Chapter 1

"I had a really good time tonight," I say.

Brandon is getting dressed. I'm still in my bed after we had sex. I am sitting up with pillows behind me. The sheet is pulled up to my waist. The air is cool on my sweaty breasts after our passion. This evening was the first time we had sex. I only have sex with guys I really like. I really like Brandon.

"Me too, Carly," he replies. He's putting his shoes back on. He will leave my one bedroom apartment soon.

"When can we get back together?" I don't want to sound pushy or desperate, but there's nothing wrong with asking.

"I'll have to check my schedule."

I pout my lips. I've heard that before. I don't want tonight to be another one-night stand. I don't want any guy I sleep with to be a one-night stand. I give my heart to a guy before I'll sleep with him. I've had too many guys in my 23 years of life treat me like a one-night stand. I want tonight to be different.

"Let me know," I say.

"I will."

I wish I could say "call me" but that would sound clingy. How do I say I really like him without sounding possessive? Girls are put in such difficult situations with guys we like.

"I love spending time with you," I say.

"Me, too."

I hope that means to him going to the club and going to dinner and not just the sex tonight. I hope that wasn't all just to get me in bed.

I wait a day, two, and three.

Nothing.

I send a text. "Thinking of you."

Another day. More of nothing.

Finally, a text from Brandon!

"I'm seeing someone else now."

I try to hold back tears but I'm only partially successful which means I'm not successful at all. My heart is broken. Again.

I'm 23 years old! I want to be in a real relationship. Don't guys have any idea what they do to us girls with their one-night stands? We have sex with you because we like you. We've given our hearts to you. Girls are made that way. Guys just want sex and if we're lucky he likes us too or he might like us later.

I'm so sick of guys!

And I'm so sick of myself! I wish I could turn my heart off and be casual about sex like guys. Stick your penis in, have a good time, and never see the girl again. Put one more entry in your conquest book. Yes, guys have it easy. No heart attachments. Sex just for the sake of sex. Have your orgasm and run out the door because you know that we girls will cling even more to you after we have sex with you.

Oh, what I wouldn't give to be a man! No more heartbreaks. No more crying in my pillow. No more hoping the phone will ring. No more hating him and hating myself for letting it happen to me again. No strings. That would be the life.

I eat too much chocolate soothing myself before bedtime.

Bzzzt!

I blindly swing my heavy arm at my morning alarm. It lands harder than expected.

I remain on my back, My eyes daring to open up now and then in the mostly darkness. Sunrise light is bleeding through the drapes telling my body it is time to get up.

I don't feel like going to my pharmacy tech job at DrugMart. It would be so nice to stay snuggled here in my bed all day. Unfortunately my bladder isn't on the same page. It says I must get up. I'll resist Little Miss Bladder a little longer.

I feel like there's a weight on me this morning. I'm not sure why. I had my good cry about Brandon. That always takes away my blues and depression.

My eyes are open for good now. I really need to get up. I start work at 6 am so if I'm going to shower and get ready I need to get going now. I'm glad the store I'm at is only 10 minutes away from where I live.

I sit up.

What the... ? Where is the night shirt I went to sleep in?

I touch my chest.

WHERE ARE MY BOOBS???

Frightened I reach for the light on my nightstand clumsily bumping the shade. I'm so uncoordinated. I click the light on.

My arms! They're hairy. No, these aren't my arms. This is...

I hurry out of bed to get to the bathroom or try to. My feet tangle in my covers and I thud to the floor. I stand and run.

I turn the light on and look into the mirror. I look in horror.

I'm a man. A man! This can't be. How?

Wait. I did say ... I did say I wished I were a man. I didn't mean it! I didn't say it to a fairy godmother. I didn't have any power crystals. I didn't have a magic rock. How? How!

The chocolate!

No, that's silly. I eat that chocolate all the time. My store sells it and I get an employee discount. I've never had any side effects beyond a little temporary weight gain. I certainly have never been turned into a man.

I'm in boxers. I went to bed in a night shirt and panties.

I'm naturally curious. I pull my boxers down.

Yep, I have a penis.

I grab it and out of curiosity stroke it. That does feel nice. I can see why guys do this all the time. It grows in my hand until it is fully hard and fully big. It looks like a normal size when erect.

My cell phone rings.

Ohhh! What do I do? I should still answer it. Where's my purse?

I quickly turn on my bedroom light. My phone is on my dresser with keys and a man's wallet. No purse in sight.

"Hello?" I answer nervously.

"Hi Carter, this in Anne. Do you think you could work a couple extra hours today? Maria has to come in late."

I'm even more confused. Anne, my manager knows me as a man named Carter? And the mention of Maria, a coworker, further confirms that my life is still the same. Well, except for that big gender change thing.

"Do you know a Carly?" I ask, while opening up the wallet.

"Carly? No, I don't think so. Why?"

"Never mind." The driver's license has a photo of a man who looks exactly like who I just saw in the mirror. The first name? Carter.

"So can you work the extra time?"

"Yes."

"Great! See you soon."

"Okay."

I sit on my bed and cry. My new chest heaves. I don't want to be a guy. I don't. I don't.

The time on the clock beckons me to get going. I'm going to have to live with this, at least for today. Please magic fairy rock, make me a woman when I wake up tomorrow.

I shower and it's hard not to play with my penis. I safely pee in the shower which is weirdly kind of fun.

I use the razor I use for my legs on my facial hair. I don't like how scratchy my face is. I like my smooth feminine face.

My DrugMart uniform is now man-sized. My whole wardrobe is for a guy even though I have the same woman's dresser. I guess it would be too weird if I as a guy still had panties, skirts, and pumps. Why are some things changed and other things are the same? I may never have the answers even if ... when I return to being a woman.

I struggle to control my emotions as I dress. I often wipe away tears.

Why is this happening? Is it because I was so mad at Brandon? Is it because I am so mad at guys overall?

How long will I be like this? If this is going to be a while then I guess this will be my chance to act like a guy and do the things I said I envied about them. I'm just not sure I really envy them. I just need to live out today and hope for the best when I wake up tomorrow. If I'm still a man then ... then...

I wipe away more tears.

I head to work.

It's so strange. Anne recognizes me as Carter. So do fellow pharm techs Katie, Jenny, and Rachel. I've only worked here two months but that is plenty of time to get to know everyone in the store. Martin, the head pharmacist, now has a second male in the pharmacy area - me.

I struggle with my dexterity. My fingers are imprecise working with pills and pills bottles and also simply using the keyboard to enter or look up information on the computer. The first hour I feel like I can't do anything. I'm working so slow. I feel emotional and frustrated. I'm glad when I start to get the hang of my new body.

I can tell deep within me I'm still a woman. I feel my same emotions. I have sympathy and empathy for customers that guys just can't show. Why didn't I change in those areas too? Why do I remember that I'm Carly, a 23 year old female pharmacy tech? My body is changed but my soul is the same. I'm still Carly but my soul is controlling a male body now.

The first time I need to use the bathroom I almost instinctively use the women's but the little emblem of a woman on the door reminds me that is not who I am right now. I know it is right and the only thing I can do but I feel very awkward entering the men's room. I see the urinal. Hey, this might be good. I only have to urinate. I don't have to sit. I can just take my penis out and go. The urine stream hitting the porcelain is oddly satisfying. I zip up and wash up. Nice! That was quick and fast. Okay, plus one for being a man today.