Chapter 1: The First Time

Why is it that everybody wants to know about your first time? What kind of voyeurs are we? Do we just want to compare to see that we weren’t the only ones who were somehow disappointed? Or to prove that our experiences were so far better than everyone else? Or to participate vicariously in something we lost long ago? The first time. The first time.

Well, I was in Seattle for a conference on cattle-breeding. Why the hell they held a conference on cattle-breeding in Seattle is beyond me, except it was hot as blazes in Omaha and Seattle was a nice temperate eighty-two.

So, of course, I’d heard about it. Guys had told me I had to try it. I’d read about it. I decided, ‘What the hey! I can do this.’

Well, it wasn’t at all what I expected. The first time I looked at it, I thought it was pretty disgusting. And slimy. And the smell—it was definitely something you had to get used to. I’d made it this far, though, and I wasn’t going to back down now. I kind of held my breath and stuck my tongue in and slurped. It took a couple minutes and when I could breathe again, I grabbed a shot of tequila. A minute later I dove in again. It’s definitely an acquired taste, but after eight times, I was feeling pretty satisfied. Hell, I was a connoisseur. I hadn’t even had tequila after the last four.

So yeah. Not exactly what I expected, but I’d eat oysters again.

Okay. I know that wasn’t the first time you wanted to hear about. And no, I’m not here to waste your time. I know I’m a smartass, but I really do want to talk about this. I’ll pay extra if you’ll put up with me a little longer. I think I’m going crazy.

Yeah. Back to the first time.

Freshman Year

It was back about the time the economy was going to hell and it was affecting us ranchers just like everyone else. Prospects were bleak and Dad had taken a mortgage on the ranch for the first time in—well, as far as I knew, ever. I was thinking I might join up after high school and go to college on the GI Bill if they still had one by then. Circumstances changed and I still figured I’d serve after college, but then when Dad died, there was no one to run the ranch and I couldn’t turn my back on Mom and ... well, everybody. But I’m getting ahead of myself. That was later.

School was tough on me that year. Not the studies, but all the girls in Laramie had blossomed over the past summer and there they all were in school with new tits on display and makeup on. I’d put on a couple inches and a few pounds and was getting as many looks as I was giving. I think girls get just as horny as guys do, you know? Well, now I do know, but then it was a new revelation to me.

Laune Wickersham. She wasn’t the prettiest girl in my freshman class and she didn’t have the biggest tits. But not having much in the way of tits, she most of the time didn’t bother with a brassiere either. Those are the times I remember most about freshman year. Laune would look across the room at me in Algebra with those big brown eyes and I’d sprout a boner. Then I’d glance down at her chest—well, hell. Of course, I looked at her chest. I looked at every girl’s chest—and she’d have these two little points pushing her t-shirt out. A lot of times, she’d just wear a t-shirt with some kind of vest or jacket over it, but it always seemed like when she looked at me in Algebra, she’d kind of have her vest pulled back so I could see her little blossoming buds.

We only had ten minutes between the last bell and when the bus carted us country kids off home. Laune lived in town, but it was more than an hour on the bus for me to get back to the ranch. As soon as I got home, I had chores to do and then supper. Dad would ask me at the dinner table every night how much homework I had and if I’d done it on the bus. Usually I got most of it done on the bus, but I knew that after dinner I had to finish it because before bed Dad would ask if I was done. He’d take a look at my work and nod his head. I don’t think he ever understood anything that I was studying. Not that he was dumb, but he worked on the ranch next door more than he studied until he was eighteen and entered the service. He was smart, but he wanted a son that was smarter and that went to college.

I did, but I didn’t finish—not right away. Dad was in an accident the summer between my freshman and sophomore years as a Cowboy at the University of Wyoming. In the fall, there was just too much to be done on the ranch, and all this other stuff that’s going on. I took a year’s leave of absence and said I’d go back when Dad got better, but he died before we got that far. Ahead of myself again. Sorry.

Anyway, back to Laune; it had started snowing that day early in December and they decided to get the busses moving early. It was pretty chaotic because the busses were already having a hard time getting through. They let us out of class as soon as the first bus got there, but it was almost an hour before mine showed up. I was standing outside freezing my buns off when Laune walked up to me. She lived in town and said she was walking home.

“When are you gonna ask me out on a date, Cole?” she said. Just like that. Like she was waiting for me to ask her out.

“I reckon when I get a driver’s license next summer,” I said.

“Don’t know I can wait that long,” she said. Then you know what she did? She stood up on her tiptoes and kissed me, right there in the school bus parking lot. And it wasn’t no peck on the cheek or lips. She put her tongue right in my mouth. It fuckin’ took my breath away, I’ll tell you. I had a boner and she was rubbing right up against it. “You always make my titties ache when you look at me in Algebra,” she said. “I sure wish you could drive.”

I tell you, when I got to bed that night, the old cowboy got a workout.

Course, by spring, she and Sid got together and she stopped showing me her hard nips in Algebra. Wouldn’t you know she got pregnant and they got married when we were juniors? I guess in a way that worked out pretty well for me. I sure wasn’t ready for kids.

School would be out in May and I was really looking forward to getting a driver’s license so maybe I could at least date some other girl in town. But that was still six months away. You see, out on the ranch it was almost half a mile to the nearest neighbor. And that happened to be Uncle Angus and Aunt Lily’s place. Uncle Angus was Mom’s brother. Their kids were all a little older than me. The youngest, Mary Beth, was a real sweetheart, but she was eighteen and a senior when I started high school. I hardly ever saw her except at holidays or when the families got together.

Guess that’s how that started. We all had Christmas dinner together over at their house that year. The two older Alexander girls were home with their husbands and babies, so I guess me and Mary Beth hung out a little.

“You gonna get it on with that Laune Wickersham?” she asked.

“What are you talking about?”

“Everybody saw you kiss her in that snowstorm three weeks ago. My little cousin got something going?”

“I didn’t really kiss her,” I said, blushing. “She sorta did all the work.”

“You be careful with her. She’s lookin’ for a meal ticket.” I started to object, but Mary Beth cut me off. “I know she’s a nice girl and all. I’m sure she don’t mean no harm, but her family—well, they ain’t very nice to her. She’d do about anything to get away from them and you’re a real good catch.”

“You gotta be kidding. A stringy fifteen-year-old like me? What have I got to offer?”

“A nice ranch. Good people. And you ain’t bad lookin’, you know? Just be careful.”

“Ain’t nothing gonna happen anyway,” I groused. “I can’t drive into town till I get a license. What about you? Who’s trying to get into your knickers?” I thought I’d turn the tables on her, but I couldn’t think of a single guy I’d ever seen her with at school.

“Who’d want to go out with me?” she snapped. “Hell, I’m bigger than you are.”

“Not for long. I grew another two inches this fall. Just ‘cause you’re tall don’t mean you ain’t beautiful.”

“Cole! Hush! Don’t go telling your cousin she’s beautiful. It’ll give her a swelled head. And perky titties like Laune’s. Hell, you’ve already gotten more than I’m likely to ever get.”

“You don’t mean you’ve never been kissed, do you?”

It was Mary Beth’s turn to blush.

Sally Ann’s kids were playing with Christmas presents on the floor and while they hadn’t been paying any attention to us, we’d been talking softly on the sofa. Our Dads were all in Uncle Angus’s office drinking whisky and watching some game on TV. The Moms were in the kitchen and dining room.

I stood up and took hold of Mary Beth’s hand.

“Come here with me.”

“Where?”

“Just around the corner over here,” I said, leading her into the hall down by the bathroom. I took a careful look around and then I kissed her. I wasn’t very skilled, but I’d had one more than Mary Beth had and she kind of melted into my arms. When I touched her lips with my tongue, hell! I thought she was going to scream. But she mashed her lips against mine and let her tongue follow mine wherever it went.

“You gotta be careful with that!” she whispered, looking down the hall. She’d stepped back a bit and looked a little panicked. She looked at me with fire in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Mary Beth, but...”

“Shut up.” She closed the distance between us and laid another one on me, practicing everything I’d just taught her and making up stuff on the fly. Then she pushed me away and rushed back to the living room just as Aunt Lily called everyone to Christmas Dinner. I slipped into the bathroom and managed to get the cowboy pretty much under control in my jeans before I showed up at the table.

You might think that started Mary Beth and me kissing at every chance we got, but it was pretty much a one-time thing. I mean, we were friendly and all and she went out of her way to say hi at school. We even sat next to each other a couple of times on the bus when her best friend Beckie was sick. We talked a bit and she said how she was sorry when she heard Laune and Sid had got together. But there wasn’t much else between us, though when she said she was sorry about Laune and Sid, she took hold of my hand and squeezed it and didn’t really let it go until we got back to Centennial. I didn’t think anything about it other than all the thoughts I’d had about her since that kiss on Christmas and the cowboy got another ride in my hand saddle that night. But shit! She’d warned me off and I was just thankful that she still treated me like she liked me as her cousin and was genuinely sorry I’d had my heart broken. Sorta.

It was Mary Beth’s graduation that really changed things.

Uncle Angus gave her a car. A ten-year-old Chevy Cavalier convertible. Mary Beth loved it.

The car was a pig.

It was black with a gray fabric interior and red racing stripes. But the passenger door was just battleship gray primer paint because it had been wrecked at one time. It had a couple of nicks in the soft top and duct tape stretched across them to mend it. The floorboard was just about worn through. It had 215,000 miles on it and I think Angus must have paid $800 for it. Probably cost that much to insure.

Well, Mary Beth had this dream about taking the car on a road trip all the way to Oregon. She wanted to see the ocean. But the damn thing had an oil leak and she put a quart of oil in it every time she filled the tank with gas. That’s what got me involved.

“Cole, would you help me fix my car?” she asked after she’d pulled into the drive. It was Sunday afternoon, which is the only reason I wasn’t out in the fields. I’d probably ride herd later in the summer to give the ranch hands a break. I’d go out for three weeks and each of them would come in for one week in rotation. It was pretty good. I liked being out with the cattle when we moved them to high ground. I wouldn’t go up till after my birthday, though. I’d been busy in the fields since school got out and had the first cutting of hay that I’d bale on Monday.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Pop said the oil pan gasket leaked. I drove all the way to Cheyenne and got a new gasket, but Pop says I have to fix it myself. I don’t mind doing it, but I don’t know how and I know you do.”

“Well, yeah. Ain’t nothing to replacing a gasket. Let me go ask Dad if he’s got some goop for it. We’ll pull it into the barn where the blocks are.” Dad fixed everything and he started me running for tools when I could hardly walk. It’s not like I love cars or anything, but I can fix it if I have to. For my cousin, I’d do it. Anything.

We pulled the car into the barn and onto the blocks—a pair of short ramps that raised the front end up about a foot.

“We gotta drain the oil first. Did you get oil for it?”

“Are you kidding? The way it’s been dripping oil, I bought a case and put it in the trunk,” she laughed.

I handed her a pair of coveralls and she looked at me strange.

“Your Pop said you had to fix it. I’ll show you how.” She pulled them on over her shorts and one of those tops that ties in front. That was reason enough to get her into coveralls. I wouldn’t be paying any attention to the car at all if I was looking at that the whole time. I pulled on a pair, too.

We slid under the car and I positioned an old enamel wash tub under the oil pan and fit the socket on the plug. Mary Beth put her hands on the handle and I helped pull enough to loosen the nut. Oil started spraying out right away and I laughed at Mary Beth with oil on her face. She glared at me, but she was pretty proud she’d just drained the oil out of her car anyway. We pulled the tub out from under the car and poured the old oil into the drum dad kept there. The co-op came by to pick up drums from the ranchers once every six months or year, however much it was needed. They filled our gas tank and the LP tank for the stove and water heater, too. After the pan was drained, we loosened the bolts holding it and then pulled it out to take a look. I showed Mary Beth how to clean it and we examined it for cracks. It seemed to be okay, but I swear that gasket had never been replaced. It was a mess and we had to scrape the bits and pieces off before we gooped it up and sealed the new gasket in place. Then we slid under the car again and I had Mary Beth bolt it up. I gave each of the bolts an extra turn after she finished and we put in the plug.

We put four quarts of oil in the little four-cylinder engine and then started it up and rolled it back down where it was level. We watched pretty carefully to see if it started leaking or over-heated or anything, but after about fifteen minutes it looked good. We went into the shop and used degreaser to clean ourselves up and Mary Beth took off her coveralls.

“Thank you, Cole. That was the second nicest thing you’ve ever done for me,” she said.

“Huh?” Yeah, I’m quick on the uptake. She didn’t need to explain, though. She just pulled my head to her and put a kiss on me that made me forget about what I was doing. I guess I got a little carried away, ‘cause there was a grease-mark on that tie-together blouse she was wearing, right over her left boob. Mary Beth just glanced down at it and grinned.

“I better go home and get this scrubbed out before Mama sees it,” she said. “But since it’s already got a mark on it...” she pulled me in for another kiss and put my hand right back on her boob. Oh man! I was in heaven. I squeezed it gentle like and she moaned into my mouth and we made out like bandits for about ten minutes. Well, then she really did get in her car.

“Cole, how would you like to go for a ride on your birthday?” It was Sunday and my birthday was coming on Saturday. I couldn’t think of anything I wanted more for my birthday than going for a ride with Mary Beth.

“Yeah. You think we could get away?”

“We’ll let ‘em all have cake and ice cream and then I’ll take you to see the fireworks. Okay?”

“Thanks Mary Beth. You’re the best.” I leaned in and kissed her again a little and she drove away.

It all worked just the way she said it would. I baled and loaded the first cutting that week, but other than feeding the horses and pigs and tending to normal chores, there was no work on my birthday. It’s good when your birthday is a National Holiday.

I’m a firecracker. You know, born on the Fourth of July. In fact, on the Bicentennial, 1976. That was Dad’s joke. He lit a fuse in October and on the Fourth he got fireworks. It was cool, really. Dad and I were close in a kind of rough way. He wasn’t above beating my ass with a belt if I smarted off to Mom or if he caught me smoking behind the barn. Of course, he explained after that last one that if I was going to smoke I had to do it where I wouldn’t burn the barn down. Then he showed me his favorite place to light up out in the woodlot where there was even the remains of an old stone chimney to toss our butts into. Then we lit up together.

Shit. That was a long time ago.

Back to my birthday. We had a big family barbecue Sunday afternoon. Then when everybody was sitting around just being lazy, Mary Beth turned to me like it was a sudden inspiration.

“I never properly said thank you for helping me fix my car Sunday, Cole,” she said loud enough for everybody to hear. “How about if I take you to see the fireworks in Laramie? I’ll even spring for sodas. Would that be okay, Aunt Sarah?” My mom looked at us like we’d just grown two heads. Mary Beth and I had always been polite to each other, but we’d never gone out of our way to do things with each other.

“That’s awfully nice of you, Mary Beth, but if you are driving and spending all that money on gas and oil, I think Cole should spring for the sodas. Don’t you think so, Lily?”

“It sounds fair.” Shit. Where could I get money for sodas? I had maybe five bucks scattered around my room. Mom called me over and whispered in my ear.

“Take twenty dollars from the cookie jar on the kitchen counter and be sure you treat your cousin nicely. If she’d rather have a malt, you get her one.”

“Yes ma’am,” I said and ran into the house. Ten minutes later, Mary Beth and I pulled out of the driveway.

Once we were well out of sight, about a mile down the road, Mary Beth slowed down. As soon as she caught my eye she grinned and floored it. The little Cavalier fishtailed down the road spewing gravel and a cloud of dust out behind it. I didn’t think that 95 horsepower engine with a three-speed automatic would do that. I think the garden tractor had more kick in it. But Mary Beth had her fun and we laughed all the way into Centennial. That’s when she really surprised me. Instead of turning right to go into Laramie, she turned left and headed toward the mountains. I didn’t think the little car could make it over the pass, but she only went a few miles. She turned off onto the USFS road we use to get a truck up to the high pastures. She scraped bottom a few times, but we finally came out at the loading ramp where we’d drop supplies a couple times during the summer and where I’d be unloading my horse next Monday.

“What are we doing here, Mary Beth?” She reached across the console and pulled me to her for a big kiss.

“We’re making out,” she declared. “I’ve waited long enough, Cole. I’m eighteen and will be nineteen in two months. I’m outta high school and headed to Boulder this fall. I want to know what it’s all about. Cole, I want you to make love to me.”

“Wow! I mean. Why me, beautiful? I’m honored and all, but I don’t know nothing. And I’m your cousin.”

“Because you’re my cousin. Do you think I’d risk my reputation and getting a disease and all with somebody like Billy Summers? That makes my skin crawl. But you wouldn’t do that to me. And I’d never do it to you.”

“But...”

“Let’s just take my ‘emergency supplies’ out of the trunk and go find a nice quiet place to make out and see what happens,” she said, giving me another kiss. She sure took to kissing quick-like. I was punching a hole in my jeans, I was so hard. We grabbed her emergency kit and set off down the trail the other way from where we knew the cattle would be grazing. The trail opened up into a smaller meadow and we looked around to be sure none of the hands had come out this way looking for strays, but there was a gully between us and where the herd was and there wasn’t much chance of them being on the north side. Her emergency supplies kit was put together with a nice blanket, plenty of water, a few energy bars, a flashlight, knife, and compass. And a big box of condoms.

“You’re really prepared for emergencies,” I laughed.

“Well, I’ve only been on the pill for a few weeks and I don’t trust it yet. Beckie was on the pill and look at her.”

“Beckie’s pregnant?”

“Don’t you go telling anybody. Tuesday, I’m driving her over to a clinic in Cheyenne. They’ll take care of it and nobody here will ever know. We’ll just be safe, you know?”