Chapter 1: Reunited

Brandon Winters woke to the sounds of the ringing of a telephone screaming in his ear. The clock on his bedside table indicated the ungodly hour of one in the morning, leaving him feeling angry that the first decent sleep he'd had in months had been rudely interrupted. But despite his initial thoughts of ignoring the intrusive noise, he answered it anyway.

"Hello?" he mumbled into the receiver.

It was more of a burble than anything else, and seemed to start somewhere in his chest, then percolate up his throat and out into the atmosphere.

"Brandon? I need your help!" a distressed female voice pleaded.

It was a voice he hadn't heard in too many years, that of his sister, Tracy Keelson. She was one of only three people that he'd ever allowed to get close to him. The other two were his mother and father, now deceased. But with those four words, all their time of separation disappeared. Her plea for help instantly took him back to the days of his youth when he was the one that Tracy unburdened her problems and concerns on, and he'd actually been thrilled to either help or listen.

That tone of fear in her voice scared the hell out of him, and all he could think about was giving her whatever protection she needed. It had been over fifteen years since he'd experienced that burning compulsion, but now that it was back, a familiar apprehension inside became his sole focus, or rather, making it go away was, especially for her.

"Tracy? Where the hell are you, Sis? What's going on?"

"I'm on the corner of West Warren and Damen."

"Stay put! I'll be there as soon as I can. Give me ... ten minutes?"

"I'll be here, Brandon. I've nowhere else to go anyway, and no way to get there. But please hurry? It's cold out here," he listened to his sister's plea.

Quickly hopping out of bed and pulling on pants and a T-shirt, then slipping sandals onto his feet, Brandon rushed down the stairs of the run-down apartment building, jumped into his old Chevy, and fired it up. Usually, he'd wait a few minutes for the twenty-something year old car to warm up, but that morning, there wasn't time for such a luxury. He backed out of the parking space, then stomped on the gas pedal, the squealing tires reverberating as their howl split the night.

As teens, Brandon had been close to his sister, more so than most of his friends had been with their siblings. Back then, he'd gone out of his way to make sure that she was always safe, always protected. By the time she'd developed from a pre-pubescent into a young woman, he'd become her best friend. Any time Tracy needed someone to talk to, Brandon was there.

Unfortunately, it hadn't been a two-way street, and not because she wouldn't listen. His sister had always come to him whenever something bothered her, when she needed help, or even when she shared some of the excitement of her adolescence. And he'd always had the time to listen, to share the excitement with her, or to take charge and alleviate whatever caused her distress. In point of fact, he'd looked forward to those times, revelling in being able to look after his little sister.

While Brandon hadn't had any trouble relating to his sister, he'd never allowed her to get close to him. It wasn't that she didn't want to. Rather, he wouldn't let her, or anyone else for that matter. His emotional isolation was the product of a belief that showing one's feelings was a sign of weakness. To overcome that weakness, he withheld that part of himself from the rest of the world.

He'd seen the evidence of the validity of his theory from other boys that had fallen prey to the charms of some young girl who had wended her way into a guy's heart, then took everything she could before discarding him like yesterday's garbage. He'd promised himself that would never happen to him, and for the last fifteen years, he'd kept that promise.

The day after he'd finished high school, Brandon joined the work force, bound and determined to earn enough money in his early years to stave off the necessity of labouring any longer than necessary. He'd taken on anything that paid well, had lived frugally, and as a result of several successful investments, he'd reaped some impressive financial gains, increasing his personal wealth to a point where he could almost retire at the ripe old age of thirty-five. In that respect, he'd followed his timetable exceedingly well, and was pleased with both the results, and his own self-discipline.

But there'd been a price to pay for his monetary successes, and one of them had been Tracy. While he was proud of his financial independence, he'd missed her more than he'd realized. By the sound of her voice, this was one of those scrapes that she needed his help to get out of. It took a while to admit it to himself, but he liked being able to help her. It made him feel ... useful, and gave him a purpose again.

There was a tightness in his chest as the old Chevy bolted down the streets of Chicago, borne with the worry that maybe this reunion might have come too late to revive their earlier relationship. Memories of his youth came back, even as the blur of stationary objects whipped past the speeding vehicle. Unfortunately, the distancing he'd practised had also cost him, and as soon as he'd heard Tracy's voice that morning, it became a price that he now considered too high. It would take time to learn how to feel again, but if that's what it took to be part of her life once more, and make her a part of his, he'd be the most diligent student the world had ever seen.

Arriving at the corner where Tracy had said she'd be, there were no signs of anyone. The Chevy came to a halt as Brandon scanned all four corners. In the shadows stood a lone figure, barely visible, standing by a brick storefront. Only when she stepped forward into the light from a phone booth did he recognize the figure as being female, and it looked like she'd recently been the victim of a savage attack from the little he could discern. He needed several seconds of concentrated study to recognize the woman as his sister, but once that connection was made, the car was quickly in motion so that he could manoeuver to where she could get in.

In the dim light of the car's interior, Brandon could see the bruises and welts on his sister's face. One eye was swollen half shut and would soon become a real shiner. He barely recognized the face that had, at one time, been the most beautiful sight in the world to him. As he looked at the injuries she's sustained, his anger at her attacker rushed to the surface, and for the first time in a long while, he allowed his anger to rise to the surface, letting his rage boil just low enough to keep from emotionally erupting.

"Sis?" he greeted her. "What the hell happened? Who did this to you? Let's get you to a hospital."

While he asked her those questions, his arms opened and reached out to Tracy in an offer of comfort and safety. At first, the battered woman just sat in the passenger seat and remained close to the door. But as her relief came to the fore, she accepted her brother's offer and allowed him to comfort her. As soon as he held her to his chest, she let the suppressed tears escape, and her shame became wracking sobs. It was several minutes later that she regained sufficient control to answer him.

"I ... I wasn't sure you'd come," she softly expressed some of that inner fear. "We haven't had anything to do with each other for a long, long time, Brandon. You have no idea how glad I am to see you."

"That's my fault, Sis, and I'm so, so sorry. I doubt you can forgive me, and probably don't believe me anyway, but it's true. I really am sorry. I guess I haven't been a very good brother to you, have I?"

"You were, when we were kids. And just by coming tonight, I think you still are. But can we just go? I need to get as far away from here as we can..."

"Sis, someone beat the shit out of you, and you need a doctor. Hell, I need you to see a doctor for my own peace of mind. Just close the door, and let's get you to a hospital."

"Brandon, no hospital. I can't afford it," she was adamant.

"Maybe not, Tracy, but I can. Let's get you looked at, then I'll make some room somewhere in my place for you to stay, and you can tell me all about it. After all these years, it's the least I can do."

Tracy turned and studied her brother's face, wondering if the person he'd been when she was growing up still existed, and found traces of who she remembered struggling to get out, even as he unconsciously fought to suppress them.

"Still the same guy I remember as a kid," she voiced her conclusions. "Still my knight in shining armour, always looking out for me. I've missed that, Brandon. I didn't realize how much until just now. Gawd, I've missed you."

"Not quite the same guy, Sis," he corrected her. "I changed when I left home. For years, I believed that letting my feelings come out was a weakness, and I hid them. Now, they never seem to come out, no matter how hard I try. But there are exceptions, it seems. You, for instance. When you called, those feelings I had when we were growing up? They all came back. I've missed them, and I've missed you, too. So, how about we get you looked at, then see how it goes from there? I'd like to find out if I can still be the big brother you had as a kid. I really need to talk, to learn how to open up to someone, and I think that someone is you."

Tracy continued to silently study her brother, not sure if he was still who she remembered from so many years ago, but hopeful that he might be, and prayed that he'd finally show her those aspects of himself that he'd kept hidden before.

"Yeah, okay, if you insist," she finally conceded.

"Okay?" he needed to know. "Which part? The hospital, or that we can talk?"

"Both," was all she had to say.

Brandon drove a lot slower on their way to the hospital than he had to their rendezvous. The urgency to find his sister wasn't as great, now that she sat beside him. Once in the emergency ward, he insisted on staying right beside her, rather than sitting in the waiting room and feeling useless. At first, his presence was resented by the attending doctor, but as Tracy's demeanor became more accepting of the prodding and poking necessary to assess and treat her injuries, that discord eased off.

Two hours later, the siblings made their way back to Brandon's car, and eventually back to his little studio apartment. For the whole trip, there were very few words between them, not because they were reluctant to speak, but because those feelings they'd had as teens had come back in a flood. Brandon experienced the serenity of being with his sister again, and Tracy had the patience to wait until he was ready to open up. Only as they approached the apartment building was the silence breeched.

"Who did this to you, Sis? Beat the crap out of you, I mean," were her brother's first words of enquiry.

"Darren," was the only identification she gave him.

"Who? Darren? Who's he?" Brandon wanted more information.

"My husband. He got drunk again, and when he gets like that, he can be a little violent sometimes."

"A little? Jeezuz, that looks like more than just a little. What he deserves is to be on the receiving end of a good beating. I'll be having a little conversation with him, that's for sure."

"No, you won't," Tracy informed her brother, "because it's not going to happen. Promise me that you'll leave him alone. He and I are finished, done, over. If you go after him, I'll never get the son-of-a-bitch out of my life. Promise me? Please?"

An intense study of her face told Brandon that if he followed his instincts, he'd also lose his sister again, and that was a price he wasn't ready to go on paying after all these years of having missed her. For her sake, he agreed to her terms, but wasn't happy about it.

"What the hell happened, Pip-squeak? How long has this shit been going on?" he probed for more information.

"Pip-squeak?" she deflected his question. "You haven't called me that since I was ... what, about eleven or twelve? I used to hate it when you did, too, but over the years, I've missed it," she reminisced. "But as for Darren, he used to be the kindest, gentlest man I'd ever met, next to you. However, when the economy went for a shit and he lost his job, then couldn't find work, he started drinking. The more he drank, the more his anger came out. About a year ago, he started hitting me. Not hard, and not often. I thought that when things got better, it would stop, and we could go back to the way we were before.

"But things didn't get better. He drank more and more, and the beatings got worse. I woke up in hospital a couple of times, and swore that I'd never go back to him. Shit, we still owe the hospital money. I'm surprised that they even admitted me tonight. But Darren begged me to take him back, promised that he'd quit drinking, that he'd never hit me again. And like the fool I am, I believed him."

"You're not thinking of going back again, are you, Sis?" Brandon's worried tone asked.

"No, I think I've learned my lesson this time. But where I'm going to go from here is something I haven't figured out. Really, there isn't anywhere. Dammit, Brandon, I'm scared," her dilemma came out.

"It's a small apartment, Sis, and it'll be a little crowded, but until you're ready, you're more than welcome to stay with me, no matter how long that takes. Think you can handle living around your brother again?"

"It's starting to look like I don't have a lot of choice," she confessed. "But are you sure you're ready to put up with a girl that you wanted to get away from when you left home?"

"Huh?" He found that what she'd just said confused him completely. "I wanted to get away from you? Where'd that idea come from? I never wanted that, Tracy. What I wanted was to get on with my life, make my goal of financial independence a reality, and that insane quest for relief from feelings of vulnerability. But when you called this morning, all that suddenly became unimportant.

"When we were kids, I loved to be the one you came to, that you talked to, and that you shared your life with. I've missed that, too, more than I've ever admitted to myself. Do you realize that it's been over fifteen years since we were together like this? I'm not too keen on the circumstances, but being here with you again is like that silver lining they always say is in every cloud. So don't think that I was trying to get away from you, because it's not true."

"So why didn't I hear from you?" Tracy grilled her brother. "No letters, no phone calls, nothing. What the hell was I supposed to think? One day you were there, my big brother that had always been my hero, and the next? Poof. You were gone, and I had no idea where to. That hurt, Brandon. That really hurt."

"Tracy, I really am sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone, and especially not you. Maybe this is my chance to make some of it up to you, if you'll let me," he pleaded.

"Maybe," she started to accept his apology. "It's been a long time, Brandon. Is it possible that I'll finally get to know my brother? When we were kids, you'd never let me into your life, or anyone else for that matter, never shared what was happening. You'd listen to me, but never tell me about you. That has to change. I want to be a part of your life as much as you were once part of mine. I need that. Without it, we're in the same place we've been in for the last twenty years, and it doesn't work for me any more. Think you can do that?"

"I can try, Sis, but it isn't going to be easy, and I'm not sure if I can even pull it off. Old habits die hard."

"Brandon, you've shared more with me in the last twenty minutes than you have in the last twenty years!" she insistently reminded him. "If you can do it once, you can do it again, and the more you do, the easier it becomes. But I need this, desperately. I need to be in your life, Brandon. Not just as someone that you look out for, but as someone that you can share your problems and troubles with, as well as the successes."

"Like I said, Sis, it's not something that I'm used to doing, or very good at, but I'll try. Think you have the patience for that?"

"We'll see, big brother," she sidestepped a firm commitment. "We'll see."

Now parked in the apartment building's lot, Brandon opened the car door for Tracy, then escorted her through the back entrance, up the stairs, and down the hall to his apartment.

"You'll have to excuse the mess, Pip-squeak," he started to warn her. "It's a bachelor's suite, and comes complete with all the usual shit that guys are famous for. I wasn't expecting company, so haven't picked up after myself properly."

Tracy steeled herself for the stereotypical single male's residence, prepared to find dirty laundry, food containers, and old newspapers spread from one wall to the other. What greeted her when he opened the door was not what she expected. The place looked spotlessly clean and well-organized, like something out of a magazine spread.

"This is your version of a mess?!" Tracy exclaimed to her brother. "I'm almost afraid to walk in there for fear of making it actually dirty. Mom would have been so proud of you. Remember how she used to rag on us to clean our rooms? It looks like she got through to you. It's me that's the slob. Still think you want me here?"

"We'll figure something out, Sis," he softly told her, his grin betraying his pride in being able to garner her approval, "but how about we go inside, instead of just standing in the hall all night?"

With that, he placed his hands on Tracy's waist and guided her through the door, and with that one gesture, unintentionally re-wrote a basic parameter of their lives together. For as soon as he felt the soft curve of her body against the palms of his hands, Brandon was suddenly aware that the woman he'd missed for so many years was just that – a woman, and a very beautiful one.

Tracy's hands moved to cover her brother's and he expected her to pull them away from the uninvited familiarity. But she kept them in place, holding him there as he eased her into the apartment. With that one wordless response to his actions, the bonds they'd created so many years ago began to re-emerge.

Now inside, Brandon kicked the door closed with one foot, waiting for the sound of the latch engaging, while still holding the one woman in the world he thought he could trust with his inner self. As soon as they were away from the prying eyes of the outside curiosity of humanity, she encouraged him to become even more intimate, waiting until his body pressed against her. His hands slid slowly from her waist to the slight swell of her belly, and he held her close while tentatively leaning in to nibble her ear.

"Gawd," Tracy broke the silence, "it's been so long since you've done that, Brandon. Whenever I was hurting or crying, you always held me, made me feel safe and secure, and let me know that I wasn't alone. I need that now, more than I realized. I ... I love you, you know."

"I love you, too, Pip-squeak. Gawd, I've been such a fool. I so want to make it up to you," he whispered.

Turning slowly so that he wouldn't let her go, Tracy wrapped her arms around her brother, encircling his neck in the process, and held him tightly. She'd been shorter than him when they'd been a lot younger, but over the years she'd grown, so that now they stood at the same height. She took advantage of that equalization, and resorted to a familiarity that they hadn't shared in entirely too long. She gently kissed the tip of his nose.

"Where was this guy when I was growing up?" she delved into their past. "You used to hold me and make me feel better, but back then, you never let me inside you like this. Do you have any idea how long I've waited for a chance to really know you?"

"Maybe too long?" he wondered, hoping that she'd say he was wrong.

"A long, long time, Brandon, but for some reason, I'm beginning to think that the wait might have been worth it. Let me in? Please?"

"I ... Sis, I don't know how," he confessed, tears beginning to form behind his eyelids. "Show me? Teach me?"

"One day at a time, big brother. That's the only way to do it, but if you really want it, really work at it, it'll happen. I can feel it in my heart. For the first time in a lot of years, I have hope. Just don't let me down."

The electricity in the air between them almost crackled with its intensity, and the two siblings surrendered to the emotions running between them. Slowly at first, but with a growing need to connect again, their lips moved to greet each other, lightly touching, then becoming more insistent with each passing second. Soon, that kiss was less of one between brother and sister and more of an expression that might be found between lovers. Tongues probed, entwined with each other, and implied an invitation to further intimacy between the two.

"Wow! A little painful, after the beating I got, but worth it," Tracy let her reactions come out when they finally parted.

"I'm sorry, Tracy. But that was something I couldn't stop myself from doing. Forgive me?"

"Forgive you? No. There's nothing to forgive. I never told you this before, because I was afraid that you'd push me away, but I've been waiting for that kiss for twenty years. Gawd, when I was thirteen, I was so in love with you! I guess I should have let you know, though, because you pushed me aside anyway."

"You?" Brandon expressed his disbelief. "You were in love with me? Gawd, why didn't I see that? I really wish you'd said something, Tracy. I had no idea!"

"That's because you were too busy being a knight in shining armour for your little sister. That tough exterior of yours got in the way," she informed him, then kissed the tip of his nose again.

"Are you still?" he found himself asking. "In love with me, I mean?"

"I grew up, Brandon. Things changed. You changed, and so did I," she avoided answering him. But her evasion still left him wanting an honest answer, to the point where he had to push the question on her again.

"You didn't answer my question, Tracy. Are you still in love with me?"

"I don't think so," she finally opened up a corner of herself that had been hiding for too many years. "I love you, though, and after that kiss, probably more than I realized. But like I said, I've grown up. Back then, I think it was more of an infatuation."

There was disappointment in Brandon's eyes, which was something Tracy hadn't seen for so long that she almost missed it. While it might have been a small thing for most people, it was also another weak spot in Brandon's armour of self-protection, and as such, only inspired his sister to higher optimism.

"Brandon, I might not be in love with you right now, but every minute we're together like this, I see you beginning to open up to me, unlike when we were young. If you can let me into that secret part of you, I could very easily fall in love with you again. In a way, that scares me, yet it's also something that I'd welcome if it happened."

"You would?"

He couldn't believe what he'd just heard. "I'll let you in on a little secret then, Sis. When we were kids, and I was about fourteen? I think I was in love with you, too. I just didn't have the guts to tell you, and by the time I was fifteen, I'd taught myself to keep those kinds of things to myself."

"You're kidding! You were in love with me, too?" her shock became words. 'Talk about a couple of fuck-ups! Both of us! Why, Brandon? Why'd we both let love slip between our fingers?"

"No idea, Sis. But if I ever get the chance, I won't make that mistake twice."

The two held each other in a warm and tight embrace, both wanting to taste the other, but afraid of bursting the bubble of emotion that delicately held them together.