April 20, 2013

I woke with a shout. Jules jumped out of the chair where she was sleeping next to the hospital bed I was in.

"It's just a bad dream." She touched my hair and tried to smile as she looked down at me. "You're safe."

I struggled to leave the bloody dream behind. "I need to pee again."

"Come on, I'll help you get up."

I still had an IV, so she helped me untangle the line and step down on the cold tile floor. I found myself stepping as gingerly as an old woman while she held on to my good arm. I shivered when I sat down on the toilet.

"Do you need a blanket?"

"No, it's just a chill." I ran my fingers through my hair. "What time is it?"

"A little after noon. How do you feel?"

"Sore. Not too bad, all things considered." I wiped the tear off of my cheek. "It could have been much worse."

"Yeah." Jules rubbed my hair as I leaned my forehead against her hip.

"Did the police find her yet?"

Jules sighed. "Yes. She was at Kendra's apartment, if you can believe it. She had hacked off her hair with the knife. When the police found her she was trying to cut her wrists according to the news."

"So she's alive?" I shook my head.

"Yeah. They've got her in jail, but the reporter says she'll be evaluated for her competence to stand trial."

The ugly scene in the restroom still replayed continuously in my mind. I gave up trying to stop it and tried to ignore it instead. "I don't know how I feel about that."

Jules knelt down and kissed the top of my head. "I'm just glad you are alive."

"I wish..." I couldn't say her name yet.

"I know."

"She saved my life. When Monica went crazy and pulled out that knife, she got on top of me—" Jules held my while I sobbed.

The nurse came in and found us hugging there on the toilet. "Kate, can I help you get back to bed? I need to check your vitals."

"Yes, just give me a moment." I pulled up my hospital issue panties and straightened the gown.

She took the IV stand while Jules held my arm. I toddled out of the restroom under my own steam, but was worn out and panting by the time I got back in bed. My shoulder was throbbing in time with the pulse I felt in my head.

I laid back in the bed with a sigh. "I'm really hurting."

"On a scale of one to ten, where ten is the worst pain you can imagine, what level is it at now?"

I had to shut my eyes. Even the light hurt. "Seven." I blinked back the tears the pain brought, then yawned.

"I'll let the doctor know. You have some visitors in the waiting room."

Jules looked up frowning. "Who?"

"I don't know, they didn't say. It's a man and a woman."

"Let me go see them. I don't want anyone to bother Kate right now."

"Thanks, Jules."

I watched the nurse as she checked my vitals, then noted them on an electronic tablet using a stylus. I gazed past her at the television playing quietly on the wall. There was an inane talk show with an overbearing host trying to embarrass her guest to the audience's delight. I never had an appreciation for that kind of spectacle. Watching it in my current mental state made me feel depressed beyond words.

Jules came back in with a concerned expression. "It's two police officers who want to ask you some questions. I told them you'd prefer they schedule a meeting through Deborah to get them out of here for now."

"Thanks. It's probably a good idea regardless."

"I'll call to give her a heads up."

While Jules spoke on the phone, I zoned out for a bit. The endless loop of images in my mind provided a horrific subtext to everything going on around me. It was wearing me down.

Just then the television show was interrupted with a news brief. I saw Kendra's picture on the screen while the announcer described the events a detached way. My mind dredged up horrible snapshots of what happened to go along with her report. The screen changed to display a video clip of Monica being dragged screaming out of a police car and into a building. Then a picture of me from one of my online accounts appeared. It was surreal to hear my name spoken so casually by the nameless woman.

Jules realized what was on and grabbed the remote to turn off the television. "Sorry, I should have been paying attention."

"It's fine. I suppose I'll have to get used to it."

"I'm so glad we're moving next month."

"Yes." I sighed. My life felt like a thousand piece puzzle scattered about by an angry toddler. I didn't know where to begin to put the pieces back together.

"Deborah said she was hoping we'd call. She told us not speak to anyone without her being present and that she'll be coming by later and talk to you."

I rubbed my forehead with my good hand. My other arm was still strapped to my body to keep it immobile. "Thanks."

Jules sat next to the bed and rested her head near my hand. I traced around her face with my fingertips. I didn't feel like talking and Jules didn't push me. I fell asleep for a while with her hand on my stomach as the endless horror movie played in my head.

I was still dozing when Deborah came in. It seemed odd to see her wearing jeans and a tee shirt. She greeted Jules with a hug and came around the bed to sit next to me. Jules stood at the foot of the bed with a worried expression on her face.

"How are you feeling?"

"The pain in my shoulder and head comes and goes. I get light-headed when I stand up too fast. Other than that I'm hanging in there."

She nodded. "I spoke to the police as your attorney, so we'll need to sign some papers in a moment to make me an honest woman. Anyway, the detective got a rambling confession from Monica that he'd like to ask you questions about. I got the feeling they just want to verify her statements and you are the only other witness. Would you be up to it today?"

"Yes, if it will get all this over with."

Jules said, "Can you make sure they don't keep bothering her."

"Sure, I can push back if they try to come around again." She took my hand. "I need you to tell me what happened so I can help us prepare. Can you do that?"

I looked at Jules. I hadn't even told her or John yet. I didn't want to tell anyone. It felt like saying the words would make what happened more real somehow. I didn't have the luxury to remain silent, so I took a deep breath and nodded.

Deborah squeezed my hand. "Their report said you were working your shift with another bartender before the attack. Can you start there for me?" She picked up her pen and prepared to write.

I steeled myself to say her name and stared into my lap. "Kendra was drinking at the bar the first time I saw her. She was on Anton's side and I was slammed, so I don't know how long she was there. Monica wasn't around then."

I was nervously picking off my nail polish when I saw thin, dark lines under my fingernails. My hands trembled as I checked under the rest of my nails. I used my thumbnail to clean them with a sob. Jules saw what I was doing and handed me a tissue.

Deborah prompted me to continue, "Anton was the other bartender?"

"Yes." My heart was pounding. I felt light-headed as the dark flecks fell on the tissue in my lap as I dug under my nails. "She asked me for another gin and tonic. I saw on the tab that she had already had five. I asked her what was wrong, but she didn't want to say. A bit later Anton came back from a break. I needed to go to the bathroom. While I was in there I heard Kendra crying in the stall next to mine. When I tried to talk to her, she got up to leave, but only barely made it out of the stall without falling." I was digging hard enough for it to hurt, but it was coming out.

"I'm going to ask the same kind of questions the police probably will. I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable. What was your relationship with Kendra?"

I finished cleaning my nails and balled up the tissue. When I looked up at Jules she had an unreadable expression on her face. "She had been Jules lover. Before. I only met her a couple of weeks ago, just after Jules went into the hospital." I was crying, but I never looked away from her eyes. "She was my friend."

Deborah whispered, "What happened next?"

I rushed through the words hoping it would be like ripping off a bandage. "She'd stumbled and was leaning against the wall near the door. I steadied her." I refused to look away. Jules had tears in her eyes. "She kissed me. I laughed it off because she was so drunk. Then she explained the fight with Monica was because she accidentally called her by my name." Jules hand covered her mouth.

"So she obviously felt something more for you?"

"Yes." It came out as a gasp. I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath. "She knew I was committed to Jules and John, but it didn't change her feelings. I'd been avoiding her all week because of it." Jules came over and put her open hand on my leg and rubbed. "There's something I need to mention from earlier in the day. I'd been eating in the library all week by myself. Yesterday Kendra was at my usual table when I arrived. We spoke for a bit about the situation between us and she left. She wasn't angry or anything, just sad. Monica came up then. She must have been watching because she said, 'First Jules, now Kendra.' Then she followed Kendra out."

"What do you think she meant?"

"I think Monica had a crush on Jules. She'd been in the hospital at the same time, so she knew Jules loved me. I believe she had figured out Kendra felt something for me, too. She was having a hard time with her attraction to women, according to Kendra. They had only recently started seeing each other. Kendra was her first same-sex relationship."

So you discussed their relationship with Kendra?"

"Yes. Over lunch one day. Kendra said she wanted to help Monica come out and deal with the fallout with her family. Monica comes from a very strict religious family. Kendra was religious, too, but she didn't believe same-sex attraction was wrong. It's hard to explain now, but Kendra said that helping Monica was important to her."

"I'm still following so far, but it's getting a little complicated. When the police come I want you to leave out as many details as you can, but still answer truthfully. I want to keep them focused on the crime last night as much as possible."

"Thanks. This is hard enough just telling you." Jules touched my hair gently.

Deborah reviewed her notes. "OK, so you were helping her stand up near the bathroom door. What happened next?"

I whispered, "That was when Monica came in."

"You were the only ones in the restroom at that point, correct?"

"Yes. She obviously thought something was going on between us because she called Kendra a cunt. She pushed us hard. Kendra fell against me and we ended up in a pile on the floor. It gets a little hazy then, but Kendra put herself between us. She tried to calm Monica down. That was when Monica came at us with the knife..." I had to stop and swallow hard. "Kendra tried to grab the knife. That's the last thing I can remember until later."

"Wow." Deborah pulled her hair back behind her ear and wrote for a bit. "What's the next thing you remember."

"I vaguely recall walking out of the bathroom. After that everything was jumbled until I was being put into the ambulance, but even then I didn't put together what had happened until I was in the emergency room."

She wrote some more and stuck the tip of her pen in her mouth. "I know there is a ton of back story on this, but I want you to skip as much as you can. If you start feeling pressured or uncomfortable, you say the word and they're gone. This is a courtesy call as far as I'm concerned, but detectives can be odd. They deal with so much evil they can forget what it feels like to be a victim sometimes."

Jules said, "Thank you for helping us again. Please don't send the bill to Chris this time. We'll find a way to pay you."

"Don't you worry about that right now. If this meeting is all there is, I'll put it down on my monthly pro bono quota." She smiled at us both and I could tell she meant it.

The police came as soon as Deborah made the call. The man was large, tall and wide like a football player. The woman was sharp looking, with a strong face and long nose. Deborah went out in the hallway to speak to them before letting them in the room.

The man spoke first. "Kate, my name is Detective Ford, this is Detective McKenny." He had a gravelly voice that fit his appearance.

"Hi," I whispered, trying to keep calm and not cry.

Detective McKenny nodded and smiled at me, then she shook hands with Jules. They began to speak quietly at the foot of the bed. I could see Deborah's eyes darting around, trying to keep an eye on everything.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you. I understand you were close to Kendra?"

"I only met her a couple of weeks ago, but we were friends."

He opened a small notepad and took out a pen. "I know you are in pain, so I'll try to hurry this along. You know we've got Monica in custody, right?"

"Yes. I saw it on the news."

"She was out of control when we brought her in. She made a number of excited utterances which we've been investigating, including confessing to stabbing Kendra and you."

I shut my eyes. The scene was still playing over and over like a grotesque animated GIF. "What do you want to know?"

"We want your help confirming what she said happened in the bathroom at the Hickory Hammer."

I opened my eyes and looked at him. "I was helping Kendra. She was drunk and having trouble walking. When Monica came in she obviously thought something was going on between us. She pushed us hard and we fell to the floor. Then she kicked me in the head. I don't remember the attack itself very clearly, but I do remember Kendra struggling with Monica over the knife. After that things are confused."

"I understand. The report said you've suffered a concussion, so that's not too surprising. The main thing is that you've confirmed Monica was the one who attacked you and Kendra. That was all I really needed."

Deborah said, "Thank you, Detective. I just wanted to ask one thing. You said Monica confessed to the killing, but why did she have the knife? Did she bring it intending to attack Kendra?"

"Well, off the record, she said she brought the knife to threaten Kate. She claims that she and Kendra were in a relationship and believed that Kate was a rival of some kind." He shrugged and frowned. "Monica's mother, on the other hand, has been telling everyone who'll listen that her daughter was the victim of a satanic conspiracy led by a coven of lesbian witches. Me, I think the whole family is nucking futs."