Chapter 1

"I don't know, Mom. I'm not sure I have what it takes, you know?" I sighed and listened to my mother talk some more.

Two thousand miles doesn't seem so far on the telephone, but when you hang up it seems like forever. I took strength from that, trying to explain my reluctance to join a sorority despite her constant insistence. If Mom had been there, facing me, this conversation would have been over long ago.

"I know, I know ... Meet people. It's not who you are, it's who you know ... Yayaya..." She hates it when I say that.

It's not who you fuck, it's who you suck; isn't that what you really mean, Mother? I was dying to say that, just to get some real attention. This sorority thing had become another excuse for our monthly woman to woman chat. On the telephone. Right. It would probably give me an Oedipus Complex if we weren't careful.

I watched the TV out of the corner of my eye. I found myself wishing Big Bird was on, right then it would have been just ... Perfect. Like I'd never left home at all.

Later, after I'd long forgotten the conversation with my mom, I had another one.

"I don't know, Susan. Maybe I don't have what it takes, ya know?" I sighed with a strange sense of déjà vu and listened to my roommate yell at me from the bathroom. Her voice echoed down the short hallway into the kitchen and made me wince.

"What? What do you mean, Jen? Of course you have what it takes! Don't be such a dick." I'd never had a big sister, but I was reasonably sure that was what one sounded like.

I looked at the cup-a-soup on the table in front of me and dropped my fork into it, pushing it away. I wasn't hungry anymore, not like that was a whole lot of food anyway.

"Look," Susan said, padding across the carpet with her wet feet, knotting one of my towels around her waist. "You're almost in anyway, right? I mean, you have like one thing left to do and that's it, you're home free."

"Yeah, I know," I nodded.

She tilted her head to one side and gave me a funny, crooked smile while she rubbed stiff fingers back and forth through her short blonde hair. The wet strands separated liked the quills of a porcupine, giving her hair a puffy, spiky kind of look before Susan combed it straight back.

A junior and a member of the sorority, Susan was also my sponsor, which sort of explained why we roomed together. Once I'd accepted the invitation to apply, my campus housing assignment had suddenly changed. I wondered if I failed the final test, whatever it turned out to be, if I'd be moving again.

"Then what's the problem?" She put her hands on her hips.

"I like the guy. I don't know," I shrugged. "I don't want to hurt him."

"We're not gonna hurt him. Look, being in the Beta Kappa isn't like joining the Girl Scouts, Jen. You gotta prove yourself. Everyone in the sorority did it." She gave me a slap on the shoulder. "Are you gonna eat that?"

"Everyone?" I looked at her and waved my hand, giving Susan my noodles.

"Yep!" she said, slurping noisily. "I had a boyfriend. A cute one too."

"What happened?" I asked, sitting back a little, turning my chair so I could face her as she leaned against the kitchen counter.

"I'm not supposed to tell you." She grinned at the look on my face. "Ah, fuck it. I brought him to the initiation, just like they told me to."

"Yeah, but what happened at the initiation?" I asked impatiently.

"Nah! you gotta go through it." She stabbed the fork in my direction. "Nobody can tell you that."

I sighed. "I really like him, you know? I mean, I don't know if I'd marry him, but..."

"But what?" Susan laughed. "He's a virgin, right? If you aren't gonna marry him, who cares if he loses his cherry?"

"What about his feelings?" I asked, not wanting to sound like a dick, but...

"He'll get over it, believe me." Susan drained the Styrofoam cup. "It's us or him, that's the deal. I gotta get to the gym."

Susan had a serious body, but she'd gotten into college on a wrestling scholarship anyway, so what would you expect? She must have been like 5'10 and 160 pounds, quick too, with strong hands and thick thighs. I'd been intimidated by her at first, being only slightly taller at six feet, but at least ten pounds lighter and not very muscular at all. Not even particularly athletic, although I didn't mind the occasional pickup game of basketball. I wasn't particularly great at it, but I didn't suck either.

I needed to get to the library before it closed. I ran a comb through my short brown hair, grabbed a clean t-shirt out of my dresser and pulled it on. It was tight and pulled my breasts flat, making my nipples standout a little, but that was okay. A girl could get away with that, especially in a college town; boys were the ones who had to keep their modesty, as much as most of us wished otherwise. I waited for Susan, grabbing my backpack as she returned from her bedroom with her gym bag over her shoulder.

"You should come around the house later," Susan told me as I climbed onto the back of her motorcycle. "It's Brenda's birthday today. I think they got her a stripper."

"A stripper?" I laughed. "Okay, sure." If nothing else I could have a few beers and hang out with the girls.

About half the Phi Beta Kappa membership lived at the sorority itself, a large house up near Beacon Hill. The rest of the members were scattered around campus, most of them rooming with pledges like me. The House, as we called it, seemed to have a party going on almost every night and while that sounds like a lot of fun, it isn't. Not when you're going to college on an academic scholarship and grades meant money. I needed a room at the library, that's what I needed.

Or maybe not.

"Hey there." I walked up to the reference desk, smiling and willing my heart to slow down.

"Hi, Jennifer." William smiled back, brushing an imaginary strand of long blonde hair from his eyes.

He had to be just about the cutest boy on campus. Not that I had a whole lot of experience as a brand new freshman, but I knew I wasn't the only girl with that opinion. William stood just a hair over five feet tall, with golden hair falling past his slender shoulders. He had a delicate face, but beautiful all the same, with big blue eyes and a small, slightly upturned nose. His body formed a tight V with wide shoulders and a narrow waist to complement his hips. A nice round ass and the sexy swell in front, hmmmm ... I could have eaten William alive, he looked so good just standing there.

"Is that a new outfit?" I asked, not really caring, but always remembering my mom's good advice that guys like that sort of attention.

"Oh! This?" He smiled and looked down at his pink sweater, unbuttoned over his white blouse and the linen pants he wore. They were just tight enough to show off the bulge between his thighs and still leave a lot to the imagination.

He leaned across the desk, lowering his voice. "Do you like it?"

"Yeah. I like it a lot," I nodded, scenting his cologne. "You smell nice too." I reached up, touching his hair, loving the way it felt so soft and silky. I always liked boys' hair for some reason, especially the blondes.

"You're going to get me in trouble." He licked his lips, painted faintly red. William leaned over his desk, tilting his head and striking a little pose just for me.

"And that's a bad thing?" I teased him. "You wanna help me find some old newspapers?"

He giggled and stood-up straight. "I get off in two hours. I have to work."

"But I can get you off right now," I whispered with a grin and William blushed, looking around nervously in case someone might have heard me.

"Be nice," he said finally and turned away, but he was smiling and I rolled my eyes. That's the problem with virgins like William; he just wanted to tease me, probably all the way to the altar. But I hadn't come to college to meet a husband.

William was dying to lose his virginity anyway; he just wanted to fight it for awhile. That's why he found me an hour later, pushing a little cart of books and pretending to ignore me. He kept looking over his shoulder though and gave me a tiny come-hither smile before disappearing around the corner into the one of the older, disused aisles of the library. There weren't a lot of people in the place anyway and this wasn't the first time we'd fooled around between stacks of dusty books.

I closed my notebooks, tidied up my books on the table, and followed him a half-minute later. I should have kept on studying, but I'd gotten a good hour in and that was a bit more than I'd actually planned on anyway.

Old and austere, the university library possessed a gothic quality with high ceilings and towering bookcases of ancient oak that divided the place into a poorly lit maze of corridors. It wasn't so bad during the day, when sunlight from Baran and Alde flooded through the grim latticework of over-sized windows, but the suns had both set hours before.

I approached William from behind and he knew I was there, but he still gave a small jerk of surprise when I put my arms around his waist, pulling his back against me. I kissed his neck while he fidgeted, gasping softly and telling me to stop without really meaning it. I let him twist around, keeping my arms around the man and looking down into his pretty blue eyes.

"I thought you weren't gonna fool around," I said softly.

"Who's fooling around?" he teased me with an impish smile.

"You are." I kissed his lips quickly and then again, running the tip of my tongue between them.

William responded eagerly, the way he always did, parting his lips and taking my tongue into his sweet, warm mouth. He nursed on it gently and wrapped his arms around my neck. He always complained that we were going to get caught, but I think that was part of the thrill for him. William was always hot for it in the library and then after work he'd cool off, which could be more than a little frustrating for me.

I slid my hands down to squeeze his ass, pulling him against me so I could feel the lump of his cock against my thigh. That was the excitement for me, or part of it anyway, knowing I had a virgin in my arms. And not some hag that no girl would touch either, but a serious hottie. William was 21 years old, a senior in his final year of college, and that's another reason I had to be careful. A boy like that would be looking for marriage, looking to set himself up before he had to go back to the real world and meet other girls, start the game all over from scratch.

We'd talked around it. We'd talked about everything over the six months we'd been dating, everything but marriage. And that's what I had to decide on, and soon, because either I asked William to marry me or I invited him to my sorority initiation. And while I wasn't exactly sure what was waiting for us down either of those two paths, it seemed fairly obvious that one would make William the happiest man in the world, and the other would be ... something less than that.

All I knew about the initiation was that all the women being initiated had to bring a man with them, a virgin man, and he would lose his cherry. I didn't know how, I didn't even know why really, except it was some stupid sorority thing, like drinking contests and dorm raids. And of course it would be just a bit more serious than those, especially for the men.

"Mmmm..." William sighed, moving a hand to my chest and finding my smallish breasts, playing with the left one, massaging me through my t-shirt until my nipple grew hard. "Let me kiss it..." he whispered and I looked around.

"What if someone sees?" I asked.

"Shhh..." He smiled up at me, tugging my shirt up and dipping his head slightly so he could find my suddenly exposed left breast, kissing my nipple gently before taking it between his soft lips.

Some guys don't like female breasts, because they're so weird probably, so out of place on the feminine form. William didn't mind though and he had a genuine breast fetish or something. When we'd first started dating his interest in my tits had made me feel a little uncomfortable, like maybe he was a lesbian, you know? But I was pretty sure by then that my sexy boyfriend was a raging hetero, and his mouth did feel so good working on my nipple the way it did.

"Yeah..." I sighed, urging him on to find the other one. He kissed and licked his way to my right breast, chewing my nipple lightly until it grew hard and burning with desire.

I kept my hands on his back, sliding up and down, occasionally reaching as far as his ass. I'd give him a squeeze as he worked my turgid nipples with his tongue and teeth. My clit thrummed eagerly and I could feel my sex getting greasy in my briefs. Once in awhile I could get William to give me head, but never in the library. It would be too messy, he always protested, and I had to admit that I did cum a lot. But that boy's mouth on my body drove me crazy and I pushed him down, urging William to his knees, to do it for me just this once.

"Suck me, William..." I whispered.

"Do you want me too?" He smiled up at me, teasing me with his smile.

"Oh! God, yes ... Please, boy ... Lick my pussy..."

"Move the cart," he whispered after a second's hesitation and my stomach knotted with anticipation.

He'd grown a little red faced and glanced around nervously as I pulled the cart into a better position. It wasn't overly large, but enough so that nobody walking past the aisle would see him immediately and know what we were doing. The look on my face would probably give us away though, but still...

This was crazy, I knew, getting a suckjob from my boyfriend in the library, but it was exciting too and I could finally understand the thrill William got from fooling around there. Public sex had never really gotten my attention before, even when we'd kissed and petted a little on numerous occasions previously. But this crossed the line and my heart was pounding in my chest as William unzipped my jeans, pulling them and my underwear down just far enough so that he could use his mouth on my humid cunt.

I hitched a sharp breath when I felt his tongue touching my skin, playing with me through the soft curling pubic hair that covered my sex. He lapped at my clit, holding my thighs and bringing my small bud of female desire to full attention. I wasn't as big down there as some girls maybe, but I didn't have anything to be ashamed of either. William liked my clit well enough and soon I felt him take me between his lips, flicking his tongue across my clitoris until I arched my back with pleasure.

"Oh yeah, baby..." I whispered, trying to remain quiet, " ... suck it ... suck my clit..."

William blew my pussy good, giving his shining blue eyes while he worked his stiff tongue inside me. His chin pressed between my spread thighs and William kept face tilted upward. I loved watching the boy's eyes as he wriggled his long pink tongue between my labia for a few moments and then pulled away, going back to my clit and teasing me there. He swallowed my juices as they really began to flow and we were both panting for air. His lipstick was smeared, just a little, and his flushed cheeks were wet and shiny with spit and my own precum.

I was close to cumming and we both knew it. I tried to hold him close, forgetting everything else but my selfish desire to finish in William's mouth. He resisted me though, knowing he still had another half hour at least before the library closed and he'd get off work. It would have been more than a little embarrassing to walk around with my cum all over his face and hair.

"Don't ... stop ... now..." I pleaded between breaths, digging my fingers in his hair with little more than lust in my heart. I wanted to paint the boy and see him stained with my arousal. To mark him forever as mine ... or at least until he could take a hot bath.

"After work, okay?" William licked his lips, rubbing his hands up and down my bare thighs. I was so hot for him I could hardly think straight and I slid my hands down to his shoulders, only reluctantly letting him go.

"Okay," I breathed, smiling weakly. "But after work..." I lifted my eyebrows suggestively, forcing myself to relax, " ... you can't leave me like this, baby."

"We'll talk about it," he said with a giggle and I knew he was teasing me. The boy had brought me right to the edge and I'd gotten very wet for him even without having an orgasm.

"Ohhhh..." I had to smile.

"I have to go powder my nose," he decided, wiping at his cheeks and pouting at his glistening fingers.

He needed to wash his face more like, but William always enjoyed playing the stereotypical guy. I didn't mind; I thought it was pretty cute. I pulled up my pants, frowning at the wetness between my legs. I should have brought a tampon, I told myself, which are marketed as female hygiene products, but everyone knows they're just cum absorbers. The first time I'd bought a package, I'd been only barely 17 and blushing furiously for the young man behind the cash register, but back then I'd been pretty shy anyway.

I was still shy, sort of. Or not really outgoing is probably a better description. How I'd hooked up with William I still wasn't sure. We'd just happened to meet and he'd done most of the talking until I finally asked him to have lunch with me. I'd had boyfriends before, but this was college and William being a senior and me being a brand new freshman ... I think the experience had made me grow up fast, like overnight practically. My mom was proud of me anyway, so long as I didn't knock the boy up or anything.

William's ass moved nicely as he walked away from me, pushing his cart and heading towards the restrooms. He'd always confused me a little, mostly since I figured any boy who would make out with a girl, and especially give a girl a blowjob, would put out some dick too. I mean, virgins weren't supposed to be hot little sex puppies, were they? William acted like he wanted to be, sometimes, but he wouldn't let me in his panties though. I'd played with his cock a few times, gotten him hard and drooling precum, but he'd always stopped us before anything serious could happen.

And me, being the nice girl that I was, hadn't complained. I'd let him get me off with his mouth, or his long delicate fingers, or if he didn't, I'd go back to my room and jerk off. Usually I'd cum thinking about his big hard cock and how his cherry had felt, that hard little knot of flesh right at the base of his penis, just above his balls. William had a great pair of balls too, large and heavy and full of sperm. He let me play with them once in awhile, when I managed to get him really worked up, but usually he was afraid I'd break his cherry and he'd push me away after a couple minutes.

It could be more than a little frustrating.

I waited outside while William finished up whatever he had to do when the library closed. He'd been working there a long time and really liked it, even though he didn't look like a librarian at all. He was getting his degree in English Literature, so I suppose being a librarian made sense, but he really wanted to be a teacher. I just hoped he'd teach like first graders and not high school, because if I'd ever had a teacher that looked like him when I was going through puberty? Fuck! I'd have failed every class.

"Hi." William smiled at me, coming down the steps with his purse over his shoulder and some books clutched to his chest.

"Hey," I smiled back, pushing myself off the steps. "Let me carry those."

"No, it's okay." He shook his pretty blonde head and I just wanted to throw him down and...

I pushed those thoughts out of my mind as we started walking towards the dorms. The warm day had turned into a warm evening, a nice one with Baran just below the horizon giving the sky a soft yellow glow to the east. To the west the sky was darker and we could see the stars, thousands of them, millions maybe, twinkling carelessly.

"Full moons tonight," William said, looking towards the south and small Endymion had just started to rise above the distant hills. Narcissus would show himself later, dominating his little brother as they traveled the night.

"Is your roommate home?" I asked, slipping my arm around William's waist.

"Yeah. Probably," he nodded and then glanced up at me, "Is yours?"

"I doubt it. I think she's going to be spending the night up at the House."

"The House?" William said it with a roll of his eyes. "That sorority thing?"

"Yeah, that's it," I shrugged, knowing my boyfriend thought sororities were a waste of time, at least the non-academic ones like the Kappa Beta.

"Are you still joining those girls?" He'd been trying to change my mind for a month, not too hard, but dropping hints like I could do better.

"I guess so." I shrugged again. "My mom was a Phi Kappa Beta, so..." What more did I need to say?

"Phi Kappa Beta," William giggled. "It sounds like a song or something."

"Oh, come on! Be nice," I said patiently.

"I am being nice. All those girls do is party and try to get into boys' panties."

"Well, yeah..." I laughed. "But they have a lot of members and I'm not going to be in college forever. Knowing the right people can help me out later." I sounded just like my mom and I hated that.

"The right people, huh?" William clucked his tongue. "You don't think you'll be successful without them?"

"No, I didn't say that." I narrowed my eyes a little. "I just think it's easier, you know? I mean, why not meet people who can help me when I need a job or whatever?"

"It's up to you, Jen," he sighed, and that meant he thought I was so wrong it wasn't even worth discussing any longer. Guys could be so frustrating sometimes.

"My initiation is next week," I said, despite the fact that I should have just dropped the subject altogether.