Chapter 11: Working Where the Sun Don’t Shine

Multiple medical actions were underway, not just Alfred’s complexity. The neurology team was working to help Jim with both conventional and experimental Parkinson’s treatments.

Sure, the brain surgeons and the cardiologists get the glamour. But the colorectal surgeons, gynecologists, and urologists can be as important to the human experience.

Praise the colorectal surgeon

Misunderstood and much maligned

Slaving away in the heart of darkness

Working where the sun don’t shine!

We praise the colorectal surgeon

Misunderstood and much maligned

Slaving away in the heart of darkness

Working where the sun don’t shine

Respect the colorectal surgeon

It’s a calling few would crave

Lift up your hands and join us

Let’s all do the finger wave

When it comes to spreading joy

There are many techniques

Some spread joy to the world

And others just spread cheeks

Some may think the cardiologist

Is their best friend

But the colorectal surgeon knows...

He’ll get you in the end!

Why be a colorectal surgeon?

It’s one of those mysterious things.

Is it because in that profession

There are always openings?

When I first met a colorectal surgeon

He did not quite understand;

I said, “Hey nice to meet you

But do you mind? We don’t shake hands.”

He sailed right through medical school

Because he was a whiz

Oh but he never thought of psychology

Though he read passages.

A doctor he wanted to be

For golf he loved to play,

But this is not quite what he meant...

By eighteen holes a day!

Carol’s apartment, later Friday evening

Carol was emphatic to her listening artistic collaborators. “Aside from all of her directing and other technical skills, Alice is our ultimate GILF. I want to be like her when I grow up! That sex doesn’t disappear or get bad with age, or illness, is a message that justifies our existence. Betty theoretically could be a GILF, but she’s more of a MILF, I was confused. “As soon as a woman could get pregnant, she could be a MILF. What are our definitions?”

Marie, not surprisingly, had academic definitions memorized. “From the perspective of the porn industry, it’s usually women ages 40 to 50. Individual actresses have been 25 to 30, as long as they’re being portrayed as Older Women. I’m not sure that we want to restrict to that older woman model. MILFs may prefer the experience and sophistication of FILFs.”

“FILF?”

Alice cheerfully added, “Fathers I’d like to fuck. My targets when I’m in elder cougar mode.” Slowly and gracefully, she rose to her full six feet, plus five-inch heels. “Dads, look carefully.” She stroked her legs and adjusted her stockings. I suppose I could be a father, and I certainly suppressed a moan. Her legs would be more attractive only if they were wrapped around my head, or that of a friend.

The new building allowed for catered dinner meetings, with fine food but also privacy. Nancy had told us that while she was a fine doctor, she was a neurologist with an interest in sexuality. She wasn’t a gynecologist, urologist, endocrinologist, a proctologist, or a sports medicine doctor, the latter involving orthopedics and physical/rehabilitation medicine. “But to meet all those needs, I want to develop a group practice that mostly serves us, but also can do community referrals. I’ve got a number of doctors that I’d like to bring in, but I want your opinions as to how they’d fit our culture.

“Also, think about how physicians can fit under our organizational framework. It may well be possible, in the case of some specialists, or people like me with a broader interest in programs, to be full-time with Foundation activities. In other cases, though, we may not have enough of a patient load to keep them busy. My proposal is that when we want people in the latter category, we provide offices, research support, and have them accept a staff role with us and give priority to our people but continue a private practice. This is acceptable to our top leadership and money people.”

Heads nodded. There was a clear consensus.

Alice added, “I’ve been talking to Nancy about being a guinea pig for them, to the extent that they’re knowledgeable about some orifices – that’s sort of a reverse proposition, as they might have insight why anal sex is so lovely for me, and maybe that shows physical differences.”

Nancy continued, “To clarify, when I say proctologist, that’s more of a joke – the medicine of the anorectal region covers more than one specialty. I have a colorectal surgeon in mind, who manages not to be an asshole herself. She’s married to a gastroenterologist who is a different kind of expert about where the sun don’t shine. Informally, the two of them have developed a practice that’s especially friendly to anal sexuality. One of the challenges has been Jeanne getting gay men to believe that she’s utterly supportive to their pleasure, and indeed she has been known to pull out photographs of her enjoying such acts. They are influenced, and work with, Tristan Taormino, a sexual educator who wrote the Women’s Guide to Anal Sex. Tristan herself is lesbian to bisexual identified.

Jeanne and Colin introduced me to the words of Bowser and Blue,

“Getting serious again, I believe that we should agree that physicians may have, very carefully, sexual contact with our people. We might want to be sure that there are chaperones who don’t have a direct relationship with the doctor. Think, though, of coaching, where the coach may need to touch the individual to show techniques.

“The rear specialist couple, however, won’t be the first physicians with whom we meet, simply for reasons of scheduling. Alice, would you like to be the guinea pig, if that comes up, with tonight’s team? We told them ahead of time that we actually might want a history and physical with our group present, with absolutely clear consent from the patient. We’ve even said that again with explicit consent, we have a legal framework that allows absolutely consensual sexual contact between patient and medical professional.

Betty’s home, Saturday morning

Sue and Karen had stayed with Alfred, when Betty went to the auditions. They kept stimulating him in assorted ways. Karen happens to lubricate more than any woman I’ve known, so the two decided to get her juicy and use her nectar as one more stimulus.

“What if we get Alfred back? Will his penis work?”