Chapter 12

ANNA

I heard his voice asking for Ann, and my world narrowed to a pinpoint. I collapsed into a chair and tried to find my voice. Weakly, I managed "This is Ann."

The week had been a mess. Sunday had been cathartic, I told Kay everything, all about the dreams, the things I fantasized about. I even showed all the books I'd bought over the years on BDSM that I kept hidden in a box in my closet. It was terrifying, but liberating to finally get that out into the open with someone. And she accepted it without batting an eye. Well, I noticed she got a little squirmy when I was describing my dreams to her. I did too, actually. But she was a rock as I went from distraught to aroused to hopeful, to mortified and back again.

By the end of the day I felt drained. Like I'd finally let out a huge mass of corrosive goo that had been eating away at me. I felt light, and strangely free, relaxed in a way I hadn't felt in a long time. Even my hornyness had subsided. I slept like a rock after Kay tucked me in.

Unfortunately, the feeling didn't last. When I awoke on Monday, I was nervous again. I realized that I'd have to see John, never mind the fact that all I wanted to do was see John. I was worried what that would be like. Would it be painful? Embarrassing? Exciting? Or my greatest fear, would it feel like nothing at all? Was what happened between us something that existing only for that moment? Or something deeper?