Chapter 3

"Hi, Dad," I said into the phone.

I'd woken up early Sunday morning, calling home at 8:15 sharp because I knew my parents would have gotten home from church, changed clothes, and sat down for English muffins and coffee right about then. Listening to NPR and talking about the weather. They'd been doing it just the same for years.

"Jennifer? Is everything okay?" Dad was like that, he never expected me to call unless it was someone's birthday or I was in trouble.

"Yeah, Dad. Everything's fine."

"Did you go to church this morning?" he asked, just like I knew he would.

"Uh..." I almost lied, but if skipping church was a sin, then lying about it to your dad had be twice as bad.

"Jennifer, you go to church..." I listened for five minutes, which was a relatively short lecture by Dad's standards, " ... and you'll be so much happier, okay?"

"Okay, Dad," I agreed, although I'd been paying more attention to the back of my cereal box, trying to help that crazy Waldo girl find her way through the maze printed on the back. "Hey, is Mom there? Can I talk to her?"

"She's right here, dear. I love you."

"I love you too, Dad," I answered and waited while he handed the phone over.

"Hey, Jen ... You missed church?" Mom teased me, knowing full well I'd gotten the message.

"Yeah," I smiled to myself. "My car broke down."

"What car?" Mom asked sharply, but then she caught on. "Next year, okay? After you show some discipline." Which meant after I'd finished pre-law and started real school, that's when I'd finally get some wheels.

"I know. Yeah," I sighed. "Um, anyway, I gotta ask you something."

"Okay."

"Uh, well, it's about the sorority, Mom."

"You're all squared away with that?"

"Mmmm ... No, I mean sorta, see..." I'd been trying to think of a way to ask my mom about bringing a virgin boy to her initiation, assuming she had.

"See what? What's the matter?"

"They want me to bring my boyfriend." I paused for a second. "You remember, I told you about him before."

"Larry?"

"Larry? No, Mom. William, the cute one." I took a deep breath. "Anyway, he's uh ... Well, uh, he's a virgin, Mom, so I'm supposed to bring him to the initiation and, uh..."

"Um-hmmm..." She made a sound like she almost understood. "And you like this boy?"

"He's my boyfriend, Mom!" I chuckled. "Yeah."

"So what's the problem?" she asked, sounding genuinely confused.

"Uh, well, he doesn't really like the sorority, for one thing." But I probably shouldn't have said that, so I hurried on. "And I don't want him to get hurt or anything, you know?"

"Don't want him to get hurt," Mom echoed me and then we were silent for awhile.

"I just want to know why he has to be there, that's all. I want to know what's going to happen, Mom." I figured I couldn't be much more plain than that.

"Well, Jen, it wouldn't be much of an initiation if you knew what was going to happen, would it?" She chuckled a little and I rolled my eyes. "You have to decide on your own, part of the deal is trust."

"Trust?" I sighed. "Mom, all these girls do is drink and talk about sex. I don't even know half of them, and the other half..." I frowned. "I don't know."

"So I guess they don't know you either, huh?" Mom said reasonably. "Maybe it works both ways, have you thought about that?"

"What, they want to see if they can trust me to trust them?" I narrowed my eyes, staring at Waldo. "Does that even make sense?"

"Makes sense to me, but you always were a little ... different," Mom pronounced, reminding me that I wasn't quite the daughter she'd envisioned. I was a little too sensitive for my own good, or so she liked to say.

"So you won't tell me?" I asked, just to make sure there wasn't any misunderstanding between us.

"No, can't do it, girl. I made a promise before you were even born," Mom said. "I can't go back on it just because you're soft on some boy."

"I love him, Mom," I said, not really planning on it, but she made me a little mad and that seemed like the best way to get back at her.

"Who?"

"William," I said, feeling very angry right then. "I'm going to ask him to marry me."

"Now hold on a second, Jennifer..."

I hung up the phone, nodding to myself. That would teach her. If I'd spent my whole life disappointing my mom, well, here was the best one yet. She'd probably cut off my allowance, disown me maybe, and never speak to me again or something. But God! What was the deal anyway? She couldn't give me one simple answer? That stupid sorority was more important to her than her own daughter? What kind of sense did that make? And trusting them ... Yeah, right. I wouldn't trust any of them alone with William for five minutes. A bunch of college girls drinking beer and trying to fuck every hard dick they could find? Well, they weren't getting my boyfriend.

"Hello?" Donald, my boyfriend's roommate, answered the phone.

He was pretty hot himself, but if I wasn't very outgoing, he seemed positively anti-social, which didn't make a lot of sense to me because he looked like a swimsuit model. I'd caught Donald coming out of the shower once, wrapped in a much too small towel, and I'd almost popped on the spot. Tall and thin, dripping wet and blessed with a cock that had to be at least six inches soft, I'm not kidding. A hard, smooth chest, a real boyish six-pack beneath his outtie belly button. He'd looked like he'd just stepped out of the 'Boys of the PacWest' issue of Playgirl and I'd just stared at him like a nub.

I didn't think he'd ever forgiven me for that.

"Hi Donald..." I cleared my throat, " ... is, uh, William there?"

"Fuck off and die, loser." He hung up the phone.

Nope, he hadn't forgiven me yet. I sighed, hanging up the phone and scratching my head. Between William's answering machine and his roommate's less than friendly suggestions, I wasn't getting anywhere fast. And this was the boy I wanted to marry?

"Oh!" I heard a masculine voice and I turned around to see Lance coming out of Susan's room. He'd sorta dressed in one of Susan's soccer jerseys and just a skimpy pair of boys' briefs, sexy tight ones with little pink hearts on them.

He was cute. Hell, every boy I knew was cute, who am I fooling? But a twenty-year-old coed walking around half naked, with some seriously toned and tanned legs; not to mention long blonde hair all wild and frazzled from what must have been some good marathon sex ... What would you call him? Definitely cute.

"Hi Lance," I said, trying not to look at his legs and failing miserably. They led right up to the pink hearts and the bulge beneath them and ... I forced myself to look away.

"I'm just, um..." He pointed towards the kitchen. "Susan wanted me to get her some coffee." He blushed and smiled and rolled his eyes, like wasn't this embarrassing?

"Sure, you know where everything's at," I nodded, watching his ass for a second as it rotated just beneath the hem of the jersey.

I grabbed the keys to Susan's motorcycle, deciding to take her up on her offer from the night before and give her and Lance some more privacy. It looked like they might need it. And then I had a really weird thought, even by my too sensitive standards.

"Hey, uh, Lance..." I stood in the doorway just as he was standing tiptoe to reach the cups, pulling that jersey up so I could see all of his perfectly round ass. I looked down quickly, as if those keys in my hand were just the most fascinating keys in the world.

"Hmmm... ?" He giggled and at least Lance liked me a little.

I glanced up, making sure it was safe to look at the man and he stood there as modestly as possible, given what he was wearing. "I was wondering if I could ask you something." I paused. "Something sort of ... Personal?"

"Uhhhh ... Maybe." He giggled again and I bet he was fun as hell in bed. "What?"

"How long have you and Susan been together?"

"Mmmm..." Lance shrugged. "A long time. Since we were freshman. Why?"

"Since before she joined the sorority?" I asked, ignoring his question for the moment.

"Yeah." He put his coffee cup down, folding his arms over his flat chest defensively. "Why do you ask?"

"Uh, well." I wiped my fingers over my mouth nervously. "I was wondering if, um ... if you were at her initiation?"

"Oh." Lance's blue eyes got a little bigger. "Ohhh..." he nodded like he understood. "You mean, was I the virgin that Susan brought... ?"

I waited for him to continue but he didn't, much to my frustration.

"Yeah," he finally nodded, smiling and maybe blushing just a little. "I guess it's no secret, huh?"

"Uh, yeah..." I felt like screaming, or at least asking him what it was that wasn't a secret. Lance could be a total blonde, believe me. The boy wasn't ever gonna be a rocket scientist. I just had to find the magic words and he'd open right up, I could feel it. I was so close!

"Hey. Morning, Jen." Susan walked into the kitchen, stretching and just wearing the shorts that went with the jersey Lance was wearing. Her hard, muscular tits had dark love bites all over them and I looked away, slightly embarrassed and knowing I couldn't ask anything with Susan there.

"Hey, Sue," I smiled reluctantly.

"Mmmm ... Where that coffee, baby?"

"Commmmming..." Lance sang, smiling at me and shrugging his shoulders playfully. He slipped past me carrying Susan's coffee and with it all the answers to my dilemma.

"Where are you off to?" Susan asked me, pulling a giggling Lance onto her lap once the coffee safely sat on the table.

"Uh, I'm going to see if William's around," I shrugged. "I thought I'd borrow your motorcycle."

"Sure, girl, go ahead." She turned her attention to Lance, reaching down to give the boy's balls a playful squeeze and I left them laughing and struggling behind me.

So Lance had been the virgin at Susan's initiation, I knew that much at least. And they'd stayed together afterwards, for three years at least, that had to mean something important. But William wasn't like Lance. William was a lot smarter for one thing, and a lot older than Lance had been. A few years doesn't sound like much, but at college the difference between freshman and senior years is more than significant. It's huge. William was also a lot more serious. He was looking for more than a college fuck buddy and so I couldn't depend on Lance's good example to comfort me.

I needed to know. I needed some proof that I wasn't going to try and convince William of doing something that we'd ultimately regret. It would have been so easy just to quit the whole stupid thing, and I was close, believe me. But my mom, that was the one thing keeping me in the game. She'd wanted a daughter who played football, and went hunting and fishing, who had that alpha personality to dominate everyone and everything around her. But that was Mom, not me. Need proof? She could dominate me from 2000 miles away and in all likelihood the next time I talked to her I wouldn't be getting married to William at all.

Especially if I couldn't even ask the boy.

I suppose I could have stood outside Williams apart, yelling his name like in that old Marlene Brando movie, A Streetcar Named Desire. Is that the one? But I decided to save that as a last resort, it was still reasonably early on a Sunday morning. Knocking on the door would probably get me a little farther.

"Are you retarded?" Donald opened it, of course.

"I just have to talk him, please?" I tried puppy-dog eyes and when it didn't seem like those were going to work, I took my mom's advice.

"Hey! Get out of here!" I pushed past Donald and his protestations, just like the alpha female I wasn't.

"William?" I called out, walking through their little dorm room, which comprised little more than a living room and two small bedrooms. They had a community bathroom down the hall and a cafeteria downstairs to share with the other residents. It wasn't bad but it made me appreciate rooming with Susan in one of the campus apartments.

I knocked on William's bedroom door while Donald stared at me, arms folded across his chest. He looked good when he was mad too. Not as good as when he did fresh from the shower, but not bad at all. He wasn't really on my mind though, William was, and I knocked again.

"William? Hey! It's me," I said through the door.

"Hi." He opened the door, looking at me without smiling.

"Hi." I did smile.

William turned away, leaving the door ajar and sat down on his bed. He tugged his t-shirt down and hitched some baggy gold sweatpants up. They were tied around his narrow waist with a drawstring. I entered the room, closing the door behind me softly and taking a deep breath. The air smelled like William. I mean, he just flooded my senses. I'd been in his room before, but this was the first time I ever noticed the way he just seemed to fill the air itself and I knew I was in love with him.

"I tried calling you," I said, sitting down on the small wooden chair at his desk, turning it so I could face the boy.

"I know." He looked nice, with his blonde hair brushed and tied back in a simple ponytail. His blue eyes were clear and I guessed that I hadn't woken him up at least.

"I left messages."

"I know," he nodded, but didn't offer any explanation.

"Why are you so mad at me?" I just had to ask. Some women, clever women, might have been able to talk around it, to draw out the answers without the anger to go with it. But I wasn't feeling especially clever.

"I'm not." William put on an innocent face. "I just..." he held up his hands, letting them flutter like little birds, " ... I need some time to think, that's all."

"I've been thinking too..." I started, but now William had decided to talk and he cut me off, as if he hadn't heard me.

"I'm graduating in a few months. I talked to my dad and he wants me to come home. I can get my teaching certificate and they need teachers."

"William, I..."

"So I don't think we should, uh..." He frowned. He'd been looking at me, but now he looked down at his fingers, picking at his long thumbnail nervously. "I don't want to get too close to you."

"No. William, please..." I wasn't sure what he was telling me, but I didn't like it.

"It'll just make it harder to say goodbye later." He looked up then, his eyes soft, like he was ready to cry, even wanted to cry, but wouldn't. Not while I sat there with him.

"Are you breaking up with me?" I forgot what I was going to say for a moment while my mind finally caught up with William's words.

"I ... Yeah, I'm..." William did cry then, just one tear and he looked down again, " ... I'm sorry, Jen."

"But you don't understand." I spread my arms, leaning forward. "I love you. I..."

"No." He shook his head. "Just ... Just go, okay? It isn't going to work, Jen."

"William..." But he wasn't listening, he just got up and left the room, leaving the door wide open and I heard another door close. He'd gone into Donald's room, away from me.

I sat there, rubbing my forehead, feeling the pain way down deep in my stomach, like a knife being twisted. What wasn't going to work? Us? Is that what he meant? Or did he think I was just playing some game with him? It was confusing, leaving me with nothing but lonely doubts and fears. I loved him, hadn't William heard that? If I was a real woman I would have kicked open the door, picked him up in my arms, and made him understand.

But I didn't.

"You should go." Donald stood there, almost smiling, I thought, except he really cared about William, so he wasn't gloating too much.

"Yeah." I left, pausing for just a second outside the closed door to Donald's room, thinking I heard a soft sobbing sound, but I didn't even knock. I just left.

"Send him some flowers," Mary suggested, sitting on the couch and tossing a football in the air. She looked pretty hung over. Everyone else in the sorority house was still sleeping, so I guessed they'd had another typical Saturday night.