Chapter 20: Breakdown

She found Paul out on the veranda, in the shaded part of the front porch that wrapped around the side of the house away from the street. A light breeze helped keep the heat almost tolerable.

“May I sit here, Paul, please?”

“Suit yourself.”

“I said something very stupid, and I apologize. Sometimes I still feel like the unhealthy and undeveloped little orphan girl you met in that registration line.

“My life would have been impossible if I hadn’t met you and the rest of our family. But what matters most is that I love you. From the first day, you have been my rock, my support. I know it was hard for you. I was no picnic for those many months while I was in treatment. Through it all, you’ve been loyal and supportive.

“Today, I messed up. I repaid your love with self-doubt and sarcasm. I am so sorry.

“The worst part of this, right now, is the anger and coldness I feel from you. You aren’t even looking at me! It’s so awful.”

She burst into tears, and cried. Ten minutes later, she had wound down from sobs to sniffles.

“Since I have money, now, I can find a reasonable place to live. I’m going to go pack up my stuff and I’ll be gone in about an hour or so.”

Paul was still unwilling to look at her. So she went inside to pack.

Passing the dining room, she couldn’t conceal her failure with Paul.

“I will be out of here in about an hour, I’m going to stay at the Ramada Inn until I can find something permanent.”

“What? NO!” cried Kerri.

As Talia left to go up to the bedroom for her things, Barry stood up and went outside.

“Paul, may I ask, why are you evicting her?”

“I’m not, she is choosing to leave.”

“Was it something you said to her?”

“No, I didn’t say anything to her, actually.”

“Why? Didn’t she apologize to you?”

“She did, but it doesn’t matter. Doc, I’ve just run out of patience. I have been supporting her for more than a year now, helping her through all of those crazy mental and physical changes. Never once have I wavered. But she is still plagued by feelings of being inadequate and unattractive, from her years of being trapped in the abusive bureaucracy.

“Nothing I’ve been doing has been helpful. I love her, but I’m no good for her.”

“Paul, I understand your frustration. I do. She’s come so far, physically, in such a brief span of time. But, psychologically, years of neglect and cruelty in her youth and adolescence are not so easily overcome.

“As her doctor, I have failed her, being so focused on her nutritional and endocrine deficits. She desperately needs counseling and therapy. And putting the tremendous burdens of her interior life on your shoulders was so wrong.

“Paul, to be blunt, you aren’t educated or equipped to help her in all the ways that she needs. I feel terrible about this, a doctor’s oath is to do no wrong; to help, not to hurt.

“She has progressed as far as she has because all of us love her so much, especially you, Paul. It’s not fair, it’s not right, but if she feels you no longer love her, I cannot imagine the terrible drastic impact on her mental health.

“Paul, please, look at me. Remember when I said surgeons had to have limits on showing their emotions? Well, fuck that shit. She’s my daughter now, as much as Kerri. That’s why I am weeping.”

Pam had come out to join them, just as tearful.

“She’s been so brave and strong, Paul. I know you feel overwhelmed and inadequate for her. But I’m begging you, as her loving mother. Please! Give her another chance.

“She’s very young, still, with little experience of normal family life. Every scrap of patience and loving affection you can manage is so important for her.”

Ric and Kerri joined them as well. Kerri’s eyes were red and puffy, and her shoulders were folded into Ric’s arms.

“Forgive me, but this evening is becoming such a disaster that I have to act. I never met your late mother, Paul. But, if she knew the kind of agony you were putting my sister through, I am sure she would be so disappointed in you. Angry, even.

“I am sick to death of this unnecessary misery. Go inside, up the stairs, and work out your issues with Talia so she doesn’t leave this house tonight. Or EVER.