It was the late eighties and the darkest, lowest, saddest point in my life. I had attempted suicide a week earlier and now I existed in that grey aftershock of depression which lingers afterward. It was a year after my first hospitalization for a suicide attempt and being diagnosed with clinical depression. It had been a year of failures. I failed my first year of college, lost my job and was hopelessly a failure with the ladies. My first week was spent with my nose buried in a book, Dune, which a friend I’ve known since kindergarten suggested I read. THEY FINALLY witnessed what I now know as an angry manic episode. THEY, the nurses gave me Librium and put me to bed as the tranquilizer took hold. It was the first time I ever had a tranquilizer and I slept from three in the afternoon until seven in the morning.
Morning brought new rays of sunshine to my heart and life as sunlight glinted off of HER dirty blonde hair. I was instantly attracted to her as I entered the cafeteria of the hospital psyche ward I was imprisoned for my own good. I was shy and terrified of her radiant beauty; doing everything to avoid her. From the mandatory group therapy session I learned her name was Sue Ann Johnson and she learned my name. She was more out-going than I and in that making-the-best-of-it sombre state of depression. Even without make-up or fancy clothes Sue Ann was heavenly to gaze upon.
On the third day of avoiding her we had mandatory group therapy where I could no longer avoid her. In group I barely paid any attention to anything others said until she announced to the entire group that she was annoyed by me avoiding her and she thought I hated her. I blushed and openly admitted I was attracted to her and very shy; in front of our psychiatrist group facilitator and half dozen fellow patients. After the group session I overcame my shyness and joined her across the cafeteria table with a coffee. We talked and began to get to know each other a little better. We both had gleaned information from listening to conversations we had with others. That was my first hint to her attraction to me; possibly even her annoyance at me for avoiding her. A woman that beautiful must not be used to people, especially men, avoiding her.
That was the beginning of our relationship. Whenever I saw her in the cafeteria section I would join her at a table either across from her or beside her. After doing this a couple times, I thought she might think I was stalking her and sat at a nearby table or at the end of her table. She either invited me to sit near or beside her or she would join me at my table. That’s how I knew we were friends and the attraction was mutual. Through our conversations I learned: that she was the single mother of a 3 year old daughter, she was suicidal after her boyfriend and her daughter’s father broke up with her, she lived with her mother in the same part of the city I lived and she was eighteen a couple years younger than I was; twenty. I was further along, more knowledgeable about coping techniques and ways to deal positively with stress than Sue Ann was at that time. Most of the time we simply enjoyed each other’s company within the male/female separation which is normal on a psyche ward. Then came release day.
Back then in the eighties a standard time for a suicide attempt was three weeks after being medically cleared to tackle the mental health part of their problem. Then, depending upon the patient, it was either more outpatient group therapy in the hospital. Or, in my case, group therapy in the community at a government funded mental health organisation. Sometimes for the more stable of us like the cyclothymic (a sub-type of bipolar disorder with moderate depressions and moderate euphoric manic highs) Sue Ann, they get released a bit early and only needed to see a psychiatrist at regular appointments. Luckily Sue Ann got discharged a day before I did.
As Sue left, she asked for my phone number and address saying she would call in a couple days or so after I got discharged. I had nothing to lose and doubted she would call me. Beautiful five foot seven blonde nineteen year old Caucasian women with a great figure don’t call an average or slightly less than average five eleven, black haired, brown eyed, one eighth Blackfoot mentally ill twenty year old man like me; Derek O’Reilly. After spending a day making appointments for counselling and marking my next shrink appointment, getting caught up on basic life I sat back to relax. Early evening just after supper time Sue Ann actually phoned me. She decided to come over the next morning and we would walk to a nearby marsh I raved about when we were in hospital together. Apparently my basement apartment was slightly closer to the marsh than her mother’s house so I met her at the side door entrance to my apartment.
I had my Canon AE-1 camera, a gift from my parents on my 16th birthday, along with a wide angled lens for scenery shots. We walked slowly with Sue Ann holding the hand of her daughter Sarah making it to the marsh in fifteen minutes instead of my usual ten minutes. I certainly was not complaining since I was walking next to a beautiful blue-eyed blonde wearing skin-tight slightly faded blue jeans, a thick buttoned white blouse, high-top running shoes with a friendship bracelet on one wrist and a watch on the other wrist. As we walked the wind played havoc with her high fluffy classic “80s hair”. Once there we instantly saw a mated pair of swans and after I pointed toward their nests we saw the truly unique birds of this area; black terns. As we walked around the western edge of the marsh we saw other birds like herring gulls and mallard ducks. There were other typical marsh birds there also like red-winged blackbirds and some sparrows, chickadees and finches. Next was the beach.
This marsh was only separated from the northern shore of Lake Ontario by a roughly ten metre strip of sand and well-rounded pebbly beach. As we walked along the wind-swept beach, little Sarah was having a great time chasing gulls and picking up pieces driftwood or beautiful quartz and shale pebbles. As we walked close to each other somehow our hands found the others and we were holding hands. Our lips were getting closer and closer, then as Sarah turned towards us Sue broke away from me running the couple metres ahead of us to see what suddenly got her daughter’s attention. I was puzzled by the sudden cold shoulder as we were seconds from kissing. I decided to wait before asking why the kiss never happened.
My chance came as little Sarah ran ahead of us. I stood in front of Sue Ann to stop her.
“My EX-boyfriend Jay, Sarah’s father, is threatening to sue for custody. He already has my hospitalization against me. I know he still desires me despite breaking up with me. I’ll use that to keep him from trying for sole custody instead of weekends only. Mother likes Jay more than she likes me, but it would break her heart to only see Sarah on the weekends. I DO want you to make love to me. We cannot show our feelings in front of Sarah in case it gets back to Jay or mother. Jay will be picking up Sarah soon, so I must get home and I promise to call you tonight. Maybe we can meet accidentally for coffee?”
I nearly choked on my own tongue with that “make love” part. Whatever this angelic woman wanted was fine with me.
“I get it and I understand the predicament you’re in. Coffee sounds great.”
I watched as that beautiful ass went bouncing away from me. I could barely walk with the hard on I had from seeing Sue Ann leave and being so close to her a few minutes earlier. Later that night around midnight I was awakened by a phone call.
“Meet us at the coffee shop on Cedar and Wentworth at 10 in the morning.”
“Who is this? Who is US?”
“Sue Ann, have you forgotten me already? The US is my friends and I.”
“No, sorry I’m half asleep still. Okay, I’ll see you and your friends at ten at Cedar and Wentworth in the coffee shop.”
I fell asleep to a wonderful dream of making love to three beautiful women. Then after a few minutes they vanished into smoke and out of a blazing light walked a naked Sue Ann. In my dream I made love to Sue Ann all night long. In the morning at ten I was at the coffee shop eating a breakfast sandwich meal sipping a coffee. We talked and before Sue Ann left we arranged to go on a couple walks on Tuesday and Thursday morning. She said that on Friday she would pretend to go to a cottage with these friends after Sarah got picked up by her father and instead of the cottage, her friends would drop her off at my place.
Tuesday we walked along Oshawa Creek from Wentworth Street to Lakeview Park when Sue Ann had to return home. After the suicide attempt her mother kept her on a short leash time wise and where she was going. Thursday Sarah and Sue Ann came to my tiny basement apartment, we grabbed a couple of water bottles from my fridge and walked first to the marsh we were at last week where we once again saw the swans and black terns. We followed the trail from there to Lakeview Park on a surprisingly warm mid-April morning. When we parted at the marsh I could barely walk from how hard my dick was watching Sue Ann leave. It was going to be a very HARD twenty six hours when I would see Sue Ann again.
.... There is more of this story ...