not by my choice that I am Penny, I've just not met, nor really tried to meet anyone else that could share with me the kind of passion and excitement that I'm talking about!"
Penny was surprised by his answer, as well as intrigued by it too. And though she was certainly naive when it came to just about everything of a sexual nature, she wasn't without feeling that every once in a while came on her like a plague until wrestling with her emotions, guilt and anxiety, she'd finally give into it and then masturbate like crazy for two or three days in a row before finally putting the beast back where it belonged for a while.
"How do you manage it then?" she heard herself asking, without realizing the response that might come from having done so.
"Probably the same as you, I jerk off a lot," he said truthfully, not seemingly embarrassed by that admission at all.
Penny felt her face reddening, and not from her own embarrassment either, but from his simple honest admission that immediately painted an image for her inside her head that she couldn't seem to shake off as she sat imagining it.
"I don't," she said softly, lying to Will as well as herself.
"Why not?" he shot back, catching her off guard. "You may have lost your legs, but you're certainly not paralyzed, hell Penny, as strange as this may sound, you could probably do more interesting things in bed than most men would ever dream of having a woman be able to do!"
For the briefest of moments, she didn't quite know what to think, or even how to respond to that, so she told him the Gods honest truth about herself in three simple words. "I'm a virgin."
Maybe his eyes registered some surprise by this revelation, though he didn't exactly pounce on it the way every other man she'd ever met had, which is one of the reasons she'd quit sharing that personal tid-bit about herself with anyone, until now.
"When you meet the right man," he said very seriously, "then you'll know when it's right for you. Just because you've chosen to remain a virgin up until now, doesn't mean you'll always be one either. Most important advice I could give you is, don't worry or keep thinking about it. When the time comes, it will. Until then, just keep being yourself."
.... There is more of this story ...