Day 90

A trickle down my leg woke me, forcing me to slip quietly out of bed to take care of myself. After I shut the bathroom door, I ran the shower to get the water hot. When I stepped into the nearly scalding water, it felt so good that I just turned slowly around and let it strike me as I breathed in the steam.

That wonderful sense of unity had stayed with me all night. Even the soreness I felt when I cleaned myself was a source of pleasure as I recalled what happened the night before. The only darkness in my heart was the fear that this would be our last night together until summer break. And unless Jules could come to terms with her fear, it might even be our last for longer than that.

I hadn't wanted to put any more pressure on her by mentioning it, but my thoughts kept circling back to John's comments about me moving out with him alone. I tried justifying it to myself, but there was no easy way to avoid Jules being hurt even suggesting it. We needed to talk about things, but it was too easy for us to fall into bed and forget about life for a while.

I turned off the water and stepped out to dry as John came in and closed the door. He grinned and slipped his arms around me as I stood on my toes to give him a wet kiss. He broke the kiss with an apologetic look, and sat down to relieve himself.

"How are you feeling? I was afraid I was a little rough with you last night."

"I'm fine, you were fine, and it was wonderful." I dried myself vigorously with the fluffy bath towel. "Beyond wonderful." I gave him a satisfied smile.

"Good." He sat back and watched me finish drying myself. "I'm going to get out of here in a couple of hours. It's an eight hour drive back and I really do need to get some work done on my project."

I sighed. "I know."

"Are we actually going to talk about anything with Jules before I go?"

"I was just thinking about that. It's too easy to slip into bed and sidestep the discussion. Let's bring it up over breakfast. I'll go fry some bacon while you shower."

"I'd rather you stay and scrub my back." He reached out to pull me onto his lap. Kissing him warmed me up, but I didn't let him change my mind. I forced myself to get up, but couldn't stop the growl of frustration.

"Oh, the things I would do if you were staying..."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"First, I'd make you come with me to Mom's to help me pack and carry those heavy boxes, but you'd have to do it with your shirt off while Jules and I watched."

"That doesn't sound like fun."

I tweaked his nose and slipped out of the bathroom. Jules was still sleeping in a heap in the middle of bed. I slipped on some clean panties and put on a long tee shirt that hung to the middle of my thighs. I tied my damp hair into a pony tail with a scrunchy and stepped quietly down the stairs and to the kitchen.

While I started breakfast, I considered how to approach Jules on the topic of our summer living arrangements. I had to wonder what motivated her to bring it up at dinner that night. Maybe a part of her wanted to, but her reaction later demonstrated she was conflicted about it. Since then she had vacillated back and forth between security and panic. I had no idea how to help.

John's impatience was growing as we watched her struggled with herself. I had hoped that giving them some time together would help cement their bond, but his tone when he asked about talking with Jules implied he was perfectly willing to make plans without her. I couldn't do that to her, not now.

I microwaved a couple of potatoes and sliced them to fry in the bacon grease. It was horribly fattening, but my Dad had always made them for our weekend breakfasts and I needed the comfort food right then. While they cooked, I sliced some tomatoes and set our plates to warm on the stove top.

John came up behind me and slipped his arms around my stomach. I leaned into him and let his warm breath give me goosebumps as he kissed my neck. "I could get used to this," he whispered.

"I wish we could, too. Is Jules up?"

"Yeah, she was heading into the bathroom to shower when I was dressing."

I turned around in his arms and put my hands behind his neck. Our kiss was tender and sweet. He reached down to pull me against his growing interest. I moved my lips to his ear and nibbled on his lobe, which made his knees buckle as he gasped. "Are you sure you have to leave today?" I whispered.

"That's not fair!" he hissed.

"You're right." I slipped my tongue into the folds on his ear which made him tighten his grip. "I'm going to burn breakfast if you don't go sit down," I whispered again in his ear. I felt goosebumps raise along his neck and cheeks.

"This is going to be a long couple of months." He stepped back and reluctantly let go of me. "Can I do anything to help?"

"Cut some fruit if you want. I cleaned the strawberries and there are some oranges in the bowl over there."

As he sat down to cut the fruit I flipped the potatoes to brown on the other side. "So you have any thoughts on how to bring up moving this summer?"

"I'm not very good at subtleties. I'd prefer to just put it out there and talk about it. I know she's got some reservations, but we aren't doing any good by dancing around the issue, especially since you and I already seem to want the same thing."

"That's true, but Jules doesn't always react in rational ways where her fear is concerned. I've known her a long time. When she thought she was losing me to you, she practically demanded I move in with her. This from a girl who couldn't stand to stay overnight with people she liked and dated for months."

"Honestly, that sounds more like a control issue to me. You saw the look on her face when you talked about packing up and bringing over the rest of your things. When she brought you in initially, it was her decision. Now that you have nowhere else to go, it look like things may have changed for her."

I couldn't think of anything to say to that. He was right. I plated the potatoes, putting a few paper towels on the bottom to soak up the excess grease.

"I can't just leave her here." I couldn't look at him when I said it, because if I had I'd never been able to get the words out.

"I want to be with you both, but if that isn't possible I can't just watch you through a computer screen. You have to understand that. It was so hard, like acid and ulcers hard." His voice was strained like he was fighting to speak. "I'm sorry, I'm just not strong enough to go through that again."

"So what are you going to do for the next two months?" I turned around to face him. He was red faced as he ripped the skin off of an orange.

"I'm going to make myself focus on school. I'm not going to call you. I'll send email, or letters, anything where I don't have to see you here together."

It felt like I'd swallowed ice when he said that. "I'm not sure I could stand that."

"I don't have a choice, Kate. I wasn't joking. This is killing me, especially now after the trip. I can't take loving you through window any more."

I realize Jules was standing at the edge of the kitchen, but I didn't know how long she had been there. "So, you started without me?" she whispered.

"No, I'm just now cooking the eggs," I said, pretending to misunderstand her comment. She put away the vodka in the freezer, sat the dirty glasses in the sink, and poured herself a cup of coffee. The silence was oppressive.

I cooked two eggs at a time, flipping them once to seal the whites, but leaving the yolks a little runny. I gave Jules the first plate, but she wouldn't even look at me. John at least looked at me, but he pinched his lips in a way that seemed like an apology. When I brought my eggs to the table to join them, I whispered, "Bon Appetit."

"So you're going to cut us off until Summer." Jules made the statement plainly, but the tight way she said it hinted at the depth of her feelings.

"I don't have a choice. I'm not joking about ulcers; I had to go to the infirmary for stomach pains. The nurse kept asking me about what might be stressing me out, but I couldn't say, 'Oh, nothing but the long-distance relationship with my two bi-sexual girlfriends who live together and torment me every night over video calls.'"

"I'm sorry you felt tormented," Jules said with an acid bite.

"Christ, how would you feel in my place, Jules? What if you lived here alone and Kate moved in with me? What if you had to see us every night and knew that we'd be making love moments after we hung up with you?" He was almost shouting at her at the end.

Jules' cell phone rang and she stormed out of the kitchen to take the call. I had lost my appetite and dragged a bit a bread around, drawing hearts in the yolk. When she came back she seemed to have calmed down a little.

"I know it was hard on you, I'm sorry." She paused for a bite of bacon before turning to me. "I have to work tonight. The manager is sick with some kind of stomach flu. Do you think we'll be done at your house by three?"

"If not, I'll tough it out on my own. Could you take me to get some moving boxes on the way? I can get everything packed up and leave moving it for another day if I have to."

"I can leave you my car if you don't mind dropping me off and picking me up. I'll have to close tonight, so it'll be about 2:30 AM before I can get away."