Chapter 10: Hard Decisions

Saturday October 19, 2013 – Freshman Year

I woke at 9 am to find that Cindy and Suzanne had left sometime during the night. I jumped into the shower and let the hot water loosen my sore muscles. When I got out of the shower, I checked myself in the mirror and didn't like the view. Being blindsided so many times had me looking as if someone had taken a two-by-four and beat me. I ached all over and was a little hesitant to see what the trainers had in store for me.

I slipped on a pair of shorts, a t-shirt, and then put on some sweats on because it was only supposed to get into the high 50's today. I needed to go for a run to get my blood flowing and work out some of the kinks. I fell into an easy pace and dropped into my thinking zone. I missed running with Peggy. After football season, I would somehow figure out how we could do that again. She had a cute butt, and it didn't hurt that I had a crush on her. I knew that she would also make a great girlfriend. She was a junior and we could at least have a year and a half to build a relationship. Teenage years were similar to dog years so that was almost forever.

Cindy and Suzanne were something else that I needed to figure out. I was embarrassed that I had expected a hot threesome last night. One of the things Greg drilled into me was that you should not expect sex. If it was offered, treat it like a gift. Sex was a two-way street, or three-way in last night's case. Be prepared, but don't force the issue. There was a lesson in there, but that was too much for me to think about right now.

What I couldn't seem to figure out was why I was not disappointed to find them gone this morning. I started to get that nagging feeling of doubt in the back of my mind, that little tickling feeling in the back of my head telling me that not everything was as it seems. Cindy had to know that her ex was going to be there. He was homecoming king last year. When I got to the dance, both Cindy and Suzanne were dancing with their exes. Then they played it off as if nothing was going on. If nothing was going on with their exes, why were they both showing such strong emotions?

But what did I know? How would I feel if Tracy had been gone for several months and then showed up for a dance? Could I say I wouldn't feel anything? It was hard for me to judge because my emotions were still so raw from being dumped so recently.

Cindy said she was my girlfriend, but I was starting to wonder. Was I just a friend with benefits? Whatever Cindy and I did have did not feel like boyfriend/girlfriend. We really needed to sit down and talk about our expectations. I could see being friends with benefits working out. But I didn't think any of the three of us was interested in a full-blown relationship right now. With all of my football commitments, I just couldn't see anything more working out.

By the time I got to school, I hadn't solved all of the world's problems, but I felt better about myself. When I walked into the training room, Becky Grimes and Jill Kim, our two assistant trainers, were there waiting for me. Jill was the one who took care of my strength and conditioning and Becky took care of injuries. They both saw that I was sweating and had a slight limp.

Becky gave me a hard look. "Shit, I knew we should have checked you out last night. How bad is it?"

I pulled my shirt up.

"We're dead." Jill said, looking at Becky.

I could tell that they were both nervous.

"David, you have to tell us when you're hurt."

They both grabbed an arm and dragged me to the training table. They stripped my sweats and shirt off.

"Do you need to see all the damage?" I asked.

"Yes, drop them," Becky said with no hesitation.

I slid my shorts off and stood with my jock on. My left hip and thigh were black and blue also. Becky had a pained look on her face.

"Jill," Bechy said, "set up an ice bath. While you're doing that, I'll check to see if he has any other injuries."

She had me lie on my stomach, and then she started to prod my bruises to see if any of my ribs were broken. Then she moved up to my neck. Once she was satisfied that I wasn't going to die, she checked my hip. I'm not quite sure when it changed from checking for medical issues to playing with my ass, but when Jill came back in she cleared her throat loudly. Becky jerked her hands off my ass as if she had been shocked.

I couldn't see Becky's face, but Jill looked amused. So I figured now was a good time to tease her. Okay, I'm a dumb ass. Never ever tease your trainer. They can do evil things to you. And it's much better when they are not pissed-off at you.

"Oh baby, why'd you quit? Please do the other side. It's feeling left out," I said, using my sexiest voice.

The crack when she smacked my ass sounded like a shot had gone off.

"Oh yeah! That's it. Smack my ass!" I moaned. "I think I'm in love!"

Jill was about to lose it. She grabbed my arm and dragged me off the table.

"Come on, lover boy, before you take on more than you can handle."

I turned around to leer at Becky, but when I saw her face, I figured I better let it go.

The ice bath was pure torture. They filled one of the whirlpool baths with water and then dumped bags of ice into it. When I noticed that my balls had decided to crawl inside me, I was determined to get out, but Becky pushed me back in. She only made me stay in for another ten minutes or so, but it felt like an eternity. When I crawled out, my skin was bright red.

At this point, I no longer cared. I pulled my jock strap off because it was still freezing cold. The trainers didn't even flinch. Jill threw me a towel to dry off. They made me get onto the massage table and started working on me using an analgesic rub that both deadened the pain but also warmed me. I felt a mix of pleasure and pain as they worked me over. When they were finished with my back, I was limp as a cooked noodle.

"Turn over," Jill said smacking my ass.

They started on my front. I definitely was going to have to get a tub of the rub they were putting on me. Both of them knew how to give a massage. I could feel them find a knotted muscle and work it until it felt like a spring releasing. Surprisingly, I was not turned on in the least. I think Mr. Happy was afraid they would dunk him back into the ice bath.

I fell asleep at some point. I slowly woke to find the whole training staff and Coach Lambert standing around me talking about me. Luckily, the girls slid my shorts back on. Coach Lambert was pissed.

"Look at him. He looks like he was in a car wreck. Do we sit him this week?"

"Coach, he is one of the toughest players I have ever seen," Becky said. "He took shots last night that would have killed most players. He has a very high pain tolerance, which is bad because he keeps playing. As a training staff, we let this young man down. I'm embarrassed to say we let him back in the game after that first play," Becky said. She looked at me and gave me a concerned look. "Good, he is awake. David, roll over so I can show them your neck."

I did as I was told.

"Look at this bruise," Becky continued. "It was caused by the edge of his helmet pressing into his spinal cord. In college, I saw the exact same bruise. That player never walked again."

Jill had me roll on my side so they could see all my bruises.

"We rubbed him down with an analgesic to deaden the pain. The good news is we think that the damage is not as bad as it looks."

"We will work on him till Wednesday and see if we can get him ready," Becky said, turning to Coach. "At the end of practice, we will evaluate him. No physical activity until we clear him."

Mr. Hastings, the head trainer, weighed in, "Coach, if I see him get blindsided in the next game I'm pulling him out, so you better fix your backside blocking or you will not have David playing. His future is not playing high school football, and we can't risk his health for a short-term gain. Eastside lost last night so we are a game up and in control of our playoff destiny." He turned on me. "Next time Coach tries to pull you, let him. Good God, we were up four touchdowns."

I felt bad. There was no reason other than pure selfishness for staying in that game. I'm sure they thought I was showcasing my talent on TV. The real reason was almost as bad. I was pissed and wanted to crush them. Listening to the concern everyone showed, made me feel irresponsible. The training staff went into Coach's office so I got dressed and left.

Luke called me when I got back to remind me that tonight was guy's night out and asked if I needed a ride. I still hadn't heard from Cindy or Suzanne so I decided to make the best of a bad day and take him up on his offer. He picked me up, and we went to Monical's Pizza. He gave his brother Mike and Tim Foresee a ride also. We were having a good time cutting up in the car. Monical's was packed as it always is on Saturdays with families. They're famous for giving you a lot of food for a reasonable price.

We saw a lot of folks we knew, and spent some time after we ordered working our way through the restaurant going from table-to-table. It turned out that only half of the guys showed up and none of the girls. The break-up of Beth and Gary really messed up attendance. I was happy to see that Jim Ball showed up. He still had a black eye, and was moving a little slowly.

We all finally sat down when our pizza was ready. Then it quickly became 'picking' on David time, and Magic was first at bat.

"So David, how was your hot threesome last night?"

"Dude! Totally uncool!" I said with a scowl. "First of all, Cindy and Suzanne are friends of ours. You know talking out of school will get all our balls cut off."

I saw everyone nodding because they all knew that those two could do it.

"Secondly, when have I ever talked out of school about a date?" I asked. "But because you guys will not be satisfied without some scoop, nothing even close to a threesome happened last night. And finally, I think you have all met Suzanne's brother, Jim."

Their heads snapped around when it dawned on them that they were talking about someone's sister -- a serious breach of the bro code!

Magic had a sheepish look on his face.

"Sorry, Jim. I was just giving David shit."

I smiled brightly.

"I did get a naked rub down and had my ass played with today, though."

That remark lightened the mood. Jim gave me a nod to acknowledge that I had headed off a potentially embarrassing situation for him.

Luke, who seemed to live for my adventures said, "There has got to be a great story behind that."

"Why Luke, there is. First, I want to show you the results of not blocking for me."

I stood up and lifted my shirt. I could see the shock on all their faces. I heard a gasp behind me, and I felt a cold hand run up my side. Looking at me with concern was Gina. She almost had tears in her eyes. I was suddenly concerned for her.

"Hey, baby, it's okay. I might be out a week, but nothing is broken. This time."

It took a moment for that one to sink in.

"Shit! I might have to go back to quarterback," Magic scowled.

Kevin, our All-State linebacker and defensive captain, looked even more pissed. Magic was switched to cornerback and was now our lockdown guy. He was potentially losing his best player. I winked at the guys and turned back to Gina.

"Hey, let's go somewhere for a little bit."

I could see the look in her eyes telling me she knew that I was playing with the guys. Then she shocked even me when she got on her tip-toes and kissed me. She had achieved her desired goal because all of us had our mouths hanging open.

"I've wanted to do that since the first time I met you."

"Uhhh..." The gears in my mind were in locked position. She grabbed my hand and guided me to her table.

Sitting there was an older version of Gina. She looked to be in college. They both were exotically pretty. I knew from talking to Alan that they were of Indian descent. I sat down in their booth beside Gina and across from her sister.

"David, this is my sister, Emily. Emily, this is one of Alan's best friends."

Emily's eyes lit up. Emily was the oldest of the three sisters.

"Don't tell me you're the David that Gina talks about. I think if she was not dating Alan she would take a run at you. I can't say that I blame her."

Gina blushed, making me laugh.

"What happened to the woman I know that is always in control? Looks like your sister can push your buttons." Gina slugged my arm. "Ouch, that is my bad side."

Her eyes got big.

"Sorry, I forgot."

"Actually it's the other side."

Somehow, that earned me another slug. I was eyeing their pizza because I could see the guys had devoured ours while I talked to Gina. Emily saw me, and she served me a couple of slices and filled a bowl of salad for me. Monical's serves everything family style. Most everyone gets his or her special, which is a pizza, pitcher of soda, and a huge salad. The girls watched in fascination as I polished off their leftovers.

"I forgot how much teenage boys eat," Emily said, shaking her head.

"Thanks for last night. Once Alan loosened up we had a lot of fun," Gina said, changing the subject,

Emily gave me a look, so I filled her in.

"One of our friends was out on his first date last night. I guess the date wasn't going so well. We explained to him he would remain dateless throughout high school if he didn't make a serious effort to show her a good time. He didn't seem to realize that girls talk. Alan and Gina were watching the car wreck happen. Alan got the hint that if he didn't show Gina a good time he might be dateless also."

"Where were you when I was in high school?" She turned to Gina. "You're right! He is perfect for Kara."

I perked up.

"Tell me about this goddess. I have only seen a picture. Please tell me that Gina is not playing with me, and she Photoshopped it."

Gina pulled out her phone and showed Emily the picture.

"Actually no. She didn't alter the picture. That is Kara." she laughed. Then she whispered to Gina, "Should we give him the scoop or should we let them both be surprised?"

"I was thinking that the surprise factor might be nice, but you know how full of herself Kara can be. It might help if he had some things to fight back with."

"I don't think he is helpless."

"If half of what you told me is true he will be able to hold his own," Emily said, giving me a leer that was so full of sexual heat that it shocked me. "I do have one question, David. Did you really take two girls to the homecoming dance?"

"It sounds worse than it was," I sighed. "They are actually best friends. The week before, I got dumped, and one of them won me in a bachelor auction. The other one didn't want some dork pawing her all night so we all decided to go together."

"Screw Kara! I am taking you home tonight to show you what a real woman is all about."

"No, no, no! Bad Emily! There is this thing called 'statutory rape'," Gina said, waving her hands.

"Uh, I'm not telling," I said to Gina. "You'll have to drive because I don't have a license yet," I said as I looked at Emily. I knew that one would get her to slow down.

We could see the wheels turning as Emily tried to figure each angle. Every once in a while she would give me a hungry look, and I could feel Gina stiffen next to me. I took Gina's hand under the table, and I felt her relax when she figured out I was messing with Emily. We finally saw her shoulders sag, "Shit."

"Tell you what, when I turn 18 you can have your way with me."

"Kara is not going to know what hit her," Emily said, laughing out loud.

I hung out with Gina and her sister for a while until they had to leave for the movies. I wandered back to the guys, and Luke gave me shit about always finding a girl wherever I went. Luke is actually very sought after, but for some unknown reason, he seemed to think I had more success with the ladies.

After Monical's, we decided to go to the arcade. There was talk of miniature golf, but we decided it was too cold. Surprisingly, we pretty much had the place to ourselves. The guys were having a good time goofing off. Magic was taking on all challengers to the dance game he had commandeered. Once he had kicked all of our asses, he announced, "Does anyone else want to take on the champ?"

Tomika came up behind him. "Do you mind if a girl tries?"

Magic spun around and said, "Little girl, I don't know if you have the skills to keep up. Why don't you run along and save your quarters?"

We were playing challenger pays.

"Little girl is it?" she said, putting her hands on her hips. She turned on us with a little heat in her voice. "Boys, do I look like a little girl to you?"

We all just took one step back. Magic got himself into this, and he could get himself out of it. Sometimes I wondered about my friends.

"Big talk for a little girl. Put up or shut up," Magic challenged.

She pumped quarters into the machine. They both started out seriously. We watched in amazement as they looked like they were in sync with the game. Then she gave Magic a hip check and her cute giggle lightened the mood. They started to just freestyle; the game be damned. Shortly after that, we lost Magic for the night. I don't blame him. I would leave with Tomika if she asked.

I found Jim playing pinball by himself.

"How are you doing?"

He looked at me and he gave me the first genuine smile I can remember. Most brothers are not too fond of the guy that might be sleeping with their sister. To make things even more awkward, he went out with Tracy after she dumped me.

"Fine."

"How are the ribs?"

"They suck. I found out that I'm done with football this year."

"Ah man, that sucks," I said.

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to playing varsity next year."

"Jim, I'm hoping you play left tackle next year. I need someone to keep them off of me."

"No shit. You took a pounding. It looks painful."

"Nah, they gave me some pain killers when I messed up my back before. I took a half of one before I came out tonight. Those things make me goofy if I take a full one."

He laughed.

"They do bring down some inhibitions. I'm lucky to be out tonight for some of the things I said."

We spent the next 30 minutes just hanging out. I was finding he had a similar personality to his sister so we got along great. Based on those similarities, I could also see something was bothering him. He sighed.

"You know, I love my sister?"

"Yes, I think she is special too."

He got a sad look on his face.

"I don't know any other way, but to tell you. She and Cindy went to Cindy's lake cabin with their exes this weekend."

Whatever he saw in my face was not good.

"I'm so sorry. Suzanne made me promise not to tell you, but getting to know you tonight I realize you're too nice of a guy for them to take advantage of you like that."

I gathered my thoughts. My first instinct was to make excuses for them, but if I kept making the same mistake, I was a fool. The last thing I needed to do was vent to her brother.

"Jim, I will always remember this. You're a true friend."

"The thing that sucks is that I know she likes you a lot. You have no idea how sick I am of hearing 'David this' and 'David that'. The only guy she would ever leave you for is her ex. She thought he was the one. He is a complete ass hat. He always treated her like shit. Last night it was all I could do to not punch him out."

"Wow, how do you really feel?"

"Sorry, but you weren't around when he dumped her. When she started hanging around with you, it was as if she was back. I kind of hated you because I didn't want to see her get hurt again, but I loved to see that spark again. The more I get to know you, the more I like you. I see what my sister sees in you, but she makes me so mad sometimes. For some reason she has a blind spot for this guy. Everyone around her knows he is a dick, but she won't listen."

"Thanks for telling me. I need a few minutes to collect my thoughts."

"I'm sorry, man."

I went outside the arcade and sucked in the crisp fall air. I thought about being a wimp and sending a break-up text. I decided to man up and call Suzanne. When she answered, I could hear everyone laughing in the background.

"Hang on a moment," she said. I heard the noise level go down. She obviously went to another room.

"How is your guys' night going?"

"It was going pretty well until a few minutes ago. After what you and Cindy went through, I never thought you would do it to me. I thought we were better friends than that, now I know better. I don't want to have this conversation twice. Please let Cindy know we are through as friends."

I could hear Suzanne drop the phone and start crying. Cindy came on the line, "David it is not what you think..."

I cut her off.

"Cindy, how would you know what I think? I am told you are on a weekend with your exes and that I'm not supposed to know. Sounds like you don't think much of me. At least I'm calling you to let you know we are through. In the past two weeks, I have taken too much crap from women I thought cared about me. I'm fucking done. I hope this weekend was worth it for you."

"Oh shit, David! I am so sorry."

"A little late for that now," I punched the disconnect button and then powered off my phone.

Ten minutes later, Jim found me sitting against the side of the arcade crying. He sat down next to me.

"Suzanne called me. They kicked both their exes out and are headed back. They want to see you."

"Are you kidding me?" He must have thought I was going to hit him for a moment because he flinched. "Sorry, this is not your fault."

"Well it is in a way. I was the one who told you, but looking back, I know it was the right thing to do. They both feel really bad. Will you agree to sit down and hear them out?"

I didn't need to think about it.

"Jim, I'm sorry, but they have broken our trust. That is the same issue I had with Tracy. Once doubt sets in, your relationship is doomed. To be honest, I'm not even sure I can remain friends with them. So I guess the short answer is no. Tell them not to bother."

"I was afraid of that. Let me call them, and then I will give you a ride home. I don't think either one of us would enjoy the rest of the night."

Jim stepped away to call his sister. After a few minutes, things got heated.

"Sis, what did you expect? If he did this to you, would you give him a second chance?"

"Bullshit. You would feed him his balls."

She was making an impassioned plea. I could see he was about to explode so I got up and took the phone from him.

" ... you little shit. You told him I was with Darryl to spite me. You have done some mean things, but this takes the cake."

"Suzanne, Jim told me because we are friends. It had nothing to do with spite. You put Jim in a no win situation. Once you think about it, you won't be mad at him. At least I hope you won't."

She seemed to calm down.

"You're probably right. I am really mad at myself. If Cindy and I promise not to act crazy, will you let us come see you and talk?"

I was resigned. I needed to get this over with.

"Okay, how long till you get here?"

I heard her ask and I heard a man's voice. I guess it was too much to ask that they drive up separately. Hearing his voice felt like a nail had been driven through my heart. Before she could get back to me, I ended the connection. I looked at Jim and hot tears were streaking down my face. I handed him the phone and walked home.

Sunday October 20, 2013 – Freshman Year

From the arcade to my house is nearly eight miles. I made it a point to take a round-a-bout way to get home, adding nearly three miles to the trip. I didn't want to talk to anyone. It took me five and a half hours making it close to 3:30 am when I walked up my drive. I saw the light on in the kitchen. I knew Mom would not go to bed until I got home so I came in the back door.

Mom was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee. When she saw me, she jumped up and came to me. She took one look at me and wrapped me in her arms. That is when the tears came. I felt her unconditional love for me and it was as if the dam broke. I couldn't stop. At that time, in my mother's arms, I was able to grieve for the loss of my relationships with Tracy, Cindy, and Suzanne. She just stroked the back of my head and whispered, "It will be all right," over and over again.

I don't know how long I cried, but I eventually stopped. Once I stopped, I sat down at the kitchen table and Mom and I talked. I guess more accurately, I talked and she listened. I shared my time with Uncle John with her, and how he helped me turn my life around. I explained my goals for my life and how I was working towards each of them. She was a little shaken when she realized how much I had changed. She never judged or made a smart comment. She asked questions if she was not clear on something.

I then talked to her about my love for football. I think she was overwhelmed to see how far I had progressed. I talked to her about my future goals for the game and explained how it would help me achieve my life goals. I could tell she finally accepted me playing. Her fear was always for my safety. I think it helped for her to come to the game.

Then I floored her. I told her that I loved Tracy Dole. I'm not sure where it came from, but when I said it, I knew it to be true. If possible, I would marry her. I explained how we were perfectly matched and how we were better together than apart. I told her that it wouldn't be anytime soon. We had to rebuild the trust in our relationship. She seemed skeptical, but at least she kept her thoughts to herself.

I told her about Cindy and Suzanne. I told Mom about my plans to put a hold on my love life. She actually laughed at me and wished me luck. By then it was eight in the morning and we had to go to church. I just washed my face and Mom changed and we went to early service.

For a moment, we considered not going. We were both dead tired. Mom got my Dad up and made him drive us. We both felt like we needed church today. I couldn't tell you what the sermon was, but I felt better afterwards.

My relationship with my mother was forever changed that night. We both loved each other unconditionally but now there was a much deeper understanding. My Mom was firmly in my corner now. I found I could share my deepest thoughts with her with no reservations. Who would have thought that she kicked me out of the house just a few months ago? She became my anchor and sounding board. Right now, those were two things that I needed desperately.

When I got home, I turned on my cell and found 38 messages. I sent Cindy and Suzanne a text telling them that I would meet them tonight, and that they were not to call me because I was going to sleep. I turned my phone off and crawled into bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out.

I finally crawled out of bed at 3:00 and hit the shower. I was starving, so I went to the kitchen and made myself a couple of sandwiches. Dad and Greg came in when they heard me getting something to eat.

"I'm making sandwiches. Do you guys want anything?" I asked.

Neither one of them did but they sat down at the kitchen table and didn't say anything. It took me a few minutes, but I figured out Mom told them to give me some space. I started to chuckle.

"Let me guess. You both want to know what is going on, and Mom told you not to ask. Is that about the size of it?"

They both nodded. I gave them the shortened version of everything I talked to Mom about. When I got to the part about how Uncle John helped me and out of that, I set goals for my life. Greg wanted to know if Uncle John could help him. We made tentative plans to visit him at Christmas time.

I saved what happened with Suzanne and Cindy for last. I thought Greg was going to track them down and lynch them.

"I have known both of those girls since kindergarten. I thought we were friends. If they think for one minute they can treat my brother that way, they have another thing coming."

Dad was the voice of reason.

"Greg, let David deal with it. They are both young and are only thinking about themselves. I can tell you from personal experience, having an ex dump you and come back and say they want to try again, is hard to turn down no matter how badly it ended. I know in my case it didn't take long for me to figure out there was a good reason they were an ex. David, I know you said you were meeting this afternoon. What are you planning on doing?"

"Well, for starters Cindy is no longer my girlfriend. I don't want this to turn into a huge deal where friendships are hurt." I said, looking at Greg. "I think it is best if I bite the bullet and forgive them. What I can't do is forget. The only 'official' contact I have with either of them is Suzanne as my tutor. I will ask to either not have a tutor and use last period as study hall or be assigned someone new. After this afternoon, I'm going to take a step back from dating until after football season. Once football is done, I will talk to each of them individually and we will see if we can be friends. If I had to make that call right now, the answer would be no."