Chapter 23

In Room 4602 in the CCU Mary Belanger looked puffy and bruised. A nurse close by came over and said the swelling had went down considerable in the last 12 hours or so, and then added, "She had a brain scan and MRI's and there is no obvious damage, but with the brain you don't know. She is no longer under an induced comatose state. Talk to her, rub her hand, touch her cheek. I think she should come around soon."

I sat down beside the bed and began to tell her about our weekend. Allie had taken a washcloth and began to wash her face and then hold her hand. Every time I looked at Allie she would mouth "I love you" to me, but I was still pissed at her. After about the 10th time I said I love you back to her and she smiled. She was hard to stay mad at.

I could see Allie had affection for her boss cum partner in the way she used the cool washcloth in her forehead and held her hand. I took her other hand and began to call her name.

"Mary, Mary Belanger, are you in there?" I said a few times and then suddenly she squeezed my hand.

"MARY! MARY!" I said loudly and I saw the expression on her face change.

I asked Allie to go for a nurse and she went to the hallway as Mary opened her eyes.

"Jess, what? Oh my God!" She said as she began to startle.

"Calm down kid, you're OK. We've all got your back. You're OK now." I said calmly.

Mary's eyes scanned the room and she was definitely confused but you could sense she was putting things together.

"Is this the end? Did those little fuckers kill me?" She asked panicking and very confused.

"No, no, no. They tried to hurt you but the police got there before they did too much. Everything is OK now." I insured her as Allie came back with the nurse.

"Oh God, the two people I need and love the most in the world are here. I'm going to die aren't I? Is that why they called you?" Mary asked in her confusion as the nurse came into the room to check on her, but stood back as Allie reached to touch her face to calm her.

"No, we're here because we love you and care for you. When we heard our friend was in trouble we came right home." Allie said as I took her hand.

"You're going to be fine. We were scared for you yesterday but by the time we rushed back you rallied."

Suddenly Mary broke into tears and seemed a little hysterical.

"They came right through the wall and chased me. I wasn't dressed and they grabbed at me, kicked me. They pulled everything off me and slammed my head." Mary said getting wild eyed as the nurse moved in to shake an IV bag before opening it's tap into the line going into Mary's arm. I knew it was a precautionary sedative as I had already looked at all the bags on the tree.

"Wait!" I said touching the nurses arm. "She tends to panic when confused, give me a second." I said as I took Mary's hand again and reached to hold her cheek in my hand.

"I know, I know, but you're OK now. They helped you here and nobody laid a hand on you." I said calmly knowing how excitable she was.

Suddenly her face seemed to lose its clench and you could tell she was putting things in order in her head.

"Shouting and I could hear running. Everything I saw was red, like blood in my eyes. I felt a warm cover go over me. I could smell the leather, like a coat. Then it got quiet and my head hurt so bad and now, today." She said, beginning to breathe normally again.

I looked to the nurse. "Let her think this out. She's confused."

"Doctor doesn't want her getting excited. I'm responsible." She said as she pushed the tubal pinch up to start the flow

Mary looked at the nurse and then to me. "Jess, it's OK. Let me sleep. I'm OK now. I'm not dead or broken." She said as she faded into sleep.

"That stuff isn't putting her back in that coma, ... is it?" Allie asked.

"No, no, it's just a sedative to let her mind rest and heal. I can report to doctor that she was totally lucid and aware of things around her, with no seeming loss of memory. Her brain still needs to heal. If you had seen her yesterday you would be amazed right now."

The nurse showed us out and told us that we might let her be until after noon on Monday. I was listed as her contact and acting as her "next of kin" so I would be called if there were any changes in her condition. Mary always said she truly had no one, and if this is what she had on file, I guess it was true.

Allie and I started to the elevator but she pulled me into a small waiting room across from the elevator near the ICU.

"We have to talk, and by that I mean me." She said sitting and looking up to me. "I've never been in a serious real relationship before. With everything in life I wait for the hammer or ax to fall to crush it all. You think I don't trust you, I DO! I know how much you love Mary and hearing that you offered her your heart before seeing me hurt me, and knowing she needed someone right now I felt vulnerable. I understand your relationship much better now, just seeing you two in there. She always says you're like her brother, and I think she says that to be sure I know nothing is going on, but I see it now. I know we've been "the thing" the last few months, but I've never felt I "hooked" you, if that's the word I want. You saying that you never thought you "hooked" me is funny. I've always been 100% there for the taking. Bearing with these little matters of the heart, I can't seem to sometimes grasp our love. But know that I love you more than anything in life and any chance I have of losing you puts me in a panic and my big mouth just goes off. Jess, you are the best thing in life for me now and if you were to offer me that ring again I would take it and be devoted to you, just like you would be devoted to me, like the ring means. All I have to give you in return is all of my love, forever."

Allie's words had my knees buckling and tears flowing, the same as she. I sat and kissed her deeply just as another couple came into to wait on their loved one. We just nodded to them and got up to get on the elevator. We didn't say much the entire ride home. We brought our bags in and laid on the bed for a half hour in each other's arms in deep thought and rest.

It was only about 3 in the afternoon, but we were both emotionally and physically tired. Plus she had mentally drained me with her head games and I hoped that an honest and open relationship would result from my chastising of her. I remembered hearing friends telling me their tales of woe like "I love so and so but I'm afraid to tell them" and my response would be "well, then they'll never know". What can't people just be straight? The same would be for "I want to break up with so and so, but I don't know how to tell them." I would say, "just tell them, why further the head game of them thinking all is fine." Emotional honesty is so important and it was funny that I learned it best from Mary. She told me flat out she could not live with me and couldn't imagine me being her husband. Was I insulted? No, my feelings were hurt a little but at least I knew where I stood and we could continue as friends and that has worked out great.

I think Allie and I had mind of making love and I'm not sure which one of us fell asleep first, but we both went out just after we both agreed we should get up before WE DID fall asleep. We were drained. The next thing we were aware of was the phone ringing. I saw the clock read 6 and I was a little stunned at the time as I answered.

"Hello, this is Nurse Atkinson calling with an update on Mary Belanger, you're listed as her next of kin contact. Her Brother?"

"Ummm, yes."

"This afternoons sedation wore off around 5 o'clock. She seemed more lucid and spoke to me about the incident a bit. Told me about you and your girlfriend and then complained of being hungry. The Doctor had Ok'ed her for solid food now that surgery had been ruled out and she ate like she was very hungry. I might encourage you not to come and see her tonight and let her rest again. If she doesn't sleep on her own we will assist her in getting down. Rest is really best for her now. Tomorrow she is scheduled for a few tests during the day and if all goes well the doctor will see her Tuesday morning and perhaps release her. If you want to see her tomorrow without interrupting her tests I would say to come after 3 in the afternoon."

"She'll be asleep tonight?"

"Yes, the more rest the better. Her swelling is almost all down, besides her face. She'll get big shiners now and be sore, but we'll have medication for her."

"You know you won't keep her away from work. Is it possible to get her into a rehab?" I asked.

"That shouldn't be necessary." Nurse Atkinson said