Chapter 25: Introspection

I was in a better frame of mind after our little break without drama. Alison had kissed Jeryl and I passionately before the bellman arrived for our bags and then slipped back into her professional demeanor. Kelly had kissed us both as well, albeit without the passion, and thanked me for a relaxing vacation. She gave Alison a hug as well.

Ten hours later, we were back in the house near Stanford and I was thinking about the upcoming semester. Jeryl’s advice had helped tremendously. I was both relaxed and focused. I knew Matthew had taken care of our course scheduling again when I saw a stack of textbooks on my desk for the semester. It was smaller than I expected. The stack on Jeryl’s desk was actually bigger. I smiled at that.

Jeryl stuck her head in the office looking for me. “Back to work already?” she teased.

“No, just looking at the tower of books you have this semester,” I said with a wave at the desk.

“Shit, you’re the double major engineer. How is your pile smaller than mine? I’m just a business major.”

I shrugged. “Obviously, business professors talk a lot more than engineers.”

She laughed. “I’m making a snack and then Lila is coming over to help me with a little wedding planning. Want to join us?”

I groaned. “I thought you were taking care of that.”

She laughed again and came over for a hug and kiss. “I am. Are you really going to let me plan it all without your input?”

I nodded.

“Well, don’t complain if I opt for the wedding at a nudist resort then.”

I laughed. “Why would I complain about seeing you and your sisters, and your cousins all naked before taking you away for a good married ravishing?”

“Hey, you’re not supposed to look at other women on our wedding day.”

“Then I suggest you nix the nudist resort.”

She gave a dramatic sigh. “Okay, I guess that idea is out.”

She gave me another kiss and left me. I settled down at the desk and pulled out a notebook. It was almost seven years old. I had written the formula leading to my breakthrough in linear fusion on the first few pages. Every once in a while, I pulled it back out and did some work on the math. I still could not resolve the imaginary number in the time axis of the matrices. After years of pondering, I thought it might be a gap in the theory. An hour later, I was no further along. I closed the book and pulled out another old notebook.

In this one, I had recorded rough dates and significant events I had recalled from my first trip through. Alongside each event or trend, I had noted what happened this time through. The paths were definitely diverging, even if only in small ways so far.

I had prevented the Challenger explosion, which I recalled vividly from my first time through. While I was happy to have saved lives, I was more proud of the fact that I had prevented literally thousands of kids excited by science and engineering from witnessing the horrific death of America’s first teacher in space. I had no data to prove it, but had always felt that the Challenger tragedy had begun America’s turning away from science.

I had changed the auto industry. Any car not getting more than twenty miles a gallon was a non-starter in the public’s eyes. Any car that received less than a four-star safety rating was not selling well. Traffic deaths were down from where I knew they had been, and because the innovations were being adopted first in the States, employment had been bolstered to some extent.

Military spending was still growing under Reagan, but not as sharply as I remembered, due in part to the fact that the B-2 had been canceled when a stealth coated B-1 became a cheaper, better alternative. Given the results of the first production auction, I suspected the Air Force was considering coating a B-52 and seeing how it performed. The Navy still had a public goal of a 600-ship fleet, but I knew from meetings they were already re-assessing what sort of force mix they would eventually desire.

Of course, with these slight divergences, there were repercussions. I could hardly remember specific stock prices and trends, but I knew Northrop Grumman’s stock had fallen with the cancellation of the B-2. Lockheed and Rockwell had climbed with the contracts they received for the B-1 modifications. Microsoft had its IPO on schedule and our company had invested, but I knew I was working to disrupt that industry next. I couldn’t count on them skyrocketing as they had before. Cisco and a bunch of the other Internet companies were in the same boat. I was planning on shaking up those markets.

Intel was a potential partner, if I kept on the licensing path. Depending on Dr. Freis’ work, I might launch the equivalent of ARM three years before they had actually been launched. If I did, I might imperil the re-birth of Apple in the future. Of course, if I could put significantly better and cheaper technology inside a NEXT computer, that might not matter. It was starting to get complex that was for certain.

I closed the notebook as I heard laughter from downstairs. Thinking about branching paths and alternatives made me re-think helping with the wedding planning. I locked up my notes and then turned off the light in the office. Spending an evening with Jeryl and Lila was definitely a better alternative to trying to decide a path through the muddy waters of the future.

“Paul, this language is a good senior project, but you’re only scratching the surface of it running on this hardware,” Professor Hamilton said.

“I know, sir. I’ve got some prototype processors coming in that I’ll use for the project to show some greater capabilities.”

“Prototypes? From where?”

“Dr. Freis at Syracuse. My company funds his research in advanced RISC design and fabrication.”

Dr. Hamilton frowned. “Why don’t we do that sort of thing here? You could do your own research and use it for your project.”

I shook my head. Professor Hamilton had been assigned as my senior advisor at the start of the term. He was responsible for guiding my senior project for my E.E. degree as well as advising on my M.E. courses. I liked the man, but he was very ‘Stanford centric;’ too much so, in my mind.

“If I did the research myself, Stanford would have some claim to the work from a licensing perspective. If I had been a little smarter, I would have reached an agreement with the University before starting here. Right now, I’m avoiding doing physical research while on campus. I’ve got too much to lose.”

He frowned again. “I suppose I understand that. Now, why do you think these prototype chips will be good for your project?”

“I want to use them for the construction of a simple robot. The chips are very small, low power, and will implement the FLO interface conventions in hardware. Each chip will be controlling an individual actuator, or sensor. FLO will allow me to program the overall system without having to integrate low-level code or signaling protocols.”

“What sort of robot are you building?”

“I want one that can successfully climb stairs autonomously.”

He nodded. “That will certainly meet the criteria for your project. Can it count for your M.E. project as well?”

“That’s what I’m hoping for. I’ll be building the robot out of some newer materials. I’ve got a design review with Professor Donaldson next week. If he signs off on it, I’ll be able to use the robot for both project requirements.”

“Okay. Once you have his approval, I want to see the circuit layouts, power plans, and sensor design. Let’s schedule some office time for the week after next.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. What about the rest of your courses? Any issues?” He was my academic advisor as well as my project advisor.

“No, sir. I’ve gotten all my electives completed. I’m taking one extra course this semester to free up a little more time next term for GRE prep.”

“Good. Don’t underestimate the effort for that, especially since you’re planning to sit the exams for both electrical and mechanical engineering. We might have to look at some special proctoring for you to do that. I’ll take care of that once the schedules are set. Anything else?”

“No, sir. Thanks for your time.”

I collected my things and headed out of his office. Tiffany met me with a car to take me over to the office. Soon I was jotting down some notes as I spread my drawings out on my drafting board.

“Got a minute?” Kelly asked from my doorway.

“Sure,” I said. “What’ up?”

She came in and closed the door. “I want to ask you a personal question.”

“Okay.”

“What would you think if Matthew and I went out on a date?”

I smiled. “I’d be happy for you both, so long as that’s what you wanted.”

“You won’t have a problem with me dating an employee?”

“You’re both adults. From a legal perspective, he works for me, not for you, so we should be clear of any harassment issues, as I understand them. Of course, if things don’t work out, there might be some problems there.”

She sighed. “I know. That’s the one thing that has kept me from asking him to dinner. I know how hard he works and what a load he takes off your and Jeryl’s shoulders. I would hate to jeopardize that.”

“Well, then I suggest you be open and honest with him. Tell him what you would like to do and why you are hesitant. You can probably set some ground rules from the start. Heck, he might not even like you,” I added with a grin.

“Humph! What’s not to like?”

“Not a thing, but you know he might still have reservations.”

She looked at me. “You mean race?”

I shrugged. “You won’t know until you talk to him.”

“Will it bother you?”

“Not in the least. I think he is a smart, dedicated, caring man. The color of his skin matters not at all to me.”

“I agree, but society isn’t always that accepting.”

“Why don’t you talk to him and see if it is even something you need to worry about before you agonize over it too much.”

She smiled and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thanks, Paul. I knew you would have a good perspective.”

I shook my head as she left, wondering if I was going to lose the only P.A. I had known.

A couple hours later, it was Matthew knocking on my door. “Do you have a minute, boss?”

I nodded and got up from the drafting board. I motioned him to the informal seating area beside my desk. We sat together.

“What’s up?” I asked, though I had a suspicion.

“Kelly asked me to go to dinner with her.”

“Good for you both. Is there a reason not to go?”

He fidgeted a bit before taking a deep breath and then looking me in the eye. “This is the best job I could imagine having. After getting discharged from the Corps, I never believed I could have this kind of future.”

“I’m glad. You’ve been a tremendous help to me personally, and the company as well. What’s that got to do with taking Kelly to dinner.”

“Well, I don’t want to jeopardize this job. I’d rather turn her down than risk our working relationship.”

I nodded. “Do you like Kelly?”

“Of course I do. She’s smart, and funny, and sexy but professional. At least, most of the time she is.”

I grinned, recalling the morning he was probably thinking of. “So go out with her. See if there is more than that. If you get engaged in the future, I’ll drink a toast to you both. If you part ways, I’d hope you were both richer for your time together. What happens between you is not going to impact your position as my and Jeryl’s P.A.”

“I hear the words, but I know it isn’t always the way things turn out. She’s your stepsister. She owns part of the company. She should be so far beyond my reach that I shouldn’t even consider dating her.”

“Christ!” I said. “You guys need to get out of your heads and just go have dinner. All of your crap worrying about things that may never happen is going to drive me batty. You like her. Take her to dinner and see if there is more than like. She may thank you and then move on. Why make a big deal out of it before you know if there is a second date? God, between the two of you, I’ll probably have to lock you both naked in a bedroom, before you’ll see if you even like each other.”

He sat in stunned silence. I thought I had gone too far, but then he smiled.

“Kelly talked to you about the same thing, didn’t she?”

I nodded.

“I guess I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. Thanks for the advice. You know, for a college kid, you’re pretty smart,” he said with a grin.

I smiled and then shook my head as he left. I looked over at my drawings and then saw a light on through the conference room leading to Jeryl’s office. Instead of getting back to work, I walked to her door and watched her working for a few minutes. She finally looked up at me and flashed me a brilliant smile.

“Let’s go home,” I said.

Kelly, Jeryl and I looked at Alison as she finished reviewing the paperwork in front of her. I had never seen her look nervous in her professional life. I hoped we were not pushing her too hard.

“It’s a very generous offer,” she finally said.

“But it’s like selling your baby, isn’t it?” Jeryl asked.

Alison nodded. We had been negotiating slowly over the past three months. Our purchase was carefully structured to shelter her money as much as possible and ensure her ongoing operational control of the company.

“Alison, this doesn’t really change anything from a day-to-day perspective.”

She sighed. “I know that. But it does mean I have a boss again. Having my own firm gave me control. I needed that in my professional life.”

“Past tense,” I said. She looked at me. “You said you needed that, not you need that. Maybe the desire for control is passing.”

She looked at the paperwork, not meeting my eye.

“We don’t want to pressure you, Alison,” Jeryl said. “But this gets you access to more working capital, a seat on our board, and a lot more control over your firm’s growth.”

“I know. We’ve been talking it to death. It’s just that now that it’s time to sign, I’m hesitant.”

I caught Jeryl’s eye. She nodded slightly.

“Kelly,” she said. “Let’s grab a drink and give Paul and Alison a minute.” She stood and motioned Kelly to the door. A minute later, Alison and I were alone.

“What’s the matter, Ali?” I asked using the name Jeryl and I had called her in the bedroom.

Her eyes snapped up to mine. “I feel like you’re buying me if I sign. Not my firm, but me.”

“You know we’re not.”

“Intellectually, yes, but emotionally...” her voice trailed off and I waited. She took a deep breath. “Part of me wants you to,” she said finally.

“What do you mean?”

“I love you and Jeryl, but I tuck those emotions up and put them away except when we go ‘on vacation’ as you say. If I’m truthful to myself, I want to feel those emotions all the time. Signing this is going to bind us together forever. It feels like I’m marrying you but can’t show my love for you. Does that make any sense at all?”

I nodded. “It does. Would you feel better if we didn’t buy you out?”

“No. This can’t really change my feelings. Acknowledging them and saying them to you has made them real. Signing this won’t change that. I really do love you two. Greece did something to me, awoke something I had kept buried and hidden for a long time. I can’t imagine being with another man or woman and feeling the same way.”

“You let yourself relax when you’re with us, but you are still there to protect us.”

She nodded. “Saint Lucia just reinforced those feelings. I’m afraid it will get harder and harder to put those feelings away.” Her eyes were moist as she fought tears.

“Then let’s not do this deal right now,” I said as I reached across the table and took her hand. “You keep all the paperwork, and you sign it when you realize we love you too, and don’t want to risk losing you or your counsel.”

I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed it. She looked me in the eye and nodded. Then she pulled me in for a full kiss. We parted and I felt both a feeling of loss and a sense of promise.

“Paul, are you sure you want to structure this like that?” Jim asked as he pointed to the exhibit on the will he was drafting for me.

“It is. Having two attacks on me made me do some thinking.”

“So, if you die, your financial stake in the company goes to any offspring you and Jeryl have, or her if something happens before you have kids, but the patents get released to the public domain?”

“Yes. We’ve got enough money to live on comfortably, and I’d rather the ideas and concepts get spread far and wide for others to build on.”

Jim scratched his head and then finally nodded. “Okay. I guess I understand your intent. I’ll get my friendly estate attorney to look this over and draft us a will. How did your meeting with the financial advisors go?”

I had spent most of the afternoon with financial ‘experts’ who wanted me to leverage my money more in the market. I was happy to make a couple of big bets based on what I had seen happen before, but kept the balance in an index fund. The mix of my conservative and risky ventures drove the experts crazy. Every quarter, they tried to convince me to change my approach.

“Same old, same old,” I replied. “They want me to diversify and target my risks, but they can’t show me a track record of out performing the two index funds I’ve got most of the money in. The other moves I’ve made on a couple of IPOs seem to upset them, but the portfolio is generating better returns than they are.”

“They just want the trading fees your lack of investing is costing them,” Jim said.

“Maybe. If I had more time, I might fire them and do it myself, but that seems like more headache than it’s worth.”

“Especially when you can just ramp up nanotube production and make more cash at the monthly auction.”

I smiled. “That was a pretty good idea Candace and I worked out. I’ve been inching up the production volume and the price seems to hold steady each month around $95 a gram.”

“Do you think they’re fixing it?”

“Maybe. If the price stays in that range, I’ll just let them play their political games and cash their checks. We produced a thousand kilos in September. That turned into $71 million in revenue split across seven vendors. If we annualized that and factor in our other revenues, we’re a billion-dollar company. Not too shabby for a kid that started in his garage.”

Jim laughed.

“Well, Paul, lord knows you’ve worked hard to get here. Where are you planning on being for Thanksgiving this year?”

It was my turn to laugh. “I’ve been told it is a secret and I’m not to try and find out ahead of time. I figured you would know.”

He shook his head. “Nope. Your mother knows but won’t say a word. It’s the female conspiracy working to keep us men ignorant.”

“Well, if I was a betting man, I’d prepare for the beach. I know they bought something in Hawaii.”

“Maybe. I do know your fiancéŽ wants to surprise you. How about the wedding plans?”

“I’ve been informed they are well in hand. Aside from finding a best man, I’ve been let off the hook from all that planning.”

“You don’t have a best man picked yet?”

I shook my head. “I was going to ask Jim, but we haven’t seen much of each other the past few years. I know he is pretty busy working on his masters at Northwestern.”

“So who else is on your list?”

“Just you,” I admitted.

I had male classmates, but not many male friends.

“I’d be honored to be your best man,” he said with a tear in his eye. “Truly honored.”

I smiled. “Well, I didn’t exactly plan on asking you just like that, but thank you.”

“What about groomsmen?”

“Before I was removed from the planning process, I did stipulate a small wedding party and Jeryl agreed. She originally wanted her sisters and cousin in it, but then decide just a maid of honor so everyone could enjoy themselves.”

“Who’s the maid of honor going to be? After all, I’ll be walking with her.”

“That, my friend, is another female conspiracy. Jeryl hasn’t told me yet.”

“Well, I’m sure it will be a perfect wedding.”

“Are you going to work on that all night, or take a break and pack for Thanksgiving?” Jeryl asked as I hunched over the soldering station I had set up along one wall of the office.

I straightened up and glanced at the clock. “Shit. I lost track of time. Are you all packed?” I asked as I stood up and stretched.

“Of course. You’re packed, too. You just need to decide what is going on the plane with you.”

I crossed the room and wrapped her in a hug. “Thank you for taking such good care of me. Where are we going, anyway?”

She almost slipped. “Oh, no you don’t. I’ve kept it a secret this long and you can wait one more day before you find out. Now, give me a kiss, get your carry-on packed and then get to bed.”

I kissed her. “Okay, but I really want to get this assembly finished up. I’ll pack a bag as soon as I finish three more joins. I promise.”

I gave her another quick kiss.

She followed me back to the soldering bench and asked, “What is it, anyway?”

“I got the first working prototypes of Dr. Freis’ and Dr. McTavish’s collaboration. It’s a low power microprocessor with onboard non-volatile RAM. It also has a FLO interface for integration. Once I get it mounted to this board, I should be able to have it interact with my FLO compiler running on that Mac Plus. I need to be able to test the programming interface as soon as we get back. Proving it works to Dr. Hamilton should get me the final sign-off for my project.”

“Okay,” Jeryl said as she grabbed a chair. “Three joins, you said. Finish that up and then come to pack and get some sleep.”

“Well, I’ll need to verify that the connections are good, and I’d like to make sure the SCSI interface works like I planned to connect this to.”

“Nope. You said three solders, and that is it. You can test and tinker and fix when we come home. You need a break, Paul. You’ve put way more than ten percent more effort into your project this semester. You haven’t really relaxed since Saint Lucia.”

“I’m fine. I’m so close to getting this all to work how I planned.”

“I know, but it isn’t going to mean a thing if you get burnt out.”

“I’m fine.”

“Really? You were so busy studying and working last week that you didn’t even see Alison when she dropped off the signed sales agreement.”

That surprised me. I had not realized she came through town. “Really?”

“She did. We had a long talk and she told me that she realized she had been being silly. She was already committed to us in her heart, so the contract didn’t matter one way or the other. Signing it wouldn’t change her feelings or our feelings. She credited your words and deeds in September to convincing her.”

“Well I’m glad. I know how hard it was for her to trust us that deeply.”

“And you need to trust me in the same way when I tell you that you need a break. Now solder your joints, and let’s start relaxing a little.”

She gave me one more kiss before guiding my hand back to the solder iron. I made the joins quickly and then cleaned up the workbench. I threw a couple of books and notebooks in my soft traveling satchel and let her guide me by the hand out of the office and off to bed.

The next morning, we were up early and had a little fun together in the shower. We came out wrapped in towels to find Alison sitting on the edge of our bed. I noticed the door was closed and then playfully dived on her to give her a big kiss. At first she resisted, but almost immediately relaxed and kissed me back. Jeryl laughed and joined us on the bed after dropping her towel. She kissed Alison and playfully tweaked the older woman’s nipples through her blouse. Alison squirmed a little and then broke free and stood up.

“What on earth brought all that on?” She asked as she tried to reestablish her cool demeanor.

“I missed you,” I said. “I’m sorry I was so wrapped up in my own head to realize you stopped by...” I looked at Jeryl.

“Last week,” she said with a laugh.

“Anyway, I saw you sitting there and the door being closed, and I decided it is the start of a vacation, so I kissed you.”

“And I joined in,” Jeryl added.

“Well, I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m still working, at least until we get where we are going and most likely all week, so keep your cheeky hands and lips to yourselves, both of you.”

“Yes, ma’am,” we said in unison, and then burst out laughing.

Alison shook her head and then smiled at us. “Come on, get a move on and get dressed. Kelly is already heading to the airport with Tiffany. Sanford is waiting impatiently downstairs in the car. You two must have overslept.”

Jeryl blushed. “Actually, we were up and in the shower early,” she admitted. “We might have gotten a little distracted.”

“Twice,” I added with a smirk.

Alison rolled her eyes.

Soon we were dressed and away. We climbed onto the G-III and settled in to the seats.

“Why are all the window shades drawn?” I asked.

“To keep a secret,” Jeryl replied. “And don’t you go raising them.”

“Yes, dear.”

The women in the plane laughed.

Soon the door was shut and we were accelerating down the runway and into the sky. By the time we were at our cruising altitude, I had no idea what direction we were headed. Rather than let it worry me, I got up and moved to the couch running along the fuselage behind the main seating area. I stretched out with a pillow and blanket and closed my eyes for a nap. Jeryl had been right. I needed a break.

I awoke to the feel of lips pressing against mine. I enjoyed the feel and smiled as I opened my eyes. Jeryl finished kissing me awake and smiled.

“Hey sleepy head, do you want a sandwich before we land? We’ve only got about thirty minutes to go.”

I sat up and pulled her onto my lap for another kiss.

“Who needs food, when I’ve got you?” I asked.

She laughed when my stomach rumbled loud enough to spoil my romantic sentiment.

“I would say you do. I made a sub for you. Eat up.”

I got up and followed her to the table.

“So, still not telling me where we’re going?” I asked between bites.

“Nope. You’ll see soon enough.”

“Actually, he won’t,” Kelly said as she handed Jeryl a blindfold.

“Oh, that’s right. I’m glad you remembered,” Jeryl said.

I shook my head and managed to finish my light meal and a bottle of water before we had to get buckled in for landing. Jeryl slipped the blindfold over my eyes as we taxied. Several hands helped guide me off the plane and across a cool tarmac. I was then helped into what felt like a helicopter and was buckled in. As soon as the rotors started turning, I knew I was right. Minutes later, we were airborne. A few minutes after that, Jeryl reached over and pulled off the blindfold.

We were circling an island covered with autumn foliage. I could see some steep granite cliffs edging a pitching sea. We were not in Hawaii that was for certain. We continued circling until we came up on a small dock with a couple of boats and a boathouse on the shore end. We followed a short road to see a lovely New England house perched on the island’s high point. Below the bluff the house was situated on, there was a small sheltered beach. There were three or four other cabins along a path running along the bluff.

At the far end of the string of cabins was a small helipad where another helicopter was lifting off. I could see Kelly, Sanford, and Tiffany waiting for us as our pilot circled once and came in for a flawless landing. We waited until he was shut down to open the doors and climb out. The air was cool and moist with a hint of salt. I walked to the edge of the helipad and took a deep breath in. Jeryl came up next to me.

“Surprised?” she asked.

I let out my breath and grabbed her for a hug and kiss. “Surprised, and loving it. Let me guess, you bought the whole island?”

She nodded. “We got a really good deal on it.” She grabbed my hand and led me to the path toward the cabins and house. It was chilly, but not totally unpleasant despite the grey sky.

“We had Trisha come out and do the interiors of the cabins and house. Each cabin has a unique style and fixtures. There are five all together. Three on the bluff side and two on the forest side.” Each cabin was set back from the path to give some privacy. They all had inviting covered and screened porches on the path side. I could see lights on in two of them.

“Trisha and Richard are already here, since she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. Aunt Helen, Olivia and Karen are in that one.” She pointed at the second cabin we passed.

I thought we would stop and look in each cabin, but Jeryl kept pulling me along. I nearly had to jog to keep up.

“The house has six bedrooms. It’s a little rustic, but I love how homey it feels. I think the porch will be fabulous in the spring and summer. It was a little rundown when we first looked at it, but now it is great.”

The siding of the house was finished in forest green and had redwood highlights and trim. It was a very nice and stately looking home. We went inside to a warm maple paneled entry hall with a dining room to the left and a large living room to the right. Jeryl kept me from venturing up the staircase and pulled me down the hall past the kitchen and to the back porch.

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