Chapter 31

Meredith saw the cars parked near Brock's house. She recognized Zoe's Jeep, Melanie's Prius and Tara's Mazda. She considered simply driving past and putting off her confession for another day.

Instead she turned into Brock's driveway behind his vehicle, identical to the one she drove. She had spent the past few hours building up her courage to talk to Brock. If she drove away now, she might never bring herself to be open and honest with him again.

He deserved that much from her. He deserved a lot more than just that. She knew the others would learn the truth eventually so there was no use in putting it off. Still, she hoped she could disclose her actions to Brock in private rather than with an audience. She was certain Susan was there and she wasn't sure she could stop from throttling the girl if a look of glee crossed her face.

Brock had given her a key so she could come and go as she wished. But she didn't use it. It felt wrong to simply open his door and walk in given what she had to tell him. Her hands shook as she reached for the doorbell. She was surprised when the door opened before she could ring it.

"Hey!" Brock said. "This is a surprise."

He glanced to where Meredith's hand was poised over the buzzer.

"Don't tell me you've developed manners all the sudden," he joked. "If you have, at least we've finally found someone to teach the rest of us."

"Can I come in?" Meredith asked. Brock saw the look on her face and knew good news was not in the offing. Still, he nodded.

"Of course," he said. "You don't even need to ask. The food is gone but there is still some beer if you want one."

"No," Meredith said. "Uh, I was hoping we could talk – privately – for a few minutes."

Meredith figured Brock would either lead her to his TV room or to a bedroom for their discussion. Instead he led her through the kitchen and out back to the pool. She spoke to everyone as she passed. Most, but not all, smiled and greeted her in return.

"She fucked him over," Susan said when the door had closed behind Brock.

Melanie and Tara frowned but nodded. They were not impressed with the look of abject happiness on Susan's face.

"Wipe the smirk off," Emmy hissed. "Yeah, you're probably right. But this is going to hurt him and there is nothing to gloat about. Grow the fuck up, Susan."

Out beside the pool, Brock took a seat in a chair. He expected Meredith to sit opposite him. Instead she stood in front of him like a repentant schoolgirl. Her eyes were lowered and her lips were set in a frown.

"Are you OK?" Brock asked.

"No," Meredith answered. "I'm an idiot."

"We're all idiots from time to time," Brock replied, hoping to lighten things up.

"I'm a bigger idiot than most then," Meredith persisted. "Brock, I've tried to think of some way to say this. I haven't come up with anything. So I'll just say it. I think I did something really stupid the other night."

Brock nodded but didn't speak. He had been expecting the news to come, despite what he'd told his friends. Still he was grateful that Meredith had shown the courage to come to Los Angeles in person rather than call him or let him find out from someone else.

"I think I had sex with someone Saturday night," Meredith said. She had said this to herself a thousand times since Sunday morning. She still couldn't stop the tears from starting.

"You think?" Brock asked unable to stop the grin on his face. "Aren't you the one who always gives me shit about not knowing things I should?"

"It's not funny!" Meredith said.

"It kind of is," Brock replied. "Why is that you only think it? I know you stayed in New York with your friends."

"They're not my friends," Meredith said. "My friends are in there. Or at least my former friends are in there. My friend is out here listening to me confess that I cheated on him."

"I'm still your friend," Brock told her. "But I'm still interested in why you said 'think'. Are you trying to lessen your culpability?"

"No!" Meredith said. "I'm completely responsible for ruining everything. Me, damn it! There are gaps in my memory. But I woke up with someone in my bed on Sunday morning."

"And went out with him again on Sunday night," Brock said.

"No, not him," Meredith told him. "I got really upset and I told him to get the hell out. But I did go out Sunday. There were people crashed in my hotel room. I went out with them. I figured I'd already ruined my life so why should it matter."

"So you woke up in bed with some guy," Brock said. "Did you know him?"

"Sort of," Meredith said softly. "He was Travis, the guy in the Halloween photos that pissed you off."

"So you stayed in New York to party with a guy you told me that you had not encouraged?" Brock asked. For the first time there was an edge to his voice.

"That's not it either," Meredith answered. "I met some cool people on Friday night. They were all going out to a big party on Saturday. He showed up there, too. I had fun on Friday so I told Randi I would meet her in Boston on Sunday."

"Which you didn't," Brock said. The anger was still in his voice.

"No, I didn't," Meredith agreed. "She, well, she was really pissed at me – for staying in New York. No, she was really pissed about me about a lot of things. She was pissed that I let Travis follow me like a puppy dog all night. She was pissed that I didn't tell him to get lost when I should have. Staying behind only added to it."

"And how about what you did Saturday?" Brock asked.

"I haven't told her yet," Meredith said. "I thought I should tell you first."

"So tell me," Brock said. "Tell me how it was you came to be in bed with a guy you barely know on Sunday morning."

"We were drinking," she told him. "And some other stuff."

"Drugs?" Brock asked with a note of incredulousness in his voice. "Jesus, Merie."

"And Joseph," she finished the joke she had shared with Brock more than once. This time there was no humor in her voice. "Yes, we did some other stuff – coke, mostly."

"Mostly?" Brock asked. "God damn it. I thought I knew you better than this. Look at what that shit did to your sister. Your dad must be beside himself – if he knows."

"He knows," Meredith replied.

"What else?" Brock asked.

"X, some weed," Meredith admitted. "I was drinking Manhattans and Long Island Iced Teas since two o'clock in the afternoon. By nine or 10 p.m., it seemed like a good idea. Then Sunday morning came around and it seemed like the worst idea in the world."

"So you passed out and someone raped you?" Brock asked. "Is that what you're saying?"

"No," Meredith replied. "At least I don't think so. I remember everything until about midnight. That's when we all went back to my suite to party."

"You said 'all'," Brock said.

"Yeah, there were, I don't know, 10 or 12 of us," she said.

"So it wasn't just you and Travis?" Brock asked. Again, the anger was evident in his voice.

"No!" Meredith said quickly. "I was never alone with him. Not once."

"Until you had sex with him," Brock said.

Meredith wiped away a tear and shook her head.

"Maybe not even then," she said. "For all I know I could have had sex with 10 or 15 people or in front of a crowd at Yankee Stadium. I honestly have no idea how I wound up in bed with him. I know I didn't want to. But I still did."

"So you don't remember any of it?" he asked. Brock tilted his head in a questioning manner.

"None," Meredith said. "I had convinced myself that I dodged a really stupid bullet. I mean, I was still dressed in my night clothes when I woke up."

"You were dressed for bed?" Brock asked. He wanted to make sure he had the right idea. "And you were sure that you hadn't fucked the guy."

"Until I was in the shower," Meredith told him.

"Oh, Christ," Brock spat. "Damn it. You didn't make him use protection?"

"I don't know," Meredith answered.

"Well, the evidence in the shower would be pretty damning, I'd think," Brock shot back. "Plus I think it would remove any doubt from your mind."

Meredith stared at him in confusion.

"I don't see what the two have to do with each other," she finally said.

Brock rolled his eyes.

"What did you find in the shower?" he asked. He figured that he might as well make her come out and say that she had semen leaking from her twat.

"A hickey," Meredith said sadly.

The answer was so far from what Brock had been expecting that he laughed.

"A hickey?" he finally said. His response made Meredith angry even though she knew she had no right to be.

She lifted up her shirt to show him her breasts.

"Yes, a hickey," she said, pointing to the bruise. "On my tit. How do you think it got there if I didn't let someone put it there?"

Brock looked at Meredith's breasts, still encased in her bra. Then he glanced away for a moment.

"So there was no other evidence?" he asked.

"Like what?" Meredith shot back.

"Uh, well, a crusty spot on your stomach or your back?" Brock asked.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"Fine," Brock said. "I'll just stop dancing around it. Did you find dried cum on your body or wet cum in your pussy?"

Meredith's eyes widened.

"Uh, no," she said. "But I was in the shower. If it was on my skin, I might not have known."

"You'd have known," Brock said. "Sperm gets really funny feeling when it mixes with water. It sort of turns into a gel and it's really hard to get off your skin."

"Really?" Meredith asked. She had always wanted Brock to cum inside her mouth or her pussy. She had never dealt with dried semen on her skin.

"So at least he wore a rubber," Brock said. "That is at least better for you. You don't have to worry about HIV or syphilis or Hepatitis-C."

"Oh, shit," Meredith said. Her legs started to shake. "I didn't think of that. Oh, God."

"Sit down," Brock said gently. "Like I said, at the very least he wore a condom."

"What if he didn't, you know?" Meredith asked.

Once again, Brock laughed. At least the surge of anger that surged through Meredith got her to stop shaking. Brock saw her face and held up his hand.

"Meredith, I guess it's OK to be blunt with you," he said. "There is absolutely no way a man had sex with you without cumming. I don't care how much coke he snorted or how much alcohol he drank. If he got inside you, he came."

"Oh," Meredith said. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," Brock said shaking his head in disbelief. "Look, again, I'm just going to say this. You have the tightest pussy I have ever seen. I've, well, you know, I've had sex with virgins before. And you probably also know I'm not going to be appearing in porn films anytime soon. I'm just average down there. So unless the guy had a dick the size of a needle, he came. If I had to bet, he probably came pretty quickly. Still, you might want to have some blood work done to be sure."

"Oh, OK," Meredith said.

Brock tilted his head again and pursed his lips.

"Were you hurting the next morning?" he asked.

"My head felt like it would split open," Meredith answered. "When I saw the mark on my breast my stomach started to hurt. I just sat down in the tub and cried."

"That's not really what I meant," Brock said. "Were you hurting, uh, down there? Did your pussy hurt? You know, like it does after we've done it."

Meredith looked up at him quickly.

"No," she said. "I'm usually really tender for a while after we do it. But I wasn't that morning. Still, you said it could have been quick."

"It could have been," Brock agreed. "Uh, can you lift your shirt again?"

Meredith looked him for a moment before she lifted the hem of her T-shirt. Brock leaned forward, and then pulled the cup of her bra downward. Meredith thought he was going to bite her or something.

"Have you looked at this?" he asked.

"I saw it," Meredith said. "I saw hickeys in school. I don't need to see it again."

Brock nodded then pulled her shirt down.

"Can I see your hand?" he asked.

"My hand?" Meredith wondered. Still, she held both of them out to him. Brock turned them over to inspect the outside. Once again he started to laugh.

"It's not funny!" she said again.

"What happened to your hand?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I fell or something, I guess."

"On Saturday?" he posed.

"Yeah," Meredith said. "It was scraped up when I got in the shower. I noticed it when I was holding my knees and crying."

"Can I ask you something?" Brock asked.

"Of course," Meredith replied. "I will answer anything you want to ask. It's why I came out here."

"Two days later," Brock pointed out.

Meredith lowered her head again.

"I was ashamed," she told him. "I was so mad at myself. I was so sad because I'd betrayed you. I just wanted to die. I knew my... , well, our life was over anyway. I knew we were over. So I just didn't care anymore. I'm sorry. I should have come straight out. I should have never put myself in this spot. I should never have put you in this spot."

"Well, that's all true, I suppose," Brock agreed. "OK, here's what I want to ask. Please be honest and please consider your answer before just spouting something you think I want to hear. Promise?"

"I promise," Meredith said. "I'll promise you anything you want."

"Well, let's not get crazy," Brock said with a half-smile. "So, what I want to know is this: Is this just a way to get me to end things with you so you don't have to end them with me?"

"No!" Meredith said instantly.

"Please remember your promise," Brock said.

"I don't need to remember my promise," she insisted. "No, I don't want to end things. I wish there was a way we could get past this. But so much of our relationship is about trust. I, well, I don't think I could forgive you if the roles were reversed. I can't expect you to forgive me. But if you somehow can, I promise, I swear, we will never be in this spot again."

Brock nodded and thought for a moment.

"Do you still trust me?" he asked.

"Yes," Meredith replied without a second of hesitation.

"OK, then I want a third party to review the evidence," Brock said.

Although Melanie, Tara, Zoe and Emmy had remained at the table, Susan had drifted over to watch the action through the doorway.

"What is he doing?" she asked. "She's flashing him like its Mardi Gras or something."

"It's none of your business," Tara pointed out.

"Like hell it isn't," Susan replied. "I was his friend before he even knew the rest of you existed."

"Yeah, and a true friend you've proven to be," Melanie hissed. "Now sit down or I will sit you down. I'm getting pretty fucking tired of your games."

Suddenly her hand shot to her mouth and she glanced at Tara. She was certain that Brock had told Tara of Susan's teenage plans. If not, she was going to find out about them now.

"This is exactly what you hoped would happen 10 years ago, isn't it?" she asked in an angry tone. "You think this is going to be like how you set him up with Tara. You think you're going to swoop in and mend his broken heart. Not likely, sister."

Tara turned her eyes first to Mel and then to Susan.

"Set him up with me?" she asked.

"Oh, you didn't know?" Melanie asked.

"Stop it," Susan said quickly.

"I think she needs to hear this," Melanie said. "Do you want to tell her or should I?"

"You don't know a damned thing!" Susan yelled.

"I know everything that Brock knows," Melanie countered.

"Go to hell," Susan said. "I'm not going to listen to this. I'm going home."

"You rode with me," Melanie pointed out. "So, who tells the story?"

"I don't want to hear it," Tara said. She started toward Susan but Zoe stepped between the women. "I suppose I already know it. Even if I don't know all of it, I can piece it together. She was probably right but it's still a shitty thing to do. And this time won't work out for you any better."

"That's not what I want," Susan insisted. "And I'm sorry, Tara. I was a dumb kid and it seemed like a good plan. I mean, seriously, you didn't have the best reputation."

"No, I didn't," Tara admitted. "But I was your friend, too."

"I know," Susan said. "That's why I never interfered. I mean, I planned to once I saw you had no intentions of dumping him. If you hadn't told me all those lies I probably would have never butted in at all."

"True," Tara said. "So I'm as much to blame as you are. First off, for how I treated guys back then and secondly for lying to you and telling you that Brock and I were intimate when we weren't. I will say, however, you're lucky I've changed in the past few years. You might have gotten Brock away from me back then but I would have pounded your ass into the pavement for doing it."

"I thought it was worth the risk," Susan said.

"You were certain that Brock would protect you," Tara amended. "So I would have had to find you alone. I would have bided my time. Still, you got the worse end of the deal."

"Brock got the worse end of the deal," Melanie said. She was about to continue when the door opened and Brock appeared.

"Melanie, can I borrow you for a moment?" he asked. His voice sounded normal to her. He showed no indication that he was upset or angry.

"Sure," she asked. She walked through the door when he motioned for her to follow him outside. Meredith was standing by a chair.