Chapter 62

“There was a young widow named Dinah, who lived down in South Carolina. When she couldn’t make rent, she snuck off to Kent, and bartered there with her vagina.”

“Oh, now that one takes the cake!” Katrina laughed at my chosen limerick as our charter plane taxied down the runway in Hermiston, Oregon.

“Did I win the contest, then?” I chuckled as we unbuckled our seatbelts.

“How about this oldie, but goodie? There was a lesbian in Cancun, who brought a boy up to her room. Where they argued all night, as to who had the right, to do what, where, when, and to whom,” Cherry told that one, knowing that it was so old, it had been in a mid-2000s Kevin Spacey film called The Life of David Gale.

“Cute! You win the prize, for the imagery, if not for originality,” I teased her.

And there it was. Hermiston. I descended from the plane and found there the new Mayor, who was very keen to greet me ... and especially my ladies. Well, I couldn’t blame him, could I? One taste of Katrina was enough to alter his physiology, after all, not to mention his psychosexual disposition. Clearly, I had already transformed his life. This was just another step in that same direction.

“Gamaliel Keaton. No relation to Michael, Diane, or Alex P,” he greeted me with a good dose of urbanity.

“Well, my friend, you’ll soon be as famous as any of them. You have a bright, shiny future ahead of you, sir. Always best to throw in your lot with the conquerors when they’re even halfway decent folk. Only resist assholes like the fucking Nazis. Which I assure you, I’m hardly one of those, being a Jew myself. Do you answer to Gamaliel or something else, Your Honor?” I asked.

“My friends call me ‘GK,’ since those are my initials. And yes, I’m one of those rare people with no middle name. My parents must have decided that my first name was long enough to say. I can’t say for sure, since they were killed on Doomsday in LA. Disneyland wasn’t really worth it, was it? Unfortunately, they took my only son with them, leaving me childless and prompting my wife to run off for parts unknown.

“But that’s ... well, damage done, and I have to move on ... I guess. Rather suddenly, I was alone and stuck with a thankless job that I only took on to try to make the world better for my boy, Richie ... Richie that now doesn’t have a life, let alone a future. On the plus side, I got myself a new, improved job as Mayor, due to the stupidity of my predecessor. There will be elections in time, I’m told. By then, I hope to convince folks to vote me in as more than a caretaker.

“I also got a new lease on life, thanks to ... well, you know. This ‘syndrome’ of yours is no disease, even if it spreads like an STI. In fact, I hear that I’m now immune to those. Is that correct?” the mayor rambled a bit before he caught a breath.

“Yes, it makes you immune to all social diseases, increases your libido, your sex drive, and keeps you young ... at least for a while. It helps to make a pilgrimage to Haven now and then to keep it up, though. It also makes you hyper-fertile, so fair warning on that point. In any case, yes, there will be elections in time ... throughout my domain. They’re likely to be tame affairs at first, if not longer.

“Now, I would like to meet your local dignitaries and such, reassure people that life will largely go on ... only better. But I can see that you’re on side. It’s just a matter of bringing others in line. I want to speak to someone outside the Haven bubble, anyway. I’ve been so very busy that I haven’t gone outside it lately. I’d like to see and find out for myself what others think of me,” I smiled at him.

“Yes, well, here is the City Council. Including former Mayor Anthony Billey ... yes, that’s his actual name ... and City Manager Ernie Lasalle. These are City Councillors Wilhelmina Halleck, Krystal Perez, and Sally Morton. Yes, a female majority on the council, but the executive posts are all male. Explain that one for me,” Mayor Keaton informed us as we walked through the small airport, Hermiston Municipal.

It was clear to me that former Mayor Billey didn’t like being called “stupid,” even less than he liked being cashiered. It became even clearer when he rushed at me and tried to stab me with a letter opener. That was a monumentally idiotic move, as I proved when I hurled him back with my mind and pointed my staff at him. Almost instantly, Billey was disintegrated, his material body reduced to atoms.

The people at the airport, both those in the greeting party and outside of it, stared at me with shock and awe indeed. This was categorical, undeniable, live and in-person proof that I was more than a mere man. They heard the rumors, the reports, and the message spread by my various missionaries in the Church of Haven, but here was a public and televised demonstration of my superhuman status. It was even worse when I lifted my staff again and his spirit took on new flesh, stamped and sealed with the Mark of Mark. Naked to boot!

“Good God ... it’s true! You’re ... some kind of Messiah or God or whatever!” Keaton shouted.

Everyone else just stared at me. These weren’t fans or admirers. They were recently beaten separatists who had just surrendered. They had never realized just what they were dealing with before, but now they knew. I was the Lawgiver, the Prophet, as well as the Chancellor. I was a snake-god, too, though that wasn’t revealed just yet. In any case, they were frightened of me, which was both a good and bad thing in different ways and contexts. I had to reassure them.

“See now, that only happens when you try to harm me, folks. This staff is no mere adornment. It was provided by an angel ... from Almighty God Himself. It gives me ... powers that I am still only discovering, of course,” I smiled at Megan, who winked at me with some impish delight.

No doubt, she was eager to try on some awed and easily impressed locals and impart the gift of Schumacher Syndrome to them. The reaction of the crowd was still one of terror mixed with wonder ... and there was some obvious lust on the faces of the men and women as they began to notice the naked folks in my retinue. It was clear that I wasn’t a typical head of state or politician. I was a living, breathing demigod among them, truly the right hand of God. I had powers mere mortals could only imagine, scarcely fathom.

And for my part, I already had my eye on Krystal Perez in particular ... damn, she was smoking hot! Her father’s Nicaraguan blood was mingled with her mother’s Scot-Irish just right, giving her auburn hair and hazel eyes that contrasted well with her sultry, earthy complexion. Sally Morton was no slouch, either. She was a dirty blonde soccer mom and had the most bewitching blue eyes that hinted at something particularly subversive ... but to whom and to what, I had no idea. It was a secret, whatever it was.

As for Wilhelmina Halleck, well, she was no spring chicken. Seventy going on eighty or something, the effects of too much tobacco over the years being rather sad and destructive. She had a kind of dignity, but no openness to new ideas. I had the feeling that she was still less than cordial to me. She never wanted to surrender ... but now she was stuck with it, likely hoping to croak and escape my rule very soon. She didn’t approve of the new order of things.

Well, she was in for something of a shock at this new occasion of state. I wasn’t about to let her off easy. At least she wouldn’t be executed ... unless she pushed her luck. I was prepared to go around her a lot until she passed away naturally. And then we would see, wouldn’t we? I really didn’t want to have to resort to the razor to resolve the issue. I already used more violence than I wished ... I’d much rather make love than war if possible.

“So, you are the Antichrist!” Halleck exclaimed at last, causing another stunned silence.

“The Antichrist? The Antichrist? Really? That’s why you opposed me? Wow! You lot plunged eastern Oregon into open conflict instead of negotiations with me because of religious superstition? Who is really the force of evil here? Who is now creating chaos and confrontation here?” I demanded of Halleck in public.

“But ... your terms required our submission and surrender ... you didn’t offer any compromise!” Halleck insisted.

“I offered peaceful annexation as part of an existing province, election of local public officials, protection by my armed and police forces, free trade within a single commonwealth, full and equal citizenship, a chance to rise and advance in my new civil service, patronage of the arts and sciences, peace, prosperity, harmony, law, order, etc. I offered progress and social reform. I offered the rule of law.