Chapter 13

"Curt, I have talked to Marie on the phone. She's having a good day and would like us to visit."

"Tell me more about what to expect."

"Oh, it's still the Marie you know. She is physically weak. When I say a good day, she'll talk easily, eat lightly, and so forth. On a worse day, she'll mostly sleep. On a bad day, she has pain and nausea. There are also very good days.

"Sometimes, she does have a personal care attendant, or, if things are bad, a visiting nurse. I help her. Some of the housekeeping staff have gotten very close to her and do what a PCA might otherwise.

"Treat her normally, but don't hide that she's lost a lot of weight. Her hair has gone, but she's quite careful about wigs, and even has fun changing them. She has several that match her normal bright red, but she can be incredibly funny when she changes to a blonde one and does blonde jokes. That sense of humor is new for her.

"Actually, she's been improving for quite a while, and we talk history again. She certainly can read and retain. More often than not, she will dictate things that she wants to write, but marks them up when editing. She may need assistance with a heavy book, or have someone read to her.

"She definitely still has a sex drive. I don't know how much she does on her own. Sometimes, she and I do masturbate together. I'm delighted to do things to her, but she's hesitant if she feels she can't reciprocate.

"I know that she thinks of you both intellectually and sexually. You might be able to get her through some fears. She's sensitive about her appearance."

"Before we go down there, we need to put on our green berets."

Carissa, known as Hazel when not in her French Maid outfit, met us at the door, smiling. "She's really looking forward to this, and asked me to help. I helped her make up her face, but some of the glow comes from inside her. Sometimes, I worry that she thinks she looks worse than she does. No one that determined could be unattractive."

Perhaps I had been taking counsel of my fears. When I entered Marie's bedroom, my first impression was of an attractive woman, my second impression was that it definitely was Marie, and the third impression did get across that her face was drawn and her body was thinner. While I know it was probably a wig, it looked like the long fiery hair that I remembered. She wore moderate makeup.

Marie was propped up on a backrest. She wore some sort of silky, off-white nightgown, with a filmy negligee sort of overwrap. I'm never very sure about the terminology. A bright green choker sort of collar set off her hair and eyes. Her maroon French airborne beret added to the color scheme. She and Carol still could compete for the most brilliant green eyes.

For a moment, she looked hesitant, and then smiled widely and threw her arms wide. Carol trotted over, knelt on the bed, rubbed cheeks, and kissed. Marie's arms wrapped around Carol. I had the impression that Carol was being very careful in returning the hug.

I realized that I wanted to be close to Marie, but that I had grown up since high school. Rather than seeking permission, and indeed letting her excite me, my first urge was to hold her gently, cuddle, and make her feel better in a soft, loving way. At the same time, I was aware that she remained attractive. I didn't know what was covered by her clothing and the blankets.

Carissa rolled in a tray, with a formal tea service on it. "Thank you, Carissa my dear. I think I'm all right to do tea, with some help from Carol. Of course, I shall admire you before you leave. Ah, that little skirt, over your black hose, and deliciously impractical heels, are most lovely." Carissa smiled and excused herself, saying that it was a reunion time.

"Curt," speaking in her elegant diction, "you certainly should come close. I am certainly not contagious, and, with reasonable care, I don't break." She paused. "If you are hesitant, however, may I say ... get your ass over here and kiss me, you fool?" What could I say? I was there in a shot, kissing her, and gently pulling them close. Carol was alternately sniffling and laughing.

With a lovely voice, growing stronger, Marie raised the cups. "I honor the words of Michael Cope. Let us meditate together with tea."

To this cup, I pay homage.
To the designer of this cup,
to the workers who made this cup,
who mined the ores, I pay homage.
To the workers who dug the clay,
ground the glazes, the farmers
who fed those workers I pay homage.
To the great cycles which give us
clean air, clear water, to all living things,
all the earth, I pay homage

She opened the tea canister, and measured the leaves into the teapot.

To this tea, I pay homage.
To the growth in the bud,
to the cells exchanging
air, water and light, I pay homage.
to the workers who grew, tended,
picked the tea, who packed, transported,
distributed the tea, I pay homage.
To the great cycles which give us
clean air, clear water, to all living things,
all the earth, I pay homage.

Carol helped her pour the pot of hot water into the teapot.

To this water, I pay homage.
To the rain which falls,
to the rivers, the dams,
the builders and plumbers, I pay homage.
To the oceans and the sun,
the great trade winds
and the world's turning, I pay homage.
To all the cycles which bring us
clean air, clear water, to all living things,
all the earth, I pay homage.

"The beauty and the aromas of tea make us one. Let us remember our companionship, our love, our discovery." We quietly sipped the tea, meditating as we looked in one another's' eyes.

"Curt, my dear, you and were always a bit hesitant when you were in high school. Now, Carol and I have done most things that can be done between two willing women. I know that Carol has no secrets from you, so it's quite reasonable that I should not have secret sexual reservations from you. It's only that I might be limited in what I can do. Believe me, I will be rewarded by anything you share with me, starting with letting me watch you two enjoy pleasure.

"I hope, though, that some of my body does not repel you.

"Besides the sexual, I certainly want to return to our intellectual exchanges. I also realized that back the past, we never shared music or other wondrous things.

"Marie, when I was in high school, you were the wonderful Older Woman that intimidated me as I simultaneously admired. Now, and with Carol's help, I am far less inhibited." I moved to her, knelt next to the hospital bed, put an arm around her, and most thoroughly kissed Marie. Her mouth welcomed my tongue, as she made soft yet passionate sounds.

"Only physical discomfort would get in the way of passion right now." I uncovered her. The nightgown was short, revealing white thigh-high stockings. "My guess would be that you don't always wear stockings in bed, so I am honored. In fact, as I look at you, don't worry about being unattractive. I don't want to minimize your illness, but to me, it's that you are thinner than might be ideal. You remain graceful." I looked at Carol, exchanging ideas without words. "We will help find some ways that you can enjoy physical passion. But first, I would most like to be simply loving toward you."

I bent to her eager lips, careful not yet to hold her tightly. She was sitting up against a bed rest, a good sign. The hospital bed was a bit small for acrobatics, I realized, so we might want to take her, if possible, to Carol's big bed.

Carol moved to Marie, kissing her, more and more passionately. "Dear Marie, as long as you don't get hugged too tightly, am I right that there's no reason for you not to kiss as wildly as you care to do so?"

"Thinking about it, Carol, I don't think there is any more. Once, there was, when my mouth was sore. I certainly should never be afraid of Curt, but at some level, I may be concerned about a man's strength. Of course, Carol, you're strong yourself!

"Let's try. Carol, would you put a protective arm around me from behind, until Curt is clear that he can't squeeze? Curt, come here. Kiss me a few times, gently, and then as hard as you like. I want your tongue in my mouth. In the past, you may have just given respectful licks!"

I moved close, kissing her face, then her outer lips, and then open-mouthed. Her breath was warm and sweet. I wondered if she limited herself due to fear, or perhaps worry about body image, rather than actual weakness or pain.

After a sweet interval in which our mouths shared, I began to kiss down her face, to her delicate neck, and to her shoulders. Carol kissed her upper chest.

"Would you, Carol dear, using your mouth on Curt, letting me watch, and then letting me taste him? I would so enjoy bringing him to climax?"

Carol stroked Marie. "Of course I will do that, Marie. But, just as you have been my teacher, and encouraged me past my limits, I'd like to do the same with you.

"Marie, when you are healthy, what are your height and weight?

"5'8" and about 120."

"And now?"

"I'm not sure about height, but I weigh about 90. I have gone lower than that. At the moment, I may be gaining a little."

"Do you have any reason to believe that your bones are fragile?"

"No, bone loss doesn't seem to be a feature of my disease. Fat and muscle, yes."

"Those things, Marie, would leave you less taut than at your best. I can see some of that in your face. But your face is still uniquely you, and beautiful to me." Marie raised a hand in slight protest, but Carol continued to lower the straps of Marie's nightgown. "Your nipples are as beautiful as they have ever been. Yes, your breasts are not as prominent or as well shaped. But they remain warm, and sensitive at the tips. Why would they not desirable to those who love you? Your thighs have probably softened, but would stay graceful.

"Are you pushing away more intense lovemaking because you really believe you can no longer do it, or, as woman to woman, you don't want to be seen why you are ill?" Tears flowed out of Marie's eyes, as she nodded.

I slid onto the bed, in a sitting position, and pulled Marie to my lap. She did seem nearly weightless, but I was able to keep her completely stable and warmly wrapped in my arms. It took only a glance to have Carol move to her far side. We kissed the side of her face, and then alternated to turning Marie's lips toward ours, and exploring them with our tongues. After a little while, we joined in a sloppy but passionate three-way tongue kiss.

With my hands, I cupped her breasts. Yes, there was loose skin, but warm. Her nipples rose to my touch. Carol moved to kiss and lick and suck them as I softly squeezed. Marie moaned as I lowered my lips to her neck. She eagerly pressed her back to my chest.

Carol softly told her "Marie, enjoy yourself pushing against Curt. You aren't restricted to being passive. You have strength."

Holding Marie in my arms, I continued to explore her body with my fingers. Many women have an unknown erogenous spot along their sides, at breast height, around the edge of the ribs. So did Marie. She sucked in her breath. "Ah. No pain. Just pleasure."

As light as Marie was, I moved effortlessly. Soon, I had my back against the backrest, still holding her, but now she was on my lap. I was still wearing the soft lounge pants that Carol had given me, commando under them. Carol instantly knew what I was trying to do. She got on the bed, but raised her skirt to her hips, giving a lovely view to both of us. She slid forward. With one hand, she fondled me, while cupping Marie's sex.

I responded as my biology dictated, whispering into Marie's ear, "Feel that warm hard cock against you, probing for you, separated only by thin cloth." She made a louder, wordless noise of pleasure. "If we do it slowly, carefully, and lovingly, I doubt any sex act is impossible for you." Laughing a little, I said, "the main obstacle at the moment is that I don't know a graceful way to remove my pants without disturbing you. Can you briefly lift up on your hands?"

"Curt, I realize I can use my hands. Just let me do it slowly." She raised enough so Carol could slide down the stretch waistband of my pants, as I took most of Marie's weight from her arms.

After I wiggled a little, my erection snapped between her legs. Marie inhaled, and then pressed her legs around it. Carol moved up, dropped her head, and began to lick back and forth between us. "Marie," I laughed with delight, "while I still have some clothes on, do you realize that this is the first time we've pressed our middles together? Oh, I look forward to licking you again, but we really haven't had as much physical sharing as I would have liked. That will change."