Chapter 1

"Please, daddy, pleeaasse."

That's the trouble with daughters, I should know, I have three. Oh, I have a son also, but when you tell him no it's end of discussion; not with daughters though.

My oldest, was standing in front of me. Her head was slightly cocked to one side and her lower lip was stuck out in pouting fashion. Her face had that worried, but at the same time, hopeful expression; all this, of course, was designed to play on my sympathies; to wrap me around her little finger. I could have probably resisted if it weren't for the eyes; did I mention the eyes? It's the eyes that you have to watch out for; she has her mother's eyes; those beautiful, sparkling, aqua-marine eyes that look right through you; those eyes that penetrate your soul and delves deep inside until they find that tiny spot of vulnerability; that spot that melts into your blood stream and gets pumped straight to your heart.

A slight sigh on my part gave me a short reprieve before relinquishing my, stern father like image.

"Okay," I replied, "but it comes with..."

"Oh thank you daddy," Brea interrupted with exuberance. She jumped up and down then wrapped her arms around her old man and left a red imprint of her lips on my cheek.

"Okay, okay," I said returning her hug. "As I was saying, it comes with strings attached; first, you will call me as soon as you get checked into a motel. I want to know where you're staying and your room number..."

"No problem, daddy..."

"And..." this time I interrupted her, "I want to hear from you every night, without exception. If I have to go to bed without getting a phone call from you, even once, I'll be down there on the first flight in the morning; I mean it!"

"Oh, daddy, thank you so much. I promise I'll call you every night." I could see the wheels turning as she looked pensively around the living room for a second, "I've got to call Linda and Char to let them know I can go ... oh, and I need a couple new bikinis and suntan lotion; oh, oh and I'll need some flip flops for the beach; Oh, I've got so much to do, thanks again dad," she yelled back to me on her way out the door.

You ever get that uneasy feeling in your gut that says, 'you idiot, what'd you do that for?' Well, that's just the way I felt. I had just given my nineteen year old, college sophomore, daughter permission to spend spring break in Fort Lauderdale with her two friends; what the hell was I thinking?

That's my dad; I wanted you to meet him because he's really a great guy. Sometimes, like then, he lets me think I have him wrapped around my little finger but I know it's not true; Oh, I know what he said, about me finding that spot of vulnerability and maybe there's some truth to it, but I know it's just his way of trying to keep me as his little girl. Truth is, if he didn't trust me to be responsible, no matter how much I begged the answer would have been no.

Yeah, my dad is no easy touch, he sometimes gives that impression but he has a moral code of ethics and sticks with it; my mom found that out. He divorced her several years ago when he found out she had been cheating on him. That was the worst time of our lives ... all of us. I guess I never saw a man with a broken heart before then. I was sixteen at the time and all I wanted to do was fix it for him, but I knew I couldn't; it was such a helpless feeling. My younger sister, Donna, really went off the deep end; not a day has gone by since then that she hasn't hated mom with a passion. Although dad never showed any partiality for any of us, I think Donna always considered herself daddy's little girl. When she found out mom had cheated on him and he wasn't going to be living with us anymore she formed an instant hate that she had never let go of and never missed the opportunity to call mom every derogatory name under the sun.

I have a brother and another sister too, but they're both younger and weren't quite so hard on mom although nobody really shows her any love, or even any respect.

And then there's mom, herself, not that she doesn't deserve it, but she has suffered worst of all. She is a broken woman, completely and entirely, and has been ever since the day dad sat us all down to listen to a tape recording of her talking to her lover. That day changed our lives, every one of us; and the irony of the whole situation was, they both still loved each other; they both admitted it but I doubt there's a chance in hell of ever getting them back together. It's so sad; I wish I could do something.

Well, enough of the past, I have a trip to Fort Lauderdale in my immediate future and I have shopping to do. I'm going to run by the house and pick up my sister first. Once you get her away from mom she's really a lot of fun to be with, plus she has great taste in clothes.

I was surprised to see my mom's car in the drive; she always tries to get as many hours in at the restaurant as she can and Saturday afternoons are usually pretty busy.

"Oh, Donna, where are you little sister?" I yelled stepping into the house.

"I'm up here," I heard her answer; "I'll be right down."

Just then I saw my younger brother, Steve, coming out of the kitchen with a sandwich. "Hi, sis," he mumbled.

"Hi, Steve, didn't anyone ever teach you not to talk with your mouth full; isn't mom working today?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Her car is outside."

"Oh yeah, it needs a some kind of a sensor or something and she doesn't have the money to fix it right now; she's been taking the bus for the last three days," he told me.

"So... ," Donna asked coming down the stairs, "what did he say?"

"He said I can go." Donna ran down the rest of the stairs squealing like a little kid as she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me. I didn't like her being so hard on mom, but other than that, we were about as close as two sisters could be. There was nothing phony about her exuberance, she was truly happy for me. "I'm going shopping for a few things, can you come?"

"Sure; hey little brother," Donna said looking at Steve, "hold down the fort will ya. Gwen is over at Karen's."

"Okay, do you know what time mom will be home?" he asked.

"You mean the whore? I don't know and I don't care," she said walking out the door.

"Do you have to talk about her like that in front of Steve and Gwen; she is still our mother you know. Jeez, Donna, she's working twelve and fourteen hour days so you have a roof over your head; can't you cut her a little slack?"

"Hey, the cunt made her own bed now she can sleep in it; besides, I'm going to do just what you did; as fast as I hit eighteen I'm moving in with dad, then she doesn't have to worry about keeping a roof over my head anymore," she said cold as ice as she got into the car.

I have to admit; when it all hit the fan I was pretty angry at mom too; maybe not quite as angry as Donna, but close. In the divorce mom got custody of us, but as soon as I reached eighteen I moved in with dad; As soon as Donna hits eighteen I guess she's planning to do the same thing.

I didn't want to fight with my sister so I let it drop and high-tailed it to the mall. Now, one thing you have to understand about my sister and me, when we go to the mall, we never leave before they close. It was after ten o'clock by the time we got back. Steve and Gwen, the youngest of the family, were watching TV when we walked in. Donna ran upstairs to her room to hang up the new blouse I bought her.

"Where's mom," I asked.

"She's not home yet," Steve answered. I knew she started at seven in the morning on Saturdays; I guessed she was trying to make all the money she could to get her car fixed.

It was pretty late by the time I got home. Dad was at his lap top finishing up some report he needed for work.

"It's after eleven o'clock young lady, I was getting worried," he said as I walked in.

"I'm sorry, dad, I picked up Donna and ... well, you know us when we go shopping together."

"Yeah, I know you. Have you eaten, there's some cold chicken in the fridge."

"Oh thanks, dad, but Donna and I ate at the mall."

"Did you get everything you need for your trip?"

"Yeah, I did, dad, thanks again for letting me go, this really means a lot to me." I was hoping he didn't want to see what I bought. If he saw how small the bikinis were he might change his mind. Luckily he was preoccupied with what he was doing and I got them to my room without him seeing them. He was just finishing his report when I came back out to the living room. I sat down next to him on the couch.

"Did you know mom's car is out of commission? She's been taking the bus to work for the last three days," I told him.

He looked me in the face, "No, how I would know about her car, I haven't talked to you mother in months." We just looked at each other for a few seconds. "I suppose you think I should have it fixed for her?"

I threw my arms around his neck. "I never thought of that dad," I said deviously, "but I knew you would know what to do." Dad just grinned and shook his head. His heart may have been shattered to pieces, but it never hardened; he never stopped loving her.

"Call her tomorrow and tell her to leave the keys in the car; I'll have it towed to Hal's and get it fixed for her, I don't like the idea of her riding the bus late at night like that."

"Thank you, dad," I said while kissing him on the cheek. Well, maybe he is a soft touch after-all, but only when he wants to be.

Sunday morning mom was already gone for work by the time I called. I talked to Steve who found a spare set of keys and stuck them in her car for me. I told dad and he said he'd call Hal's first thing Monday morning and tell them to tow it into the shop and fix it. After that he and I went out for breakfast.

By the time we returned it was time for me to leave and go back to college. I had come home Friday night to ask dad about going to spring break; I figured I stood a better chance in person than over the phone; besides I hadn't been back since Christmas and I missed everyone.

There was always a tear in dad's eye whenever I left. I reminded him to call Hal's about mom's car as I kissed him goodbye. Eileen was just coming in as I was leaving. She's dad's girlfriend. I guess that's what you'd call her; fuck buddy would be the term I'd use but that would never fly with dad. She was really a pretty nice lady. I think she's in love with him but I don't think it's mutual; he likes her, maybe even a lot, but I'm pretty sure he's not in love with her.

"Brea, going back so soon?" she asked while giving me a kiss on the cheek. "I was hoping to be able to visit a little before you had to get back."

"Yeah, sorry, Eileen, it's a long drive and I have classes tomorrow morning so I have to get going." I turned to dad and hugged him once more, "Bye, dad; thanks again. I'll call you when I get back to the dorm and I promise I'll call you every night from Fort Lauderdale."

I could hear Eileen telling him what a great father he was for letting me go on my trip as I walked out the door. I'll tell you, dad could do a lot worse.

It was about an hour and half hour drive back to the dorm. I started thinking back to before dad discovered mom was cheating; God, we had such a loving family; it was like something you'd see on TV. My bedroom was right next to mom and dad's and I'd sometimes hear them making love after they thought I was asleep. I was still a virgin then but I knew what they were doing, and I knew it was because they loved each other; at least that's what I thought at the time.

When I found out mom was having sex with another man I started to wonder; I heard her tell dad he was the only man she loved and I wondered why she would have sex with someone else if she didn't love him.

I guess that's when I decided I was going to find out what sex was all about. Funny how my sister and I reacted differently; dad had only been gone about a month when I jumped at the first opportunity I had to have sex; Donna is still a virgin and swears she'll stay that way until her wedding night.

As I looked back on it, I wished I had waited; maybe not till my wedding night, but at least until I met a guy who knew what the hell he was doing. Your first time is supposed to be special, mine was anything but.

I was sitting in the bleachers with my girlfriend at one of our high school basketball games. I had been making googley eyes at Tommy Schneider all year, so when he sat down beside me and put his arm around me I leaned against him and made sure he knew I was available. I even slid my hand on the inside of his thigh when no one was looking. After the game he asked if he could take me home; by the time we reached his car sex was forgone conclusion.

He drove around to the far side of the football field where it was completely dark and parked. The front seat of his car had bucket seats so we got in the back; I lay down and helped Tommy push up my skirt then lifted my hips and pulled my panties down. It was embarrassing as hell but I didn't care. At first Tommy just stood there staring at my pussy. "Come on, Tommy," I said a little agitated. It seemed to wake him up and he quickly unbuckled his belt and dropped his pants; then he pulled down his underpants. His cock popped out like a jack-in-the-box and bounced up and down a couple of times. Outside of my brother's little pee-pee, it was the first real cock I'd ever seen in person.

Tommy started to climb on top of me and was just going to shove it in. I didn't know a lot but I knew I was supposed to be wet first and I wasn't; not at all. "Wait," I said urgently. I stuck my middle finger in my mouth and soaked it with as much saliva as I could, then rubbed it into my pussy. I did that a couple times; as it turned out it wasn't enough; it hurt something terrible when Tommy pushed into me. When I yelled out in pain he told me to shut up, saying someone would hear us. He was so clumsy, he had no rhythm, no finesse, he just kept jerking it in and out.

I remember laying there thinking to myself, I wasn't making any of the noises I heard my mom make when dad made love to her; that's when I panicked. I suddenly realized I had no protection against getting pregnant. I yelled for Tommy to pull out but he wouldn't. That's when I saw him stiffen up and I knew he was coming.

I cried all the way home; I was terrified I was pregnant and worried that my dad would think he had two tramps in the family. I must have had it written all over me when I walked in the back door. Mom had beaten me home from work by only a minute or two; she was still in the kitchen when I walked in.

She took one look at me; "Oh my God, Brea, what did you do?" You could see the horror in her face.

I was still pretty mad at her back then and didn't treat her much better than Donna. "I wanted to see what it felt like to be a slut like you," I yelled back before running upstairs and into my room. I flopped down on my bed and cried myself to sleep. I was so lucky I didn't get pregnant. Mom never brought it up again. I'm sure she never told dad; he still thinks I'm a virgin, at least I think he does.

By the time I got back to my dorm Charlene and Linda were already celebrating with a bottle of wine. Char was my roommate, Linda lived down the hall; they were my two best friends. When I called dad to let him know I was back and in one piece I heard Eileen's voice in the background and guessed she was spending the night.

The three of us finished off the wine then went to bed; we all had classes in the morning.

Wednesday night I was still wondering about mom's car so I called dad.

"Hi, dad," I greeted him.

"Hello, honey, how was your day?"

"Oh just fine; I was calling to see if you remembered about mom's car."

"Yes, I remembered; they towed it to Hal's Monday afternoon. It needed a mass air flow sensor. Of course, once they got looking at it, it also needed a bunch of other things. They said the belts were all dried out and cracked, the oil hadn't been changed in a long time, the plugs were overdue to be changed, and the air filter was clogged, so I had them do it all. That car should run like a top for a while."

"Thanks, dad; did she get it back yet?" I asked.

"Yeah, well she wasn't home yet when we dropped it off but it's in the driveway."

"I wonder if she knows it's fixed; did she call and thank you yet?"

"No, I'm not really expecting a thank you; I did this for you more than her," he told me. I knew that was a lie. To this day my dad still hurts from mom's betrayal, but he'd also take a bullet for her if he had to, he just can't help himself.

"It sounds like it was expensive."

"Yeah, well she can pay me back when she sells the house, if she ever sells it. I just don't understand her; even with the child support I'm paying, between the mortgage, taxes, and upkeep on that place, it's costing her a fortune. She wouldn't have to work so damn hard all the time if she sold it."

"Dad, you know mom will never sell that house. It's been our home since I was born. It holds too many great memories for her and memories are all she has left."

"I guess, but she's going to work herself into an early grave trying to hold on to those memories. I'm sorry, honey, I shouldn't have said that. I guess I still worry about her a little now and them."

"I know, dad," I told him, "You know you could always move back, then she wouldn't have to work so hard."

"Huh, yeah, right; that'll be the day," he replied snidely but emphatically. Well you can't blame a girl for trying.

"Dad, I'm going to call her and make sure she knows the car is fixed so she doesn't wind up taking the bus again tomorrow."

"Okay, honey; when do you leave for spring break?"

"Friday after next," I responded. "I'll call you before we leave, dad, don't worry, and thanks again for letting me go." We said our goodbyes then I dialed mom; I was hoping she was home.

"Hello;" I almost didn't recognize her voice it was so weak.

"Hi, mom, it's Brea."

"Oh, Brea; hi, honey, how are you? Steve said you were here over the weekend; I wish you would have stopped by the restaurant, I would have loved to see you."

"I know, mom, I'm sorry but I had Donna with me and didn't want her to embarrass you. The semester will be over in a few more weeks; I promise we'll see a lot of each other this summer."

"Okay, honey," she replied almost like she didn't believe me. "What about spring break, isn't that coming up pretty soon?"

"Yeah, mom, but I'm going to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I'll be down there for the whole week."

"Does your father know that?" she asked sounding surprised.

"Yeah, of course, mom; he said I could go." At first I thought I was going to get a ration of grief from her but I guess she was just a little concerned. She knows I'm not as pure as the driven snow.

"Just be careful, honey, please; I want you to have fun but I'm still your mother and I do worry about you."

"I know you do, mom, don't worry, I'll be fine; but that's not why I'm calling; did Steve tell you the car was fixed?" I heard a slight gasp from the other end of the phone.

"No, I just walked in a few minutes ago. How ... I mean who ... I mean how did it get fixed?"

"Dad got it fixed for you; he had it towed to the shop on Monday and just returned it today, didn't you notice it was gone?"

"No, I still use the back door because it's shorter going through the alley on the way to the bus stop, so I haven't even looked out at the driveway, there was no need."

Well dad had a bunch of other work done too; he said it should run like a top now. If I wer..." I stopped talking because I could hear her crying over the phone. "Mom ... mom..."

"Oh I'm sorry," she said between sniffles, "I just didn't know how I was ever going to get it fixed; I wasn't expecting ... I never thought your father would ... how did he find out about it?"

"I picked Donna up at the house to go shopping last Saturday. When I saw the car I asked Steve about it and he said it was broke. I must have mentioned it to dad." I could hear her still crying over the phone. She didn't say anything for a little while, just cried.

"I'm sorry, honey, I'm just so grateful; thank you, Brea; you're a good daughter, much better than I deserve," she said.

"Don't thank me, you should call dad and thank him; he's the one who had it fixed for you."

"I will, honey, I'll call as soon as we hang up."

"Okay, mom; it's already after ten-thirty, he'll be getting ready for bed pretty soon; I'm going to say goodbye so you can call him." We hung up a minute later. Sometimes it's hard to understand how I feel about mom. Like now, I feel sorry for her; the problem is I still have a lot of anger too. It doesn't really show until I actually see her. That's why I try to avoid it, like not going to where she works when I was home for the weekend. I wish I could completely forgive her but then I remember my dad crying; I saw him one time, he didn't know I was there ... my dad, the bravest man I know, crying like a baby from a broken heart. That's when I just get so damn mad I could just...

The next week and half flew by like a hawk on steroids. Char, Linda, and I had packed a day in advance. A whole fun-filled week in the sun, surf, and sand, we were so excited I almost forgot to call dad like I'd promised.

"Hi dad," I exclaimed when he picked up the phone. "We're all ready; our flight leaves at two-thirty five and gets into Lauderdale at six-forty. By the time we get to the hotel and get checked in though dad, it might be eight or nine o'clock before I call you."

"That's okay, honey, just don't forget to call; remember, I expect a call every night."

"I know, dad, I will. Did mom call to thank you for fixing her car?"

"Yeah but it was hard to understand her, she was crying. I guess that was her way of saying she was grateful; she always did cry at the drop of hat. You better get going, honey, you have a long drive to O'Hare. Have a good time."

"We will, dad, thanks again; I'll call you as soon as we get checked in, bye."

And we were off for the time of our lives.

For the entire drive, all we talked about were boys; none of us were virgins and we had heard all the stories; spring break was a non-stop party of sex and liquor. We all agreed no drugs. Since we were all staying in one room we decided, as a warning, we would put the do-not-disturb sign on the door if we had a guy in the room.

It was almost eight o'clock by the time we got check in and I was off the phone with my dad; all three of us were starving; we hadn't eaten since breakfast. We went out to find a restaurant; what a laugh, there were lines at every one reaching around the block.