Chapter 21

I didn’t even get to the corner of my apartment building before I heard footsteps following me. I thought it might have been Linda, but when I turned, I spotted Dalton. I thought she left, but didn’t say anything to her. Jordan was more important at the moment.

Danielle was waiting in the doorway when I arrived. I was about to ask what was wrong when I heard something I thought was a lion roaring. I pulled Danielle out of the way and looked inside.

I almost didn’t recognize Jordan. Earlier, she had her hair pulled back into a pony tail, but now it was a shaggy mess. I saw her face. Her eyes were red-rimmed, her cheeks were red and shiny from tears, and any makeup she had been wearing was scrubbed away. Her clothes were in disarray too. The sweater she had been wearing earlier was lying on the back of the couch, leaving her in the tight black top. I could also tell, from the way she paced, that she wasn’t wearing her shoes either. I spotted one was lying near her bedroom door and the other was on the counter in the kitchen.

Jordan realized the door was open and I was there. I met her eyes. I had only seen anger like that once before – years ago – and I was frozen in fear. I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want her to get any closer. It dawned on me that I really didn’t know what she was capable of.

Someone touched my shoulder. I didn’t turn to look because there were only two other people that I knew of with me and this person’s touch didn’t make me feel anything. It had to be Dalton.

“Is this normal?” she asked.

“No,” I said. “Jordan’s been angry lately but never anything like this.”

Dalton leaned into me. “It’s probably Magic withdrawal,” she said barely above a whisper. “We need to get her over to your apartment. She can shout and rage all she wants without alerting the neighbors over there. We don’t need the regular police involved in this.”

“Okay,” I said. Her plan made sense. My problem was I still didn’t want to move.

Dalton waited and then said, “You’re going to have to lead her. She’s not even looking my way.”

“Okay,” I said again and fought down my fear. This was no longer a matter of being scared of what Jordan would do. She was angry. She probably had good reason to be angry, and I had to help her, even if I was terrified of what she might do.

I stepped fully into the doorway. Jordan turned to square off with me. Her arms hung at her sides like a gunslinger waiting for me to make my move. Her legs were parted for balance, as if she was half a step away from leaping at me. She was ready for a fight, and I did the one thing I knew I shouldn’t: I taunted her. It wasn’t much, just a childish face with my hand in front of my nose and my fingers wiggling.

Jordan growled and charged me.

I knew I outweighed her by about sixty pounds, but I also knew how strong she was. She could easily knock me back, sending me over the railing and we were on the second floor. I didn’t like the idea of falling that distance uncontrolled, so I braced myself. I braced as if I was about to be hit by an eighteen wheeler. It was going to hurt. I would probably need to go to the hospital. As long as Jordan was okay though, it would be worth it.

The idea of a semi plowing into me wasn’t far off. The only difference was, I didn’t go flying. My legs held and in the ensuing chaos, Jordan ended up on my back with her legs wrapped around my mid-section and one arm around my neck. With her other arm, she pummeled the top of my head with her fist.

I grabbed the arm around my neck and pulled it away enough to breathe. The next step was to find a way to calm her down. I didn’t know if words would be enough and I didn’t want to wrestle with her, potentially hurting her. I didn’t care what she did to me because part of me felt that I deserved this. Whatever I had done to piss her off this much had to be bad, and deserved punishment. The only issue was, I didn’t know what I did wrong. To find out, I had to calm her down.

I had a hold of her arm, touching her skin-to-skin, but our bond wasn’t having any effect. There was only one other thing I could think of, and I didn’t know if it would work.

She yanked her arm from my grip, and the only connection we had was through our clothes. Skin-to-skin made the connection better, and we needed better. She grabbed two handfuls of my hair and pulled like she was trying to steer me somewhere. If she wanted to cause physical pain, that worked.

I grabbed her ankles, pulled her skirt out of the way, and made sure I had a solid hold on her bare skin.

She let go of my hair, and started hitting my shoulders with her fists.

I dropped to one knee but held onto her ankle and said, “Calm down, Jordan. Calm down.”

All at once, as if I had thrown a switch, she stopped hitting me and settled down on my back. I felt a lot of tension ease out of her and her legs relaxed.

I helped her to her feet. Both of us were a little shaky.

Jordan started weeping. It wasn’t full tilt wailing, but her tears were real. She leaned back against the open door and almost fell to the floor.

I scooped her up in my arms. For a moment, I stood there, making sure I wasn’t going to fall down while holding her again. Once I was sure my legs would hold us, I stepped out of the apartment and headed for the stairs.

Dalton closed the apartment door and followed us. She followed us down the stairs and across the parking lot, but I lost her when I got to my apartment door.

Danielle and Sammi were inside. Sammi was dressed and looked confused. Danielle hung up her phone and said, “Vanessa is on her way.”

I nodded in acknowledgement and took Jordan over to the couch.

Dalton came in a minute later, and set something on the kitchen counter. She walked over to us, knelt in front of Jordan, and looked her over. She turned to me. “What did you do? How did you calm her down?”

I rubbed Jordan’s hand between both of mine. “Our touch has changed. It’s not about sex alone anymore.”

Dalton shook her head and was about to say something, but Jordan said, “I felt that, but that didn’t help.”

Dalton nodded and said, “You have to pump Magic into her to stifle the symptoms, therefore you must have cast a spell.”

I shrugged. “I simply held onto her and kept saying, calm down.”

Jordan pulled away from me and some of her anger returned. Everyone watched her get up from the couch and start pacing the living room. Dalton said, “You gave her enough Magic to get her here, Seth, but it’s already wearing off. Magic is the only thing that helps with Magic withdrawal.”

I shook my head. “But she can’t use Magic, and it’s been two months since she...” I shook my head. “Why didn’t this happen sooner?”

“First, it’s not a matter of using Magic,” Dalton said. “The name is misleading. This isn’t like drug withdrawal, but more like fighting off a cold or the flu. There’s no cure for the problem directly, but you can fight the symptoms with Magic.” She glanced at Jordan. “As for why she hasn’t had this problem sooner, I would guess it’s because she’s your Fonte.”

I frowned and looked at Jordan. “How long will this last?” I asked.

“Could be a couple of days, could be a couple of weeks,” Dalton said. “The longest I know about is a month.”

I nodded. “How often do I need to give her some Magic?”

“That depends on how much you give her in a single dose,” Dalton said and waved at Jordan. “You gave her a very small dose and her symptoms are already coming back.”

I looked at Dalton. “So, when will we know her withdrawal is over with?”

Dalton nodded at Jordan. “She won’t be this angry for one.”

“Are there any other symptoms?” I asked.

She nodded at Jordan. “She’s the only one who could tell you that.”

Jordan turned and looked at me. Her brow was furrowed, but she wasn’t as far gone as back at her apartment. “I’ve only felt angry. Nothing else.”

Vanessa came in then. She pulled off her coat, revealing the closest thing to regular clothes I had ever seen her in: a pink t-shirt with something too small to read from across the room, a pair of blue jeans, and tennis shoes. She assessed the room, noticed the tension, and then studied Jordan. “Jordan, what’s wrong, hun?”

Jordan stopped pacing long enough to close her eyes and grit her teeth again. It might have been me, but Vanessa calling her ‘hun’ wasn’t helping. She opened her eyes and waved my way. “Seth, explain it, please.”

I nodded and Vanessa looked at me with a frown. “She’s suffering from Magic withdrawal.” I could see the question coming and said, “I know it’s been a while, but Dalton says it was delayed because she’s my Fonte.”

Vanessa shook her head. “No, I was going to ask if her anger was only because of the Magic withdrawal.”

I looked at Jordan and everyone else did too. She noticed and said, “Everything’s making me mad right now. Seeing all of you staring at me like that is making me mad.”

“So, then, yes,” Vanessa said. “Tell me about Magic withdrawal. Is it anything like drug withdrawal?”

I repeated what Dalton told me and concluded with, “In the end, it appears to just go away on its own.”

Vanessa nodded and studied Jordan. “But there’ll still be lingering issues. They need to be taken care of too. Jordan, is there anything particular that’s bothering you?”

Jordan sighed heavily and looked at me. “The Lockdown, the way Dalton has been treating all of us.”

She hesitated and Vanessa said, “And...?”

“and Seth,” she said. She said that softer, but the rest of us were so quiet we heard her anyway.

Dalton stood up and sighed. “I’m not going to apologize for doing my job,” she said softly and walked to the door. She had her hand on the doorknob, turned back to look at us, and said, “When I know all of you can keep your secrets, then I’ll apologize.” Then she left.

Jordan started pacing again. Danielle and Sammi looked at me. I was too focused on Jordan to worry about what they were thinking at the moment.

Vanessa turned toward the kitchen and waved Danielle and Sammi to follow her. They talked for a moment and then Danielle started looking through the drawers until she found some paper, tape, and a pen. Sammi nodded at something else Vanessa said and then left. Danielle wrote something, put some tape at the top of the page, gave Vanessa a hug, and followed Sammi out. Vanessa went to the door and locked it. She looked at me because I watched the whole thing. “Danielle put a note on your door in case your sister comes home before we’re done. With the security spell on your apartment, Faith won’t hear us talking.”

I nodded in understanding, and glad someone had thought of it because I hadn’t. I thought about Katrina too, but knew she had her own key and was well aware of our arrangements. If she walked in on us, it wouldn’t hurt anything.

Jordan was pacing again. Her eyes flicked my way as she turned at the end of her trek.

Vanessa grabbed one of the stools from the kitchen and brought it with her. She perched on it and said, “Jordan, you’ve been talking to me about this for better than a week now. Seth’s here. He knows you’re mad at him. Tell him what’s wrong.”

Jordan glanced at me as she paced. I watched her, silently waiting. With each turn at the ends of her short trek back and forth across my living room, she glanced at me. Her anger burned brighter with each turn. She was working herself up to this and I had no idea what it was about.

Finally she stopped in front of me and said, “You should know what this is about.”

I stared at her, still not sure what to say. Saying nothing had served to keep me from getting into more trouble in the past, so I saw no reason to change that policy.

She pointed at me. “And don’t you dare make this about me,” she said, as if I had actually said something. “You’ve been the one fucking up!”

I frowned and looked at Vanessa for some clue as to what Jordan was talking about, but there was nothing to be gleaned. Therefore, I continued to keep my silence.

“This is ridiculous, Seth,” Jordan said. “Say something!”

I shook my head and said, “I don’t know what to say.”

She threw up her hands. “Of course not! How did I know you’d be this clueless?”

“I’m not clueless,” I said. “But the clues I have are out of context.”

She glared at me. “Don’t get smart with me.”

That hit a nerve. I hated it when I was warned about getting ‘smart’. It made me believe the person grilling me was angry because I was more intelligent than they, but I knew that wasn’t really the issue here. “If anyone’s told you to take it easy on me, don’t,” I said softly. “Hit me with both barrels.”

“I’m sick and tired of watching you squander everything you’ve been given. I’m tired of answering your questions about your heritage but watching you do nothing with it. I’m tired of this crap.” She shook her head, her hair flying around her. “It’s like I’m hungry and I see you sitting at a beautiful dining table and ignoring a huge steak dinner in front of you - only it’s worse, because I couldn’t ‘eat’ if I wanted to.”

“But you wouldn’t feel full if I ate the dinner,” I said, following her line of logic. “And I know I haven’t done much with my Magic, but what crap are you talking about?”

Her face burned and her brow furrowed deeper than I had ever seen. “I can’t believe you don’t see it! You ask me, and Raven, and Lady Brighid all kinds of questions, but you don’t do anything with your power! You’ve collected enough Fonti so you don’t hurt anyone and you enjoy fucking us all, but that’s it. You don’t even look outside of our group to other sources. You don’t even try to use your powers to help increase your seduction skills. You don’t even cheat when it comes to school!”

“You want him to cheat in school?” Vanessa asked.

Jordan turned and looked at Vanessa as if she’d forgotten the therapist was there. She held her hand out to me, flat, palm up to indicate me. “He just doesn’t get it!”

Even softer, completely in contrast to her volume, I said, “Then explain it to me.”

She looked at me again. “I want you to go out there,” and she pointed at the door, “and do something. I never had the kind of power you do. I would love having that kind of power. I would do something other than sitting here on my ass talking legalities while there’s the Lockdown to solve!”

I frowned. “Is that what’s bothering you? I know you tried to tap my power to see if it would free you from the Lockdown and that backfired. It led to this,” I said and waved at her. “You’re angry because you gave all your power to me. You’re mad at me because I took your power. No, I didn’t know what was going on, but I could have fought you harder, run away from you, anything so you wouldn’t be going through this. I don’t mind you being mad at me, but stop trying to make this what it isn’t.”

She squinted at me in disbelief. “I’m not mad because I lost my power. I’m mad because you don’t do anything with it. It’s as if I’ve lost my sight in an accident and then you’ve taken me to the Louvre. I’ve always wanted to go. I’ve always wanted to see the art, to experience it. But you don’t even look at the artwork. You’re too busy telling me about how the building’s engineered, how the roof’s supported, how the layout is designed to allow and encourage a flow of people, how the lighting’s been wired in, and so on...” She pointed at me. “No. You bother me. You. You have power but don’t use it. You have all these women, but never make a move on any of us. You could be out there doing more but you just want to avoid it all. You!”

Another thought occurred to me then, and I didn’t like it. I really didn’t like the possibility of what her answer to my next question could be, but I had to know. “Do you want to leave?”

Again, that glare. “If I wanted to leave, I would have left already.”

I shook my head, not sure she understood what I was asking. “No, I mean, do you want me to free you from our bond.”

For the first time, something other than anger filled her face. “No!” Her fear was short-lived though. “I don’t want you to cut me lose. What I want is for you to be what you are. You’re a Magus. Be a Magus. Fuck, cast spells, fuck some more, experiment with Magic, fuck some more, and do something spectacular!”

It finally hit me. She had been hoping from the start that I would be the kind of Magus she wished she could be. Unfortunately, her vicarious living had fallen short of her expectations. “Jordan, I’m not you. I’m not Dalton. I’m not Raven or Lady Brighid, or any other Magus you know. I’m me. I’ll always be me. That may not be what you had hoped for, but it’s all I have to offer.”

She pointed in my face, “I know who you are. I know what you can do. It’s what you refuse to do.”

I was confused. “I’ve done more in the last two days than since you first told me about this. I took another Fonte tonight.”

She frowned. “You did that so you could explain to your lawyer what you’re involved in.”

“Do you think that was wrong?” I asked.

She shook her head. “No, but you don’t need a reason.”

I glanced around the room. “The security on the apartment?”

She shook her head. “That was necessary.”

“Building my fetish?”

“Necessary.”

“Fine, what about my tanning treatments?”

“Necessary,” she stepped away and paced for a minute. She looked at me again. “You haven’t done anything because you could.”

“Such as cheating in school?” I asked.

“You don’t need to cheat in school. I know how smart you are,” she said. “Which also pisses me off because you’re not using those brains to think of ways to use your Magic. There are so many things you could do that have nothing to do with what’s necessary and everything to do with the power itself.”

“Give him an example, Jordan,” Vanessa said.

Jordan shrugged and paced again. “Anything. He could alter the front door so it locks when he leaves and unlocks when he arrives.”