Thirty-nine

FOUR MONTHS. Four months! God damn it! She’d been gone four months. I was pissed as hell and so relieved to hear from her that my anger evaporated into hope.

“Come home, Kate. I’ll come and get you. Where are you?” I already had my keys in my hand and was grabbing my jacket. For all I knew she was in Oklahoma, but I was going to go get her. Now.

“I’m out ... outside,” she stammered. It sounded like she was shaking. Lightning lit up the window as I ran upstairs.

“Yes. Outside where? I’ll come for you.”

“Outside ... the front door.”

“What?” I ran to the front door and threw it open. It was pouring out. Thunder crashed so near a car alarm went off in the street. Kate was standing there about six feet from the door. She was drenched. Her phone was still held to her ear as I dropped mine and rushed to her. I wrapped her in my arms and hugged her to me, rain quickly soaking me through. “Kate, you’re home. You’re home.”

“I wanted ... to be ... here ... for our birthday.” At that she collapsed completely. I scooped her up in my arms and rushed inside.

“We’ve got to get you warm and dry,” I said.

Wendy appeared at the top of the stairs and gasped. She rushed to us and held on to both of us, guiding us to the stairs and down to her bath. In minutes, we were all three standing in the hot shower as Wendy and I held onto Kate to keep her from collapsing again. I wasn’t sure what to do. I wasn’t sure Kate was even aware of us. I held her up while Wendy gently washed her stringy hair and slightly smelly body.

Wendy toweled Kate dry as I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and T-shirt from Wendy’s room, a pair of pajamas, and her big fluffy robe. The door opened and Kate once again fell into my arms as I wrapped the robe around her.

“Let’s get you to bed, sweetheart,” I said.

“No. Not tonight,” she said weakly. “Can you just hold me in the chair?” Wendy nodded at me and slipped into the pajamas. I picked Kate up and carried her upstairs. I sat with her cradled in my lap and Wendy snuggled in beside us and spread a blanket over the top. Kate wrapped an arm around each of us and put her head against my chest. I could feel the moisture of her tears soaking through my T-shirt and held her as she quietly sobbed herself to sleep. Wendy kissed my cheek, pillowed her head on my shoulder and followed Kate into slumber.

It took a long time for me to fall asleep. I didn’t want to close my eyes. I didn’t want to risk waking up to find it was a dream. I sat there with her in my arms trying not to hold her too tightly.

“Shh. Look. Look!”

“Oh, my God! She’s back.”

“They look so beautiful.”

“Darling, I’m so happy!”

“Why do you suppose they aren’t in bed?”

“Shh. Don’t wake them.”

The voices, of course, were Melody and Lissa. I willed them to be quiet and not disturb the treasure in my arms, but both Kate and Wendy wiggled closer and rubbed their cheeks against me. We were as wrapped together as three people lying in a recliner could get. I squeezed both tightly.

“Mmm,” was Wendy’s only comment as she bent her head to kiss the top of Kate’s.

“Home! Thank you for letting me come home,” Kate whispered. I kissed the top of her head, too, but she didn’t lift her face to return the kisses. What was it going to take for us to get back to normal? What was normal for us now?

I called Doctor Bychkova and told him I was unable to come in. Wendy’s classes weren’t scheduled to start until Monday. It was my birthday. I wasn’t leaving the precious gift in my arms for one second.

As for Kate, she tried to spread her attention among the four of us, hugging each one, but she was glued to Wendy and to me most of the day. Well, we were glued to her. I couldn’t let her out of my sight.

“My car is about six blocks from here. I can’t believe I ran out of gas. I was so intent on making it home for our birthdays that I didn’t stop when I should have,” Kate said. We went to get gas and start her car as she filled us in on her past few days.

“This is your car? I almost hit it in the rain last night. I didn’t see you anywhere.”

“I was running from tree to tree trying to stay protected from the rain. I finally gave up and just started running.”

“Where did you drive from?”

“Georgia.”

“I meant last night.”

“Yeah. I don’t remember where I stopped last. It was somewhere in Montana. I just kept driving.”

“Were you with Gerhardt? When did you leave?” I was grilling her and Wendy clenched my arm. I backed off. “I’m sorry, Kate. I don’t mean to be giving you the third degree. There’s just so much we want to know. We’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you, too, Tony. I’m just really, really tired. I think I need to go back to sleep. Wendy, can you drive my car?”

“Of course I can, sweetheart. You ride with Tony.”

“I don’t want to be away from either of you. Yes, I was with Gerhardt and ... Erika. I left late Saturday night. I just need to sleep now.”

The six blocks home was more like eight and it was all uphill. I imagined being out in the storm trying to run up that hill. Kate was asleep by the time we got the cars home. I carried her into the house and took her straight to the big bed where Wendy and I crawled in beside her—all fully clothed. I looked across Kate, sleeping peacefully, to Wendy who met my eyes with the biggest smile I’d seen from her in months. She mouthed the words, “She’s home!” and the two of us just watched her sleep for the next four hours.

When Kate stirred again, she opened her eyes and looked around at Wendy and then at me.

“It’s real. I’m really home.” She paused and took in her surroundings then sat bolt upright in bed. “I can’t be here. I need to get up.”

“Wait, wait. Kate, what is it? You’re home. It’s okay.”

“No. I don’t deserve to be in this bed. I’m a terrible person. I don’t deserve to be here.”

There was no holding her back. She scrambled out of the bed and bedroom with Wendy and me behind her. Once out of the bedroom, she calmed down, but there was a look of panic and shame in her eyes.

This was going to take a while. Whatever had happened over the past four months had affected Kate badly. We went into the kitchen and fixed coffee. Lissa picked up Melody from PCAD and joined us a little after three. I got a phone call about the same time they arrived.

“Tony, this is Doc.”

“Doc, I’m sorry I couldn’t come in today.”

“Bychkova told me you were out for the day, but that’s not my concern. I don’t have a schedule for your project presentation. The proposal is due Friday and the presentation to your committee needs to be scheduled within a week. You need to get it on our calendars.”

“About that, Doc. I’m not ready. I need to file for an extension. I simply don’t have a proposal yet.”

“That’s not going to fly, Tony.”

“Doc, Kate just came home.” There was silence.

“I see. File the extension tomorrow. It has to be done. Is Kate there? May I speak to her?”

“Kate, Doc would like to talk to you. Are you available?”

“I might as well,” Kate answered as she came to the phone. She took a deep breath and answered. “Hi, Doc. It’s nice to speak with you.— Thank you.— No.— It won’t be possible.— I’m sorry, Doc. I’m not coming back to school.— No it’s not that.— I’m not leaving again. Ever.— I can’t accept that honor. I’m sorry.— I’m sure we’ll talk soon. Thank you, Doctor Henredon.”

She closed the phone and looked at the four of us staring at her. She scrunched her eyes up and took another deep breath.