Day 100

I woke disoriented, laying on the couch. John stood at the front window looking through the blinds out into the night. The only light was the computer screen on the coffee table. He must have picked up my books and papers for me at some point. I could still see the red letters in my mind.

"John?"

He came over and knelt down next to me. His eyes were bloodshot and underlined with shadows. "Hey there. Are you feeling better?"

"Yes. A little woozy. Did you get a hold of Deborah?"

"Yeah, she eventually called me back. It's been a busy day apparently."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't have many details, but the police found something looking into the GPS trackers that were on our cars. It tied our little case into a larger investigation that was already underway against Jules' father."

"Jules' father? Wait, I'm confused."

"Me too, but he's been up to something bad enough for the police to investigate him and his company. Someone leaked details of the investigation to the press and reporters started going though public records looking for any mention of Harris Adkins. Deborah said that reporter probably found the case to commit Jules and her address on the court docket."

"My name wouldn't be on any of that. He knew my name, John! He knew about us!"

"He didn't know my name. Maybe Deborah was right when she said he was just fishing to see if he could shake out another angle on the story." John rubbed my side for a moment. "Where did that note come from?"

"It was stuck in my papers from school. I didn't know it was there."

"Why did you scream like that?"

"I don't know. I feel silly about it now, but it was like waking up in the middle of the night and seeing a rocking chair moving by itself. It just freaked me out."

"You nearly stopped my heart."

I felt a wave of sadness overwhelm me and started crying again quietly. "I want Jules."

"Me too, Sweetheart. Me too."

He slipped his arms around me and I hung onto his neck for comfort. He buried his face into my hair and breathed deeply. I turned my face to kiss his cheek but he turned to give me his lips. The pill he had given me made me feel like I was floating. It made a surreal oasis of peace in the midst of my fear. Our kisses warmed us both.

Before I knew it, he had pulled me into his lap on the ground. My skin tingled as he kissed along my jaw and pulled an earlobe between his lips. The light-headed feeling left me feeling passive enough to just let him do what he wanted. His touch relaxed me, calmed me, even as I responded to his kisses and caresses. I ran my hands along his back and through his hair in return.

He worked slowly, pulling down my shorts, taking a moment to lift my shirt over my head. Soon we were naked there on the carpet next to the couch. My body responded even as my mind wandered under the influence of the small blue pill. My skin seemed to be covered in felt, but when his tongue found my mons it still made me gasp.

I found I could focus on the feeling of his mouth and fingers without the pressing need for release. He seemed as content to explore as I was to let him. In time my body made its needs known and I began to whimper and push myself against his mouth. My moment came after a long, slow build up, and was all the sweeter for it.

He kissed his way back up to my mouth and I licked around his lips, tasting my familiar flavor on his face. I could have slept again then, but I felt his need pressed against me. I pulled at him to enter me and held him close. He barely moved, kissing me softly again, whispering he loved me. I hugged him tightly and kissed him back, letting him see my desire for him in my face and voice. It was enough, and soon he was pulsing into me, satisfying the part of me that loved being full of him.

We kissed for a long time without moving. I loved when he stayed inside after. He started getting goose bumps on his arms and back and I released him with a sigh. "You're getting cold keeping me warm. Let's go shower and get cleaned up."

After showering and getting dressed, I realized the drug's serene feeling was fading with the dawn. I sat on the bed while he finished getting dressed and put on the little bit of makeup I wore daily. He pulled his jeans up and I smiled at the nice curve his butt made as he tugged them tight. The smile faded again as I recalled the ugly red words on the note.

I told myself I didn't care what other people thought, but the words had wounded me deeply. I was a cousin fucker. I was a sodomite. And someone felt so strongly about it they wrote out that tirade and slipped it into my books without me noticing.

I put away my cosmetics and mirror and went to my love. He was dressed and waiting for me with a sad smile.

"What are you going to do today?"

"Eat breakfast. Go to school. Come home. Go to work at the bar." I said it with more conviction than I felt.

"I'm worried about you, especially after that note. Are you sure you wouldn't want to take the day off to see what happens?"

"No. If someone wanted to confront me directly they would have. That note was a cowards way. Besides, if I change who I am because I am afraid, then they win. I love you both and I'm going to make a life with you and Jules no matter what anyone else says or does. I'll fucking make it work." Saying the words felt like a magic spell that pushed away my doubts.

John gave me a smile and offered his hand. We walked down the stairs together and made a light breakfast of cereal and coffee. Afterwards, John walked down to the apartment office and picked up a newspaper from the machine outside there. By the time he got back I had everything cleaned up from breakfast.

"Front page," he said as he walked through the door. He went to the table and spread the page out for us both to see.

"Holy shit." There was Jules' dad above the fold with his hands cuffed in front and being led to a police car. I skimmed through the article to try and pick out what he had done. "It looks like he was intimidating some witnesses in a lawsuit over something he built. Damn. Look here." I pointed to a paragraph that described the witness.

He started reading, "'Baker said that he was followed repeatedly when he drove, received threatening notes, and was harassed by phone and email.' That certainly sounds familiar."

"I'd rather think that note came from one of Harris' goons than some stranger on campus. Is that weird?"

"No, not to me."

Near the end of the article, after it jumped to the last page of the paper, I found Jules' name. "'In an unrelated action, Harris Adkins has petitioned the court this week to commit his daughter Julie Marie Adkins to the Constant Care Rehabilitation Center for an undisclosed reason. The case is set to go on trial on Friday, but will be sealed due to protect the privacy of his daughter.' Why the fuck did they even bother putting that in there? What purpose does it serve? Is that fucking news?"

John shook his head as he continued reading. I stormed over to the laptop on the coffee table and woke it with a touch. A few keystrokes and I was on the Sentinel's website. The story was the same, but there were more pictures of the arrest. I saw that Jules' name was a link in the web story and clicked it.

They had plundered her Facebook profile and linked pictures of her into their page. It wasn't so much a story as a mini-biography. They mentioned her name, her birth date, and I was amused to see her marital status was listed as single. John came to sit behind me and read over my shoulder.

"They made a web page for her?" He sniffed in disbelief. "Did they make one for her mother, too?"

"Let me see." I clicked back to the main article and found Shannon's name with a link underlining it. I clicked the link to see a page similar to Jules'. "Yeah, looks like they got one for her, too."

"Wait, where is that?" He pointed to one of the pictures.

The picture of Shannon looked like a surveillance photo shot with a telephoto lens. She was walking away from our apartment complex talking on her phone. "That was taken here. She was wearing that same outfit on Friday."

"I thought so. I wonder if that picture was taken by the police? Or maybe they were being watched by the journalist who wrote the article."

"Beats me. We should probably point it out to Deborah just in case."

We continued to talk while I got myself mentally prepared to face the world. I was scared, but determined to overcome my emotional reaction. I had never enjoyed gossip, especially when I was the subject of it. One of the advantages in not dating much was avoiding the standard round of web-based rumor mills where people seemed fascinated by who was seeing whom. The downside was that same lack of experience made every whisper seem like a shout to me.

I kept putting off leaving for school until John finally said something. "I thought you were going to class." He gave me a smile to let me know he was only teasing.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"Well, sometimes a guy needs a little alone time."

I laughed and he smiled. "I'll call if anything happens. Text me if you hear anything. Or get lonely."

The bus ride was uneventful. I walked to campus feeling like I had a target painted on my back. I could feel eyes following me, but didn't dare look up to see if it was true. I walked straight to my first class and sat in the back of the room. It was hard to concentrate, but I made it through.

After class, I went to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I hung my book bag on the hook behind the door, pulled down my sweats, and sat on the toilet seat to relieve myself. My plan was to wait until right before class to avoid running into anyone who might know of my relationship with Jules. I covered my face and took deep breaths.

" ... hear about Jules Adkins' father? He was arrested and she's in the nut hatch apparently." It was an unfamiliar voice. I was paralyzed.

"No way! I just heard she was lez for someone who went here. What has her name?" I didn't know her voice either.

"Was it Kendra Dahl?"

"No, not her. It was someone I would have never suspected. Monica was saying something about Jules not being able to make her mind up between this girl and the girl's cousin."

I gasped as if I was suffocating, I had to get out. I pulled up my pants and got my books from the hook. When I stepped out of the stall I forced myself not to look at them. Just as I passed through the doorway I heard one girl whisper, "That was her!"

I walked to my next class without meeting anyone's eyes. In the back of the class I found a seat away from where people usually sat. My breathing was so shallow and fast I started feeling dizzy. People were starting to come in so I put my head down on my desk to discourage anyone from approaching me.

It was hard to concentrate, but I still managed to take notes. The sick feeling in my stomach made me feel like I was going to throw up. By the end of class I was wrung out, but had decided I couldn't hide. If we were going to be a family, I was going to have to get used to this kind of public scrutiny.

When I left class, I walked out with my head held high. The commons was crowded as I walked towards the coffee shop where I'd eaten on Monday. My flush felt like fire on my skin in the bright sunlight, but I clenched my jaw and forced myself not to run, not to look away from people glancing at me.

Suddenly I felt fingers slip between mine. When I looked over I saw Kendra walking beside me with a smile. "How're you holding up?"

I couldn't trust my tongue to respond, so I squeezed her hand and nodded.

"I know you said her parents were trying to split you up, but I had no idea things were that bad. That stuff the article said they did to those witnesses, they did the same to you?"

I nodded.

"Damn. Let me buy you lunch today. I promise to distract you with funny stories."

I whispered, "That would be nice."

We made our way through the coffee shop carrying our books, drinks, and sandwiches. I got a sweet tea and a grilled cheese sandwich. Kendra got a soda and a roast beef on rye. We finally found a small table near the back of the shop, and I sat down with a sigh.

"You're a life saver."

"Just helping out a friend." She gave me the cute sideways smile I noticed on Monday. "Don't feel obligated to say anything if you don't want to. I really just wanted to see how you were after the article this morning. I remembered your comment about her parents. I'm beginning to see why Jules had to get professional help."

I nodded, not wanting to speak of Jules' personal issues. "It's been hard, but we're still hopeful things will work out." Part of me wanted to share my fears, the horrible reporter coming over, the girls talking about me in the bathroom. I couldn't make my mouth say anything, so I put my sandwich in it.

Kendra took a bite, too, and spoke as soon as she swallowed. "Are you doing anything tonight?"

I mumbled around my bite. "Working. At the Hickory Hammer."

"I didn't know you worked there, too."

"I really don't, but Jules' refused to go into the hospital unless I covered her shifts while she was in."

"I stopped going when Jules ended things, but I always missed the crowd. Does Anton still work there?"

"Yes." I took a drink of my tea. "He was such a big help that first night. I didn't understand why the manager, Hank, would bring me in to do the close when anyone on staff would know more about their process than me."

"Why did he?"

"Anton's dyslexic. He can free pour down to the milliliter and make change without an issue, but he can't keep a row of numbers straight. Hank was afraid the wait staff would short the tip out and cause a fight with the bar and bus staff. All his other bartenders were out after covering for Jules over vacation and weren't answering their phones. Since he was so sick it was me or nothing, but I'd have completely screwed it up without Anton."

"Anton's a great guy. Did you know he plays bass in a band?"

"He mentioned something about it. Were they called Itchy Stones or something?"

"Yeah, that's the name. They played at a house party I went to last summer. Mostly covers, but they had some catchy originals."

I smiled, thinking of Anton's long, straight hair bouncing along with the music at work. I'd never wanted to date a musician, but I could imagine how attractive the idea might be to someone else.

Kendra looked down and said, "Maybe I'll come by and see you at work."

I looked at her face. She was blushing a little. I watched her playing with the straw in her drink. I felt a real friendship towards her, but realized she might have had other ideas. "I'll ask John to come so you can meet him, too."

Her response was a beat too slow to hide her disappointment. "I would love to meet the man who could win your heart." She smiled again, but her light seemed dimmer somehow. "And Jules' heart of course."

"She loves him so much." The memory of them kissing under the tree in Orlando came to mind.

Kendra shook her head. "I can't even imagine it. She never showed me anything but her party girl side, I guess."

We ate for a while in silence. When I was done, I said, "Thank you for spending lunch with me again. And for buying me lunch. You can drink on me tonight if you come."

"Well, then I'll definitely come see you at work tonight!"

I felt recharged, but when Kendra left me in the commons my fear pushed back in. I made it through my remaining classes without incident. On the way home I searched my book bag for hidden notes, then listened to music on my phone with my eyes closed. I went to sleep and almost missed my stop, but the bus driver had seen me often enough on the route to stop anyway and let me out.

When I stumbled into the apartment I found John sitting at the kitchen table with a big grin. "Letter from Jules!"

I dashed around to his side and gave him a quick hug and kiss. "Gimme!"

"Dear John and Kate," He read aloud.

"Seeing you last night was exactly what I needed. I feel ready to take on the world. And considering what my parents are planning, we may be doing just that. Doctor Valverde tries to limit my involvement with the drama going on outside, but the commitment hearing has to involve me to some degree. He keeps a certain distance in our sessions, but I can still tell how pissed he is at the way my parents are trying to manipulate the situation.

"On a positive note, Doctor Valverde says that if the hearing goes my way on Friday he'd like to get me out of here on Saturday morning. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I can't help being excited about coming home. I'll get you a message on Friday as soon as I find out what happens at court. They have a whole release process with meetings and paperwork that will take hours, but I should be able to leave here a little before noon.

"All I know is that I want a hot shower in my own bathroom, followed by a long afternoon with you both, and then I'm taking us all out on the town. Think of it as our own personal coming out party. I'm sick of endlessly discussing my life. I'm fucking ready to live it!

"This has been the hardest thing I've been through, on so many levels. I'm blessed to have you in my life. I can't thank you enough for sticking by me through all this crap. I hope that in the years to come, you'll let me find some way to show you how grateful I truly am.

"All my love, Jules"

We sat in silence while I read it over again to myself. John asked, "Is there anything hidden in it that I'm not seeing?"

"Not this time. Not that I see anyway. You know what 'years to come' means?" I looked up into his face with tears in my eyes.

"I'd hoped." He said with a smile, touching my face. "We're almost home, too."

I grabbed him and hugged him hard. "She's right, we're all blessed."

"Yes, but she sent this before her father's arrest, before the news story. If we're truly going to come out together, I need to tell my parents before they find out some other way. And we need to speak to your mom and Chris to let them know what's happening as well."

That was like a cold glass of water down the my back. "Yes. You're right. I have to work tonight, but I still have a couple of hours. Let me see if Mom is home."

After calling to check and then inviting ourselves over, we arrived at Mom's house at the same time as Chris.