It is that time in my life. So many questions. So many new alien feelings burning inside of me. Troubled dreams seem to haunt me, even in the daylight.
My mother went away so long ago I have virtually no memory of her. I don't ask my dad about her anymore because it always makes him sad when I ask about her. All I really know about her is that she is gone, and it's unlikely she will be back. She never calls.
My older sister is now away to college. She calls at least once a week and talks to both dad and I. But dad's always around when I'm talking to her so I can't ask her my questions. If I even knew what questions I wanted to ask.
Dad is no help. He's a dear and I know he loves me, but he just doesn't understand. Oh, he's good enough about being open and honest with me about whatever questions I put to him. Well, sort of ... I can tell when a question makes him uneasy for some reason. But he always does his best to answer me.
About a year ago my body suddenly started to bleed along with the dark of the moon, he assured me that it was a natural part of growing up. He did his best to explain things to me, then he did one better and hauled me off to see a woman doctor who explained the whole thing to me pretty good. At least the plumbing and how it works. But none of this addresses what I feel inside.
Sometimes I think I'm on fire inside. I feel a burning desire for ... I don't know. Still the dreams haunt me.
Darkness. I'm alone in my bed. Earlier my father tucked me in and then tenderly kissed my forehead. I waited in the dark until I heard him go down for the night himself. When I hear the rumbling of his snore make it through the walls I slip out of bed. The frilly gown he bought me slips from my shoulders. It's nice, but at the moment I don't want it on. I lay it on the bed and then push my panties to the floor as well. I don't want anything on.
A pure beam of moonlight shines through my window and leaves a small pool of light, just before my mirror. I find myself standing in it. The ghostly shadow of my body reflected by the long mirror. I find my gaze locked onto my body.
I turn this way an that. Seeing how the light traces my newly developing curves and bumps. All are gentle, except my hip bones are beginning to jut out. Those and the twin peaks upon my small breasts. Now little cones that beckon my fingers. I touch them and almost hurt inside. My tummy quivers a bit and I feel a strange warmth a bit lower. The view fades for a moment as my eyes drift closed. Then I am once again compelled to gaze upon the changes that have happened to my body in the past year or so.
The moonlight casts a light silver glow upon the fine hairs now sprouting at the apex of my legs. I run my fingers through it and again my tummy quivers. I find myself shivering a bit and -after casting a last glance in the mirror- I make my way back and slip into my warm bed. The sheets feel different upon my naked skin. I like it, but somehow the quivering inside deepens. I pull my pillow to me as a companion and slowly the quivering subsides as I drift away.
This has happened almost every night for the past month or so. I wake in the morning before my father and slip back into my night clothes. Except for the few nights during my period. I leave my panties on then, but my breasts feel strangely heavy and tender during that time. And a few nights before and after my period the quivering fire inside of me almost consumes me. I feel as if I will somehow burst into flames. I feel a longing like a hunger, but I'm not hungry. Now the moon is slim again and the banked embers inside of me are flaring all over again. I do my best to sleep.
Darkness ... Something is different. I feel a presence in my bed with me. I feel a warmth beside me that wasn't there when I drifted off. It's not my pillow. My pillow is never so warm and soft. There is the soft scent of perfume in my nose. I start in fear.
"Shhhh..." a soft, warm, voice reassures me.
The sound is comforting, but not fully. I don't recognize it.
"Who? What?" squeaks from my throat.
Again: "Shhh..." softly in my ear.
"It's alright ... I'm here to teach you." a soft, feminine voice says.
"To teach me? What?" I manage.
"About your body..." the voice replies in a soft, warm whisper.
"Shhh ... Close your eyes and feel." the voice whispers.
I do not understand, but for some reason I follow the command. Inside a million questions are stirring. Is it my sister come back early from college? My lost mother returned? I don't recognize the voice, but it is soft and warm. A bit husky.
My questions seem to vanish as I feel warm soft arms embrace me and pull me to her. Fingers softly rub my shoulders and back. I feel fingertips touch in places I can't reach and the soft stroking comforts me.
Each time I open my mouth to ask, somehow in the dark she senses it and I hear the comforting coo of her "Shhh ... It's okay".
The voice and the touch are so comforting my questions are forgotten. The fingers softly stroke my skin. Touching something inside me that has gone untouched before; The hunger. The one I feel when I stand naked in the moonlight before my mirror. Her fingers touch this hunger and somehow her fingers become my hunger. They softly stroke my skin and the embers inside of me kindle into a growing flame.
So soft, so warm, so comforting. Yet my pulse is racing in my ears. My breath becomes heavy and I find my whole body quivering as her fingertips trace my nakedness. I feel them now on the painful peaks of my breasts and the pain sharpens, yet deep down inside I know that only the touching will quench my fire. I moan softly as the fingers tease and softly squeeze me.
Other fingers trace softly over my bottom and tease the junction of my legs to the soft orbs. The fingers knead and tease and I quiver inside. I feel soft warm lips upon my neck as the fingers continue their journey.
"Yes..." as a husky whisper leaves my throat.
The word invites the lips to continue. They travel up behind my ear and I melt inside. Then they are upon my own, soft, tender and warm. I almost smack my lips in an automatic reaction to the kiss. But this is different. The lips do not leave mine. They linger and I hunger for them to linger. They tease mine and I find myself being taught how to kiss. The soft lips gently tug at my own. They slide around and then press warm and full. I feel the mouth is open upon mine and my own opens to match. A soft, warm, wet tongue touches my lips, then is quickly between them and gone before I can react. I want it back. It comes. My own touches it, tentatively at first, then more and more until our tongues are swirling about each others. Still the fingers tease and please me. Setting my skin on fire to match what I feel inside.
I feel a growing warmth between my legs. A low moan escapes my throat as the fingers trace over my jutting hip bone and follow the natural valley that leads to the soft fur between my legs. They tease it as they slowly twist and tickle the area. The hunger inside of me is as strong as I have ever felt it. The burning fire in my soul as hot as I have ever known.
The fingers tease and touch and prod the area as the burning lips upon my mouth consume me. Her tongue has left me for the moment, but my own extends to find it and invite it back into my mouth. When it returns my own welcomes it with a swirl and a moan. My nipples are on fire. My breath is ragged and heavy. I feel damp between my legs and I smell a tangy musk along with the heavenly smell of her perfume.
Fingers are in my hair, softly playing through it. I feel goose bumps behind my ears. Then the fingers tracing the soft fur between my legs continue and tease and stroke the soft skin inside the tops of each leg. My legs have opened to welcome the touch. My soft moan a further invitation for the fingers to explore me. The fire in my soul has taken control of my body and now it rages as an inferno inside and out. Then the previous flame pales in comparison as the fingers gently separate and trace between the lips between my legs. A jolt of white hot fire rebounds through my body as the finger brushes a throbbing nubbin atop my damp slit.
In the eternity of my gasp the lips have moved on; now again on my throat, descending. I'm on my back and the body arches over me. The lips travel over my shoulders and down to my breasts and my body releases another moan of encouragement. The encouragement invites the lips to my throbbing nipples. Inside, my body screams in satisfaction as I feel the warm wetness of her tongue swirling over a nipple as the lips spread and engulf it.
The lips and tongue work in conspiracy with the fingers teasing my gash to elicit another gasping moan from my throat. My other nipple is kept company by more fingers until the lips and tongue can pay homage to it. As the lips move to the other side, the hands change positions. The one from between my legs now swirls it's dampness on the nipple the lips have just left. The tangy muskiness mixed with her perfume becomes stronger. The fingers tease slickly over the nipple as the tongue bathes the other one.
The fingers now between my legs gently spread me and softly probe my aching center. Gently, so gently, they trace the edges of my maidenhead and find it's center. Now the tip of one slides slowly into me. A soft crying moan escapes my parched lips and the lips and tongue shift momentarily to quench my thirst as the finger slides inside of me. The fire inside of me has become a blazing inferno.
My hands, until now, have been clenching the sheets. Now they clench the back of her head as she pays homage to my nipples. Then the other hand guides one from her head onto one of my breasts and I find myself squeezing and teasing myself. My fingers find my nipple and I tug at it. A shiver spikes through my body as I feel the finger inside of me reach a point and twist to touch a spot of heaven I did not know I possessed.
A deep moan escapes my lips and my whole body tingles in anticipation of the next secret it will reveal.
The lips and tongue have moved on, descending. Both my hands now alternately caress and torture my breasts and nipples. The lips kiss my navel and the tongue swirls inside. My tummy quivers. They move on and the tongue swirls inside my hip bones. I melt inside once more.
The finger inside is gently caressing my heaven. I feel warm breath in the soft hair and my body quivers in anticipation. Then the tongue teases to either side along the natural valleys. The lips kiss and the tongue teases and prods. I thought I had melted before but now the meltdown is final as the fingers that have moved on gently spread the way for the tongue to delve into my dampness.
A deep, groaning moan escapes my body as my back arches up to meet the tongue. A single vicious flick of the tongue over the throbbing nubbin in front and I am gone.
Waves of pleasure wash over my body and my breath leaves me in gasping cries. The tongue returns and a hot wave of pleasure rebounds through my soul. My breath catches in my throat a moment as my whole body tenses like a coiled spring. But release is postponed.
Now the lips, tongue and fingers conspire to tease me again and again to the edge of an abyss I have never crossed. My body screams for the fall, but it is held at bay until my whole being is screaming for completion.
My hands have found their way to her head and my fingers are twisted in her hair as I try to guide her back to my trigger. She continues her slow, delicious torture of my soul until my whole body quivers, arching up off the bed. Tears stream unnoticed down my cheeks and into my ears. Then the tongue finds my center once more and a white hot diamond explodes inside my brain.
My breath leaves me in an animal scream as my body convulses again and again endlessly. Then a wave of pure pleasure engulfs my soul as I collapse back onto the bed. I am floating. Light as a feather. Adrift in the cosmic winds. Time ceases to exist as a warm fog envelopes me.
Gradually, over eons, my consciousness returns. I become aware of the warm, gentle arms enfolding me. The warm, full lips touching mine tenderly. The tangy muskiness that has displaced her perfume is now upon my tongue as ambrosia. Fingertips softly stroke my damp skin. I am wrapped around her like a blanket and all is right with the world. My lips find hers again and my tongue searches for any vestige of the ambrosia. She returns my affections without further enticement or excitement.
I feel her love as deep as I have ever felt anything. She holds me gently and tenderly caresses me as I slip into the warm mists of sleep.
Light. My eyes flutter open. I am tightly hugging my pillow. I am alone in bed. Warm, comfortable ... alive and happy! I lift my head in search of the body that I found in bed with me in the darkness. I see only my room. Was it a dream? It was so real! No, it was far too real to have been a dream.
Something catches my attention. I sniff at my pillow and think I detect a faint whiff of perfume. Just on the edge of my detection. Or is it a dream too? I inhale deeply and tell myself that it was real. But then, who was it? What happened!
I lay hugging and sniffing my pillow while I try to sort it out. I cannot. I know that something has changed inside me. I feel a woman for the first time. My body decides for me long before my mind finds contentment. I am driven out to the bathroom.
Upon relieving myself, I find I am a bit tender between my legs. Daubing myself with tissue I find myself gently probing the tenderness as if to define it. If the tenderness is real, then the dream was real. The tenderness is real enough, but part of me is unconvinced.
I start the shower and adjust the water. I step in to the warmth and my body tingles in satisfaction. I soap myself, but it is not as it has been. My soapy hands linger on my breasts. My thumbs tease the ends of my nipples. Also tender. My pulse increases as one of my hands finds it's way between my legs. A finger slides between my lips and my legs become weak. I lean against the wall as my finger traces places I have never searched. My thumb finds the now engorged nubbin in front and a moan escapes my lips as a flash of pleasure sweeps my body. I lean against the wall to support myself as my rubbing and caressing continues.
My hands are unskilled. I cannot find the edge my unknown companion teased into existence. I become frustrated and continue with my shower. But time and again I linger on my breasts and between my legs in search of the mystical feeling I knew the night before. Even washing my bottom feels pleasurable.
The shower is long, but somehow unsatisfying. I dry my body and hair, brushing it out as it loses moisture.
Wiping the foggy mirror I find myself gazing upon the reflection of my body. I am somehow more pleased with what I see than I was the day before. I notice the time and rush to finish. After I brush my teeth I have to tear myself away from the image to dress for school.
After I am dressed, I turn to make my bed. I find myself sitting on it just hugging the pillow to me, inhaling deeply in search of more scent. I think I can just detect a whiff of it. The thought makes me feel warm inside and I find myself smiling. I see the time again and finish making my bed and rush down to make breakfast.
Dad comes in dressed for work. He hugs me and kisses me good morning. I find myself hugging back tightly.
"Mmm ... Morning pumpkin, did you sleep well?" he asks, releasing me.
"Yes, very well." I find myself replying.