Chapter 13: Back to School

-- MONDAY, JANUARY 16, 2006, WINTER BREAK --

I awoke early... really early. It was not yet sunrise, and all the lights were off in the room. But we were only a day or two past the full moon, and silvery beams of light peering through the cracks around the window curtains gave me enough illumination to make out the features of my bedroom.

I found myself in a familiar position: spooned behind a warm female with my left arm beneath her pillow and my right arm wrapped around her body. My morning erection was tucked into the cleft of her buttcheeks, but I resisted the urge to grind myself against her and instead rolled onto my back. I knew I should let Kim sleep. She certainly needed her rest after the workout I'd put her through last night.

Raising both of my arms toward the headboard, I stretched and sighed contentedly while replaying the events of the previous evening in my head, starting with that second kiss in the bathroom.

My first orgasm last night had been so powerful that my eyes had rolled up into my head and I'd felt my body's quivering down to my toes. I'd slammed my cock all the way forward, parking my mushroom head as close as I possibly could to the entrance to Kim's womb. And I'd remained there for several minutes after cumming, slumped atop her body while sucking wind and feeling quite dizzy in the aftermath.

When the world came back to me, and I'd regained enough presence of mind to elevate myself off Kim's chest by drawing my elbows beneath me, I'd looked down at her and asked why she was no longer on the pill.

"You broke up with me eight months ago. There was no need to take them anymore," she'd replied matter-of-factly. "I'd never been on the pill before YOU put me on it last year, and I went off it after you dumped me."

"But what about the beginning of the school year? The first day of classes you took me back to your room and had me fuck the shit out of you."

Kim gave me that mysterious Mona Lisa smile. "My period was due in two days. I knew I couldn't get pregnant then. And then we never had sex again after that; not until just now."

"And now? You're in the middle of your cycle?"

"My last period started on New Year's. Fourteen days ago."

"So there's a good chance I may have just fertilized you."

Kim had nodded. "Did you mean what you said?"

"That I'd take care of you? Absolutely. I'm looking forward to it, and I rather hope I DID just knock you up."

"You still want that? I mean, I can understand making a rash decision like that in the heat of the moment, little more than an hour after DJ left you. After everything you went through with the abortion, your emotions are completely out of control. But if you're regretting anything ... well ... there IS a pill I can go get tomorrow morning to take care of it.

I shook my head quite vehemently. "No. Heyylll no."

She blinked. "You really want a baby, don't you?"

"I do."

Kim had started crying then, happy tears that accompanied a brilliant smile that no longer felt mysterious. "Then I want to give it to you."

And just like that, my dick had started hardening inside of her. The mere thought of impregnating the beautiful girl beneath me had me raring for another round. I'd bent to kiss her, and kisses turned to fondling. Fondling turned to grinding. And the next thing I knew, my cock was hard and I was fucking her once again.

Without benefit of drugs or even extra girls as fluffers, I came four times last night, every single one of them spurting deep into the back of Kim's fertile womb. Having gone nearly a full week without cumming, my testicles had stored up quite the backlog of sperm, and each time I could feel the heavy load I was firing into her. After the second round, I'd needed to straddle her chest and fuck her face for a bit to get hard again. After the third, I'd flopped onto my back wheezing and shivering while Kim knelt over me to suck me hard once more. But in the end, every ejaculation was in a missionary position, with her legs either wrapped around my waist or hooked over my shoulders to let gravity help my swimmers along. Every last shot was fired in the best possible position to result in the pregnancy we now both wanted. I filled Kim's womb to overflowing last night, despite her best efforts to keep every drop inside. We wound up having to change the sheets to get rid of the wet spots, and eventually we fell asleep in each other arms.

Now, the morning after, I STILL had no regrets. My life was back on the path I'd been on a week ago, albeit slightly delayed and with a re-casting of my leading lady. But I wouldn't apologize for my choice of actions. I didn't feel remorse for the speed with which I'd changed lanes. I was done second-guessing myself. I was done with mourning the loss of past relationships. I was moving on with my life, moving forward. And I wasn't going to waste any more time moralizing over whether or not I was doing the "right" thing.

I wanted to be happy. I wanted the safety and security of a wife and family. And gawd dammit, I was gonna fight however I needed to achieve those goals.

Despite the early hour, I was now wide awake. The thoughts of fighting for my happiness and moving forward had energized me, flooded my body with adrenaline, and I couldn't remain in bed any longer. I briefly thought about spreading Kim's thighs and taking a fifth crack at fertilization, but I let my woman rest and rolled in the other direction and off the bed.

The air was quite cold once I was outside the blankets, and I grabbed a bathrobe and pulled it on over my pajamas. Barefoot, I silently padded out of the room and down the stairs, a pot of coffee in my immediate future.

I started the coffee maker and then meandered out of the kitchen while it brewed. I found myself wandering over to Brooke's and DJ's empty bedrooms. Brooke's bed was still made, but DJ's full-size had been stripped of its sheets so the girls could use them at Faye Nguyen's apartment. Most of their books and knick-knacks remained, and would remain until the girls figured out how to combine their things to decorate one small room. And there was still quite the clutter atop the vanity I'd built for Adrienne so many moons ago.

I'd promised them both that I would leave their bedrooms untouched in anticipation of their return, but a part of me didn't believe they ever would. They'd stop by, of course – Brooke more than DJ. They might even decide to keep the house next year, taking the two upstairs rooms and inviting a couple of friends to rent the bottom two. But I doubted either of them would move back in this semester.

Oh well. Moving on.

I collected my coffee mug, holding it with both hands to let it warm my palms. I took a careful sip and then headed back up the stairs. Going through the open door at the top of the stairs, I surveyed Kim's bedroom and went through a mental checklist of all the things she'd need to move in with me. Yeah, we had four bedrooms, but I DID want her to move in with me. I intended for her to become my wife, and I wanted to start living like it right away. Even though I'd proposed to DJ, we'd never actually lived as an engaged couple in this house. Even though DJ had shared my bed every night since we got together, she'd never moved her belongings into my room, not even for this past week.

Just another sign that we were never really meant to be together.

For a moment, I tried to mentally record each and every item Kim would need to bring over, since being her Master would require me to make those sorts of decisions for her. But then I realized that such micromanagement wasn't how I wanted to be her Master. Kim was a fully-functional and intelligent young woman. I simply had to tell her to move her belongings in with me and organize them for both of us, and she'd happily carry out the task with minimal interference from me.

We'd turn her bedroom into an office, or maybe just a big-ass walk-in closet. I'd keep her bed made and ready to be slept in. After all, I already knew Kim would want me to have other sexual partners, and on occasion she might want to rest in her own room while I pounded away at some other gorgeous coed. Still, I would always want her to return to me at night, and would command her as such. The mother of my child would deserve nothing less.

All in all, the situation was shaping up to be a pretty good one for me. Just Kim and me with plenty of room to spread out and be ourselves. We'd have the privacy to fuck on every surface of the place without worrying about anyone barging in on us. Our friends could still come hang out during the day without worrying about froshlings underfoot. And we could start practicing the domestic day-to-day interactions of married life right away.

Just Kim and me, playing house if you will.

Yeah, I'd miss having my little sister around. But on the other hand, she would be close enough to visit and yet out of the way when I wanted privacy. Brooke's bed was also still made for those days when she realized she needed to get fucked in a way her boyfriend simply couldn't provide. It was a win-win for everybody.

I knew what I wanted in my life, and I wanted it right now. Hell, I wanted to take Kim down to the courthouse and marry her on the spot when it opened ... uh ... tomorrow. Today was the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday. But yeah, getting married on the spot tomorrow morning was a little too rash even for me.

Still, I wanted this child, and I wanted this family. I now knew what I wanted for the rest of my life, and when you realize something like that, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Stupid Bert. Can't believe he actually got me to watch When Harry Met Sally.

But the sentiment was true. I wanted "the rest of my life" to start right away, and it started with getting Kim pregnant.

Hmm, middle of the cycle or not, there's still a good chance she isn't pregnant yet. What time is it? Almost 7am? Not quite sunrise, but close enough. I've let Kim sleep for a good six hours. She should have enough energy for one more go-round.

Today is where my book begins...

The rest of my life starts NOW.

"Um, I'm not going to be your girlfriend. And I certainly won't become your wife."

"Excuse me?" I stared incredulously across the dining table at Kim, my brain not quite comprehending her reply. We were eating breakfast after the morning's attempt at fertilization and I'd just finished explaining to her my plan for turning us into a family. She'd balked at the idea of getting married so soon and I was quick to reassure her that I only expected her to be my girlfriend for now.

But apparently even "girlfriend" status wasn't going to fly.

Kim set down her coffee mug and gave me a frank look. "I thought we talked about this a long time ago. I am not – and do not ever want to be – your 'girlfriend'."

My eyebrows furrowed. "But then ... why... ?" I sort of haphazardly gestured up the stairs toward my bedroom.

"Why did I sleep with you?"

"Well, yeah! And you did more than just sleep with me. We fucked. And I came in your unprotected pussy in the middle of your fertility cycle. FIVE times already!"

"Because you wanted to."

"Because I wanted to?" I repeated incredulously. "Just... wanted to? I certainly WANTED to do that with you a lot of times over the past several months, but we never did it."

"Because you never initiated it. Ben, I can't say no to you. I never could. All last semester, if you'd simply tried to ... to take me the way you did last night, I would have let you. Anytime. Anywhere."

"But why?"

"Because I love you. Because you're my Master. Because I gave myself to you a long time ago ... you just haven't been ready or able to accept me that way since Dawn left."

I planted my right elbow onto the dining table and dropped the side of my head into my open palm. I gawked at Kim, thoroughly confused and desperately trying to wrap my head around what she was telling me. Her Mona Lisa smile was back, and she returned my gaze with infinite serenity. She was as peacefully content in this moment as I was frustratedly perplexed, and that smile was maddening.

So I removed the smile by squeezing my eyes shut and tilting my head forward. I shifted so that my palm now rubbed my forehead, and once I began massaging my temples I began carefully, "Okay, let's make sure we're on the same page. You are in love with me: yes or no?"

"Yes."

"You want me as your Master."

"Correct."

"But you don't want me as your boyfriend."

"Correct."

Still rubbing my forehead, I opened my eyes to find her still smiling at me. Rather gingerly, I asked, "You want to give me a baby."

"Correct."

"You'll remain in my life as the mother of my child."

"Correct."

"But you don't want to marry me."

"I don't."

"You don't even want to be my girlfriend."

"Correct."

I grimaced, and gave her a freshly perplexed look. "Okay, I'm confused."

"All correct statements. You certainly seem to understand all the parameters of our relationship."

"I don't understand anything," I sighed. "But I'm trying."

"You're a smart guy. You'll figure it out. Actually, I'm pretty sure you've already figured it out, but your sense of fairness and morality is getting in the way. You think that if I carry your child, then I will 'deserve' to be your wife, with all the respect and status that title entails. You think that by NOT marrying me you will not be making an 'honest' woman of me, and that it would not be 'fair' for you to pursue and date other women if I'm taking care of your child."

"Well... yeah."

Kim shook her head. "I don't want to be your wife, or your girlfriend. We've talked about this before. I love you, Ben. I'm IN love with you, and I always have been. But I know that you don't love ME. You never have, not in the same way you've loved Dawn or DJ or Adrienne. Please don't blame yourself. This is not a fault, and I don't resent you for it. You can't love me in that way, precisely because I'll never be your girlfriend or your wife. You simply can't, because--"

"Because you'll never be a partner in the way I would want my wife to be," I finished for her. "Because you're a submissive, and I would want my wife to be an equal. I would want my wife to inspire me and sometimes lead me and be willing to truly share in the decisions that shape our future. And that's not you."

Kim's smile turned genuinely proud. "See, I said you were a smart guy."

I grimaced again. "But it doesn't seem fair."

"Fair is not what I'm asking for. What I'm asking for is--"

"Is for me to be your Master," I finished again, nodding my understanding but not liking it. I paused for a moment to think, and then took a deep breath. "So ... what if I commanded you to be my girlfriend?"

Kim pursed her lips and thought about that for a moment. "I could play that role for you, yes. I would be happy to spend my days and nights with you, happy to satisfy you sexually, and I would be willing to be your 'arm candy' in public as it were. But you and I would both know that I could not fill the romantic void in your heart. You would never be completely satisfied in a life with me as your primary partner, and that's why I could never marry you."

"Even if I commanded you to walk down the aisle and do just that?"

"That command, I would refuse."

"Refuse?" My eyebrows went up in surprise. "I didn't know you had that word in your vocabulary."

"I've given it a lot of thought since we were last together. I'm devoted to you as my Master, but even a submissive can and should refuse certain commands. For example, if you commanded me to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't do it, no matter how firmly you ordered me. I cherish and value your direction, but there ARE limits. I won't kill myself without justification, and I won't marry you."

I sighed. "Should I be concerned that you equate marrying me and killing yourself?"

"Neither would be best for you."

"So you know better than me what's best for me?"

"Quite often, apparently, yes." Kim's Mona Lisa smile had returned.

"For a supposed submissive who wants to take directions from ME, you seem quite certain that you are the better decision-maker between us."

"Not a better decision-maker," she clarified. "But I do think I see the world with fewer biases than you. Less emotion. More logic."

"The life you choose to lead seems anything but logical."

"I know precisely what I want from life. Can you say the same?"

I sighed. "I want to be happy."

"Everybody wants to be happy. And that answer isn't very precise."

"No, it's not," I conceded. "So tell me: what precisely do you want from life?"

"I want you. I want you as my Master, because I know that while you may not ever love me romantically, you will always care for me and move Heaven and Earth to protect me and my children from harm. You will never abuse me, as some others might do if they were in your position. And I truly believe my life will be a happy and fulfilling one if I am allowed to be with you."

"Huh..." I mused on that. Kim's tone was certainly one of confidence. She truly believed what she was saying. "So what about me? What do you think -I-, precisely, want from life."

"You are a true romantic at heart. Despite your rather varied experiences, you have an almost Disney-like belief in True Love, coupled with a voracious sexual appetite that no one woman can ever completely satisfy. This creates a paradox, as the concept of One True Love cannot coexist with your sexual being. As long as the two sides of you are not in harmony, you can never be truly happy."

"Oh, great."

"So I'm attempting to fix that."

"Fix that? How?"

Kim pursed her lips. "I'm very sorry things didn't work out with DJ. I HAD hoped she could be your 'One'. You were very compatible, as she embodied nearly all of the qualities you wanted for your 'Ideal Life'. But the accidental pregnancy ruined what could have developed in your futures. She wasn't ready to settle down the way you were. Given more time, I think you two would have made a happy couple and have been ready to marry and start a family in a few more years. But not while she was 19 and still in college."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"Okay, here's something: I DO have a prescription for birth control. I was planning to start them with my next cycle."

"What?"

"You told me before that I was on DJ's 'Green List'. And I told YOU that someday soon I would take my place on that list. I had hoped for that day to be within the next month."

"You were going to start sleeping with me again? Even if I was still with DJ?"

"Precisely BECAUSE you were still with DJ. That's the part about finding harmony between your two halves. DJ would be your True Love, your wife, your romantic partner."

"But you didn't even WANT me proposing to DJ! Before we left school at the end of last semester, you told me to take things slow and not do anything rash."

"Because I was worried you would push DJ too fast, the same way you rushed Dawn. What I wanted most for you was to firmly establish a solid relationship that could survive adding me on the side, and once you did, I was going to join in. I would help keep your sexual appetite satisfied and be a constant presence to support you and give you reasoned advice. And you would then be able to resume being my Master and taking care of me. Really, it's much the same arrangement we used to have with Dawn."

I sighed. "But the thing with Dawn didn't work out. And then I rather coldly dumped you."

Kim frowned and looked away for a moment. "It hurt, yes. But you couldn't reasonably be expected to keep me. Again, the two halves in harmony. Without Dawn as your True Love, you didn't have a solid enough foundation to continue being my Master."

"Well, I don't have a 'True Love' now, either. So why the hell did you let me cum inside you?"

Kim shrugged and smiled. "There are other ways of finding harmony. This is one of them."

"Getting knocked up and NOT marrying me? Okay, this you're going to have to explain."

The Mona Lisa smile came back.

"Oh, no!" I barked sharply and made short, chopping motions with my hands. "Nuh-uh. You're not getting away with that one this time. I need answers, and I'm commanding you to explain this one!"

Kim's smile only broadened. "Yes, Master." And then she perked up like she'd won a great victory.

I sighed and dropped my chin into my open palm again. What remained of breakfast was getting cold, but I didn't care anymore.

Kim sat up straight and folded her forearms on the table. She pursed her lips for a moment, concentrating on organizing her thoughts. And when she lifted her eyes to mine, I already knew she believed she had it all figured out.

"What you want most in life is NOT to be happy, despite what you keep trying to tell me. What you want most in life is the life your parents have: family. You're a people person, and it is having special people that you love and care about around you that matters more than all the sex in the world. Now for most of your life, you've been a child in that family. Your bonds were always with your parents, your siblings, and to a lesser extent, your friends. Then you went to college, and you started losing contact with your parents. Oh, they'll always be your parents, but you're growing up and becoming independent and you don't have them around to help guide you in your life, nor do you want to reach out and stay in constant phone contact with them. Likewise, you lost touch with most of your high school friends, and your rather sordid reputation has made it difficult to build similar friendships here. So that leaves siblings. Well, your older sister has graduated and moved out of town. Adrienne left to become a supermodel in New York. Your baby sisters are back home in high school. Now even Brooke has moved out. You're lost and isolated and oh so alone. And the two things you believed you were about to achieve, a wife and child, you've just now lost as well. For a guy who most values being around the people he loves, your life is looking pretty bleak."

My left elbow joined my right on top of the table, and I now rather glumly held my jaw in both hands. "Gee, thanks for the pep talk."

"So that's where I come in." Kim smiled genially. "I can't become your wife; I've already explained why that will never be in our future. But I CAN give you a child, and not just to provide you with the kind of family that will always be yours, but also because I want it for me. Because there's nothing in the world I've wanted more than having children. Even having a Master like you comes a distant second."

"Seriously?"

"I love children. I've been babysitting since I was twelve, and I haven't over-romanticized the notion, either. Some of the families I sat for were perfectly willing to go out of town for an entire weekend and leave me with their infant. I've changed diapers and bottle-fed and even spent sleepless nights dealing with fevers, ear infections, and really weird rashes. There's nothing I've ever wanted more than to become a mother."

"Huh. Devoting yourself to the care of another, prioritizing their needs above your own? Yeah, I can see that," I commented with a smirk.

Kim blushed. "I told you, back before we even got together, that I always wanted to devote myself to my Master and bear his children. You see, this way we both get what we want."

I frowned. "But how do you see this working if you won't marry me? I don't have a Dawn or DJ. I mean, if I was already married and twenty-seven and you decided to be my mistress or submissive or whatever and then join my household to raise your child alongside those of my very understanding wife's children, that would be one thing. But we're twenty-one, Kim. Are YOU ready to have a baby?"

She nodded. "I am. Even if we got pregnant last night, the baby won't arrive until early October; I already did the math. I'll have graduated and be working by then."

"So no MBA for you?"

Kim shrugged. "I can always come back for it later, if I need to. And you'll have graduated and started working too. I know you already prepared yourself for this eventuality with DJ. It won't really be any different. I already know you will help provide for me and my baby, the same as you would have done for her. And thus, you will have achieved a measure of safety and security in bonding not only with your child, but also with me as the mother of your child. The order of things might seem a little backwards, but THEN you would be free to pursue a romantic relationship to fulfill the other half of your being."

"You mean try and find someone willing to enter into a long-term relationship with a 21-year-old guy who has already knocked up another woman."

"Your future wife will accept me and our baby; otherwise she would not be fit to be your wife in the first place. You would never settle for a woman who demanded monogamy of you. The sexual creature inside wouldn't let you."

I sighed. "You really think you've got this all worked out, haven't you?"

Kim's chin rose. "I do."

I chuckled. "What kind of a Master has less confidence than his supposed submissive?"

"A work-in-progress. You're getting there. You'll fulfill your potential. It's just hard for you to have much confidence when you're at a place in your life that is so uncertain and unstable, and where you don't have those special people around you that you really, truly need. In the meantime, you have ME. You'll ALWAYS have me."

I sighed. "I don't deserve you."

"Yes, you do. You deserve me precisely because I know that you'll work so hard to earn my devotion."

I slid my hand across the table, and she met it. I squeezed her fingers, nodding as I replied, "I will. I promise you that."

Kim smiled. "Glad we agree. Now, I think we're both done with breakfast. And that was a pretty heady conversation for eight in the morning on a holiday. We both need a break, so what do you say we go back up to your bedroom and really make sure I'm good and fertilized, huh?"

"Up on my bed and in Second Position. I command it!" I ordered with a wide grin, pointing to the stairs.

Kim fluttered her eyelashes and practically had an orgasm in her chair. "Acknowledged, sir."

-- TUESDAY, JANUARY 17, 2006, SENIOR YEAR --

"Hey there, stranger," Bert greeted me with a fist bump and then hooked his thumbs into the straps of his backpack. "How was your winter break?"

I took a deep breath, glancing up the hill toward Cheit Hall and our first class of our final semester of college. "Long story. I should probably wait until we meet up with Kim and Sasha at lunch."

"Long story? Ooh, sounds ominous. You can't leave me hanging, bro. Otherwise I'll never be able to concentrate during Toshihiro's lecture. I'll miss some key and pertinent fact today that will inevitably lead to me failing the class, and you'll be directly responsible for me not graduating on time in May."

I rolled my eyes and started trudging up the hill. "I proposed marriage, and DJ accepted. But right before we came back to school, DJ aborted the baby, called off the engagement, broke up with me, and moved out. Brooke went with her, too. So now it's just me and Kim in the house."

Bert caught my forearm, arresting my forward movement while he circled around to face me. With a rather grim expression, he read my face to find that I was indeed quite serious about everything I'd just said. His eyes softened in apologetic sympathy, but he didn't say anything at first. A moment later, he let go of me and shrugged, starting up the sidewalk toward class while I followed along.

"You lied," Bert drawled. "That was a damn short story."

Everyone was in a somber mood by the time we left our usual Thai joint. Sasha was continuing to dress to impress, wearing form-fitting jeans and a sweater that proudly showed off her sweater-busters. She had been warmly affectionate in her initial greeting, and my somewhat chaste response had her complaining about whether or not physically attracted me anymore, but then she noticed Bert's and Kim's relatively grave faces and wound up asking who'd died over winter break.

Responding "My baby" had killed whatever good mood anyone had left. I ate little at lunch, spending most of my time somewhat painfully explaining to my closest friends what had happened and why DJ had chosen to do what she did. I didn't dwell on things, doing my best to be clinical in my descriptions and shrug the situation off like it was no big deal. But perhaps because the shock I'd been in on Sunday night and Monday had worn off, I actually felt the emotions more today than I had immediately after DJ had left me, and I could feel my throat getting raw during my explanation.