Chapter 23: Bad Girls - Before the Energists

5:00pm, Saturday, February 1, 2003

Thank goodness that the Plyer's house was indeed a mansion. There must have been 150 people there, spread out all from the kitchen, living room, family room and their large deck. Steven Plyer had arranged for Dreamland Bar-B-Que from Tuscaloosa to come and cater this get-together, after Dani's funeral services. There was plenty of the big 3 from Dreamland: ribs, baked beans and white bread. (Note: if you're ever in either Tuscaloosa or Birmingham, a trip to Dreamland would be well worth your time and effort. The best ribs in the world! All the CBS and ESPN sports broadcast folks regularly go there when in town to do an Alabama game). In addition, the Plyers also had a mountain of Panera Bread's strawberry-chicken salad and a variety of bagels and cream cheeses.

There was a good mix of Kaleigh's friends and peers, and 40 to 60 year olds. I kept close to Kaleigh as she still seemed physically overwhelmed from this sad day's activities. I definitely understood why she was semi-out-of-it, as she did not have a true good night's sleep since last Tuesday. Her mother, Tammy, and I had to almost force her to eat a few ribs and a small plate of salad. When Kaleigh got up to run to the restroom, I told Tammy that I would make sure she got a good night's sleep tonight, as I brought a couple of nausea pills with me. These bad boys almost ensured a good night's sleep, and I was going to make sure my exhausted beauty took one at bedtime. Tammy told me that if we didn't make it to church tomorrow morning, she and Steven would completely understand.

I enjoyed hearing stories about Dani and her friends growing up and how the '4 Amigo-ettes': Dani, Kaleigh, Lyndy and Heather did nearly everything together, except for Kaleigh's athletic activities. Andy Bush and Dan Reed held court and had most of the crowd in stitches at various times. Their wives, Wanda and Mychal-Lee chimed in with some surprising zingers and tidbits of information, which enhanced their spouses' stories. The Smithsons truly appeared to enjoy these stories as well, even adding their own spin to a few of them, which embarrassed the three girls to no end.

It was good to see Kaleigh smiling, laughing and blushing a little, as the 'adults' in the crowd let the youngsters know they knew more about their youthful activities than they previously had let on. Pastor Jim and his wife, Deni, even jumped in once, letting all three girls know they would have to have a chat with them, after hearing Mychal-Lee and Wanda tell about their 'secret' skinny-dipping events when they were 15 to about 18 years old.

Lyndy and Heather buried their heads in their hands as the two older ladies, their previous and current Sunday school teachers, related how they found out about this secret activity they enjoyed at the hard to get to 'Frogpond Lake'. This was the smallest of the Million Dollar Lakes in the communities. Kaleigh however, had her everyday smile back on her face as she listened to Wanda and Mychal-Lee, and then the Timdals.

When the adults got through embarrassing the girls, Kaleigh surprising said, "Ha, you guys don't know half of that story. You think we've stopped doing that when Dani and I reached 18, and Lyndy, Heather were 17. Nah, we just switched locations because we heard that a couple guys spied on us there a time or two. We've enjoyed our au-natural swims several times each year, with the latest time being last October."

Both Heather and Lyndy were shaking their heads no, as Kaleigh related their continuing activity. However, Kaleigh said to them and to the others listening, "Hey, there's nothing wrong with what we did. It wasn't like we were bad girls or something. We swam, tossed a football or frisbee around in the water, and a couple of us worked on our all over tans. In fact it was probably a good thing, because we used good sunscreen lotion. You definitely don't want too much sun on uh, certain body parts."

"Amen sister!" Mychal-Lee, and her teenage daughter Joanie, shouted in unison. Mychal-Lee then added, "You definitely don't want to get too much sun, where the sun doesn't normally shine!" She rubbed her derriere to add emphasis to her comment.

I laughed at the Reed women's comment and Mychal-Lee's actions. Kaleigh smiled as well and then leaned down from her perch on the arm chair and kissed me with a lot more passion than I expected in front of this crowd and for the occasion. When she pushed up from the kiss, her eyes had a little more life to them and she whispered to me, "I've missed that, and you."

Just before we separated, Andy Bush obviously couldn't resist commenting on our PDA. In his deep voice, we heard, "You realize you have a nice house just down the hill, don't you." That was soon followed by a louder, "DANG WOMAN, you'll pay for that!" which he clearly directed to Ms. Wanda, who was sitting in his lap.

"Andy, I swear, it will be a cold day in 'H E double hockey sticks'." Wanda left the ending of that warning hanging, for Andy and all of us to infer.

"Ok, Ok, I'll stop. It's just so much fun to mess with Ply-baby there and her young man." Andy winked at us and patted Wanda's leg a few times, trying to earn some type of forgiveness from his wife.

After a brief awkward silence, 16-year-old Joanie Reed blurted out to Kaleigh, and/or possibly Lyndy and Heather, "Are you going to tell us, or me at least, where and when you go skinny dipping?"

A few of the older guys there looked like they were about to have a stroke at the brashness of Joanie's question, but Mychal-Lee not so surprisingly agreed with her daughter's query about being a part of the young ladies skinny-dipping club. When Kaleigh's mother Tammy, and then Deni Timdal said they wouldn't mind joining this club at times, my mouthful of sweet-tea exploded up and out my nose and mouth as their comments completely caught me off guard.

Kaleigh fell down off her perch beside me and into my lap, as she laughed hysterically at me and also a few of the other guys who reacted with some type of similar amazement. The women present also laughed at the commotion they created in the room. Lyndy Timdal quizzically said, "Mom, really?" at the unexpected turn of events.

When Pastor Jim started to add his two cents worth of negative input to the conversation, his wife Deni, quickly shut him down by saying, "Jim, put a sock in it. You seem to like seeing me with a healthy all over tan I get from the tanning salon. There ain't a difference if a few of us girls want to get that same tan from natural means."

"But there is..." he started to say but was cut short.

"Zip it. Jim! Or seeing might be all you do for the foreseeable future," she fired back at her husband, as she waved her hand down in front of her body, from her head to her knees.

You could have heard a pin drop at that reply. After 10 seconds or so, when Pastor Jim broke out into a big smile, the air in the room returned to normal from its somewhat combustible state. Good old Andy Bush finally shattered the silence by saying, "Feel free to go with them anytime you want Wanda." Then after a short pause where everyone seemed to recharge their systems, he added in a fake whisper, "Just tell me when and where y'all will be skinny dipping."

Everyone burst out laughing, and Kaleigh actually rolled down, out of my lap onto the hardwood floor, at Andy's final quip. Two distinct comments were fired off in rapid succession. As expected, Wanda smacked her husband's arm as she cried out, "Andy!"

A split second later, I heard one young guy, whom I didn't know; shout out an 'Amen, brother!' which brought on another round of laughter in the gathered crowd.

"You'd be the last person I'd tell that to," Heather Parton shouted out with a mischievous tone in her voice, at the young guy standing across from her.

"Ha, BUSTED Tony, big time busted!" I heard Steven Jr. blurt out as he grabbed his obvious friend in a playful headlock. A few others joined in the razzing of Tony, while most others just chuckled at his fun 'maltreatment'.

Finally I heard Heather say, "You know I love you Tony ... but you're still never going to be invited though. Nor you, little Steven." A final round of ohs, arm slaps and laughter ensued after Heather's slam of Kaleigh's little brother.

"Ok Ok, not to stop the fun, games and hijinks here, but I'm going to stop the fun, games and hijinks here," Steven Plyer said as he raised his arms to help lower the ruckus in the large living room. "Listen, there are WAY too many ribs, and gob loads of salad left over. PLEASE feel free to reload your plate or at least make yourself a care package to-go."

"You don't have to tell us twice," I heard another of Steven Jr.'s friends shout out.

"Kaleigh, could you get the cling wrap out of the cabinet and take it out back, onto the deck for everyone?"

"Sure mom," Kaleigh said as she pushed herself up off the floor, in front of me. She grabbed my hands as she got to her feet and pulled me up out of the reclining chair. Looking at her hands, she added, "Come on Iron, let's get you cleaned up some. Your arms and hands are all sticky from your eruption back in there."

7:45pm

The four remaining parental couples: the Plyers, Bushs, Timdals and Reeds; plus several of the younger crew were involved in cleaning up the semi-serious mess created by 150ish people. It was clear to me though that these folks, especially the Plyers, were experienced in recovering from large scale gatherings. Steven, Tammy and the Reeds were skillfully getting others to do the needed chores, but no one appeared to turn up their noses at what could be considered 'yucky' tasks.

As things were winding down and most of us were gathered around the kitchen with some type of refreshment, Lyndy said to her mom and in a backhanded manner, to Kaleigh's mom. "Were you serious about wanting to come with us next time we go, uh swimming and tanning?"

I turned my attention, not to the ladies, but to Steven and Pastor Jim. I could tell that Steven Plyer was going to be good with whatever answer his wife or Deni Timdal gave to Lyndy's question. He just smiled and leaned back against the granite counter with his hands lightly grasping it's beveled edge.

Jim Timdal though, was probably going to raise his objections and get his points out there this time. From the four messages or sermons I've heard him deliver at Hepzibah, I could honestly say he was a true, hard hitting, tell it like the bible says type preacher and pastor. I was definitely interested in hearing what he would say now that the large crowd had left, with only family or close friends around to hear his thoughts.

"Yeah baby, I was, am serious about joining you. Not because I think you're 'bad girls' out there in the buff and need parental supervision, but I just think it's a good way to fellowship with friends and a healthier way to get or keep a nice little tan."

Kaleigh and her mom were smiling as Deni replied to Lyndy's query. Kaleigh squeezed my hand as she looked over at Lyndy's dad. His face was getting a little redder and his hands were rubbing, twisting together as he heard and processed his wife's response. When Deni finished, he loosened the tension in his hands, and finally raised his right hand up in front of his stomach. As he started to speak, Kaleigh turned her head towards me and winked, then rested her head on my shoulder.