Chapter 17: Love

-- SATURDAY, MARCH 11, 2006, SENIOR YEAR --

"Ben ... I love you..."

I stiffened immediately. Sasha, on the other hand, continued basking in the afterglow of a spectacular orgasm as she slumped against my shoulder. Her half-naked body rose and fell with her deep breaths, and she hummed lightly before turning her nose deeper into the crook of neck.

THEN she stiffened.

Her hands, which were resting against my upper arms, suddenly had them in a death grip. She gasped, and then held her breath while keeping her face pressed tightly against my shoulder. She didn't move, as if she could simply remain still and somehow hidden until the problem itself moved away. But of course, I wasn't going anywhere. My cock was still half-hard and slowly deflating inside her sodden pussy, our mingled orgasmic juices leaking down my shaft and coating my balls.

Finally, Sasha pulled her head back and sat up straight. She looked down at me with a frightened expression, and I could tell she was about to start freaking out.

So I said in as calm a voice as I could manage, "Hey, don't freak out..."

Too late. "Ohmigawd. Ben, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that! It just sort of came out, but I know that was the orgasm messing with my head. You do that to me. I don't know how you do it but when we make love ... I mean when we're fucking ... you just DO something to me and all I can think of is butterflies and hearts and fireworks and ... I mean, it doesn't have to be so much about YOU. I'm not trying to say I AM in love with you. I just mean that I'm not having amazing sex with anyone else but I'm sure that if I did that maybe he could make me feel ... It's physical. I'm not thinking straight. Orgasm blows up inside me and whoop! I'm saying 'I love you'. But I don't. I mean, not really. I don't want you to think that I'm going to turn into some crazy, love-obsessed stalker here. You're my friend. We're just friends. And I value that friendship and I would NEVER jeopardize that friendship by going and falling in love with you or anything..."

Her smile was a little too wide to be real, and the crazed look in her eyes was a little worrisome. But from the way she was both hyperventilating and rambling despite my repeated efforts to tap on her shoulders and get her attention so that she'd relax, I knew she was simply nervous and embarrassed about her admission. Right around the time she started talking about NEVER jeopardizing our relationship, I simply rolled my eyes and shut her up by fastening my lips over hers in a kiss.

She shut up and devoured my mouth. At least, for thirty seconds she did. Then she pulled back and looked even more embarrassed, but before she could start rambling again, I held my fingers against her lips.

"Calm down, Sasha," I said seriously, my eyebrows raised while giving her a look that told her I meant it. "Calm down."

She pinched her lips shut. But those big brown eyes were as wide as I'd ever seen them, in terror more than anything else.

"I don't love you," I said evenly, and then watched her heart sink behind her irises. Still, her heart rate also seemed to sink, and the tension throughout the rest of her body seemed to fade as well.

"I'm flattered by what you said, no matter how you meant it," I began, taking my hand away from her mouth.

"I didn't mean it," she said immediately. "Orgasm talking." And then she giggled rather nervously.

"Sure. I get it. Not the first time it's happened to me." The reminder that I had this effect on other girls further dampened Sasha's ardor. "Like I said, I'm flattered however you meant it. If it was just the result of a great orgasm, then cool. I did my job. But if it's something more than that."

"It's not..." Sasha said with a wince, shaking her head. "I don't want you to think that I--"

"I don't," I interrupted. "But I just want you to know – for potentially future reference if you will – that if you DID develop further feelings for me, that it would be okay too."

"It would?"

I nodded. "Of course. What we do together is very passionate, very intimate. I've said it a bunch of times since I was a teenager: sex changes people. It's only human nature to bond more closely to people we've had sex with compared to people we haven't. The physical union is ... it's powerful. It's private and it's special, and we don't share that kind of thing with just anybody. You more than anyone can probably understand the difference between being naked in front of somebody and being truly intimate with them. And it's a whole 'nother level when two people are as intimate as you and I have been lately."

"But I'm not supposed to fall in love with you."

I shrugged. "I never said that. I only ever said that I needed you to understand that I'm not at that place, through no fault of your own. It's all fine and dandy to talk about sunk costs in class or when discussing corporate expenditures, but people and their emotions are much harder to let go. I've been through a lot lately..."

"I know."

" ... And it's not that I'm trying to NOT fall in love, but I just think my heart needs to recover a little bit before being back at full blast."

"I know."

"I know you do. That's why I'm hoping we can get through this together. The last thing I want to do is lead you on; we've talked about that a lot."

"We have."

"And I don't want you to form any expectations I can't meet."

"Of course."

"But at the same time, I don't want you to bottle up your emotions. Doing that is only going to stress you out and lead to resentment, and I don't want you resenting me."

"For not returning my feelings?"

"And for not acknowledging them. I DO acknowledge them. I'm trying to tell you that I understand if you're in love with me. It's okay. I HAVE to be okay with it, because the alternative is losing you, and I don't want that."

She practically swooned, new hope flaring into her eyes. "Losing me?" she asked carefully.

I took a deep breath, gathering myself before I added any more fruitless hope to the situation. "You and I both have to come to terms with how you feel about me. I still don't think I deserve your love, if indeed that's what you feel for me. Look at me: I'm fucking a dozen different girls every day of the week. I'm the LAST guy anyone should want for a committed boyfriend, and I'm the last one you should be in love with. But if you are, then we both need to acknowledge it and figure out how to keep going. I don't want you expecting me to drop the Tri-Delts and become your loyal boyfriend--"

"I don't. Really, I don't."

"But I also don't want you resenting me for NOT doing just that."

"I won't."

"Easier said than done, but talking about it is the first step, I think." I sighed and reached down to cup Sasha's bare ass. Gently lifting, I helped her finally pull off me and watched as a few more ounces of mingled cum leaked down her thigh. She produced a napkin from ... somewhere ... and started wiping herself down, and she handed me one as well.

I wiped up my balls and patted myself dry before giving her a bemused grin. "I like you, Sasha. I like you a lot. I'm not going to say that somewhere down the road, if you and I are still friends, that we may develop into something more. I don't want you pinning false hopes onto a future that doesn't exist."

"I know..." She looked down, biting her lower lip. Turning to sit beside me on the couch, Sasha pulled the strap of her leotard back over her crotch and also raised her sleeves up onto her shoulders while tucking her breasts into the cups. Her gaze was on the floor in front of us.

"But at the same time, I don't want you to hide anything from me, okay? Can you do that?"

She blinked and looked over at me, weighing things in her mind. She frowned for a moment, but then took a deep breath and said, "Ben, I AM in love with you."

I gave her a shrug and a smile. "I know. That aerials routine you performed tonight ... that was about me, wasn't it?"

Sasha blushed and averted her eyes. "Well ... Not specifically about you..."

"Spinning and spinning, reaching and flowing. Dizzy with euphoria and always feeling like you're just a few inches short of reaching me. And then at the end, nearly falling, hanging by a thread ... before finally picking yourself back up?"

"It's a routine..."

"Just a routine?" I cocked an eyebrow and looked at her expectantly.

After a few seconds, Sasha crumbled and sighed. "Okay, so it was about you."

"I'm flattered."

"I'm in love with you. You're okay with that?"

"Of course."

"So what do we do now?"

I sighed. "Now? Now we go back outside and I collect my Tri-Delt harem. Then, I think we'll stick around and wait for you to get off work. And then we'll all go home together. Jamie's Explorer DOES have eight seatbelts."

"And about me being in love with you?"

I shrugged. "You know it, and I know it. No secrets. Open communication. That's all we can do. Don't hide it, not even in front of the other girls. But ... try not to expect too much from me right now, okay? I want to do what's right by you, but I can't do that."

She shook her head. "Sometimes I ask myself why the hell I had to go and fall for you. You're right; you're the LAST guy I wanted to be in love with. Two-timing, fucks everything in a skirt lothario who couldn't be loyal to a single woman if he was trapped in an inescapable box with only her."

I raised my eyebrows, but rather than defend myself, replied, "Yeah, pretty much."

She mused on that for a moment, and then took a deep, calming breath. Her head hung for a few seconds, but then she sat up straight and looked over at me with hope ... and a touch of moisture ... in her big brown eyes. "Can I kiss you now?"

I smiled, turned, and stroked her cheek in my hand. "Of course."

-- TUESDAY, MARCH 21, 2006, SENIOR YEAR --

I awoke with my usual morning hard-on. My eyes were still closed, but I felt the presence of a warm female on either side of me, and a wave of pure bliss spread across my body.

This wasn't exactly heaven. Even if I were fully conscious, I don't think I could have described my current feelings in any single word. But if there was an appropriate word, it would be a word that collectively meant good, satisfied, energetic, hungry, and even a little smug.

Well, really smug. After all, how many guys on the planet would give their left nut to bed down with multiple hot young coeds every night? That was my reality, and the fact that I couldn't even really remember exactly which two girls were now cuddled up against my sides only added to the surreal, self-satisfied sensations I was currently feeling.

All three of us were naked beneath the bedsheets. Keeping my eyes closed, I let my hands slide down their bare spines as I cinched them closer against my sides, using my senses of touch and smell to guess at their identities rather than spoil the surprise by opening my eyes. The body on my left was petite and slender, with soft skin and a low percentage of body fat. The hair against the left side of my chin smelled faintly of apples, and I knew then that Andie Holland was humming as she nuzzled her cheek against my chest.

The body on my right was somewhat more curvaceous, and as my hand slid lower I felt the roundness of her well-padded ass. Turning my head to the right, I inhaled her somewhat more musky scent, and the final tell was the supple yet firm way the girl on my right had slipped her hand around my morning erection and begun to stroke me. The sexual creature inside me recognized the technique, and I hummed as I tilted my face down and pecked her forehead. "Mmm ... morning, lovely," I greeted quietly to Jamie Miano.

That got Andie on my left to pick her head up off my chest, and when I cracked open my eyes, I saw the typically-perky bottle-blonde giving me a rare frown. "I keep meaning to ask you: How come she gets the adorable nickname?" Andie pouted.

I shook my head and slipped my right arm out from under Jamie's head. Turning to take Andie's cheeks in my hands, I nuzzled her nose with my own before kissing it quickly. "She's my 'lovely'; you're my 'cutie', okay?"

Andie turned that over in her head for a moment. I had been calling her 'cutie' off and on over the past month, though not as consistently as the way I called Jamie 'lovely'. Blinking her soft brown eyes at me, Andie's frown melted away as she asked, "Really?"

"Absolutely, cutie," I replied with a grin before twisting further to move myself over Andie's body.

Jamie had to let go of my cock as I did so, and she simply lay on her side and watched with a little smile on her face. I threw the busty Italian babe a wink before turning my attention to Andie, who lay on her back beneath me with wide eyes and shallow breathing as I nudged her thighs apart with my knees.

Jamie actually reached in just then, taking hold of my erection and guiding me into place. Andie held her breath as she felt my cockhead nudging the folds of her pussy open. And as my thick shaft burrowed deep into my slender 'cutie', lubricated by the remnants of our mutual orgasms from the night before, she exhaled a long moan while raising her legs up to wrap them around my calves and pull me even deeper.

Just then, my bedroom door popped open. Sasha poked her head in and quickly looked over to the bed, finding that Jamie, Andie, and I had all turned to look at the source of our intrusion.

Sasha blushed. "Oops, sorry to interrupt. It's getting late and Ben's got to get to class."

I groaned, realizing that indeed today was a Tuesday, and muttered, "I really should just drop this class. I don't need the credits, and then I wouldn't have ANY morning classes ANY days of the week."

"Yeah, well you do," Sasha said, shaking her head. "And until you drop it, you've still gotta go. Things were so quiet up here I was worried you would still be asleep."

Jamie giggled. "We're up, and he's up. Andie and I will make him go down and then we'll all come down."

Sasha grinned. "Right. I'll have breakfast ready to go." With that, Sasha blew us all a kiss and then left, closing the door behind her.

I chuckled and shook my head. It had been an interesting week and a half since the visit to Nocturne. Nobody was surprised when I wanted to wait for Sasha to get off work before driving her home that night, but everyone was surprised a little to see the changes in how Sasha started acting around me.

She'd always been my constant, at least as far as day-to-day interactions went. We shared classes and meals and walks to and from campus. She was the only permanent resident of the house; even Andie and Jamie went home most nights they didn't spend with me, although they crashed in one of the bedrooms downstairs at least once a week. Sasha wasn't a Tri-Delt, and it only made sense for her to gravitate to sit near me whenever we were in a group setting. But even so, everyone noticed the difference.

Sasha had never been terribly affectionate. Some of the girls were touchy-feely, and while Sasha didn't shy away from that kind of friendly contact, she didn't often initiate it, either; not with me or anyone else. Part of it was her reticent nature, but she was also fully cognizant of being an "outsider" of sorts within Tri-Delt West. She wasn't a sister. She hadn't pledged The Oath. She didn't share those bonds with the other girls, and she had always worried about alienating them by taking up too much of my attention.

Not anymore. She kissed me every chance she got. She sat in my lap more often than even Andie did. And she developed the habit of walking to and from classes holding my hand. She didn't try to outmaneuver a Tri-Delt for a slot in my bed, or otherwise preempt their seductions. Indeed, she hadn't even spent an overnight with me since last Thursday. But still, when the opportunities did arise, she was definitely bolder than she'd been before in escalating the situation from mild flirting to all out sex.

In short, Sasha acted like a (horny) girl in love with me, and everyone could tell.

At first, I'd worried that the changes in Sasha's behavior would cause problems, both between her and the Tri-Delts and between her and me. With Sasha stepping up her game, as it were, I heard some of the Tri-Delts whispering that maybe they would have to do so as well just to keep up, despite her verbal assurances that nothing would change.

Would Sasha pay lip service to equality but subtly (or not-so-subtly) seek out preferential treatment?

Would Sasha "show off" her familiarity with me, the result of the friendship we'd developed through time spent over the last two years that the other girls simply didn't have?

Would she reject the Tri-Delt hierarchy and not follow the rules they'd laid out for each other in terms of sharing and sisterhood?

And most importantly, would Sasha pretend to be okay with being casual fuck-buddies but secretly work to get the commitment and love from me that all believed she really wanted?

The answer to all of these, surprisingly, was "no". For nearly two weeks now, Sasha hadn't sought any preferential treatment and actually went out of her way to take a step back and let other girls have first crack at me. In some ways, she seemed more eager to have sex with the other harem girls than with gobbling up more of my time. Instead of becoming a "showoff", Sasha actively sought to teach the other girls what she knew about being around me as a friend and shared her insights into reading my fluctuating moods. And she fully accepted the hierarchy, acting as an honorary Tri-Delt in subjecting herself to their rules and regulations without demanding any special rights or privileges thereof.

She became the perfect harem girl, and the other Tri-Delts adored her for it.

And I had to admit, I rather adored Sasha too.

But in the meantime, I needed to pay attention to someone else I had started to become very fond of. Looking back down at Andie's smiling face, I flexed my cock deep within her pussy and grinned. "Okay, cutie. Where were we?"

The perky bottle-blonde raised her legs up, wrapping them around my waist and crossing her ankles behind my ass before digging her heels in to tug our loins closer together. "Right here."

I grinned and bent to kiss her, our open mouths coming together wetly while Andie's tongue extended upward like a hungry chick's to wriggle against mine. Bearing down into our liplock, I inhaled deeply through my nose and retracted my hips, dragging my cock out through the tight entrance of her pussy before reversing course and pushing back in. Andie moaned and turned her face away to pant for air. And I dropped my nose down to her exposed neck, nuzzling her as I began a steady fucking rhythm.

"Ooh, it IS getting late," Jamie commented beside us. She leaned over us, taking hold of my head and turning it so that she could plant a wet kiss on me as well. We battled tongues for thirty seconds or so while I continued pumping in and out of Andie. But Jamie finally pulled away with a sigh. "I'm gonna start putting my face together. Have fun you two."

"Bye, Jamie," Andie chirped between soft grunts, short exhalations that accompanied each impact of my pelvis against hers.

"Bye, lovely," I drawled with a wink while I ogled the busty Italian beauty's naked body as she rolled out of bed. Eyeing those heavy tits, I hammered Andie a little extra hard. But after Jamie gathered up her clothes and left the room with a pixie wink of her own, I returned my attention to the girl beneath me.

"I've got to get to class, too," Andie whimpered.

"We'll make it fast," I assured her. I ceased my thrusting, withdrawing slightly so that I could settle more comfortably onto my knees. Sitting back on my heels, only my cockhead was left still inside Andie's pretty pussy. And I grinned as I looked up her naked body from bare-shaven cunt lips to taut belly, perky tits, and sweet face beyond.

Reaching forward, I seized Andie's hips and physically hauled her up to me, yanking her down around my cock with her butt suspended several inches in the air while her head and shoulders rested on the mattress just in front of my pillows. After glancing at the clock, I then started up our new fucking motions. Gripping Andie's tight buttcheek with my left hand, I more or less held her body in place while thrusting off my knees to piston my dick in and out of her. Her weight was supported by my upper thighs, and with my knees planted I could use my leg muscles to really drive into her. My right hand was free, and with a confident grin I used all five fingers to diddle her clit, playing out a melody of rubbing caresses on her love button before walking my fingers up her torso and tweaking a cherry red nipple.

"Oooh ... unnghhh ... oooh..." Andie squealed as she thrust her loins up to the sky. Tilting her head back, she closed her eyes and concentrated on the feelings of my digital manipulations combined with the thick prod stretching her vaginal tunnel. Behind my ass, she planted her feet on the mattress and began to undulate her own crotch in my lap. And with her own weight supported, I was free to really use my legs to pound her pussy harder and harder and harder.

"Ungh! Fuck! Me!" Andie crooned happily, lost in the haze of sexual euphoria.

"So! Fucking! Tight!" I grunted with her, squeezing the tit beneath my right palm before squeezing the firm buttcheek held in my left.

"Gah! I'm gonna! Cum!" she moaned, thrashing more and more erratically against my urgent thrust.

"Me too," I groaned and then asked, "Where do you want it?" Already, I began to mentally calculate what physical manipulation would be necessary to scramble out from under her bucking body and get my cock in line with her mouth. Andie was the kind of girl who loved getting facialized, but she equally adored sucking my load down or even getting her tits sprayed, although we probably didn't have time for a shower to clean up afterward this morning.

But Andie crooned, "In me ... I wanna feel your spunk squishing into my panties while I'm in class. Oh fuck that's hot. I'm cumming!!!"

The petite bottle-blonde squealed and threw her head back as she came, thrusting her pelvis toward the sky again and even elevating her shoulders off the bed so that her body formed an arch running from the top of her head and over to her feet planted behind me. Holding onto her hips with both hands, I piledrived my cock in and out of her spasming snatch with short, staccato thrusts. And just as her internal orgasmic compressions began to fade away, I thrust forward one last time and held myself there as my cock began spitting ribbons of spunk into the back of Andie's clenching cunt.

"CUMMING!" Andie howled again, loud enough for most of the house to hear. "I'M CUMMING!!!"

Her arch actually collapsed before I was finished squirting. Falling down with her, we ended up back in a missionary position with Andie's arms and legs spread wide to the corners of the bed and my cockhead nudging up against Andie's cervix as I continued hosing down her empty womb. Breathing heavily, her chest rose and fell beneath mine and she clutched her arms around my neck to hold us even closer together while I finished spunking her saturated pussy.

"Whew..." Andie sighed when we finally caught our respective breaths. "That's still a helluva way to wake up."

I grinned and chuckled. "That's why we do it every morning."

Something flashed in Andie's eyes. "Well, not every morning. Not for me at least."

I heard a pouting note in Andie's voice and picked my head up to look at her. Blinking slowly, I gave her a bashful smile and said, "You have to share, cutie."

Andie put on an exaggerated frown, but it lasted for only a second before she giggled and kissed my nose. "I know. I guess I just have to really enjoy every chance I get with you."

I arched an eyebrow. "Don't you? I sure as hell try my best to ensure you get plenty of 'enjoyment' whenever we do this."

"Of course, of course." She giggled in laughter. Shaking her head, Andie sighed, "You're still the best, and you've never let me down even once. You're incredible, in that. There's no one else I've ever met quite like you."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

Andie grinned and squeezed her inner muscles around my half-hard cock still inside her. "It is. It is." Tightening her arms around my neck once again, Andie then drew me into a soulful kiss that was full of more than mere lust. Indeed, there was an urgent longing in Andie's kiss, an almost desperate pressure and a whimpered moan I'd been noticing more and more when we'd recently been together. Everyone had agreed that the harem was to remain strictly casual, with no romantic feelings complicating things for everyone involved. After all, what we shared was sex, not love. And if my sex had to spread out over up to a dozen different girls, what chance was there for anything truly meaningful, right?

But people can't always control the way they feel, and it was no secret that Andie was becoming quite fond of me. And if I was to be fully honest with myself, I was starting to get quite fond of her as well. I was getting fond of a lot of them.

But just as our kiss was about to intensify into the start of something more, a new voice cleared her throat beside the bed. Almost bashfully, Andie and I broke apart and looked over to see a fully-dressed Jamie standing next to us with an impish smile on her face. "Time's up lovebirds. We gotta get to class."

"Ohhh..." Andie moaned with that exaggerated frown once again.

I looked down at her, shrugged helplessly, and then quickly pecked her nose. "Time to get up, cutie. We'll do this again." I pushed my chest off of hers, and slowly began to withdraw.

"When?" Andie whimpered, cinching her legs around my waist and preventing me from pulling out. Her eyes were wide and liquid and full of worry.

I shrugged and head-nodded to Jamie. "Guess you'll have to check the schedule with the others."

Hastily dressed and with only a dab of product in my messy hair, I stumbled downstairs with my messenger bag slung across my shoulders. Sasha stood in the hallway, one hand on the handle of her roller backpack. "Ready to go?"

I took a deep breath and nodded, wondering just how much I smelled like sex at the moment. Andie was still upstairs, putting on her makeup with my spunk squishing into her panties. And Jamie was in the dining room wolfing down her own breakfast. None of the other Tri-Delts had stayed in the house overnight. Nodding to Sasha, I replied, "Ready."

I started walking, but Sasha caught my arm. "Not yet, buster. You gotta eat something." Without ceremony, she shoved half a waffle into my mouth.

Holding the freshly-made batter-based cake in my teeth, I reached up to hold the mass of waffle in my hand before biting off the piece already in my mouth. Even with my mouth full, I turned and puckered up for Sasha, who eagerly kissed me. "Thanks," I mumbled.

The beautiful brunette beamed and held up a silver travel mug, one I already knew to be filled with orange juice. After I took that as well, she leaned in for one more thank you kiss and a pat on my ass. "You're welcome. Let's roll."

-- WEDNESDAY, MARCH 22, 2006, SENIOR YEAR --

"I do not know how you do it sometimes, Benjamin," Professor Isakova sighed heavily as she handed over my graded exam. At the top in red ink was the number 96. "I am certain you were sleeping through the lecture on capital budgeting."

I blushed as I took the exam and slid it toward myself across the table's surface. All around us, other students were getting up and exiting the classroom. My exam was the last one either the professor or her T.A. had handed back. "Guess studying at home pays off," I explained.

Viktoriya's eyebrows rose and she bent over, and I couldn't help but notice the way the front of her blouse fell away from her chest, giving me a prominent view of her cleavage. The other students in my immediate vicinity had already departed, and in a quiet voice only I could hear, she murmured, "I am amazed you have any time to study in that house of yours, what with your little harem and all."

My eyes popped open wide in surprise, and as Viktoriya stood back up, she had a teasing smile on her face. "You know about that?"

"Of course I do," she replied matter-of-factly. "I like to keep tabs on my favorite students, even after they have moved on. At the beginning of the semester, I was worried how you would be taking DJ's departure. And then the situation with Kim has thrown all of us. But I see now that you are coping just fine."

I coughed nervously and blushed. "I've managed to get by."

Viktoriya's musical laughter filled the room, and then she leaned down and whispered once again in my ear. "Maybe someday you'll find a little time in your busy schedule to do an old woman a favor."