Introduction

Summertime,
And the livin' is easy
Fish are jumpin'
And the cotton is high

Your daddy's rich
And your mamma's good lookin'
So hush, little baby
Don't you cry...

-"Summertime", lyrics by Ira Gershwin

You may not believe the story I'm about to tell. That's ok; I probably wouldn't believe it myself if I hadn't happened to me.

A recent poker night got me thinking back on the events in question. It was just a bunch of friends and friends-of-friends sitting around, playing a little cards, drinking a few beers, and shooting the bull. As you might expect with a roomful of guys, the conversation eventually turned to women. One buddy bragged about his youthful prowess with the ladies, and another tried to top it with his own boasts. When "Bob" – a good guy who's infamous for telling tall tales when inebriated – held up his 5^th can of Bud Light and asked for attention, I was prepared to be amused.

"Bob" didn't disappoint. Talking way too loudly and waving his beer around so much that some sloshed out of the can, he claimed that he'd lost his virginity during his first day of high school when a horny senior cheerleader dragged him into a storage room and demanded that he ravage her immediately. The room broke into raucous laughter which only grew louder with his repeated protestations of "I'm serious!!!" Through it all, I was able to concentrate on my cards well enough to win the hand and a nice pile of cash. Good times.

I laughed with the rest of them, but I didn't say a word about my own youthful experiences. As you'll see if you keep reading, it's not the sort of thing you can bring up in casual conversation. In fact, I've never told anyone at all. But this is only the internet, right? So here it goes...