Chapter 22: I Can Only Imagine, and Homesick - Before the Energists

Mid-Afternoon, Wednesday, January 29, 2003

At the end of a three hour writing session on the 'Methods' section of my latest research article, my head was starting to feel like it was inside Stewart Copeland's drum-kit. This type of professional writing was both a fun but at times, tedious task. From past experiences getting papers accepted for publication, I've learned that reviewers can be very picky and/or anal about how things were written or presented in a professional journal. I had to remind myself that most people in my field of study were not knowledgeable on the use of 'verbal-protocols' in accessing and analyzing people's thought processes. That made explaining our methodology very laborious, as I basically had to reteach 'experts' in motor-behavior (psychology of movement) on this new research paradigm.

After popping an Aleve gel-cap, washed down with my favorite vice; pink lemonade, I decided to unwind and relax for a few minutes by checking the RIVALS website for the latest football recruiting developments. While national signing day wasn't for another 2 weeks, it looked like the NCAA sanctions were taking their toll on the Crimson Tide's recruiting efforts. I was semi-surprised and majorly disheartened to see that three of the top 5 high school players in Alabama were either committed or 'strong leans' to neighboring schools. When the #1 receiving recruit in the country, Chad Jackson from nearby Hoover High School, committed to the Florida Gators, I figured things weren't looking good for the Tide. With top 5 in the country QB Jamarcus Russell, and top 5 offensive tackle Aaron Sears leaning towards LSU and UT, respectively, I knew all the football coaches would be stressing.

Somehow or another, my thoughts about football recruiting and the Tide coaches triggered a more enjoyable memory. With my 'verbal protocols' methodology still running through my head, I was able to trace the link in my memory from the football coaches to their lovely wives – Kim and Janet, and that link lead me to the 'Fitness for Boomers' club, which obviously connected me to my growing memory of my beautiful Star.

With images of Kaleigh in my head, I decided to partake in one of my newest pleasures. I pressed the auto-dial button on my office phone, and prayed that she would have a few minutes to simply chat about anything or nothing at all.

"Good afternoon, you've reached Fitness for Boomers. I'm Kaleigh, and how can I help you today?" Her sunny disposition was evident in her clear, cheery voice. I thought that if I could record her simple greeting and replay it whenever I was feeling down, it would provide me with an immediate endorphin rush, or instant pick-me-up. I paused for an instant before replying, "Hey Star, I just needed to hear your voice now, as I was getting a headache from my research writing. You don't know how good your voice sounds or how much it lifts me up when I'm feeling blah."

"I'm sorry to hear you're getting a headache. Did you take something for it?"

"Yeah, took an Aleve a few minutes ago, so I should be good to go here shortly. Just hearing your voice, even over the phone is an even better medicine though." I was laying it on a little thick, but I also knew that ladies really like to hear 'mushy' stuff like that.

Her reply confirmed my thoughts as I heard a sugary, "That's so sweet of you, saying that. I hope you really do get to feeling better though."

"I'll survive Star, I'm better already. Enough about me, how are you this fine 'hump-day' afternoon? Are you staying in town with me tonight or heading home?"

"I'm great, beyond great actually! We just finished recording and editing the radio spots with Janet and Kim, and I was told they'll start playing them this Friday. I'm sooo excited! They're going to be the air right after the seven, nine, noon, two and four o'clock news reports on Rock-99.5 and at the bottom of those hours on 102.5-the Bull."

I could picture her jumping for joy as she shared her great news to me. "That's great baby! You've got the classic rock crowd and the country crowd covered with those two stations. Good choices, I think, for future clients."

"Ha, we were thinking alike there then, as that was the main reason I selected those stations. Rock-99.5 showed me their listening demographics, and a high percentage of their listeners were 40 to 60 year-olds. Getting on the Bull, the top country station around here was a no-brainer as far as I was concerned. Us country gals like to look good in our faded blue jeans."

"Dang girl, what did I do to win your heart? Brains, beauty, and a booming business ... Did I mention beautiful?" I leaned back in my leather executive chair and pictured Kaleigh in her cute workout attire as I reiterated a few of the reasons why I loved her.

"I don't know how you did that. May be I was just thinking of adding another long-term client to my ever expanding business," she said with a ting of silliness in her voice. "That and incredibly your cute smile, and your oh so sexy balding head. You really do have that 'Sean Connery' look going for you." I may have been imagining things, but I thought I heard some muffled laughter in the background but I wouldn't put money on it.

I was about to fire off a playful reply to her 'old-man' innuendo but bit my tongue at hearing her sexy Sean comparison. So in my best fake Scottish brogue, I replied, "Well ma-lady, what can this old bald devil do to entice you to come over and lose your pretty little nickers, so I can take advantage of you tonight?"

This time, I definitely heard laughter in the background as Kaleigh shouted, "MIKE! Gaaawd, I had you on speaker. Oooh, crap, I'm sooo, God folks, I'm sorry you heard that."

"I'm kinda sorry too, although I didn't know it was a public conversation," I said right after Kaleigh's attempted groveling apology.

"It's OK, Dr. Mike. We like seeing her blush and squirm around here. She's pretty much a task-master at times, so this is a ton of fun watching her turn beet red." I wasn't sure who that was, but I had a good idea it wasn't an employee; more like one of her clients.

"Ha! She is pretty darn cute when she's blushing isn't she? Uh Kaleigh, think you can take me off speaker for a moment?" When I heard the 'click' and the sound in my ear became clearer, I re-inquired about her plans for the night but in a less overt fashion.

"Yes Iron, I'll be over somewhere around 5:30ish. Any idea what we're having for dinner?"

"Are you up for a bourbon-salmon, berry salad with garlic bread?"

"Sounds yummy! Do I need to pick up a bottle of wine to go with it?"

"Sure baby. Surprise me with something that will go well with it."

"Will do. See you shortly. Again, I'm sorry for not letting you know you were on speaker there. Gawd, I feel sooo small right now."

"It was my fault. I just can't seem to keep my mind out of the gutter when it comes to being with you. You've definitely lit a fire in this bald devil. Anyhow, I love you and can't wait to see you later this aft."

"I love you too, my bald devil." Even with the speakerphone off, I heard an 'ahhhhh' sound in the background and then a shouted, "Bye, Dr. Mike."

"Tell everyone there bye for me, baby. Love you, see you soon."

6:30pm, Wednesday, January 22, 2003

We were sitting on the couch watching the local evening news, as we ate our salads. This was the first real time we've had to relax together and talk a little about what happened between Lindy and Bryant last weekend at Kaleigh's house. The original plan was for them to go over to Kaleigh's house last Wednesday after their church service. However, Bryant had to stay in Tuscaloosa to complete some last minute work assignment, so he didn't make it up to see Lindy. So when Kaleigh stayed at my apartment last Friday, she allowed Lindy to use her house to 'entertain' Bryant.

While I'm not a big believer in sharing details about love lives, especially when I'm involved, Kaleigh was obviously excited about describing how things went between Bryant and Lindy. At times, I thought that Kaleigh was sharing too much information on things. Specifically, she related how Lindy 'modified' her little striptease for Bryant, and then described Lindy's reaction to seeing his hard cock for the first time.

As she was about to get into how far along Lindy went with Bryant, I excused myself and headed into the kitchen to get us each a piece of her mother's absolutely awesome cheesecake. When her cellphone rang, I 'unfortunately' thanked God for small favors, as she stopped talking about that event. As I pulled out the blackberry topping from the fridge, I turned and saw her turn nearly white as a ghost.

"No, no, don't tell me that! That can't be right ... Oh God, not again. God, not again," I heard her say into her phone. When I saw the tears start to form in her eyes, the cheesecake topping in my hands became the last thing on my mind. She collapsed down into a tight ball on the couch as she folded up her cell, and start to sob.

By the time I covered the short distance to her and wrapped her small frame up in my arms, she was downright whaling. I just felt absolutely miserable for my earlier 'answered prayer'. I wasn't sure of what to say or ask, but after a minute or so of rocking her in my arms, her head pressed up against my chest. I eased off my bear-hug to allow her to get situated against me.

With her head now resting on my shoulder, and her body glued tightly to mine, Kaleigh wiped her eyes and then struggled to softly say, 'She's dead. God this can't be. Dani, on her way to church ... Dani was in an accident, a a ... wreck on 216. Momma just said ... Sheeee's gone." She looked up at me for a second and then buried her face on my shoulder and just cried.

For what seemed like forever, I just held her tight and ran my hand along her head and around her shoulder and upper back. A couple of times I thought Kaleigh was getting herself back under control, only to start sobbing again. While I only met Danielle Smithson twice, I knew she was in Kaleigh's close inner circle of friends. A few times, I whispered that I was sorry this happened over Kaleigh's head, and she barely nodded her head in response.

"We uh, we need to go up there. I ... want, can you take me to my chu—church please?" she softly asked with her head still buried on my chest. Her breathing was more normal now but I could still feel her body shake sporadically.

"Yeah baby, we'll go when you're ready. I'm real sorry to hear this. I know you were real close to Dani. When you're ready, we'll head up that way. I'm just ... I don't know what to say, other than I'm sorry this happened."

Kaleigh tilted her head up towards my face, and I've never seen such a miserable looking face in my lifetime. Her cheeks were stained with mascara and eye shadow. Her eyes were flooded and glassy. Her chin had four little quivering grooves and her nose was stuffy and pale red. After she took in a big lungful of air, she wheezed out, "We uh, I need to ... I need to get cleaned up some. Maybe change clothes."

I helped her push up off the couch and then lead her into the master area and bathroom. When she looked at herself and me in the bathroom mirror, she sighed deep and touched my shirt, over my right chest area.

"I'm sorry Mike, we uh, we need to get that shirt in the wash quick or my makeup and uh, that will stain it, if we don't get it washed now." She turned towards me and started to pull my light blue polo shirt up, over my head.

"I'll get it baby. Don't worry about the shirt though. It's just a shirt. I'll put a load on before we go and it will be OK 'til I get back." After I had the shirt off, I hugged her, looked at her in the mirror again, then softly said, "Kaleigh, I love you and we'll get through this together. You, me, the rest of your friends and family, we'll get through this together, OK?"

"I don't know how, I just don't know how. Why did this ... Dani knew those roads and was a super careful driver. She NEVER EVER drove over the speed limit or did stupid things like most of us did driving. God, she ... it ... it shouldn't be her."

Her tears started flowing again as she turned to the counter and turned on the hot water faucet. I lightly squeezed her and kissed the top of her head. When she nodded to the shirt in my hands, I silently turned and grabbed the laundry hamper with the dark clothes in it, from the corner of bathroom.

When I returned to the bedroom after starting that load of clothes, I hunted up a clean golf shirt from my closet, and also pulled out my large Gamecock sweatshirt for Kaleigh to wear over her garnet colored polo shirt. I tossed the sweatshirt on the bed and remembered to feed my fish and check on the water quality.

Just as I was finishing up with my aquarium, Kaleigh came out of the bathroom wearing only her red bra and black sweatpants, looking only slightly better than miserable. "Do you have a sweater or something I can wear? This is stinky and wet," she said, holding onto her polo shirt.

"Yup. I got a sweatshirt out for you already," I replied and pointed to the bed.

"Thank you."

After pulling it over her head, Kaleigh pulled her long blonde hair together and looped a rubber-band around her makeshift pony-tail. She walked over to hug me, and then turned to face my brightly lit aquarium. "This is so beautiful and peaceful. I just feel ... feel like I want to lay down here and let uh, your aquarium, the gentle sounds and beautiful fish, the corals ... I just could watch them forever, right now."

"I know baby. I've sat and watched them for hours a few times myself."

When I felt her gently hip-check me, I knew she wanted to go. I stepped up to the curved glass and hit the automatic lighting timer button. I took Kaleigh's hand in mine, and led her out towards the door. As we passed the thermostat, I knocked it down to 66 degrees and turned off all the lights and TV before locking up my apartment.

7:45pm, Wednesday, January 29, 2003

"Do you want to drive up 216, or should I go straight onto Hwy. 11, by Mercedes to get to the church?" I asked Kaleigh as we approached that main intersection, where I could go either direction.

"We have to go 216. I gotta see where ... I just gotta see," she pleaded.

"OK, baby, 216 it is," I replied back. It would not have been my choice to drive that way, but I guessed she might want to drive by the accident site.

The fifteen minute drive to Brookwood seemed ultra-long and was relatively silent. I had Rock-99.5 playing softly in the car. I heard Kaleigh lightly hum along to Journey's Open Arms, but that was the only time I felt like she was really with me in the car. Normally when I rub her leg while driving, she'll snuggle up to my right shoulder. Right now, she barely acknowledged my presence as she stared out the passenger window.