Chapter 5

"So," Brock said he and Merie headed up the freeway. "How have you been?"

"Is that really what you want to ask?" Merie said with a laugh. "Not 'Why in the hell did you wait seven years to speak to me?' Not 'Why in the hell did you jump on the crazy train anyway?'"

Brock shrugged.

"I thought I might work up to those," he said. "But now that you mention it, those things have crossed my mind since I sat down."

Meredith was zigzagging in and out of traffic on the freeway. To be fair, she wasn't the only one driving that way.

"You're not much better behind the wheel than I remember," Brock said.

"Yeah, I lied about that," Merie replied with a chuckle. "Sorry. But I got a bigger car so people get out of my way now."

"Good thinking," Brock answered.

"I'll answer all your questions in a few minutes," Merie told him. "But right now, I'm guessing you would rather I concentrated on driving."

Brock nodded. He wondered if driving with a certified lunatic – because Merie was, in fact, certified – was mentioned in the "Prohibited Activities" section of his contract along with rock climbing, hang gliding and jumping from airplanes. He was thinking it ought to be.

Another thought entered Brock's head as they turned off on his street.

"How do you know where I live?" he asked.

"Google Earth," Merie said with a shrug. "I've driven past a few times. Nice neighborhood. My dad and I live a couple of miles from here."

"Still live with your dad?" Brock asked.

Merie rolled her eyes.

"Yes, I still live with my dad," she said. "He doesn't mind and I sort of like it."

The SUV settled into Brock's driveway behind his. It was only then that Brock realized that Merie drove the same vehicle – even the same color – as his.

"That's weird," Merie said as she looked at the car in front of her.

"That is weird," Brock agreed. "In fact, I'm thinking 'creepy' sums it up best."

Merie shrugged.

"Coincidence," she said. "You still check the Consumer Report ratings. So do I. This one was rated best for the money two years ago."

Brock shook his head. He was glad Meredith had gained something worthwhile from their time together.

"Short game tonight," Merie announced as she opened her door. "It's not even ten o'clock yet. That guy from Philly really mowed you down quickly."

"Thanks for reminding me," Brock said. "I guess you'd like to come in?"

Merie rolled her eyes again.

"I guess we could have talked while I'm driving," she said with a smirk.

"No," Brock said quickly. "You can come in if you'd like."

He chuckled.

"Should you call your Mom and ask?" he wondered. "Maybe we should just stay on the porch."

Merie slapped Brock's arm.

"That's not very nice," she said. "My Mom and I don't get along very well. She and Dad tried to get back together but I've never really forgiven her for taking Leah's side."

She paused for a moment.

"I'm not really sure I ever will," she added.

"Sorry," Brock said truthfully. "I honestly didn't mean to dredge up old memories."

"You couldn't help it," Merie said with a sigh. "Of everything I lost that night, you're what I regret losing most. Do you mind if I come in?"

Brock shook his head and put the key in the lock. About that time, his neighbor came around the hedge.

"Oh, I'm glad you're home," the girl said. "Do you mind if I swim now?"

"I have company," Brock answered. "Maybe tomorrow."

The girl's eyes widened in anger.

"This sucks," she said as she turned back toward her house.

Merie was tugging on Brock's sleeve.

"What?" he asked rather harshly. The girl tended to put him in a foul mood.

"Do you know who that is?" Merie wondered.

"My pain in the ass neighbor," Brock replied.

"That's Randi Raver!" Merie said.

Brock shrugged.

"I think her name is Randi but her last name is Darby," Brock told her. "At least her Mom's name is Darby."

"Randi Raver," Merie said again while shaking her head.

She looked at Brock.

"You have no idea who she is, do you?" she wondered.

"I told you," Brock replied a little louder than what he meant. "She's my spoiled brat of a neighbor who thinks she owns this entire block. I came home from Seattle yesterday and found her swimming in my fucking pool. Jesus."

Merie laughed and Brock's anger seemed to melt.

"She's a huge recording star," Merie filled him in. "She's been in a couple of movies and she did her own Christmas special last year for the President's daughters. She's in a show on KidsTV. So she's a pain in the ass in person? Who would have thought that? Do a search on her tonight. I can't believe you told her she couldn't swim tonight. That's funny."

Brock didn't see the humor in it.

"Speaking of the Internet," Brock said. "Did you, by chance, write something about me and post it?"

"No," Merie said a little too quickly for Brock to believe.

He raised his eyebrows.

"I wrote it but I didn't post it," Merie admitted when they got into the house. "I wrote it while I was in Gatewood. It was part of my therapy, I guess. One of my roommates must have stolen it and posted it. I'm sorry about that."

"You might have let me know," Brock pointed out.

Merie smiled.

"You never seemed like the type to Google yourself," she told him. "You get about 8,000 hits on your name. I didn't figure it would be an issue. But you're right. As soon as I found out, I should have let someone know."

"You should have let me know," Brock pointed out.

Merie dropped her eyes but nodded.

"It's not been an easy road for me," Merie said as she sat across from Brock in his living room.

"I know it hasn't, Merie," Brock replied. "But I might have been able to help make it easier."

Merie shrugged.

"That's what my Dad said," she admitted. "But I needed to get through that on my own. I needed to prove to myself that I could tackle something with no one else's help. Do you remember how scared I was of everything and everyone right after it happened?"

Brock nodded.

"That didn't go away," Merie said with tears in her eyes. "It took years for that feeling of helplessness to ease. There are still times I get claustrophobic. It's one reason I still live with Dad. I lived alone for a semester in college. It sort of overwhelmed me. So I moved back in with Dad."

"Where did you go to school?" Brock asked. He had not heard a single thing about Merie and college.

"I'm still at UCLA," Merie replied. "I started out part-time, you know, taking a few courses each semester. I've only been going full-time for the last semester."

"Is it working out?" Brock wondered. "I mean, are things getting better for you?"

"Some," she told him. "Not always. It like one extreme or the other. I either trust no one or trust too easily. I guess my childhood ended that day. It was too soon for me. I was so ready to grow up and then Leah and her friends forced me to. It wasn't the way I wanted my childhood to die."

She smiled ruefully.

"I had rather hoped it would be with you and me at your house," she said with a small grin. "At least I know it would have been on my terms."

Brock knew all too well about having your childhood ripped away from you.

"I started seeing a shrink too," he told her, "after I got to college. It didn't help much, I'm sad to say."

Merie nodded.

"That's because there is nothing irrational about our behavior," she said. "I'm studying psychology. I'll get my undergrad degree in the summer."

Brock smiled his congratulations but it seemed incongruent to him that Merie would want to study the field. It almost seemed like a conflict of interest.

"Don't worry," Merie assured him. "I'm not planning to get a license or to practice. I'm minoring in English. I hope to be a writer – at least this week."

"Oh," Brock said. He hoped he wasn't planning to be the focus of any of Merie's efforts.

"Anyway, as I was saying," Merie continued. "It is perfectly justifiable for you to be distrusting to a certain extent. It's perfectly understandable that you have wanted to insulate yourself from pain and heartache. It's not healthy but it is understandable. The same is true for me. But I am happier than I've been in a long time. You seem to be too. Or at least you did until I saw you tonight. Tonight, you looked completely unhappy. I guess that was what I needed to push me into talking to you."

"I'm fine," Brock assured her. "Just some personal stuff."

"Chastity?" Merie inquired.

Brock tilted his head. She obviously knew a lot more about his life than he knew about hers.

"Come on, Brock," Merie chided. "Neither of you are invisible. They must have mentioned a dozen times during her game last week that she was dating you."

"Oh," Brock replied. He was starting to feel a bit disconcerted by the conversation. "I didn't get to watch the game."

"You're probably glad you didn't," Merie said conspiratorially. "They were putrid."

"Yeah, well, they were supposed to have a three- or four-day break afterward," Brock said. "I think they were all looking forward to being away from that dictator for a little while."

"Umm," Merie said. "By the term 'supposed' I take it they didn't get the break."

Brock nodded.

"If you ask me how I feel about that, I'm gonna toss you out on your keister," Brock threatened.

Merie grinned.

"I think it is evident how you feel about that," she said. "Is that all that's bothering you?"

"Not in the least," Brock replied. "Look, you show up after God knows how long and act like we're supposed to be best buddies. We're not, you know. You ran away and did what you needed to do and I moved on. I don't know a single thing about you. I don't know how long you stayed at Gatewood. I don't know what you did afterward. I don't know if you've been married and divorced. Merie, what did you hope to accomplish tonight?"

Merie was crying. Brock's heart went out to her but it didn't break.

"I don't know," she said sadly. "I've missed you and I guess you're right. I know almost everything there is to know about you."

"Bullshit," Brock said. "You don't know me any better than I know you. You know what the team publicizes and what others say. But you don't know me. You never did, Meredith."