Day 99

I woke to John moving a few stray hairs off of my face as he smiled at me. The light coming in through the closed blinds was still the dim light of early morning. A glance at the bedside watch told me I'd slept for about five hours.

"Good morning." John kissed me softly.

"Too early," I mumbled, then turned into him to snuggle against his chest. He held me close and kissed my hair and face.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stay awake until you came in last night. If you want to get up now I'll take you out for a nice breakfast. If you want to sleep, I'll bring you back something. Your call."

The mention of breakfast made my stomach growl. I hadn't had time to eat before going to work at the bar, so all I had was a couple of handfuls of the stale bar mix. "Where?" I kissed him on his neck, then sucked lightly at a convenient spot while he squirmed.

"Anywhere..." he was suddenly having trouble speaking. I began to wake up a bit more as his hands began to wander down my back. I opened my mouth wider and moved my tongue along the skin covered by my mouth.

There was a suddenly a pressure against my hip and when I reached over to see what it was he made a yummy sound. I pushed for him to roll over on his back and moved the sheets off of us. He was only wearing his boxer briefs, so I slid my fingers under the elastic band to take him in hand. "Later," I whispered as I slid him out of his underwear.

My leg went over his stomach as I pushed myself up. I still had on my panties, so I moved the crotch over and placed his head at my opening. It only took a moment for him to grip my hips and guide me down slowly. I broke out in goose bumps as I rode him up and down.

"Good morning," I said. My hands pushed against his chest as I undulated my hips. He wasn't able to respond verbally, but his expression told me how he thought the morning was going so far. I bent down to kiss him, pressing my mons hard against his shaft. I felt his fingers gripping my thighs, trying to force me to slow down.

"Stop for a second, I can't hold it..."

His eyebrows were wrinkled together when I raised up to look at his face. I was just happy to be full of him, so I whispered, "Then let it go."

I kept the same slow pace, and felt him shudder as he held his breath. He immediately began to soften. "Give a few minutes, I want to try again for you."

"Or you could just use your strong fingers. I like those, too."

He rolled me over beside him and moved between my legs. Sitting there, he began to touch me along the edges of my panties. I smiled as I watched him explore.

"You have a beautiful body." He drew circles on my thighs and eventually moved my wet panties out of the way. Those strong fingers moved slowly to my favorite spot just inside my opening. Laying down, he put his face closer to my mons. "I love to watch when I touch you."

Now I was the one who couldn't focus enough to talk. My soft gasps and moans helped him find just the right pace for that moment. I wanted my release to be stronger, so I kept mentally pushing it away when the pulses started.

The steady tempo soon wore away my ability to deny him, but it was when he leaned over to suck me that I lost it completely. I gripped the sheets in both my hands and strained against his face, entirely given over to my release. I felt an wet sensation as it began and realized after it passed that I'd soaked his chin and the bed sheets.

"That was so incredibly hot." John had drops falling from his chin onto my panties. "I never believed it was real."

"Sorry. That only ever happened once before." I was a completely embarrassed, but John seemed to like it for some reason.

"With Jules?" he asked with a grin.

"Yeah, our first time." It was sometimes a little weird to talk so openly about our interconnected sexual lives, but there was no obvious envy or jealously in his expression.

"I'll take that as a compliment." He chuckled as he rested his chin on my mons.

"That was amazing, by the way." I ran my fingers through his hair.

"You are amazing, by the way. Want another round or breakfast?"

"Are you up for it?" I smiled at his enthusiasm.

He reached down with his hand as if to check. "Yup."

"Well, if we're going to have to do laundry anyway, we might as well have some fun first."

He gripped the waist of my panties and pulled them off of me. I took off my pajama top and rolled over on my stomach to rest my face on my hands. He took off his boxer briefs and climbed on top of me, pressing his shaft between my closed thighs. When he wrapped his arms under me it felt like he was squeezing the breath out of me. I don't know if it was the lack of food or his weight on me, but my passion grew even as my vision dimmed.

"Squeeze me tighter," I whispered. I don't know why I wanted him to, but the effect it had on me was undeniable. The pressure seemed to make my whole body tingle as I pushed my hips up to give him access to my opening. He was panting even before he managed to push himself inside me. His face was next to mine, his lips kissing my cheek.

"Oh, yes," he whispered. My muscles seemed to tense on their own as he began to move himself against me. He crushed me into the bed, our sweat making us slide together as he brought us both closer.

"Even tighter." It was like I was looking down a dark tunnel, but I needed more. My arms and legs were going to sleep, but the nerves he stimulated were so alive. He spread his hands against my stomach and chest, using the leverage to squeeze me more and push even further inside.

My release was intense, beyond anything I could remember experiencing alone or with anyone else. My body shook like I was convulsing, but I couldn't manage more than a weak cough as it went on and on.

He relaxed his grip and kissed my neck and shoulders. I shut my eyes to enjoy the afterglow. There were no words to describe what I'd experienced with him. When he rolled off of me, my vision slowly return to normal along with my breathing.

"Are you OK?" He rubbed along my back. I could only hum quietly. "I was afraid I'd hurt you."

When I finally managed to speak I said, "That was unbelievable. I never thought about doing that before, but I really liked it. Why didn't you finish, too?"

"It was a little scary for me, actually."

"Sorry." I opened my eyes and reached out to trace my fingers around his chest. "I don't know why, but it's never been that strong for me before."

John had a funny look on his face. "Your voice sounded different. When you asked me to squeeze you tighter."

"How do you mean?"

"I don't know, but it just didn't sound like you right then. I did what you asked, but it threw me off. I've always had a sense of what you like and want me to do, but this time..."

I frowned at him in confusion. "Was it really that weird?"

"It was like you were asking me to choke you or something. It just seemed a little darker than I was expecting, that's all."

After all the things we'd done together, it seemed odd to me that this was what seemed to make him uncomfortable. "Would you do it like that again if I asked?"

"Maybe," he rolled on his back and looked at the ceiling. "But I won't ever hurt you or choke you. Don't ever ask me to do that."

I raised my head and rested it on my hand to see his face. "John, where is this coming from?"

He seemed to be holding himself back. "I don't understand why you asked her to hurt you."

He didn't have to say who she was. Lydia was a flight attendant who caught my eye on vacation. Jules noticed and teased me about it, which was the tap that cracked our union and sent me running away. I thought we were all committed to each other, but Jules and John had a much more casual view of things. I overreacted, but in the process discovered that I was willing to beg for Lydia to hurt me as a way of masking my own internal torments.

"What would you like to know? I'll tell you anything you want if you think it would help."

He turned to look at me. "I'm afraid to ask what happened."

"It's scary for me, too."

He took a deep breath. "So tell me."

"I was hurting inside. I felt foolish for believing you both wanted the same things I did out of our relationship. What was really foolish was assuming you did without actually talking to you both about it. When I went to the bar I had no idea Lydia was even there. I ordered a Cape Cod and was planning on drinking the pain away for a while. We had just been talking about her in the pool and suddenly there she was, like some kind of a cruel cosmic joke. I didn't want to care right then. I didn't want to feel anymore. So I decided to let her fuck the pain out of me instead."

"So far I understand, Kate. I don't like it, but I understand. But why did you let her beat you?"

"I know it's hard to understand, but when she was hurting me I couldn't feel my heart breaking." I was having a hard time keeping my composure. We hadn't talked about this before and I'd tried not to think about it since it happened.

"That's where you lose me. How does that even work?"

"I don't know. I can't explain it any more than why I liked it when you held me tightly just now. I just remember the feeling I had then, and begging her to hit me harder."

"I can't even imagine you begging me to hurt you. I'd never want to hurt you. When that was going on I only remember wanting the pain to stop. It felt like you pulled off my skin when you left and wouldn't talk to us anymore. The longer it went on, the more it hurt."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I took his hand and squeezed it. He was still distant for a moment, but suddenly he reached over and wrapped his arms around to hug me. "What's the matter?"

"I'm angry and I don't want to feel this way, not towards you."

"It's okay if you are angry with me. I did a horrible thing to both you and Jules. I'm glad you're both willing to forgiven me, but part of me still wants you to shout at me, or punish me, or something. It's really hard to live with what I've done."

"I hate losing control, but I don't know how to let this go. It keeps coming back at the wrong times. I look at you sometimes, and it hits me—"

He surprised me by putting his fingers in my hair and pulling my head back. His face was red and his lips were pressed together like he was holding back a shout. I broke out in goose bumps and suddenly wanted him to pull harder. "I'm not made of glass. I'm your woman and I love you. If you need to say something to me, fucking spit it out."

"Did she make you..."

I knew exactly what he wanted to ask me, what he feared. It had been only a few minutes since he'd asked me about Jules making me claw the sheets with a smile. I had to get him to let this anger go. "Did she make me what? Cum? She made me scream until my throat was raw."

I felt him grip me even tighter. He began to breath faster and I could see him clenching his jaw. "Why did you say that? Why are you trying to make me angrier?"

"Because you need to let it go and you won't do it on your own. Shout at me God damn it! I let her fuck my virgin ass! She put her whole hand inside me and fucked me with her fist!"

He screamed then, his face right next to mine. It was so loud my ears rang, but he pulled my hair even harder making my nipples rise. "Fuck!"

"Just fucking do it! You know you want to!" I shouted back at him.

He threw me back against the bed and kissed me hard. There was no gentleness in his touch as he squeezed my breasts. I was a little frightened by him then, and tried to roll away, but he pushed down my shoulders and moved my legs apart with his knees. I fucking needed him to do it, but I wasn't going to make it easy for him.

I never stopped fighting, but never told him to stop. Every time he pushed me, I pushed back. Every pinch, got a bite in return. He growled and I hissed. While he fought to pin me down and fuck me, I was pushing to give him the fight we both needed to have.

He finally got inside me, but I bucked and pushed against him until he managed to get me close to my release. Then I hung on to his shoulders, biting and sucking at his neck, scratching his back, making sounds like an wild animal as he brought me to release for a third time that morning.

He kept going, not ready to finish. I gripped low, reaching down as far as I could to drag my nails up along his legs and ass. He shouted my name, but it wasn't that satisfied cry I'd grown to love hearing. This was a shout of triumph, of domination. While he crowed, I put my mouth where his neck and shoulder met, sucking hard enough to bring blood. He finally collapsed on top me, panting so hard he blew spit against my cheek.

"You are my man," I said, rubbing my hands along his back.

He finally raised up to look at me, his face flushed and angry still. Then his expression softened a little and he nodded slowly. "Yes."

He rolled off of me and sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. I watched him breathing slowly. Eventually he got up and went to the bathroom to start the shower.

We showered together. I was astonished by what we'd done to each other. My breasts were bruised and I was sore down below. He had scratches down his back, some deep enough to draw blood. The blood bruise on his neck where I'd sucked him looked dark enough to be a birth mark. He was thoughtful and quiet as we cleaned each other carefully.

We dried off and dressed for the day in silence. When we were done he took my hand to walk downstairs. I kept holding his hand on the drive to the same Denny's where I'd met Jules after our first encounter. Both of us were thinking so hard that the silence felt full. I wanted to give him the chance to speak first.

I refused to sit in the same booth that Jules and I sat in, so I asked the waitress to seat us further down. We slid in across from each other, ordered coffee and ignored the menus for a while.

"I've never felt angry like that before. I hurt you. I actually hurt you."