Chapter 12: Choices

If Simon and Brenda were close before that fateful night in Portree, they were inseparable afterwards. There was little doubt among their fellow tourists that they were sleeping together. They made no attempt to hide it but didn't flaunt it among the others either. They were consenting adults and it was their own business. They were so involved with each other that it didn't seem to matter what anyone else thought and so they were pretty much left alone.

True to his word, Robert had requested and arranged for another room for Brenda with a wider double bed. They quietly moved her things later the next day after returning from their tour of the island.

"I must say, Brenda, you've chosen very well," Carolyn said in a quiet voice at lunch break. "That young man Simon is very nice and quite bright. He would make a very handsome husband."

Brenda didn't know what to say in response. Thankfully, Simon was off to the washroom and wouldn't be embarrassed at the woman's comments. It was humorous on one hand but disconcerting on the other. She had begun to examine just how she felt about Simon. There was something there but she couldn't quite define it. She loved being in his company and more so in his bed. Was that all it was? A sexual attraction?

"How long should I chase you before you agree to marry me?" Simon asked one night after they had made love.

Brenda was shocked speechless. It was a question she hadn't anticipated and didn't know how to answer. It took her a few moments to compose herself.

"Simon ... we hardly know each other. Isn't this a little soon for that kind of question?"

"Hmm ... perhaps. But I can ask again at another time if you like. I'm in no rush. I am serious, though. If it was puppy love back in high school, this is the full-grown man version now. I know how I feel, Brenda. I have fallen in love with you. Now I have to hope you might have fallen in love with me. Or ... if you haven't ... it might happen some time in the future."

Brenda was flustered and unable to respond. This had been so completely unexpected that she had no idea what to say to him. After a silence, she rolled toward him and kissed him.

"Be patient," she whispered. It was the only thing she could think of to say.

Too soon they were back on the bus and leaving their magical island. Yesterday they had stood on the cliffs overlooking the ocean at the northernmost end of Skye, gazing at the Outer Hebrides in the distance. They were north of 57˚ latitude, farther north than Ketchikan, Alaska, but that morning the air was surprising mild and the sun was high in the sky. They had been blessed with perfect late-spring weather at this special place.

It was hard not to get to know most of the people on the bus. At one time or another, they had eaten together, talked about their home towns, compared their experiences on the tour, or traded stories about their jobs or families. There were a couple of people on the bus who chose to be loners. They didn't bother anyone and when it became apparent that they were happy to be on their own the others left them to their solitude.

For Brenda and Simon, however, it seemed most of the others wanted to find out what their getting together was all about. Rumors had circulated of course. It was inevitable. Their explanation of being schoolmates years earlier automatically became childhood sweethearts. After a while, they quit worrying about it. Their explanations didn't seem to have any effect on the rumors, so they simply lived with the inevitable fables that surrounded their liaison.

They truly enjoyed Scotland. The people were hospitable and their accent was quite fascinating. Perhaps not as enchanting as the Irish but they loved the brogue just the same. They tried some of the unique cuisine, including haggis, deciding it tasted much better than its description. Salmon was common on the menu at every stop.

They enjoyed the ceilidh that was staged after the evening meal in Inverness. The dances were lively and the music was as well with fiddle, accordion, and penny whistle. They had spent the early afternoon at a nearby distillery, sampling and purchasing some very fine single malt scotches. It would appear that some of their fellow travelers had decided to further test the amber liquid. It was a fun night with a good deal of singing and laughter until nearly midnight.

The next morning found the group quite quiet, with several skipping breakfast in favor of some strong, black coffee. Both Brenda and Simon had escaped without damage the evening before but were tired nonetheless. It had been a fun evening, followed by a spirited romp in their new, wider bed. The road to Aberdeen was not a long and tiring one. Ian drove at a comfortable pace with three stops, two for a stretch and coffee and one for lunch.

Their next day began in brilliant sunshine as they headed south to Dundee and a morning coffee break, then a lunch stop at the famous town of St. Andrews. Brenda, Simon, and several others sat on the stone steps of the ancient clubhouse watching a number of men tee off in the opening round of the Dunhill Cup. Simon, who played golf, could only marvel at the distance these men hit their tee shots. He recognized several of the golfers but their names meant nothing to Brenda. No matter, it was a beautiful, warm, sunny afternoon and they enjoyed every minute of it.

They stayed in a very nice, new hotel in Edinburgh that night, their last in Scotland. Once again, Robert had come through and found a double bed for Brenda. Simon reminded her that they should add a little extra in the tip package at the end of the tour for his thoughtfulness.

For their last night in Scotland, Ian donned full regalia, including kilt, sporran, black knife, knee socks with garters, vest and blazer. He was from the other side of the country in Ayre, and chose this night to proudly wear his clan colors. He spent a good part of the evening telling wild tales of his clan's history and sipping scotch provided by one or another of the tour group. It was another fun evening and again the people stayed late to enjoy the atmosphere.

The morning found them on their way across the border into England once more and south on the M1 motorway toward York for their overnight stay. It seemed anticlimactic to Brenda. As interesting as the history was, their trip was nearing an end and she was spending more and more of her time thinking about what to do about Simon.

Time was running out. They would be back in London the next day and flying home the following day. She knew of his stated intention to pursue her unless she shut him down. When she was honest with herself, she didn't want to do that ... yet. She wouldn't tease him but she was genuinely uncertain of her feelings for him. She was at a loss on how to deal with it. It was Simon who decided to bring the subject up as they sat in the lounge of the hotel.

"How would you feel if I one day showed up in Fairmount?" he asked carefully.

"I don't know. I wouldn't be upset, if that's what you're wondering. But I've been meaning to talk to you about ... us. I'm not sure how I feel about you, Simon. I like you a great deal and you are important to me. I'm not sure what I feel inside yet. It's only been a few days for us. It's going to take longer than that for me to decide."

"I know. Let me tell you what I'm thinking. I have a project to finish at my current job. I'm going to hand in my resignation with the understanding that I will complete the project before I leave. They can't possibly complain about that. I expect that I will finish sometime late this year. It's just the end of May so that's at least six months that I'll be in San Jose before I can move anywhere.

"That should give both of us enough time to examine how we feel about each other. I doubt I'm going to change my mind. Even though we haven't spent that much time together, it feels like half a lifetime to me. But ... I truly understand how you feel and that you can't be ready for a commitment to me yet. I don't want to press you into making one either. That would likely turn out badly for me."

Brenda nodded, listening carefully to him. She was relieved that he wouldn't put pressure on her. He was right. If she was backed into a corner she would likely turn him away. This was too important for a spur-of-the-moment decision. There was also the matter of the children. No matter how she felt about Simon, she had to consider the feelings of Marietta and Petey. Would they welcome another man in their life? They had responded well to Wade so it wasn't impossible that they might accept another father.

"There's something else we need to think about, Simon. The children. They are young and only Marietta remembers anything about her father. But they have to be first in my life when it comes to this kind of decision. You don't have any experience in being a father. How do you feel about a ready-made family?"

"I was wondering how you might feel about an even bigger family," he smiled. "I'm fascinated by the idea of being a parent. I don't want to wait much longer. I thought it might happen with my first wife but I was wrong ... luckily as it turned out."

"I don't know. It would depend on a lot of things. I don't think I can answer that question right now," she said, not wishing to further the conversation.

Simon sensed he had picked the wrong time to discuss a sensitive subject like this and wisely shut up.

They made love once again that night. It was a slow and careful joining on Simon's part, not wishing to do anything that would upset Brenda. They had only one more night together. By agreement, Simon would stay in her room in Mayfair, canceling his reservation in Chelsea. Neither of them remembered much of their last day on the bus as they moved from York to London.

Brenda did something a little uncharacteristic for her on their last night. They joined a dozen of their fellow passengers at an Italian restaurant and the lively spirit and good fun of relating their last two weeks caused her to overindulge in a very nice red wine. She was tipsy, and Simon was with her every step of the way. She suspected she would regret this in the morning, especially with a long flight home the next day, but she stopped caring about that and let loose.

She also let loose in their bedroom late that night. She wanted Simon to be the aggressor, to be more forceful in their lovemaking, something that was not normal for him she guessed. Simon responded just as she hoped he would, taking her in a masterly way without harming or demeaning her. She was pleasantly surprised. It was a side of him she hadn't expected and wished that she had encouraged him sooner. Brenda was the first to admit that she needed her lover to dominate her on occasion, proving he was man enough for her.

"Do you ever swear?" she asked him as they rested in each other's arms.

"Yes ... but usually sotto vocé, or in my head. I mutter more often than not when I'm very angry. I think the last time I loudly swore was at my ex-wife."

"I was wondering. About passion, I mean. I wanted you to show me you could be passionate about something. About me, I mean. I think I saw some of that tonight."

"You have no idea, Brenda. If you could read my mind you would either be frightened or ... well ... I don't know what. When I'm with you, it's all I can do to restrain myself."

"Good ... I'm glad. I wouldn't want you to be like that all the time, just when it was important. I want to know when something is very important to you. I want to know when you won't go past a certain point because it is something you feel very strongly about. I got a hint of it when you talked about your job. I need that in any man I'm involved with."

"I'm not good at outward displays of emotion," he admitted. "I guess I was brought up to control myself and stay calm. That's okay in most circumstances, but once in a while, I need to let the pressure off. I usually do that by myself. I wouldn't want to frighten anyone."

"One of these days ... if the situation arises, I'd like to see that," she giggled. "I can't imagine the cool, collected, suave Simon Reiser blowing his top."

"I'll save it for a special occasion," he said softly, stroking her breast as he leaned over her.

"One more time before we sleep?" she pleaded.

"And one more when we wake?" he asked.

"That should help you stay calm until you get home. You have a long day, tomorrow."

"Yes ... London to Chicago to San Jose. An eight hour time change. I'll be useless for a couple of days. Luckily it's Friday, and I'm flying business class, so I can use the lounge in O'Hare and rest up on the weekend."

"I'm not much better. London to New York to Indianapolis with a five hour time change. The kids will keep me from getting much rest this weekend," she smiled. She didn't mention that she was flying first class.

They shared a taxi to Heathrow but since they were flying on different airlines, couldn't stay together afterwards. Simon was leaving just after the noon hour, while Brenda's flight was ninety minutes later. They kissed and held each other before heading off to their check-in counter, promising they would stay in touch. Each had the other's phone number and email address.

Brenda's flight was nearly eight hours, more when counting boarding and departure. Thank goodness for the use of the lounge at both Heathrow and Kennedy. First class was so much more restful and you were pampered with service. She tried to sleep but her mind was too full of Simon Reiser and what to do about him. She had six months to decide ... or possibly more. He had some decisions to make as well. He knew she wouldn't want to move away from Fairmount, at least not in the foreseeable future. Was that going to be an obstacle that couldn't be overcome?

She knew she wasn't in love with Simon ... yet. That was the big issue, wasn't it? Would she ever fall in love with Simon or would he be a pleasant diversion or even an intimate friend? She didn't want another relationship like she had with Wade. It was too hard on her. Better to break it off if there was no hope. Keep looking for another Pete? Probably not possible but she couldn't see herself settling for something less.

She didn't want another Pete. She didn't want to be comparing two different men to each other, one a phantom memory, the other his live competitor. She couldn't live with that either. She was just going to have to wait and let time pass. She knew her perspective would always be better if she gave it some time to see how she really felt.

A flight delay at Heathrow caused her to miss her connection in New York. She stayed overnight at a hotel near Kennedy as a guest of the airline, the privileges of first class once more. She phoned her parents and told them she would be home Saturday afternoon and would see them then. It meant one less day to wind down from the trip and the time change but there was nothing that could be done about it.

As she drove from the airport south to Fairmount that Saturday afternoon, she smiled as she thought about being home in familiar surroundings again, particularly with her children and parents. As much as the last two weeks had been a great escape and a tonic for her mentally, she knew she was happiest in the company of her family. Marietta would be glad just to have her home again, while Petey would want to know what he brought her. At bit of last minute shopping at Heathrow had solved that problem.

As she drove up their driveway she could see that her parents and the Polsons had already arrived. There would be a welcoming committee. Before the big SUV even rolled to a stop the two children had burst out the door and were running toward the vehicle. In seconds they were both in her embrace, Petey jumping up and down, while Marietta had some tears to show her happiness. She took their hands as they walked to the big front veranda where both sets of parents were standing, waiting for her. It was good to be home.

Her father and Howard brought her luggage in while her mother and Adele made tea with the obligatory cakes and cookies to go with it. Petey was first to spot the goodies and had a nice piece of date cake halfway to his mouth when he saw the look on Grammy Polson's face and quickly put it back. He walked to her and asked if he could have a piece. Since neither grandmother could resist his charm, the chosen piece was quickly eaten.

Brenda pulled two packages out from behind the sofa and gave one each to Petey and Marietta. Petey had a new, big, double-decker London bus, while Marietta had a little Wedgewood tea set she had picked up when she was on the tour of the factory. She had chosen well as both children were happy with their gifts.

She excused herself to shower and change into more comfortable clothes while her mother and Adele went about preparing the evening meal. She returned a few minutes later, refreshed and wearing her more customary summer skirt and a new blouse she had bought in Scotland. It was almost unseasonably warm that day and quite a change from the cool weather of Great Britain.

"Tell us all about your trip, dear," her mother said as they sat in the living room before dinner.

"Oh, where to begin? We saw so much and learned so much in such a short time. It was wonderful and different. It was the perfect getaway for me. I spent most of it thinking about everything but the past couple of years. I think I'd like to go back some day and visit a couple of places again. Cornwall for sure and the Isle of Skye was magical. I really enjoyed Scotland. The people were great, even though I had to pay close attention to understand them.

"I could have spent days and days exploring London. Everywhere I turned there was history and famous places to see and visit. I couldn't possibly get to all of them in a week. The tour I took in the city made a lot of that history come alive. Simon was taking pictures while I was just gazing at the scenery."

"Who is Simon?" her mother asked.

"Oh ... I didn't even think. It was the most surprising thing. Simon Reiser was on the tour with me. You remember the Reisers don't you? They moved away a year ago Simon told me. Anyway, Simon and I were in the same class the last two years of high school. He got a scholarship to Stanford and then went to work for a pharmaceutical company. It was great to have someone I knew on the tour."

She had blurted all this out in a rush and when she looked around she could see the odd looks on the adult's faces.

"Yes, of course," her mother said. "Her name was Emily, I think. I don't remember her husband's name. I don't remember you ever mentioning their son, though."

"No ... I'm sure I didn't. He wasn't on my radar then. He was short and kind of nerdy but nice. He said he had a crush on me back then," she chuckled.

"As I remember, quite a few boys had a crush on you back then," her father smiled.

Brenda decided it was time to end this embarrassing episode.

"Anyway, it was nice to have someone to talk to," she said, hoping that would put an end to the questions.