Chapter 1

My wife Ann and I have been married for more than twelve years. We married at a young age, but we were both ready to be together. Our love has been very deep and up until a few months ago, I thought that things were great between us.

After I got out of college, I found a job for a year and then moved onto a better one. After ten years with the firm I work for now, I have moved up into the upper management and financially doing far better than ever before. I have earned every penny of it too.

Over the first three years we had two kids. A boy and a girl, both the apples of my eye. Ann had been staying at home until about eight years ago. She decided to go back to school and get her degree.

I supported her in her dreams and after five long hard years of going to school year 'round she got her MBA and then went out and found a job. Since my job had been taking care of us so well, we decided to put her salary into an investment account and live on mine.

Her job was interesting to her and even though our sex life suffered a bit we were still deeply in love with each other. We rarely had arguments, usually just little tiffs over stupid things that in the long run didn't matter. All in all we had what I thought was a great marriage.

Then, about a year ago Ann got promoted to a position that would require her to travel quite a bit. Since it was a step upwards and she was in favor with upper management, I swallowed my pride and said little to discourage her taking the new promotion.

I was worried that we wouldn't see each other much at all now, but I wanted her to succeed in her job so I supported her as she had supported me for so long. At first her travels stayed within the business week, less than two days and she would be home on the weekends without fail.

Our sex life suffered more with this travel as I had thought it would, but I was mostly upset that she was losing time with our kids that could not be recovered. We had talked about it and at one time she was almost to the point of quitting and just staying at home again to be with them.

We live in a nice home in the suburbs and the only time we had to go into the city was to go to the airport so she could catch her flights. Not a long drive, but long enough that she didn't want to leave her car at the long term parking area. I would drop her off at the airport, usually early so I wouldn't be late for work, then she would wait for her plane.

I had noticed that our sex had lost some of its intensity over the last few years. It troubled me, and I think Ann too. Some of the passion we had early on was gone and it seemed a bit mechanical. I tried to spice things up, small thing's like having romantic dinner ready for her when she got home, taking the kids to either of our parents and leaving them for the night while we went out. It seemed to help quite a bit but then after a while that stopped too. Mostly due to our jobs and the hectic schedules we had.

Our sex life continued to dwindle and soon we rarely had sex more than once a month. When we did, it was like Ann was just doing it to please me rather than enjoying it with me. It hurt me to think that she was so bored in our marriage that she would act this way.

I brought it up one night and she blew up. I was shocked at how angry she got at me. It was like a whole different person had materialized in front of me and I was stunned at her rage. I slept on the couch that night (for the first time ever) and in the morning I got the kids and took them to the sitter without talking to her at all.

All that day at work I fretted about her anger toward me and wondered what had brought it all on. I am afraid that her anger and our fight came to work with me and I was less than nice to several co-workers. I felt bad after that long day and didn't know what I could do to make it up to my co-workers. They hadn't deserved to be treated like I had because of my personal problems.

When I got home, it was to an empty house. I ran over and got the kids wondering why Ann hadn't done it. Usually I would drop them off and she would pick them up. Today she hadn't even called to let me know the she wasn't going to be able to.

After ranting to myself as I drove to get the kids I then got worried. Why hadn't Ann been able to get the kids anyway? Why no calls to me, or even a message left with my assistant? What was going on with my wife?

After feeding the kids and playing with them for a while I put them to bed. No Ann. I waited up until midnight, but to no avail. I went to bed quite troubled and upset. I was pissed off and also afraid that she may have been hurt and I didn't know about it.

The next morning, after getting the kids ready and talking them into eating their breakfasts, I saw the answering machine light blinking. As the kids stood by, I heard Ann's voice telling me that something had come up and she had to go to Chicago on an emergency.

I looked at our kids and wondered what had been such an emergency that she hadn't been able to call me at work or on my cell phone yesterday? I bundled the kids off to the sitter and went into work. As I sat in my office I found myself wondering if our marriage was about to breakup. I didn't have a good feeling at that moment.

Later that morning I got a call from her. She was all apologetic and sounded like she had been crying. I listened to her and my heart was pounding. I felt that there was something she wasn't telling me, but I was too afraid to ask her for fear she would go off on me like the other night.

She asked me if I could get the kids from the sitters as she wouldn't be home until late tonight. Ann was acting strange as she talked to me too. It was like she had rehearsed what she was going to say to me. Stiff and disjointed not smooth like she was just talking or having a normal conversation.

After her call I was more worried than ever before. It suddenly occurred to me that my marriage may already be lost, that I was too late to prevent us from breaking up. I felt a chill course through me as that thought hit me hard. Had I lost Ann? Was it too late for us? Most important, why, why was she acting the way she was?

All I knew was that I loved my wife with my whole being. She had my soul and heart. I couldn't imagine a life without her. What about our kids? Would they become those kids who saw one parent this week and the other on the weekend? I was scared now. I felt like I was losing my life.

That night as I drove the kids home, I noticed that I had a message on my cell phone. How I had missed it I didn't know, but I had. It was from Ann. She wanted me to take the kids to her parent's house for the night and she would explain when she got home.

My thoughts were mixed as I drove the kids to my mother-in-law's. Getting there she greeted me as she usually did, with a hug and kiss on the cheek. She held me by my shoulders. She pushed me back to look deep into my eyes.

"Is there a problem between you and Ann, Patrick? Something I can help you with? She called earlier and didn't sound very happy at all."

"I don't know mom. (I had been calling her mom since being married to Ann years ago.) Ann has been acting strange the last few months. I don't know what's going on with her. I will say that I am worried about her and as a matter of fact, our marriage too."

"Why don't you just leave the kids here overnight? It's Friday and the weekend. They can stay here until Sunday night. Might give you and Ann time enough to work this all out?"

"Thanks mom. I appreciate that. I think that is a good idea. I wish I knew what was going on though. All I know is her job has seemingly taken over her life, almost totally away from us."

I went home with a heavy heart. If her mom could see something was wrong then Ann must have told her more than she had told me, or at least something she hadn't told me yet. I got home and was just sitting down with a drink when Ann came in.

She stood in front of me tears running down her face. I sat there, not knowing what to do. I finally stood up and held out my arms to her, hoping that was the right thing to do. I was unsure since the person in front of me was almost a total stranger to me now.

She fell into my arms and sobbed on my shoulder, her whole body shaking as she cried. I stood there holding her, fearing the worst and not knowing what to do in this situation at all. We had never had a fight like the other night, and that hadn't been a fight more than it had been an attack.

She finally got her crying under control and stepped back.

"I'm so sorry Patrick. I have behaved badly toward you and you did nothing to deserve it. I ... I ... We ... oh God ... I'm so sorry. I love you too much to have done this to you. Can you ever forgive me?"

I was a bit shocked. Her crying with her words had thrown me off and I didn't know what to say. Her arms were around me and she had spoken with her head away from me as it lay on my shoulder. I finally stumbled out a response to her pained question.

"Ann, I love you. I love you so much that I don't know what I would do without you. I just don't understand what has been going on with you lately. I forgive you, but you need to level with me and tell me what is going on in your life that you haven't been telling me about."

With my words her crying began again. This time she broke from me and then faced away. Her back shook as she silently wept. I was very concerned now. Something was very wrong with her and I had no clue as to what it was.

She turned back to me and got herself back under control. With a bit of effort she calmed down and then she began to tell me her problem. In some ways I felt that she was not telling me exactly the full story, that she was dressing it up by leaving out much more than I wanted or needed to know.

"My job has been getting harder and harder to handle. There are other companies competing for contracts that we need. Contracts that we desperately need. I have been stressed far more than ever before. I guess that I let my job take precedence with my life over you and the kid's Patrick. Instead of talking to my boss, getting more help, or handling it some other way, I took it out on you, and in many ways, the kids too."

"Ann, you could quit. We don't need the money and you could find another job if you wanted. I am worried that we are headed for a divorce here. I love you too much, and the kids ... what will it take to fix all of this? Ann, I don't want to lose you. Surely your job isn't that important."

"I'm sorry Patrick. They need me at work since several contracts are in process yet. I couldn't quit on them at this time, it would mean several hundred jobs if we don't get those contracts. I couldn't have those people on my mind like that It's been hell lately at work. I think the worst is over though and if it doesn't get better soon I will quit. I'm tired and think that maybe a vacation is in order. Just you and I..."

"Ok. You want to take a vacation, just you and I or all of us together? We can do that. It may help you relax, and I know that we could use the time together right now. When do you want to take it?"

"I should have the contracts by next week. I may have to be gone for the whole week though ... maybe into the weekend. I 'm not sure. Sam, my boss said that if I got these contracts I could have a few weeks off. Could you get vacation for the week after next? Can you do it that fast?"

"I might be able to. I'll try. Are you going to be all right Ann? I am worried about you. You've been acting so strange lately. I don't want to lose you for any reason ... and your health is a concern with me too."

"I'll be ok Patrick. Knowing that you and I will be together on vacation soon will help me. I need the time off. I guess I didn't realize how stressed I had been getting."