Chapter 3

In the car, on the way to Steven's, I continued to flash back to my past. To all the things that'd happened between my break up with Luke, and now.

I hadn't trusted anyone of the male species for a long time after Luke. I had a couple of guy friends (who, interestingly, all turned out to be gay - maybe I instinctively knew and that's why they didn't freak me out like other guys?), but didn't date anyone for almost ten years. Actually, that's not quite true - I went out on one or two dates, but dumped the guy the second he kissed me. I don't think I was afraid - I just didn't want the hassle and chance of a heart break.

I also changed a few other things. As I got older, I lost a lot of my baby fat. I've never been thin, as such, but I've certainly slimmed down into the normal range. I didn't lose my rather ample chest while I was at it, so I ended up having a breast reduction, which brought me down to a still generous but more normal looking D cup. I got contact lenses, my skin cleared up, and my braces came off. None of my junior high or high school arch-nemeses would recognize me now!

When I was 24, one of my best friends moved away. To keep in touch, we both started hanging out in chat rooms. Of course we started meeting other people in there; big surprise that two single girls in a chat room (before they were really popular) had guys all over us like a woman with PMS on chocolate. I found the internet reassuringly anonymous; I could flirt with guys, with no real consequences. I never used my real name, or any other real information; the chat rooms turned out to be a safe place for me to reintegrate myself into co-ed society.

I had my fair share of cyber-sex during the next few months; it doesn't really thrill me anymore, but back then, sitting in a dark room with nothing but my imagination, my left hand, and a glowing computer screen, I found out that I was able to get excited; I even had a few orgasms (I'd had one or two while masturbating as a teenager, but it was never very reliable, and I didn't bother very often). It was so safe, and somehow so naughty; I really got a bit addicted, I think. I even had phone sex once; the thought terrified me that this random guy might figure out who I was and start stalking me or something, but it was worth it. He had an amazingly sexy voice, and I learned, in great graphic but verbal detail, what it might be like to receive oral sex. It was a thought I'd never really had; I guess I was a bit sheltered.

Phone sex outstripped cyber sex so much, in fact, that I gave up cyber sex and phone sex entirely. I figured the real thing had to be better; and after ten years I decided it was time to get past my bad experience. So the next cute guy that caught my eye, I asked out instead of avoiding like the plague. His name was Mark; we met at the summer job I held the year before starting medical school. He was an engineer. He was tall, blond, and extremely naïve. He was as nervous around me as I was around him; it was perfect. Neither of us had the courage to move fast enough to scare the other one. It took us a few weeks to hold hands, and a few more weeks to kiss.

The first kiss was actually hilarious - it could have been used for material in a comedy movie, if someone had had a video camera. We were standing together on the steps of my parents' house (where I was living, trying to save money for school). He was tall enough that I usually stood one step up so I could look him in the eye. We had been out to a movie. It was a scary 'jump-out-at-you' type cheesy horror flick, and I spent most of it cringing in the seat, hiding my face against his shoulder. What can I say; I'm a wimp. Plus, it was a good excuse to cuddle. And he didn't seem to object...

So the kiss. As we were saying goodnight, I hugged him. I'm quite touchy-feely, so this was nothing unusual for me. But it felt good, and as I pulled away I ended up gazing into his eyes. I think we both knew what was coming. We leaned in, together, oh so slowly, both of us closing our eyes in anticipation ... and promptly mashed our noses together. Blushing, each of us tried to adjust, and of course both turned our heads the same way and did it again. Giggling slightly, I pulled back, placed my hands on his face and tilted his head in one direction, then tilted my own the opposite way. I leaned back in to where we started, and our lips finally met.

Unfortunately I was still smiling from our previous faux pas, and apparently so was he. Do you know that creepy feeling down your spine when someone runs their nails down a chalkboard? Well, trust me when I tell you, you get the same feeling when two people bash their teeth together. I almost bit his lip in surprise, as both of us tried to close our lips in a big hurry. He started to pull away, but since my hands were already on his shoulders from the minor head adjustment earlier, I pulled him closer instead. Pretty soon we figured it out, and we were actually kissing instead of bruising body parts on each other. I never realized how uncoordinated two people could be until that moment.

When we broke the kiss, we both blushed and avoided each other's eyes for a minute, but after a few awkward seconds like that, he seemed to make up his mind, and putting his hands on my waist, he pulled me to him for another kiss. We were much better organized for the second one, and before long our arms were wrapped around each other, kissing ardently. I realized with a start that my face was not wet; Mark was kissing me without slobbering all over me. Having only kissed Luke, this was a novelty for me, and I was enjoying it. Being the pasty white girl, I have sensitive skin, and I used to get a rash after every heavy make-out session with Luke's slobbery kisses.

I felt Mark's tongue hesitantly touch my lower lip, and I immediately opened my mouth to let it in. He persisted in touching his tongue lightly to my lips, teasing me. I enjoyed the teasing for as long as I could stand it, but I couldn't wait. My own tongue dove between his parted lips, and we started to tongue-wrestle. We kissed for a few minutes, before he pulled back and we smiled at each other.

"Goodnight," he said, and with a kiss on my forehead, he got in his car a drove away.

Mark was a good kisser, I reminisced. Compared to Luke, he seemed like Casanova. And he was so shy! We stayed together for about six months; we started having sex about four months in. He was probably about the same size as Luke, but much gentler.

One night when Mark and I were fooling around in bed, he suddenly took the initiative, which was unusual for him. We had been lying on our sides, kissing and fondling each other. His hands were all over my breasts, pinching and rolling my nipples, and each time he squeezed, I would gasp into his mouth and squeeze his cock a little harder. After several minutes of this, I was so wet I was soaking the sheets, and his precum was all over my hands. His hands started questing lower, and he gently ran his fingers through my trimmed bush. As his finger slipped in between my labia, I groaned and rolled back a little to give him better access to my sopping pussy.

He rolled onto his tummy and then awkwardly climbed onto his knees; he then grabbed my nearest leg and lifted it over him to his other side. I bent my knees up and tilted my pelvis, prepared for him to lean over me and thrust his erection deep within me; my assumptions were wrong. Before I fully realized what was happening, he was laying on his stomach face-to-face with my snatch. I realized what he was planning, and my heart skipped a beat as the butterflies began flapping in my stomach. He spent a few minutes just looking at me - whether trying to figure out the anatomy or something else, I'm not sure. He separated my labia and looked between, then let them fall closed again. Between the waiting and gentle pressure from his fingers as he gazed at my slit, I was completely frustrated, and writhing against his hand to keep up the contact.

Suddenly I felt a slight, wet pressure on the outside of my lips, and realized that he was softly licking me. I groaned; the eroticism of it made me squirm. His tongue traveled along the whole length of my slit again, lightly, and then he separated my labia with his fingers. He licked once from the bottom of my slit to the tip of my clitoris - which was by then hard and poking out, and I almost screamed from the intense feelings as his tongue grazed my clit. Realizing he had hit pay dirt, he continued to run his tongue around the area, but he obviously had no clue what he was doing. His tongue was eliciting sparks of fire at random intervals, but by then I wanted more, and began humping against his mouth frantically. The friction as I bumped myself against his lips and chin was just enough, and I finally flew over the edge, gripping the sheets and keening as I came.

The first time I had sex with Mark, I was lying on my back, with him kneeling between my knees. We had talked a lot about sex, but I hadn't mentioned my scars to him. I guess it just didn't come up. Mark lifted my legs, holding one over each arm, as he shuffled closer to me. With my legs spread wide, he had a good view of his target, and lined his cock up. He pressed the crown against my opening, and started to thrust inside. At first the pain was minimal, but apparently ten years of abstinence had taken their toll, and I was extremely tight. He got the first inch of his penis inside me, and the stretch became too much. I cried out in pain, and asked him to hold still and let me adjust.

His eyes opened wide at that. "I thought you'd had sex before!" He exclaimed, worried.

"I have, Mark. It's just been a while. I need a minute," I whispered through clenched teeth as I tried to force my vaginal muscles to relax.

The spasms running through me must have been massaging the head of his cock, and while he tried to hold still, he was sweating with the effort. I could feel the pulse in his penis through the walls of my vagina, and every beat stretched me a little more, increasing the stimulation for him.