Chapter 4

I couldn't believe how fast the summer was flying by. Maybe it just seemed that way because I was always so busy. I worked six days a week at the boutique and my nights were filled with either being with Bobby, my sister, Donna, or my mom.

I was trying to spend as much time with my mother as possible now. She really needed to be with someone who wasn't calling her a slut all the time; she was going to miss me badly when I went back to school.

After the talk we had at the apartment, most of my anger was gone; I say most because even after hearing how her affair got started, I still couldn't let go of the fact that she didn't have the strength to resist. You wouldn't know it to look at her now, but before all this started my mom was a very strong person. I saw her stand up to my dad on more than one occasion, and believe me, that takes tenacity. I guess, over time, like she said, raising four kids can whittle away at your resilience; maybe Bobby and I will stop at three.

I did feel bad that I didn't have a lot of time with my dad but he and Eileen were together almost every night so he certainly had things to keep him occupied.

The boutique was only two miles from where Eileen worked so we were able to get together for lunch several times as well; yeah, it certainly wasn't a boring summer.

With less than two weeks left of my vacation, I was trying to cram as much into my evenings as possible and was looking forward to having dinner with mom. I figured it would probably be the last time we would have together before I had to leave. Originally I was just going to meet her at some greasy spoon but she insisted on taking me out to a nicer place and paying; she said she wanted to get away from the Denny's atmosphere for once.

We were having a good time; in fact, I saw my mother smile for the first time in a very long while. Just then we heard someone call her name.

"Jackie? Jackie Cooper, is that you?"

We both looked up to see a tall, nice looking gentleman about the same age as my dad. I thought he looked vaguely familiar. I looked at mom to see if she recognized him and knew instantly that she did. I could see the look of consternation in her face.

"Terry," she said with a little tremble in her voice while trying to force a smile, "It's been a long time, how have you been?"

"I doing good," he told her, "How about you?"

"Oh, I'm hanging in there," she said trying to sound like she was doing better than she was. "How is Barb?"

He seemed surprised at the question. "Barb and I are divorced, didn't Al tell you? We split up after her affair with Vic Hennesy."

Now I understood mom's apprehension. This guy was another victim of her former lover.

"Oh I'm sorry, Terry, I knew you guys were having problems but I heard you were going for counseling; I thought you were working things out."

"We tried but I just couldn't get over what she did, the treachery, even with the therapy, as much as I loved her, I couldn't forgive her, I tried but I just couldn't do it. I haven't talked to her in over two years; I was told by a mutual friend that she moved but I couldn't tell you where;"

I could see mom fighting to hold back tears. I think the word, treachery, hit her hard. "Terry, I'm so sorry, I didn't know." Looking like she was trying to change the subject mom introduced us. "Honey, you remember Terry Troutwine; Terry this is our oldest daughter, Brea."

"Brea, of course," he said reaching out his hand to shake mine, "God, you've grown up to be as beautiful as your mother. The last time I saw you, you were no taller than this." He indicated waist high with his hand.

"How is Al doing? I asked my company for a transfer after the divorce; I've been living out east but had to come back on business, that's why I'm here now. It'd be nice to see him again while I'm in town; he helped me get through some very difficult times after finding out about Vic and Barb; Al was the only person I could talk to back then, he seemed to understand what I was going through. After we'd talk I always felt like he had let me borrow some of his strength and it helped me get through another day; I'm not sure what I would have done if he hadn't been there for me; I'd sure like to say hello."

I didn't want to embarrass mom, Terry obviously didn't know she and dad were divorced either. I spoke up, "Ah, well dad's awful busy these days, I'll tell you what, Mr. Troutwine, do you have a cell number? I'll have him give you a call."

"Yeah, sure," he said as he wrote his number down on a napkin and handed it to me looking a little suspicious. "Well, I have to go but it's been nice running into you Jackie," he said shaking mom's hand; "You too, Brea," he said reaching over to shake mine as well. He smiled as he said goodbye then walked out of the restaurant.

I looked over at mom just as she broke down. I knew seeing him was hard on her; I was stunned she was able to hold it together for as long as she did. I moved to her side of the table and tried to comfort her. She took a tissue from her purse and dried her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Brea, I don't mean to embarrass you in public like this, it's just that seeing him brought back so many bad memories. It was his wife, Barb, who Julie beat up. Julie was Vic's wife. When she heard about their affair she went over to Terry's house, when Barb opened the door Julie attacked her; put her in the emergency room."

Mom took a drink of water before explaining more. "When your dad heard about it he called to warn me; can you imagine that, as much as he was hurting, he was still concerned about me; me, the cheating slut that betrayed him and he was still trying to protect me; and how did I repay him, by hurting him even more, by sticking up for Vic and not believing he was seeing anyone else but me; that must have been like sticking a knife right into your dad's heart."

She wiped her eyes again, then her nose; "I knew your father was telling me the truth but I didn't want to believe him. The only thin string of self-respect I had left, was believing that somehow I was special to Vic; God, I can't believe how stupid I was, how self-centered; my children are right, I'm nothing but a whore, a selfish, stupid whore," she said still weeping.

"Come on, mom," I said quietly, "let's go to the lady's room and get you cleaned up."

I got her inside the washroom but it was several minutes before I could get her to stop crying. Damn, I thought to myself, just when she was probably having the best time she'd had in a long time, she had to run into Terry. Maybe God is still punishing her.

Several people walked in and stared at us until I would glare back at them. It was a good ten or fifteen minutes before we returned to our table; by then our food was stone cold. When our waiter came over to see if something was wrong with our dinner I told him to take it away and bring us dessert and coffee.

I tried to get her mind off of things by talking about the classes I would soon be taking. I told her Char would be my roommate again and tried to get her to laugh at some of the crazing things we did with Linda the year before. By the time we were done she seemed to be feeling better; I actually got her to smile a couple more times. I really hated leaving her; I hoped my brother and sisters would be in bed by the time she got home, she sure didn't need their condemnations, that was for sure.

We hugged in the parking lot then we each got in our cars and left. I was surprised to see dad still up working on something for his job when I got home; I knew Eileen wasn't there; her car wasn't in the lot. When dad asked me how it went I sat down on the couch next to him and told him about seeing Terry and how it affected mom. I gave him the phone number and told him Terry hoped he would call. I could tell by the look in my dad's eyes that mentioning Terry brought back bad memories for him just like it did mom.

I kissed dad on the cheek and went to bed, I still had to get up early for work the next day. For a while I couldn't get to sleep; I knew I would never cheat on Bobby but I wondered what I would do if I ever caught him cheating on me. I finally fell to sleep before resolving the question.

A couple days later, after my dinner with mom, business was so slow Mrs. Weller let me off early. Dad was home already and was talking on the phone when I walked in. I couldn't help but hear part of the conversation.

"Yeah, well you know, sometimes people just drift apart ... I appreciate that, Terry, thank you," said dad acknowledging my presence with a nod of his head.

He was obviously talking to the guy mom and I met in the restaurant. You'd think talking to an old friend he hadn't seen in a while would make him smile but he wasn't.

"Really ... no, we don't see each other much anymore ... okay, Terry ... yeah, it was good talking to you too. Let me know when you'll be out this way again and maybe we can get together ... okay, bye."

"That was Terry Troutwine," dad said laying his cell on the table, "he says he almost didn't recognize your mother the other night, does she really look that bad?"

"Well she's pretty thin," I responded. Dad just gave a sad, little shake of his head. "I don't get it, dad, how could that guy not know about you and mom, you guys got divorced over that Vic. Didn't he know about mom?"

"No, honey; when Hennesy was beat up in that motel room it was obvious to his wife why he was there. She started digging through his computer, that's how she found out about all the women he was screwing around with; he had corresponded with then by email. Your mom didn't dare use email because we only had the one computer and she was afraid somebody would see something so they only talked and texted over the phone; even that was a rare occurrence. No one but Victor, and of course us, knew about your mother and him and that's just the way I liked it."

Dad walked over to the counter and poured himself a cup of coffee. "It was strange talking to Terry just now. I kept thinking about how we talked after he found out about his wife. He knew nothing about my situation so he'd be telling me how painful it was to know his wife was having an affair and what he was going through and he'd be describing my own feelings to a tee."

"Jeez, dad, he told mom and me that after talking to you back then, he felt like he was borrowing some of your strength and it helped him deal with another day; he had no idea how strong you really were, did he? That had to be so hard, listening to someone else and sympathizing with him like that, and not being able to share your feelings with him or get any sympathy yourself."

"Well ... yes and no. You know what they say about misery loves company. This sounds terrible, but it was almost therapeutic to know I wasn't the only guy out there whose wife had an affair."

"Mom said, I guess her name was Julie, beat up Terry's wife real bad."

"I'll say she did; knocked her down and kicked the hell out of her; Terry had to take her into the ER."

"I think that's what made mom cry so hard; she said you called her and tried to warn her not to open the door if Julie came around."

"Yeah, we were sitting in a bar when Terry told me about it. I still wasn't sure if Julie knew about your mother yet so I slipped into the washroom and called her; why did that make her cry?"

"She said she couldn't believe that even after she hurt you so badly, you were still protecting her; and she regretted sticking up for Vic..."

"Yeah, that really pissed me off!" Dad said cutting me off. "She actually put that ass hole ... I'm sorry," he said calming down a little.

"Dad, I've heard the term before."

"I know but I don't like to talk that way in front of you kids; it just gets me so aggravated, even today when I think of her defending him and accusing me of lying to her like that."

"She told me the other night, it must have felt like she stuck you in the heart with a knife."

"Pretty damn close," replied dad, "It hurt like hell, I'll tell you that; it was like she had more regard for him than she did for me. She's right; that hurt ... a lot."

"By now his voice raised several decibels and I could see the anger in his face ... even after all these years.

"I'm sorry, dad, we should talk about something else, I can see how much this still upsets you. Mom too; she's brokenhearted over the way she treated you, I don't know how many times the other night she said how sorry she was."

"I know, honey, we're all hurting, every damn one of us. It's just too bad it had to happen," he said hanging his head. I think I saw a tear in his eye.

"Anyway; you're right, enough talk about that, it's all water under the bridge. When are you leaving?" he asked.

"Well, my last day of work is next Wednesday; Mrs. Weller said she'd send me my last check. I'll be leaving Thursday afternoon."

"Thursday already, but you don't start until that Monday; why so soon?"

"It'll take a while to get settled in again, dad. We have to get our books, see where our classes are, fix up our room..."

"Okay," he said, "I see what you mean. Eileen and I want to take you and Bobby out to dinner again before you leave; I guess we should figure on Saturday, huh?"

"Oh, dad, Bobby's parents are taking us out Saturday night; I'm sorry," I said watching his face contort with disappointment.

"Okay; well, I know you still have to get up early Monday but how about Sunday then?"

I told him Sunday would be fine and then got an idea but didn't want to say anything until I checked with Bobby. I thought, since we're all going to be related ... well, except for Eileen and I still wasn't sure about that ... so, since we were all going to be related by marriage, with the possible exception of Eileen, I wondered if we could all go out together on Saturday night, his parents, my dad with Eileen, Bobby and me.

Bobby asked his folks that night and they thought it was a great idea, so did dad. I think dad had a few reservations about the cuisine; I know he wanted to go out to a really nice restaurant but Bobby's folks had already made plans to go to Mel Notti's; they were well known for the best pizza in the Chicago land area. They were so popular you had to make reservations if you wanted to eat in the restaurant part.

It turned out to be one of the most fun nights I could remember. My dad has the largest repertoire of jokes and tells them better than any person I know, but as it turned out, Bobby's dad had his own arsenal and came in a close second; between the two of them firing punch lines back and forth, we all laughed so hard our jaws hurt for the next three days. Bobby, his mother, and I had tears in our eyes from laughing so much and I thought sure Eileen was going to pee her pants a couple times.

At one point we realized people from the neighboring tables were listening in and laughing as hard as we were. On the way home that night, I had to grin thinking ahead to future holidays and family get-togethers; I thought of all the fun Bobby and I were going to have together; and then, almost instantly, a sad thought came to mind, all the fun that mom was going to miss out on; funny how human emotions can go from one extreme to the other so quickly.

Wednesday morning I found myself with more mixed emotions. It was my last day at work in the boutique. I was hoping Mrs. Weller would give me the same deal she did last year and tell me I could have the job there again during my next summer vacation. I really did like working there.

A little before noon she waited till I was done with a customer then asked me into her office. She told me to say my goodbyes to everyone because she was giving me the rest of the day off even though she would pay me for the whole day. Then she asked if I had lunch plans. When I said no she asked me to have lunch with her. That was a first; I said sure.

She knew I was taking several business management courses and asked how I was doing in them; I didn't like to brag but I was a good student and carried a three point eight grade average. That's when she came to the point of our luncheon.

"My husband and I are planners," she said. "When we first opened the boutique seven years ago, we had a ten year strategy. If everything went well with the first store we thought we might open a second. Well, we've been discussing it over the last few months and have decided to go ahead and do it. Now, like I said, our original plan was over a ten year period; that's just enough time for you to graduate and learn the ins and outs of running the store while working for me before taking over the second location."

I wasn't quite sure I heard her correctly, "What," I asked looking up from my club sandwich, "Did you say take over a second store?"

She smiled, "Yes, Brea, that's what I said. I don't know if you realize it, but in the past two-and-a-half months you have out sold my regular girls. You manage your time very well and a have a great rapport with people; I know you'd do well."

I was extremely flattered but didn't know what to say; after all, we were talking about three years down the road; then she let me off the hook.

"I don't expect an answer right now, Brea. I only mentioned it because I want you to think about it; I know you have lots of things going on between now and then, especially with marriage in your future, but I wanted you to know it's available, and I hope it goes without saying, if you want it, you have a job next summer."

I was really kind of flabbergasted. I thanked her profusely and accepted her offer for next summer and told her I would think about the other job offer as well. When we were done with lunch we hugged and said goodbye in the parking then I took off.

Driving home I felt like I was on top of the world. I couldn't wait to tell dad and Bobby, and mom, and Donna, and...

"AHHH," I yelled, startled as I walked into the apartment to find someone sitting on the sofa. "Donna, jeez you almost scared me to death," I said holding my hand over my heavily beating heart. How did you get here?" She had her license but no car.

"I'm sorry, Brea, I wasn't expecting you home so soon."

I thought I detected some sadness in her voice. I looked at her a little more closely and saw tears in her eyes.

"Donna, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said wiping the tear away. I came over to see if there was enough room in the bedroom for any of my stuff. I'll be moving in before Christmas you know. Then I thought we could spend a little time together before you went back."

"Honey, you know I said I don't mind sharing the bedroom with you but I don't think we're going to get much more than your bed in there," I told her while still wonder what the tears were for. "That's okay though, there's plenty of room in the closet and I've got two drawers in the dresser that are completely empty. If you need more space than that I can probably consolidate a few things and give you another drawer."

"Okay," she said, "that'll be fine. Do you have time to go do something, go out for coffee or something?"

"How about I just make some here? I'm seeing Bobby tonight but I could pick you up tomorrow at the house and bring you back here to help me pack; I won't be leaving until late afternoon. I'll drop you off at the house on the way and say goodbye to Gwen and Steve then too."

That's what we did, sat and talked at the kitchen table until I had to take her back home; she never did say what was wrong but I know my sister and something was definitely bothering her.

I dropped her at the house then got back in time to start dad's dinner before getting cleaned up for my date with Bobby. I wished we had time to make love but we were going to make an early evening of it. We were going out for dinner but we both wanted to spend some time with our parents too. When Bobby dropped me off at the apartment that night it was only about nine-thirty but it took us another half an hour, at least, to say goodbye to each other.

Dad and I stayed up past one in the morning talking; just like Bobby, he was extremely proud of me when I told him about the offer Mrs. Weller made. The next morning I got up early so I could make breakfast for him. We said goodbye before he left for work. We wouldn't see each other now until Christmas so we both had tears in our eyes as he left.

I grabbed a shower and drove to the house to pick up Donna. She seemed to be in better spirits while helping me get packed up. I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to mom so I headed over to Denny's on the way back to the house.

"Donna, why don't you stay in the car, I'll only be a few minutes," I told her. I knew mom would be sad enough over me leaving; I really didn't want Donna in there making it worse for her.

"No," she said, "I'll go in with you; I've got some money, pie and coffee is on me."

"I don't know, Donna, I know how you are around mom; I don't want to embarrass her."

"I won't," she said, "I promise."

I didn't think it was possible but she kept her word. We sat in mom's section for about half an hour. Mom came over and talked to us whenever she got a minute, and not once, did Donna call her anything improper. She stood by while I gave mom a big hug and kiss before leaving; on the way back out to the car I thanked Donna for being so courteous.

When I dropped her back at the house both Gwen and Steve were there to say goodbye. We all hugged and I told them I would be back for Christmas. I was feeling really sad when I hit the expressway heading for school. It was a great summer and I hated to see it end.

After being separated for several months, the excited screams of three girls can be downright scary. As soon as I was near the campus I called Char to get directions to our dorm room. Both she and Linda were waiting for me with open arms as soon as I walked in. We all hugged and jumped up and down yelling like we were ten years old. They had already opened our traditional bottle of wine when they got my call. They helped me in with my suit case and we all sat on the floor in our pajamas drinking and talking about our summers until three in the morning.

The next day the pounding in our heads didn't make things any easier. We had to get our class assignments, books, schedules, say hi to a few friends, and mentally get into the routine of another year at Northern.

"Hey," said an excited Linda, "there's a frat party tonight already; I was just invited by a cute blond haired guy."

"Alright," Char said with exuberance, "where and what time?"

I knew this conversation would be coming but I wasn't expecting it so soon. "You guys will have to go without me," I told them.

They both looked at me almost dumbfounded by what I said. "I told you guys, Bobby and I are serious about each other and I will never cheat on him; sorry girls, but from now on my pussy is off limits for anyone but him."

"Okay, but that doesn't mean you can't go to parties; you don't have to get laid, just have some fun."

"No, I'm not taking any chances, Char. All I'd need is to have someone drop some Ambien into my drink; nope; no more parties for me, but that doesn't mean you guys can't go; you don't need me to have fun," I said.

"Yeah but it won't be the same without you, Brea. Just go for a little while, we'll keep an eye on you won't we, Linda?"

Linda agreed but I knew those two. "Yeah, right," I said sarcastically, "ten minutes after we get there you two will be upstairs with some hunk, no thanks, guys; you two go, don't worry about me, you have fun. I still have to finish unloading my car and get things organized here anyway, you go ahead."

Reluctantly they went without me. I knew before I even got back that I would be skipping most of the parties; I wondered if I would miss all that fun, then I realized I wouldn't be having fun unless Bobby was there anyway.

The other thing I realized was, since I wasn't going to all the parties, I had more time for my studies. My grades went from a three point eight average to a four point O. I still had fun; Char, Linda, and I were still as crazy as ever and I did go to a couple parties, the ones where I knew everyone and I was sure I'd be safe from any date rape drugs, or being forced to do something I didn't want to do.

Of course I wasn't completely celibate all that time either; Bobby and I got together every four or five weeks at that little motel halfway between Northern and I.U.

Before I knew it the Christmas season was upon us and I was heading home for two glorious weeks of being with Bobby and my family. I was so excited driving home I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.

Dad was already home and waiting to take me out for dinner when I walked in. I went into my room to change clothes before going and noticed it was just as I left it.

"Hey, dad, where's Donna's stuff, didn't she move in yet?"

"No, honey, she decided to stay with your mother for a while longer."

I had talked to dad on the phone several times from school but never thought to ask him about Donna. I was astonished at the news. For years she couldn't wait to turn eighteen so she could move, what happened I wondered. Was she sticking around just to continue torturing mom? My poor mother, she must be ready for the funny farm, I thought.

Bobby called while I was still at dinner with dad. He had just gotten in and was tired so we decided we would meet the following day and do our Christmas shopping together. I went to bed that night wondering why Donna never moved.

The next day I learned a valuable lesson in relationships; shopping with the man with whom you are in love, is a whole lot different than shopping with your sister. Two hours after we got to the mall he had almost all his shopping done, I hadn't even started seriously looking yet. By two o'clock in the afternoon he was getting impatient so I suggested we take a break, and I knew just the place to go. Half an hour later we reacquainted ourselves with our favorite lumpy mattress. We never did get back to the mall.

The next day, since I had yet to buy a single present, I thought I'd see if Donna was available for a shopping safari. Besides being the most fun person in the world to go shopping with, I also wanted to find out why she hadn't moved in with dad yet.

About two in the afternoon we both reached the conclusion that our hands were full but our stomachs were empty. We ran out and stuck our packages in the trunk of the car then went back inside to the food court to grab a late lunch. I couldn't hold off any longer; as we sat unwrapping our sandwiches I had to ask.

"I was surprised to see you haven't moved in with dad yet, what happened; I thought sure I'd be sharing the room with you by now?"

She suddenly got quiet and looked a little forlorn. She didn't say anything for a few seconds. "I don't know," she finally said, "it just seemed like it was a lot of hassle I guess. I just decided to stay at the house."

Like I said, I know my sister and what she was saying just didn't jive; no way, all she talked about since I moved out was that she was going to do the same thing. Why the sudden change of heart; I wasn't about to leave it at that.

"Come on, Donna, this is me, I know you better than that; something happened to change your mind ... what?"

She lowered her head but not before I saw some moisture in her eyes. This was so unusual for her, I had to know what was going on and I wasn't going to give up until I found out.

"Donna, please tell me what's going on, you've got me worried; is something wrong with dad?"

"No, it's nothing like that, Brea," she said quietly, "remember when you came home early and saw me sitting on the couch; I scared you, remember?"

"Yeah, of course I remember."

"Well I was there trying to figure out if I could get my dresser in the bedroom. While I was taking some measurements I saw that little digital tape recorder on your nightstand; you know me, I'm nosey so I listened to it."

"You heard the conversation I had with mom." Now things were starting to make sense.

Donna nodded her head. "I heard her crying, heard how remorseful she was, and how the affair started; It got me thinking that maybe she wasn't the horrible person I thought she was, that maybe she was exactly what dad kept saying, just someone who made a terrible mistake. Then I started feeling guilty about the way I had been treating her. I've been so concerned with the pain she caused all of us I never stopped to think about the pain she is going through."

Wow, I wasn't expecting to hear anything like that. "So ... you stopped calling her slut and whore, and all that?" Donna just nodded her head again, "Did you tell her why you're not calling her names anymore, or apologize ... anything?"

"No, I'm not sure I know how, I've just kind of been treating her normally, you know."

"Jeez, has she said anything."

"No; she does act a little suspicious sometimes," Donna said. "Maybe she's afraid to ask, she's probably wondering what I have up my sleeve. The thing is Gwen and Steve have picked up where I left off; now they call her names and treat her like crap. I feel bad; I figure they learned that stuff from me."