Chapter 2

Ressler slowly opened his eyes, confused as to what time it was, and what day it was for that matter. What the hell happened? His head was throbbing, and his eyes stung. It was night, and as his eyes drew accustomed to the dark bedroom, he made out a sleeping form on his recliner. Audrey? The events of the past day suddenly came flooding back, and he gasped. No! Audrey died!

He shut his eyes tight as the onslaught of memories hit him. Audrey's death. Hunting Tanida. Almost killing Jonica. The truck stop. Then Keen had brought him home. Keen is on the recliner! She'd been there for him, and taken care of him. He opened his eyes again, and looked at her. She stayed in my bedroom with me. My head hurts too much to even think about that.

Forcing himself to get out of bed, he padded silently across the floor, not wanting to wake her. After visiting the bathroom, and finding a couple of aspirin for his headache he made his way quietly to the living room, flipping on the lamp. A soft yellow glow filled the room, outlining his drawn features in shadows as he sat on the couch. This is all just a bad dream... but the ache in his heart told him it was real, and slowly his eyes settled on Audrey's suitcase again. She's gone. She can't be gone! She is.

He hauled himself up and walked over to her suitcase, meaning to put it in the closet. He leaned down and slowly picked up her makeup case, studying it for a moment, before dropping it into the suitcase. While straightening the clothes in order to close the lid, he felt a small empty box hidden in her clothing. Curious, he picked it up. Pregnancy test? What the... ?! He looked up, stunned, before closing his eyes and dropping his head, tears stinging his eyes. Audrey ... were you?! Were we?!

His thoughts were interrupted with a soft knock at his door. With an effort, he composed himself, placed the empty box back in her suitcase and closed the lid. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, he went and opened the door, surprised to find Dembe standing there, complete with a rather large ornate box.

"From Mr Reddington." He said politely, holding out the box for him to take. Ressler nodded slightly, more than a little confused, and took it from him. He closed the door, placed the box on the side table and picked up the folded note that had accompanied the box.

He read the note through twice, trying to take in the words, before folding it and putting it in his pocket. So Reddington is my pen-pal now? He exhaled heavily at that thought. Can I please have my old life back.

He turned back to the box and flipped open the catch. What was inside made him quickly step back and gasp. Mako Tanida. From the neck up.

Why? Actually, he knew why. How? He remembered the empty cuffs in the upturned Suburban, and now things fell into place. Red took him. He hadn't seen another car up on the road though. But then again, he hadn't been aware of much of anything except Jonica lying in the snow at the end of his gun barrel.

"Hey ... you okay... ?" Keen startled him from his thoughts as she appeared from his bedroom door behind him.

"Hey ... yeah..." he replied, still looking at the contents of the box. She approached him sleepily, and then stopped in her tracks and gasped when she saw what he was looking at.

"Like my gift from Reddington?" he pursed his lips, glancing sideways at her. He closed Tanida's box quickly, suddenly feeling like he'd throw up if he looked at the severed head a second longer.

"Why would he... ? Though it saves us from finding him..." She replied, as it occurred to her that's EXACTLY why Red had delivered Tanida to Ressler. She looked at him more closely now. His face was drawn and tired, but he seemed better, more like himself than when she'd brought him home this afternoon.

"Cup of tea?" she offered.

He scowled at her, indicating the whiskey bottle. "You drink your tea, and I'll drink mine."

"Actually, are you hungry?" she asked him.

"No."

The last thing he could handle right now was food on his stomach. Especially after seeing my 'gift'. Turning away from the box, he realized he still hadn't put the suitcase away. He looked at it, then glanced at Keen. He hesitated, and she saw him struggle with something, before he clearly came to a decision.

"Keen ... Liz ... There was something in Audrey's suitcase..." He silently took out the pregnancy test box, and handed it to her. She quickly looked up at him.

"Was she... ?!"

"I don't know ... The box was empty ... I don't know Liz..." He shook his head slowly, slumping down on the couch, leaning forward and looking down at the floor. He sucked in his breath, shutting his eyes tight against the vision of Audrey in his arms, dying in the middle of the road, blood pooling in her stomach as he tried to staunch the flow with her scarf. Was there a baby dying in there too, sweetie? Our baby. My kid! He raised his hand to his eyes, as fresh tears fell for an unborn, unseen life that never had a chance.

She quickly came and sat beside him, leaning against him. Too close Keen.

"It's okay ... let it out..." She whispered, and he realized she was crying too.

"I don't know how to do this Liz ... How do I go on without her? Knowing we might have been a family..." He choked out the words, as she softly stroked his arm.

"You go on because you must, because you have no choice Don ... Because it's what Audrey would want. You do it for her. You will never be the same, and the pain will always be a part of you, but you will learn to rise above it and cope with it each day."

"That's what Reddington said too..." She looked up at him, wondering when Red had spoken to him.

"I think he likes you a great deal more than he lets on ... and he respects you."

"I don't know if that's such a good commendation." He sighed, standing up and leaving her side, wiping his tears away before running his hand through his hair.

"Man, I need to snap out of this." He said shakily.

"This isn't something you just switch off Don. It's going to take time, and you need to give yourself that time. Cooper told you to take a few days off."

"Yeah..." He looked at the clock, seeing it was almost 11:00pm.

"Speaking of time, for now it's late and you have a home to go to, and ... a husband waiting for you."

"Are you going to be okay here tonight... ?" He could see the concern in her face.

"I'll be fine, Keen." The use of her last name told her enough, and she nodded. He really did appear to be over the initial shock and much more in control now.

"You need anything, you call me, okay?"

He nodded, holding her gaze, suddenly unsure of himself. He dropped his eyes to the floor, then back up at her standing before him.

"Liz, I want to than..." she didn't let him finish, and suddenly her index finger was on his lips. He sucked in a quick breath. Whoa!

"I'm your partner, but I'm also your friend. You don't ever need to thank me, okay?" Removing her finger, she squeezed his upper arm and smiled as he looked down at her silently. She gathered up her purse and keys, looked at him again and then slipped out his door, leaving him standing there, his lips still feeling the echo of her touch.

He stood there a moment. I need a drink. A very big drink. He poured himself a shot of whiskey, gulped it down and poured a second. Resolutely, he finally picked up Audrey's suitcase and placed it in the hall closet. Leaning his back against the door, he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. His headache was returning.