(It's how you use it)
An erotic moment by Kenneth Keller
"Not too much into the bar scene. Everybody there is there for only one thing-sex." I said using my usual manipulation on this pleasant voiced stranger.
" I couldn't agree with you more David. In fact that's why I enjoy talking on the phone with my men. Well that and the damn cigarette smoke. There's nothing more I hate then coming home from a bar, usually alone, and having my clothes and bed smell like that nasty smoke." Linda responded. She was good.
" If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been using the personals Linda?" I inquired.
" Oh I say off and on for nearly a year. The trouble is that just when I think I've found a man I'm willing to meet he turns out to be a real jerk. Mama was right all men are dogs."
" Ruff ruff." I said as she let out a cute little chuckle.
" Your funny David. Most of the guys I talk with only want to talk about sex but I can tell that you're a real gentleman. Not that I don't like sex but I only do it with guys I feel something for."
" Yes I totally agree but let me tell you being a gentleman is a lonely thing to be. My problem is that when a girl gets to know me they think I'm too good to be true. Not every guy can say he has never smoked or touched drugs and rarely drinks. I mean I have no children, never been married and I own my own home and run my own business. Can't say that I blame them for thinking I am a liar or at the very least highly full of myself." Would the fish bite.
"Well baby I can usually tell when a mans lying and from what you've told me so far I believe your telling me the truth." she replied. Nibble.
" I can appreciate you saying that Linda. You know you sound like a very special young lady. Tell me all about yourself. I'm dying to know as much as possible. The good and the bad." I said as I gave the line some slack.
" And the ugly?" she responded.
" Linda I already told you that I really like you and I don't even know what you look like. I'd still like us to get together and see what develops." Time to throw out the chub.
" Well okay David. I believe you. You already know that I am 28 and like yourself I have never been married and have no kids although to be honest with you sweetheart I can't wait until I am a wife and a mother. I plan on being married as soon as possible. That doesn't scare you does it?" Damn she was good.
Quickly changing the subject. " I wouldn't be talking to you Linda if I felt you weren't looking for a serious relationship. I've been single way too long. I've done everything I've ever wanted to do in my life. But now it is time to settle down and share everything I have. What I want to know is what you look like."
" I thought you said it doesn't matter what I look like David?" She said hurtfully.
" I did my dear but we have been talking for a while and I'm trying to form an image for the angelic voice I have been blessed hearing these last few days. You must believe me Linda I do not care if you have three eyes five breasts and were ten feet tall." I said acting that I was equally as hurt that she doubted my sincerity. "If we're going to have an ever lasting relationship and not the usual cat and mouse chase then we're going to have to trust each other."
" David I like you and I do honestly believe you but it is just that I 've been hurt so many times. I tell a guy what U look like and they expect me to look like Denise Richards so when we finally meet they get disappointed. I don't mean to get so upset over something so silly but when I think of all the jerks out there who only want a Pamela Lee clone..." after a slight pause she continued " If I tell you what I look like will you let me come on over tonight?" I contemplated this for a second while I inhaled from a camel. I came to the conclusion that I like what I heard and I am getting layed for the first time since the divorce. " You got yourself a deal. Go ahead shoot." I replied.
" Okay here it goes. I am kind of short around five feet two and I have long brown hair and I wear glasses. I am also slightly overweight but I have been working out of late. People tell me I look like Ricki Lake." she answered.
" Sounds good to me Linda. You have all your limbs I take it." I joked
"Yes David I do. I love the way that you make me laugh. Your a great guy."
" If I am so great would you do me a favor?" I asked politely.
" Just as long as it doesn't involve whip cream and handcuffs." she said.
" Not on our first date--maybe the second-what kind of a man do you think I am anyway?"
" The best. Seriously tell me what it is and if I can I'll do it." she said with sincerity.
" Don't get offended but I am a man after all. Linda what size bra do you wear? I asked.
Again a slight pause. " Oh goody a naughty question. I like naughty questions. I wouldn't tell this to a total stranger but since we are going to meet in a little while I guess it is okay. I wear a size 38 double d. You can say that I am a little top heavy. You don't mind do you?"