Chapter 39

After the race, Shawna was right inside the door and said, "Britt, you have to call Beth." Since these were the first words out of her mouth, I knew that something was up.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want to say something wrong, so please just call her."

I dialed, and she answered. I asked, "What's wrong? Is everyone alright?"

Beth said, "Robin passed away last night. She took an overdose."

Her words shocked me to my core. I said, "Beth, let me go. I'll call you right back."

I sat on the steps, tried to comprehend what was going on, and immediately starting searching my mind, for anything that I could have done to avoid this. But, it turned out that no matter how hard I searched, I had no quick answers. It was just around two minutes later that the phone rang again.

"Britt, this is Angus. I wanted to call you, and let you know that April had a little girl last night."

"Angus, that's great! How is April doing?"

"She's fine, and the baby is healthy and wrinkled. They're moving April to another room. We named her Brittany after her Uncle Britt."

"Congratulations, Angus. We'll have her driving a truck the day after she graduates high school. Please excuse me, but I was just walking out the door, so give both girls a hug for me, and I'll call later."

After I hung up, my mind was in turmoil. I couldn't take it anymore, so I walked into my bathroom, turned on the shower, entered it, and I started to cry and then sob. I so desperately wanted to feel great happiness for both April and Angus. However, with everything else on my mind, I needed to feel sad for Robin, but it turned out that I was just simply mad, mad at me and everyone else. Shawna stepped in the shower with me to find me sitting on the floor with my back against the wall, still crying. I'd have rolled into the fetal position, but I was too numb to roll over. Shawna sat next to me, and rubbed my back, as I cried.

She didn't say anything, but I knew that she was there for me. I eventually ran out of tears, and stood up to wash my body and hair. Shawna stood with me, and washed my back. She asked, "What can I do to help?"

"At this point, I really don't know. I'll be going to Orlando, and while I'm there, I imagine that you can hold down the fort here. By the way, Angus called, and April had her baby this morning. She had a girl, and they named her Brittany."

"It was the best of times. It was the worst of times."

"That was a good book, but not fun in real life."

"I know. Things will get worse before they get better."

"Thanks, Babe. I'm going to go to my room, and pack for Orlando. Can you call Beth, have her book a flight, and send flowers to April?"

"I will. Don't forget to call me if you need anything."

"Thanks, Shawna"

When I was almost finished packing, Shawna said, "Since your flight leaves in two hours, I'll drive you to the airport."

Shawna asked me about the race how I had done, and how Chuck had done. After I told her, she asked, "Is it alright if Chuck stays the night?"

"Sure."

I was not in a talkative mood, so I didn't say much in the airport or on the flight. Doug met me at the airport, and said, "I know how you're feeling. Just know that we'll get through this together."

Robin's relationship with her parents was similar to my relationship with my parents before their divorce. That may have been one of the main reasons for our bonding the way we did. Her mom and dad were in the same house, but in reality, Robin was a hobby, not a daughter.

You can't imagine how mad I was at myself for not doing more the last time I had seen her. I knew in my heart that it wasn't my fault; I knew that a person couldn't change until they wanted to change, and she just didn't want to change. The reality was that I wasn't family, and I wasn't the boyfriend, so I was just an outsider. I realized that the only thing that I could do was to wait for the funeral, and then go home. That was about it.

During my visit, I stayed at Doug's house, and really didn't do much. Doug and Jill gave me many hugs. When Marion and Paul stopped by, I got more hugs. Beth came, and brought Mary. I could cry on Beth's shoulder, but she knew I'd step up and be a big boy around Mary. I think Beth told her that her job was to sit on my lap, and give me hugs and kisses until the smile on my face became real.

The eight year old did her job well. She brought her photo album, and showed me pictures of her trip to Washington. She said, "Dad is jealous that I met all of those people."

Paul came over, and started asking her about who the different people were in the pictures. Then he recognized Paula Hawkins, Tip O'Neill, George Bush, and Ronald Reagan. He asked, "Is that in the Oval Office"

"Yes, he asked me to come over for a quick meeting, and he had the best jelly beans that I've ever had. Here is a picture of me sitting at his cool old desk."

"Amazing, just amazing."

I said, "Yes, she is."

"You know what I meant. When are you coming down to see the condo? I would imagine that they should have yours ready in two months."

"Then a month to decorate."

"Jill already has the plans for what it will look like."

The day wound down, and they told us that the funeral would be on Wednesday evening. On the day of the funeral, we showed up early. Her boyfriend, the car guy, was standing by the casket, and her mom and dad were sitting in the first row. At their age, they were considerably older than most of the parents of the other kids that were part of our group in school. I was with Doug and Jill. We were in line behind a lady that I didn't know, but I heard her say, "What an interesting necklace."

The boyfriend said, "I had to constantly remind her to take that thing off. She loved it, but I didn't like it. I thought that since she liked it so much that I'd let her wear it now."

I knew which necklace it was even before I looked. When I saw it, I reached in to remove it, but I felt his hand on my arm. When I felt it, I said, barely loud enough for him to hear, "This is my necklace, and she'll not be wearing it in her grave. If you don't take your hand off me immediately, I'm going to beat the shit out of you for not taking care of this precious girl. Everyone saw what was happening to her, but there was only one person who could have helped her not take her life, and that person did absolutely nothing except let this tragedy take place. Now take your hands off me."

Doug stepped between us, said something, and the guy backed away. After I took the necklace off her neck, I held it and we found our seats. When the eulogies started, I couldn't tell you anything about what anyone said. I think that they stood and sang a song, but I didn't stand and Beth, who had come in later with John and sat next to me, just sat with me, and held my hand while I cried over the wasted life of that precious girl.

Beth got me to Doug's car. John followed us to Doug and Jill's house. John got the house tour from Doug and you could tell that he was proud of Doug after he had been so broke that he had to sell his parent's house. Now he had one of the nicest houses on one of the most sought after lakes in central Florida. Beth sat with me. She told me what I already knew, but didn't want to accept.

Robin's actions were something that she wanted to do, but she paid the ultimate price. Her boyfriend could have taken her to rehab and gone with her, but both wanted to live the life they were living. Nobody wanted it to happen, but there was no way to change the outcome. As I sat there, I held her necklace in my hand like a rosary, and I kept messing with it. As my mind started wondering, I thought, "Did her putting on the necklace mean that she wanted me to come get her, to take her away and be responsible for her? She didn't have it on when I went to visit her or I'd have taken her with me." All of this had me very frustrated. I was mad, and I was sad. Robin was a good friend, but over time, we had just grown apart.

During this time, I had been in a trance for an hour or so. When I finally worked through everything in my brain, I came out of the fog on the other side, and I looked up to see Beth still sitting there, holding my hand.

She said, "Can I get you anything? Are you alright?"

"I think that I'll be OK. I could use a glass of whiskey, but a glass of water would be better for me."

Jill heard me and went toward the kitchen. When she returned, she handed me the water and I said, "Thanks". She knew it was for more than just the glass of water. She gave me a smile and rubbed my shoulder.

I stayed in Orlando for the rest of the week, and flew with Beth and John to Nashville on Sunday night. I was still sad, but I could put on a good face.

Monday we had our board meeting. Craig started the meeting and said, "Before we start the meeting, I want to thank Britt for wearing his Freedom Trucking t-shirt when he ran the Marine Corp marathon, since he ended up on the front page of the paper."

He held up the Washington Post with a picture of the Woman's' winner and me right next to her.

Everyone clapped, and Craig said, "It's too bad that he couldn't beat a girl. One of the things on the agenda this month is what to do with our favorite consultant. He had the right connections to head off the monopoly move before it got any momentum, and he squashed it so hard, we have no fears of any others trying the same thing any time soon. We had the PR work and ads ready to go, and they did their job. Britt has trained Shawna, our full-time lobbyist, so she can do the job."

"The question we now have is simply this: should we let him sit at a bar in Washington DC or is there someplace else where he could do more to help the company?"

Although it was an important topic, they tabled the discussion until later. We went through the different divisions, and discussed all their reports. During the report on trailers, they discussed how they had improved all the new trailer designs to allow for easier loading and unloading. This information impressed me considerably. The containers for partial loads were saving on time and loss. We had seen a huge increase in refrigerated loads, hazardous loads, and flat beds. When you look at the numbers, they seem to show that every sector of trucking was moving our way. They mentioned a deal that Susan was about to close with the Kansas City Ford plant, and once she finished that, then all the Ford plants would move to us for shipping.

The railroad usage was exploding, and with the computerized tracking and scheduling, it was saving us more than we anticipated. We had received a grant to help install more rail lines. I didn't even know about it, but I guess Shawna did.

International was ahead of projections, but looked slow compared to everything else that was exploding with new sales. Joe asked if I wanted to go back to Puerto Rico and work with Hector for a while. I didn't really want to go, because of the attack last time I was there, but I said I'd go down for a while.