Chapter 15: The Charter

-- FEBRUARY 2006, SENIOR YEAR --

I knocked, and after a little while the door swung open. Brooke gave me a smile and said, "Hey. It's good to see you. Feels like it's been forever."

"Seventeen days," I replied. "But yeah, it's been a while."

"We've talked on the phone," she protested, recognizing the hurt tone in my voice.

I rolled my eyes. "To scold me about the sex tape."

She frowned. "There was at least one other call before that ... like a week ago."

"When I asked to see how you both were doing. But that's it. Two calls in more than two weeks."

"Well you're here now," Brooke drawled while rolling her eyes. "What's up? You said it was important and couldn't be handled over the phone."

"It can't. DJ here?"

Brooke nodded. When I'd called to tell her I needed to come over, I'd told her explicitly that what I had to say was for both of them. But Brooke explained, "She's in the bedroom with Faye. She still doesn't want to see you."

"She has to for this."

"Tell me what it is and I'll decide if it's worth bringing her out here."

I shook my head. "I'm dead serious, Brooke. She has to hear this, and I'm not sure I can say it more than once."

"You can't win her back with some big speech. She knows you love her. She knows you'd forgive her. But she can't. She just can't go back to you right now. I know I said it feels like it's been forever since I last saw you, but it's been little more than two weeks. She needs time to heal and to get over these demons, and I'm afraid that seeing you again will only set her back."

"I'm not here to make some big speech and win her back," I sighed. "This isn't about DJ and me – well, not directly. But it's something she deserves to know. I really don't want her to end up hearing this secondhand from someone else."

"What? You're being all cloak and dagger and really hyping this up." Brooke gave me a funny look. "Wait, Dawn didn't come back and talk you into giving her another chance, did she?"

"What? No. No. This has nothing to do with Dawn."

"Well ... Does what you have to say have the potential of making DJ's depression even worse?"

I grimaced and thought about it. "Well ... yeah, actually."

"Then don't say it. Bury it inside and go home. Leave her be for now, alright? It's bad enough that she knows you came over here."

I sighed and rubbed my forehead, finally shaking my head as I said plainly, "Kim's pregnant."

Brooke's jaw dropped, and she suddenly lost her grip on the doorknob. Since she'd been leaning on it for support, she actually fell and banged her shoulder against the open door. She muttered a pained "Oww" before standing up and rubbing her injured shoulder while shooting me a baleful glare. "You're serious?"

"I wouldn't be here if I wasn't."

"So when's the wedding?"

"What? We're not getting married."

"Really? Isn't that what you always wanted? Marriage and kids?" There was quite the mocking tone in my sister's voice.

The tone irritated me. "You know what? Forget it! You're right. I should be done with both of you and move on with my life. If DJ wants to ignore me and you're just going to make fun of me, then good riddance. I've got enough shit going on in my life that I don't need this!"

"Ben, wait!" Brooke called right as I started turning around. I turned back to face her, and she bit her lip and folded her arms across her chest. "Okay ... Come in ... Let's talk."

"What? Now I've got your interest? Can't resist digging for more juicy gossip?"

"Don't be like that. You're still my big brother and I love you. I'm sorry if I came across like a brat for a minute there, and I know this can't be an easy time for you." She reached a hand out and took my forearm. "You know what? Let's go out for a bit. We'll talk."

I arched an eyebrow and gestured with my head into the apartment. "And DJ?"

She shook her head. "This will kill her. I know you think she deserves to hear something like that straight from you. But even if she doesn't, she'll know that you came here with every intention of being upfront and telling her in person. I simply can't let you say something like this to her. I don't know whether she'll get even more depressed over the idea that she gave you up and you then immediately impregnated someone else, or whether she'll feel betrayed and absolutely hate your guts for impregnating someone else. Either way, she's too emotionally fragile to hear this straight from your mouth. I'll tell her; I promise. I won't let her hear this from anyone else. But she'll take it better from me instead of you. Do you understand?"

I sighed, putting my forehead into my hand for a moment before rather wearily standing up straight and giving my sister a frustrated look. "At least tell me she's getting better."

Brooke's wince was answer enough. "She's still losing weight. Practically a skeleton now."

I grimaced and shook my head. "I wish there was something I could do."

Brooke nodded. "Me too. But you're the problem, so you can't."

"Seems like I'm everyone's problem nowadays."

Brooke didn't know what to say to that.

I sighed and then gestured for her to follow me to my car. For some reason, I hadn't been able to bring myself to ride the motorcycle, even though it was brand new. The Triumph simply reminded me of Kim too much, and I couldn't deal with that kind of pain.

"Let's find somewhere quiet to talk," I said as my little sister fell into step alongside me. "And then I can tell you not only how and why Kim is pregnant, but also why she's no longer living with me or even a Cal Berkeley student."

"Wait, WHAT?"

I shook my head ruefully. "It's a LONG story."

The best place we could think of for privacy was the Berkeley house, and I brought her back inside for the first time in seventeen days. She immediately went to her old bedroom, scoping the place out to see if I'd changed anything while also picking up a few odds and ends she wanted to bring over to Faye's apartment. Then, she went over to DJ's bedroom, glancing around before coming out and saying, "So you changed it back after filming."

I blushed and said, "That was just temporary set decoration, bringing crap from my room upstairs down here to make it look the way it did during my sophomore year."

Brooke went over to the couch in the living room and invited me to sit beside her, and we continued the conversation we'd started in the car.

A few good things came out of my discussion with Brooke. For one thing, she volunteered to call and tell my parents as well as Brandi. She recognized that while my family certainly deserved to know, I simply didn't have the energy or strength to deal with making those phone calls and enduring those conversations right now. I'd have to talk to them myself eventually, but since Kim wouldn't be delivering until early October and I was currently forbidden from having any contact with her, there wasn't really any urgency for me to do so. I told Brooke that I'd call Adrienne myself, and Brooke told me that she'd HAVE to tell Faye in order for Faye to help DJ cope. But otherwise, I stressed that this was to remain a "Family only" kind of secret; the last thing I wanted was for the rumor mill to get hold of this story.

Brooke also helped me put things in perspective. I shared with her the information I'd gotten from Bert both on last night's phone call and today's lunch when he, Paige, Sasha, and I discussed the situation. Mr. Fukuzaki had threatened a restraining order if I ever came sniffing around, which didn't come as much of a surprise given his rage when he'd ordered me out of his house. His belief was that Kim was merely infatuated with me, crushing on a boy who didn't love her back the way many young girls did sometimes. She'd made a mistake and gotten knocked up; it was a Lifetime movie, really. He hoped that in time, Kim would get over the infatuation and focus on her future and what she would need to do to continue on with her life as a single mother.

On the other hand, he'd told Bert he was pulling Kim from school not because she might run into me, but because he wanted to be super-careful about Kim's pregnancy. He wanted to monitor her food and exercise and keep her safe. He didn't want her commuting all the way to school and back or stressing herself out trying to balance her academics with morning sickness and changes to her body. But in the end, he would let her return to school, finish her degree, and probably even get her MBA as well. Sure, she would be delayed a year, but her life would get back on track eventually. Mr. Fukuzaki even seemed to be looking forward to raising a grandchild in his house.

Brooke tried to reassure me that time was actually on my side in this case, since I would have nearly nine months to figure out how to get back into Kim's life. Her father had promised that I would get the chance to be a part of my baby's life, and that was a positive sign. She hoped that meant that this restraining order threat was more of a temporary thing while Mr. Fukuzaki got his head around the idea of Kim being pregnant, and that maybe in another week or two he'd let me come visit. Then again, he might keep me away until he was certain that Kim had gotten over her infatuation or until she convinced him her feelings were real. But in the meantime, my life would go on, and maybe there would be better opportunities later.

"I know, but I still wish there was something I could do NOW," I moaned. "Kim loves me, and she needs me, and she wants me. It must be killing her to be separated from me like this, and I feel like I HAVE to go down there and protect her somehow."

"Protect her from whom? Her father? That's what HE'S trying to do by keeping her away from YOU. Let's face it: I know you'd love to have Kim here with you, but if she's going to be pregnant, there's not much safer place for her to be than home."

I sighed. "That's what Viktoriya said."

"You've talked to her, too?"

I nodded. "After class today. Went up into her office and explained everything. Took most of two hours."

"Well, she's going to give you as good advice as there is when it comes to Kim."

"I dunno. She had some crazy idea for me to march back there and order Kim to follow me and see what happened."

"So why don't you?"

"Do what?"

Brooke shrugged. "Drive back down to Sunnyvale. March into that house and command Kim to come back to Berkeley with you."

"Are you crazy?"

"She's a submissive. I know you don't want to take advantage of her but what she NEEDS is strength. And I'm sorry, but compared to Kim's father you're coming off like a whiny bitch."

"Excuse me?"

Brooke rubbed my back. "Look, I get it. Kim's father is her comfort zone and he's been in charge of her entire life for ... well ... her ENTIRE life. He's not going to hurt her. In fact, he's going to do everything in his power to do the exact OPPOSITE of hurt her. And to be perfectly honest, I think at some point he's going to realize how much you still mean to her even after all this time apart, and he's going to invite you back into their lives. So there you go: you'll get back to your son and to Kim. That's my prediction, and I want a cookie if it turns out I'm right."

"A cookie?"

"Nevermind."

"But the whiny bitch part."

Brooke shrugged. "You're not her Master; he is. Plain and simple. If you WERE her Master, you'd go back and order her to come with you. Period. She'd like that, I think."

"And seriously take her away from her father? Away from her family? I seriously think he just might disown her if I did that."

"I seriously think he wouldn't. He'd hate HER choosing to follow your commands instead of his, but he loves her more than he loves his own life. From what you've told me about the way he's reacted, especially that line about being his last memory of her mother, I think she's more precious to him than anything in the world, and it would be HIS turn to find a way to still be a part of YOUR lives. All you'd have to do is show up and command her."

"Assuming she'd listen to MY commands and not HIS."

"Why wouldn't she?"

"Because he's been her Master for more than twenty years, and I was her Master for what, two weeks? Face it, for as much as Kim is devoted to me, it can't compare to her relationship with him."

Brooke shrugged. "If that's what you really believe, then she really IS better off with him instead of you."

I rolled my eyes and ended up rolling my entire head before exhaling heavily and staring at the wall.

"Kim loves you. Kim WANTS to believe in you, but if YOU don't believe in you, then ... well..."

"I can't. I can barely get a grip on my OWN life, let alone hers. Kim made her own choice: when her dad ordered me out and I pleaded her to come with me, she told me to go away. Plain and simple."

"Okay then. Fine. It is what it is." Brooke sighed and stroked my back again.

"So I'm screwed."

"No, you're back to square one: hope that someday down the road he'll change his mind. That's your baby in her, and at some point I know you'll want to do what's best for the kid."

"I do."

"This isn't over yet. There's still time. And hey, maybe things will still work out in the long run. That was the plan anyway, right? You go out there and seek out your true love, and while you're doing so you have Kim and your child. Sure, you don't get to be with her right now, but that may still change and in the meantime, you can continue seeking out that true love. Heck, for all we know, five years from now you'll be marrying DJ and THEN starting your family with her while Kim's little boy is your ring bearer, or if she has a girl, your flower girl. I know things look bleak right now, on both fronts, but a lot can still happen down the road."

"I suppose."

"And hey. Now you've got more free time. It's not too late to join the ballroom dance class at City College again. And you should resume your Krav Maga classes. I like they way they bulked you up."

I snorted. "Maybe."

"It'll be alright, big brother. You'll see. You're a good person. I know bad shit seems to keep happening to you, but things WILL turn around. Don't give up. Keep working at it, and keep trying to make yourself a better person. And I KNOW that you'll figure out a way to make things right."

"You really think so?"

"I KNOW so. You're my big brother, and you've already been to the pits of hell AND back a few times already it seems. You'll make it work out in the end."

Her words were encouraging, and they succeeded in giving me hope. I smiled and rubbed my sister's head, saying, "Thanks, little one. If you're even half as good at cheering up DJ as you are me, I know she'll be right as rain in no time."

Brooke sighed, "If only it were this easy."

I wrapped an arm around my little sister, pulling her to me in a hug while bending over and kissing the top of her head.

She snuggled against me and sighed again, this time with a distinctly different note. "I forgot how nice this feels, wrapped up in your arms. It reminds me of a few other things I've missed since moving out."

I blinked and pulled my head back, staring at my little sister in disbelief. "You're horny? Now?"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "No, not horny. Not after that intense kind of conversation, which really was a mood killer. But I do miss the sex. Joel always works so hard to keep me happy, and I've needed him as my own support lately. But his moves have got nothing compared to yours."

"I'm not sure whether to feel weird about my little sister telling me about sex with her boyfriend or apologize for not taking care of you myself."

"Probably both." Brooke flashed me a little smile. "Anyways, I should probably get back to DJ. She and Faye will be wondering what you and I are talking about, and I'm going to have to figure out how to tell them all of this."

"I can still go with you and do it myself."

"You show up and tell DJ to her face that you impregnated someone else, after she JUST went through an abortion, and she's liable to kill herself."

"Please tell me you're not serious."

Brooke arched an eyebrow at me, and then shrugged and deadpanned, "Fine. I'm not serious."

I frowned. "She wouldn't actually kill herself, would she?"

Brooke gave me a worried look. "Really ... I'm not sure."

My little sister realized that she'd probably told me too much. But despite her best efforts to reassure me that DJ would be fine and that she'd take care of everything, I couldn't shake her admission that she wasn't sure DJ wouldn't harm herself. It was everything I could do to not drive over there, grab DJ, and lock her in a room with me until I could convince myself that she'd be alright, but in the end I simply drove Brooke back to Faye's apartment and then turned away.

As before in situations of extreme emotional turmoil, I found myself driving rather aimlessly. The thought of driving back to my big, empty house did NOT appeal. It was now late in the evening on a school night, and Bert, Sasha, and Paige had all gone home. Falling asleep while knowing that not a single other human being was under the same roof had been terribly difficult the past few nights, and I wasn't looking forward to doing so again. Sure, I knew I'd have to sleep eventually, but not yet, not right now.

For a moment I thought about driving across the Bay to Sasha's place. All protestations aside, the girl was still infatuated with me and would happily welcome me into her arms. She'd offered last night, when Bert had called to report on Kim's withdrawal from school. But I'd gently deflected her offers to comfort me and ultimately drove her to the BART station. Sure, she might bring me a few moments of blissful release and the momentary peace of orgasm, but I was only too aware of her feelings for me and to mess around with another woman's emotions while I was still recovering from the dramas of both DJ and Kim seemed too much like playing with fire.

I thought about driving down south to Fremont and hitting up Bert for Xbox. But I didn't think his mom would think too kindly of me showing up this late in the evening on a Wednesday.

I even thought about stopping by Paige's house in Atherton. But I didn't want to intrude on a single mother in the late evening. She'd already done enough simply by being my friend and talking about the situation with me today at lunch.

And the Stanford girls? Amber included? No. True, they would care and they would offer to help. But there was nothing they could do and the fewer people that knew about Kim's pregnancy the better, at least for now.

That only left Adrienne, but it was after midnight on the East Coast and she had enough going on with the sex tape scandal still going around. I myself had been caught up in it, with seemingly half the campus aware that my schlong was available on the internet for all to see in action. The funny thing was: it hadn't really had much of an impact. Really, my reputation around campus had already been decided long ago. Everyone had known that I was Adrienne Dennis' ex-boyfriend, which only spurred the Big Ben rep when she made it big. To have evidence of our sexual activities didn't change anything. The girls that wanted a Big Ben experience of their own before still wanted one. The girls that would run screaming in the other direction if I so much as winked at them still didn't. And pretty much every male on campus didn't want to have anything to do with me while secretly wishing they were in my shoes. My life went on.

I'd call Adrienne tomorrow.

In the meantime, I thought about stopping off at a bar. There were certainly plenty of them in Berkeley, and the idea of drowning myself in alcohol held a certain appeal. Drinking would numb my senses, numb my pain. But then again, I wasn't a really big drinker. Sure, I could handle my liquor at a party, but I didn't go out of my way to get loaded. No, my drug of choice had always been sex, and if I wanted to numb my senses, numb my pain, there were other sources for getting what I needed.

Blissful release. The momentary peace of orgasm. But not with Sasha. Not with anybody else who might complicate my emotions or romantic ideas of attachment. Given my recent history, there really were only two places I could have gone, and while Casey and Carolyn would certainly be willing, I had no way of knowing whether or not they'd be available.

That's why I found myself on Warring Street. That's why my Mustang ended up parked outside a familiar house with three isosceles triangles emblazoned above the main entrance.

But I didn't get out of the car yet. Something was holding me back, and once I realized what it was, I pulled out my cell phone. I held down the number two speed dial, saw the name flash on screen, and then I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Kim wasn't picking up her phone. I'd changed DJ over to the number 2 when we were together, and after DJ left me I'd changed it to Kim. Even now, miles and miles away and under the lock and key of her father, she was still the most important woman in my life. Hell, even if I fell in love again, unless Kim somehow lost this baby she would remain the most important woman in my life. In this day and age of caller ID, I really hoped she would see her phone ringing, would see my name on the display, and despite whatever standing orders she had from her father, I hoped she would just talk to me for two minutes and let me know that she was okay.

But she didn't. She didn't pick up the phone. So I got out of my car.

After locking my car, I walked up to the entry way and rang the doorbell. A few moments later, the door opened and a pretty bottle-blonde smiled up at me.

"Ohmigawd, Ben!" Andie Holland greeted perkily as she launched herself forward and hugged me. "What are you doing here?"

I hugged her back and shrugged. "I've been feeling a little bit down and could use some cheering up. You know anybody who might be interested in keeping me company tonight?"

Andie's eyes sparkled, and as she backed up, she took me by the hand.

Three days later, I awoke on Saturday morning beneath a pile of naked limbs, feeling quite satisfied with myself. Spectacular orgasms have a way of doing that to a guy, propping up his ego and making him feel ... alive. I found that I rather liked this feeling, and even though some part of me figured I should be shutting myself in like a hermit to really ponder and dwell upon everything that had been happening to me lately, a greater part of myself rationalized that I hadn't actually done anything wrong.

So what if I wanted to get laid? Was there supposed to be something wrong with that? I got to feel better, the girls got to feel better, and everybody wins. Where's the harm in that?

I'd first woken up in Andie's bedroom on Thursday morning feeling a little guilty. After all, it had been less than three weeks since my fiancée left me. I should be torn about that, in mourning or something, right? To just climb back into the saddle would like dishonor her memory or some such nonsense.

Thing is, I'd ALREADY climbed back into the saddle and moved on. I'd impregnated Kim, put my hopes and faith in family and future into her, and then went about "dating" Casey McCahill while simultaneously hooking up with Carolyn, Chevelle, Andie, Lakhi, and Tonya. Heck, throw in making a sex tape with Adrienne and Sasha, and you can't really say I ever went into a mourning period over DJ.

Did that mean I never truly cared about her? I didn't think so. I knew what my feelings had been for her, and I would never have regretted living the rest of my life with her as my wife and the mother of my kids. It had been HER decision to leave, and I had simply decided not to be a wimp about moving on from that.

And sure, now KIM had left me, too. Well, she hadn't LEFT me so much as her father ordered her to move home and drop out of school and have nothing to do with me until the baby was born. But if I hadn't gotten all mushy and contemplative in the aftermath of DJ's leaving, I wasn't about to do so now that Kim was gone as well.

Get up off the ground. Move on. Stop whining and DO something, right? Well I had been doing something. No, I hadn't resumed my ballroom dance and Krav Maga classes like Brooke suggested, but I HAD been doing ... things...

Thursday morning I'd left the Tri-Delt house with a kiss for Andie and a promise that I wouldn't lose her number if I ever found myself needing additional relief. I'd gone to class and paid attention to my lectures and endured the well-meaning but ultimately pointless "cheering up" Bert and Sasha continued to try and give me. Bert wanted to play Xbox, so I played Xbox. Sasha wanted to fuck my brains out, but I didn't let her. Hey, it just goes to show I'm still a rational, considerate human being, right? I'd move on and masturbate myself by using a Tri-Delt's lithe, toned body instead of my right hand, but I wouldn't abuse Sasha's feelings for me. That was the right thing to do, right?

But doing the right thing doesn't mean I HAVE to be alone. No, I wasn't going to get clingy or co-dependent on anyone, but really that just means not becoming excess baggage on any ONE person in particular. After leaving the Tri-Delt Chapter House on Thursday, I didn't call Andie back asking for a repeat booty call. Instead, I called Adrienne, just like I was supposed to.

She'd actually already heard about Kim from my parents, but had been waiting for me to call and tell her myself. She basically said the same things Brooke had, that there was still lots of time before Kim gave birth and that everything would be alright and that I didn't need to get depressed over the SECOND time my baby mama had been taken away from me. Adrienne offered to fly back and keep me company, but I of course insisted that she stay in New York. Sports Illustrated and Fashion Week weren't going to wait for her. Besides, I wasn't going to be selfish and become an attention-whore. I didn't need anybody listening to me whine, and I certainly wasn't going to whine to myself.

No, I assured Adrienne that I'd be just fine on my own and that I'd get some therapeutic physical distractions, of which Adrienne approved. So I called up Casey and asked if she was busy. She wasn't, so I invited her over to the house.

I woke up on Friday morning to find Casey's nice tits in my face while Carolyn deep-throated my cock. I sent them both off to school with a load of cum in each of their cunts, and then puttered around the house tidying up and doing some actual studying. Bert dropped by before lunch, ostensibly to play video games even though I knew he was checking up on my emotional condition, quite possibly at Lynne's direction. I assured him I was fine, and then we met up with Sasha and Paige for lunch as usual.

I flirted some, including a couple of Chi Omegas who had been friends with Steph Brajkovich from last year. Word had been spreading around campus of my single status, and the sex tape had put me back on everyone's radar. I could feel the wolves beginning to circle, and I actually thought I'd let a few of them get a bite. After all, my social calendar was still empty for Friday night.

But then busty brunette Tri-Delt Jamie Miano had swung by and quite literally taken my hand and dragged me away from the Chi Omegas. She preempted any further arguments by asking ME out on a date, and hey ... my social calendar was still empty for Friday night.

So we went out. We enjoyed dinner. Jamie even paid. We started making out in the Mustang, and when Jamie asked me to take her to my house, I readily agreed. We pulled up to find a familiar black Lexus ES already parallel parked on the curb, and Andie Holland and Filipina babe Jocelyn Canilao both got out of it as the Mustang pulled in.

Wordlessly, I'd arched an eyebrow at Jamie. She shrugged, smiled, and explained, "Texted them before we left the restaurant."

Worked for me. As great as Jamie was in the sack, everyone knew that no single Tri-Delt could completely tame the beast. The three of them sure gave it their best shot, though. And in the end, I was so exhausted that I'd simply lain wherever I found myself when the last shred of energy left my body. I wasn't cuddling per se. If it so happened that my head was pillowed on the bosom of a naked girl, so much the better, but it wasn't about my co-dependency.

So now it was Saturday morning, and I'd awoken beneath a pile of naked limbs, quite happy to be in this position. The best part about waking up amongst a pile of limbs was the simple fact that those limbs belonged to naked females, and specifically naked females who had already proven their willingness to let me have sex with them. This proved exceedingly convenient given that the seven or so hours of sleep I'd just had provided me with new reserves of energy to fuel my body's motion, and that the seven or so hours since my last ejaculation had provided me with more than ample enough time to develop a brand new erection.