Chapter 3

"You wanna watch a movie with me?" Karen paused outside my door, since my room was closer to the stairs than hers.

"Oh, it's kinda late," I said, finding that to be a good excuse and the night air had cleared my head a lot. I felt somewhat embarrassed about the whole evening, actually. I managed to hide it though, or at least I hoped so. I didn't want to make Karen feel bad or anything; it was just me being me, as usual.

"Come on. We can watch your movie," she suggested with a small jerk of her head. "I'll microwave some popcorn."

"Popcorn?" I laughed at her. "And porn ... Gee. I don't know."

"Pop-porn, yeah!" Karen grinned at me and she was the one with the DVD/television combo in her room. All I had was my laptop for playing movies, but it worked well enough.

"Nah," I shook my head. "I'm just going to take a shower and go to bed I think."

"Okay," she nodded. Karen wasn't going to argue as she started digging into the plastic bag she carried. "Here..."

"Oh, you just hold onto it," I said, thinking she was getting my DVD out; I still couldn't believe I'd bought that.

"You don't want your blouse?" she teased me, pulling it out of the bag and I smiled sheepishly.

"Thanks," I said, taking it and then fishing for my key in my purse.

"Did you have fun?" Karen wondered, looking like she thought I might be unhappy and wishing I wasn't.

"Yeah, I did," I told her seriously. "It was weird ... but pretty fun."

"Okay," she smiled and stood there for a second. "Goodnight, Kylie."

"Night," I said.

Once inside, I leaned against my closed door without bothering to turn on the lights. Karen had been looking for another kiss, I knew. Just a kiss on the cheek and we did that sometimes. Not always, but a few times and it meant something to her. It meant something to me too. Like the night had been special somehow, not romantically or anything, but just a special night shared between two friends.

I hadn't kissed Karen though and it bothered me, but I didn't know why. Or maybe I did know and I was afraid of it. I was wound up, like the whole evening was conspiring against my better judgment. I just ... wanted something.

"Kylie?" she asked through the door. "Uh, just a second, uh ... coming..."

Karen must have quickly wrapped herself in the sheet off her bed and she looked a little pink. I instantly regretted knocking on her door half an hour after getting back to the dorm. It was plain what she'd been doing and I could smell her arousal on the air.

"Hi." I cleared my throat. "I'm sorry, um..."

"What's up?" She smiled self-consciously and tried to hide it. "Change your mind about watching a movie?"

"Yeah," I giggled. "I don't know, I just ... Is it okay?"

"Yeah. Sure it is." Karen pulled her door all the way open. "I was, um ... I was watching ... Hold on..."

I stepped into her room wearing that Slut for White Cock t-shirt and a pair of black panties to go with it. I hadn't made it to the shower, but I'd brushed my hair and put on a little makeup, and basically asked myself what I thought I was doing. I didn't know and my heart was running fast, my whole body tingling with nervous energy. It was late, but I was wide awake and I closed the door behind me while Karen fumbled with her DVD player.

"I was watching the, you know ... the other one," she sounded nervous too, and probably filled with all kinds of happy wonder that I'd come to her room.

"We can watch that one." I licked my lips, feeling my mouth was dry as a desert just then.

"The lesbian one?" Karen looked at me and I nodded.

"If you want to, I mean."

"Yeah, but ... Okay." She pushed up her glasses. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Ahhh..." I grinned at her and I didn't know what I was feeling.

"Do you want to have sex with me?" my best friend asked, just flat out plain as day and I stared at her. "Because, I don't want to start anything and then ruin it, you know? I'd rather just be friends and have that for the rest of my life than one night and then ... goodbye. You know what I'm saying?"

"Yeah." I swallowed hard.

"So, I don't know why you're here, but..." she continued gently, biting her bottom lip and she sounded almost sad, I thought.

"I don't know either," I whispered, wanting to look away, but the small blonde coed held me tight with her deep blue eyes.

"I love you, Kylie." Karen watched my face and I didn't say anything. I felt like a little girl standing in front of her.

"I just..." I finally started, but the girl shushed me.

"Don't," she said, reaching out of her sheet with her right hand, the left clutching it closed around her naked body. "You don't owe me anything, okay? You don't love me. It's alright."

"Karen," I sighed and I felt her fingers on my cheek, caressing me and tilted my face against her palm.

"Go to bed," she smiled. "Get some sleep. We're going to Hastings this weekend, right?"

"Yeah," I agreed.

"We'll figure this all out," she told me, sounding like my big sister or something. My best friend and that emotion, that friendship, was overwhelming suddenly.

"Thank you," I smiled weakly at the girl, feeling foolish and embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I just ... God..."

"It's okay," she laughed lightly. "You're blonde inside."

"I do love you," I told her seriously. I kissed Karen's cheek and then lightly on her closed lips, the way a girl's best friend should after receiving a special favor.

"I wish," Karen teased me and she let me out of her room, watching me until I disappeared back into mine. She must have thought I was crazy.

"Hello?" I answered my celphone after checking the number, making sure it wasn't Rodney. I was kind of avoiding him.

"Kylie? Hi, it's Brandon," a soft male voice said and I felt my tummy tighten. "From the other night?"

"Yeah," I smiled and looked down as I sat just outside the Student Union, relaxing between classes on bit of shady grass. "I, uh ... I remember."

"Me too," he chuckled and I wondered if he was as nervous as I was. I hadn't expected him to be calling me so soon, but it was two days later so maybe what I mean is that I hadn't expected him to call me at all.

"What's going on?" I asked, picturing the man with his dark brown hair and soft brown eyes, cute and smiling and that hard, tight butt of his ... Yeah, my tummy was all kinds of tight. Brandon was a good looking white boy.

"I was wondering what you were doing for lunch?" Brandon asked.

"Studying," I sighed without really meaning to, looking down at the open notebook in my lap.

"Sounds like you're not into it," he said lightly, almost teasing me.

"No. I'm not," I had to agree and I closed my notebook just I wouldn't have to look at it. "What are you doing?"

"Thinking about you."

"Is that right?" I cleared my throat. "I'm not sure if I like that or not."

"You're not sure if you want me to think about you?" He laughed. "Why?"

"Uh, well..." I shrugged and pulled some hair out of my face. "Maybe you're thinking about Tuesday night," I said and then frowned, like why did I have to bring it up? I was a little flustered.

"Probably," Brandon said. "That's pretty much when I met you."

"You know what I mean," I said. "Look, that ... that wasn't really me, the other night, um..."

"Evil twin?" he teased me and I laughed.

"Yeah," I nodded into my phone. "Exactly."

"Okay..." Brandon paused for just a heartbeat. "What's your evil twin doing for lunch?"

"Heh!" I rolled my eyes. "So you don't really want me, is that it?"

"Well," Brandon's voice was softer. "I really want the black girl who loves white cock."

"Oh!" I blinked at that and almost turned off my phone. I should have. That wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear a guy saying, at least not over my phone, not before we'd even gone on a date. Or more like three dates, probably.

"Did I just piss you off?" he wondered, almost challenging me it sounded like, and I felt warm and vaguely embarrassed.

"A little," I told him.

"Sorry," he sighed. "It's just really hard looking at you and trying to talk around what we both want, you know?"

"What we both want?" I was definitely getting warm and my skin tingled, my fingertips itched and my nipples felt swollen. "What do we want, Brandon?"

"A good time," the man answered. "In your bed, me and you. What time is your next class?"

"One o'clock," I breathed and my heart was runaway train, taking my good sense with it.

"Let's have lunch," he suggested. "No strings attached, Kylie."

"No strings." I could see him in my head, see him in my bed. "You just want to ... fuck me?"

"Fuck buddies," he said and his voice was playful. "Where's your bedroom?"

"Um..." I swallowed hard and I definitely should have hung up the phone, blocked his number, and never looked back. This wasn't the kind of boy I was looking for, was it?

"Where's your bed?" his voice was suddenly in my other ear and I jerked away from it with a surprised gasp.

"Brandon?" I blinked at him as he was squatting behind me, holding up his phone with a smile.

"Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to scare you. I was sitting over there. I told you I was looking at you."

"You jerk!" I frowned at him. "Give me a heart attack why don't you!"

"I want to give you more than that," he said with a smile. "You live in the dorm?"

"Yeah," I nodded, catching my breath finally.

"Do you want to?" Brandon grinned at me and he was even cuter than I remembered.

"Take you to my dorm?" I almost laughed.

"I'd take you to my place, but..." He shrugged.

"But what?" I turned off my phone and combed my fingers through my hair, feeling myself more than a little excited. I should have been mad and I was, but only slightly and that was such a small thing compared to what he was proposing.

"My girlfriend is there," he told me, giving me those doe eyes of his. They were amused and pretty and I just had to look at them. No choice.

"Oh. So that's it," I took a deep breath. "I don't, uh ... I don't date guys with girlfriends or wives, or..."

"I'm not looking for that," Brandon smiled. "Come on, it's gonna be a long year. We could have a lot of fun."

"You don't think much of me, do you?" I stared at him.

"I think you're beautiful," he said. "And I think you want sex as much as I do."

"Fuck buddies?" I giggled nervously, looking around and nobody was really paying us a lot of attention. Nobody knew what we were talking about.

"We have time." He had a great smile. God! I did want sex, but I wanted a boyfriend to go with it. Didn't I?

"You have condoms?" I asked, barely able to get the words out as my tummy somersaulted with raw excitement. I couldn't be doing this!

"Yeah," Brandon nodded as he stood up, holding out his hand for me and I took it.

"Okay," I said, letting him pull me to my feet and I dusted off my butt. "I'm in the freshman dorms, that way..."

I had to be insane! The guy was treating me like a slut or something. Fuck buddies? I'd heard the term before and I'd thought it sounded sort of juvenile. What kind of girl would just have a guy who fucked her every now and then? A horny girl, I told myself. A desperate girl. A girl who was getting so uptight with the need that she was making clumsy passes at her lesbian friend.

I did want sex and especially sex with a white guy, a handsome one like Brandon. I wanted to feel his body against mine, kiss him and feel his cock as it entered me, but ... just sex? Just a quick nooner in my dorm room, hooking up between classes to get our rocks off? That was a guy thing! Girls weren't supposed to think like that, were they? What was wrong with me? I didn't even know the guy. He worked in a porn shop, for crying out loud!

"I'm fourth year," he was telling me, talking while we walked and I struggled with my doubts. "Engineering major. I want to be an architect eventually..."

"Oh." I nodded like that was interesting and it might have been, I told myself, if we were on a real date.

"How about you?" he wondered and I just shook my head.

"Undeclared," I said. "I haven't decided what I want yet."

"But you want something, right?" he teased me, walking close and speaking softly and glanced at him. "Sorry. You're just sexy as hell, you know that?"

"Uh ... What's the deal with your girlfriend?" I asked him, walking up the stairs into my dorm, not through the front, but the stairs at the side of the big building.

"She's a girlfriend," Brandon shrugged. "We're kind of serious."

"So what are you doing here then?" I laughed nervously, really hoping I didn't bump into Karen.

"Just looking for a good time." He followed me onto the second floor. "Same as you."

"You don't even know me," I frowned and I realized I sounded sort of bitchy but I couldn't help it. I was really nervous and unsure of what I was doing and why. But jeeze, he looked good and I knew I was attractive, we'd look good together in bed, all naked and sweaty and...

"Hey," Brandon said as I paused to open my purse, finding my key with tingling, clumsy fingers.

"What?" I looked at him.

"We're just gonna have some fun," he told me. "Nobody has to know. Nobody's gonna get hurt. We're just going to have a good time, Kylie."

"You've done this before, haven't you?" I almost laughed as I opened my door. "A lot of girls?"

"A few," he admitted carelessly. "I'm not keeping score or anything. Nothing like that."

"Okay," I shrugged, feigning indifference and I didn't know how any of that was supposed to make me feel. At least he wasn't trying to bullshit me. Brandon was honest about what he wanted and I appreciated that, even if it did seem a little rude at times. Most people aren't that blunt and so it was putting me a little off balance, I thought, not just what he was saying, but how he was saying it. I'd never met a guy that confident before and it was working like a charm.

I let us into my room, closing the door and locking it. I put my purse on my desk and Brandon had been carrying my book bag. He put it on the chair and we just looked at each other for a second. I was almost unbearably nervous, a little frightened, and a lot excited. The guy had said all the wrong words. Nothing Brandon had told me was what I wanted to hear, and yet, he was standing there in my room. A handsome white boy, smiling as he checked out my small room, and just a few feet away was my bed and there was nobody to stop us.

Brandon took my hand, sensing my obvious uncertainty. Not reluctance really, just inexperience on my part. This was new for me and I did want it. I wanted to know what it was like to be with a white guy, even if he wasn't serious. I was warm all over, burning up inside with the desires that I'd harbored since the day after I'd hit puberty and decided I liked boys after all. So what if he wasn't going to love me. Big deal if he had a serious girlfriend. Who cares if the guy just wanted my body? I wanted his and didn't I have a right to get what I wanted once in awhile?

"Come here, Kylie. Sit down..." Brandon said, pulling me onto the bed and his fingers were on my cheek, turning my face towards his kiss.

His lips felt soft and moist and I didn't resist at all. Brandon was kissing me lightly at first, touching my shoulders through my cotton blouse, stroking my back and making me shiver. I felt the tip of his tongue slipping between my lips, urging me to open up for him. His tongue was light and gentle, unlike Rodney who was always so aggressive in his passion, Brandon was patient and I felt him kissing me so softly I imagined his tongue was melting in my mouth. What a kiss!

I was turning towards him, leaning into the man as my fingers found his neck and I teased him with my nails while we made out. It was the best kiss of my young life, so much different than any of my fumblings in high school and a thousand times better than Rodney's selfish hunger. This was seductive and pleasing and I moaned softly into Brandon's mouth. My tongue was caressing his, sliding over and under it, tickling him as I tried to kiss him as well as he was kissing me. I was intent on it, focused on that wonderfully intimate pleasure. Kissing Brandon was almost enough to make me cum.

Brandon was unbuttoning my blouse and I was barely aware of it, and when I did realize what he was doing, I didn't care. I helped him blindly, clumsily as I refused to break our lips apart. I followed his tongue into his mouth, tasting him clean and fresh, sweet with a slight cinnamon flavor like he'd been eating candy. The man was delicious and I sucked his bottom lip for a moment as my blouse came off and a moment later his fingers unclasped my bra, quickly and effortlessly so that it fell loose from my shoulders and my heaving breasts were free.

We undressed completely like that and I wasn't afraid anymore. I was on fire with the need for sex. My nervousness had disappeared and my doubts were just memories. My earlier misgivings seemed almost silly to me as Brandon's hands roamed my body at will. I was naked and laying on my bed, sweating and breathless and wrestling with him, trying to touch every part of Brandon that I could. My legs were spread and his thigh was between mine and I was rubbing my moist sex across his white skin. My clit throbbed and the pressure was so good, so unbelievably good.

I had an arm between us and I was exploring his cock, finding Brandon long and thick, bigger than Rodney and much more attractive. A white cock in my black hands, my fingers wrapped around it, stroking the soft pale skin over the hardness beneath. I thought it was beautiful and I couldn't take my eyes of him. Brandon urged me down gently and I was eager as I let him guide my mouth to his penis. I could smell him and then taste him as I kissed the tip and felt his clear precum clinging to my lips.

"Turn around ... like this ... I want to kiss your pussy," Brandon was whispering and we were side by side in a sixty-nine and I gasped when I felt his mouth on my sex. Rodney never went down on me and this was so new, so welcome as I felt my body quiver with the rush of pleasure his mouth was bringing me.

I worshipped Brandon's cock. There's no other word to describe it. I held him in my hands and loved him with my mouth. I kissed and licked every inch of it, wanting to memorize the way he looked and felt, how his skin was slightly salty and his precum tasted like nothing at all. I was loving a white man for the first time in my life and it was even better than I'd imagined it would be. Brandon's cock was large, long enough so I could hold him with both hands and still take the head and nearly an inch besides into my hungry mouth. He was thick and heavy, warm with life and I loved it.

Between my open thighs the man was bringing me off with his tongue. He was making me wet, dripping with desire as my pussy trembled beneath his attentions. I'd never felt anything like it before, the pure joy of having my pussy eaten by someone who knew how to do it. Everytime I thought I'd become used to one thing, Brandon would move and do something else. He was teasing me, torturing me, making me gasp and groan and thrust my cunt against his mouth. I could barely focus on the cock in front of me as my orgasm peaked and that hadn't taken long at all.

I came in his mouth, with Brandon's stiff tongue reaching inside me to feel the tender walls of my sex spasm with pleasure. A wash of cum was spilling out of me and I could hear him sucking and swallowing noisily, making funny sounds and breathing hard as I pressed my thighs against his cheeks. I couldn't help it. I was cumming in a white man's mouth, all over his tongue and it was very much a dream come true for me. The fantasy I'd lived with since hitting puberty had finally come to life.

It took several minutes for me to come down and I was giddy, almost high on all those good feelings. I'd been unable to do anything but enjoy Brandon's mouth and I slowly focused on the cock I was still holding, bending my lips to it as I went down on him eagerly. I stretched my lips around the shaft and working my tongue along the top of his cock and around the swollen glans. I had some experience with sucking a guy off, not a lot, but some and I was determined to reward Brandon for the orgasm he'd given me. I wanted to make him cum as well, to fill my mouth with his sperm and I'd swallow it for him. I never did that with Rodney, but I would for Brandon. I was almost desperate to please him and myself. The idea of taking his orgasm in my mouth, of feeling him in my tummy was almost intoxicating.

But Brandon had other plans and our time was fleeting, the minutes passing too quickly. I glanced at my bedside clock with some frustration as the man pulled me from his cock gently. He was putting me on my back and I was almost ready to apologize for not knowing how to suck his cock as well as I wished I did, but he was kissing me before I could. Brandon didn't care that I'd been sucking him off and I didn't mind at all the distinct flavor of my cum in his mouth. We kissed deeply for several minutes and I was holding Brandon tightly, feeling myself on the verge of my second orgasm.

"Here ... hold on a second..." he said, forcing me to let him go so that he could lean over the bed and reach his pants.

"I'll put it on for you," I told him and I was in a hurry, giggling and so warm all over.

"Alright," Brandon smiled at me and he lay on his back while I tore the foil packet open with my teeth.

I rolled the rubber down his cock with my fingers, wishing it wasn't necessary but knowing that it was. How much better it would be, I thought, to feel his naked cock inside my pussy, his semen filling me when he came. But I wasn't on any kind of birth control and neither of us knew the other well enough to accept the other risks. I appreciated that about him, I honestly did, and that small sense of security made it even better for me somehow. I felt like I could trust him, silly as that seems, but it's true nonetheless. It was such a simple thing, but the idea of having to listen to vague promises about being clean and pulling out of me at the last minute ... This was better. This was honest.

"Do you like it on top?" Brandon asked me and I giggled. "I guess so," he laughed lightly as I straddled his hips with my knees and he just watched me as I reached down to rub his cock across my slit.

"I've never fucked a white guy," I breathed. "I've always ... Ugh! Oh ... I always wanted to..."

"You're beautiful, Kylie. Fuck my white cock, girl," he whispered, holding my hips as I lowered myself down slowly, feeling his penis stretching my cunt nicely.

"Yeah..." I nodded, swallowing hard and blinking as he just seemed to go deeper and deeper, finding the places inside where no man had ever been. God! He had a long cock!

"Hmmm ... hot ... tight, baby..." Brandon gave me a little push, lifting his hips and I gasped loudly as I felt his cockhead find the bottom of my pussy.

"Oh God!" I blinked rapidly as that jolt of pleasure was like nothing else in the world. I'd never been touched there and I felt a strange tenderness as Brandon's cock pressed against something much too sensitive inside me.

I was cumming, the sensation sweeping me away with a rush of unexpected pleasure. I'd been close, but suddenly it was there and I was grinding myself against him. We weren't fucking, just grinding as I felt Brandon's cock pushing my soft flesh this way and that, stretching my cunt as it collapsed around him. It was insane and after a few seconds I collapsed on top of him. I was kissing his face and rubbing my burning nipples across his chest, begging him to fuck me hard.

Brandon's hands found my ass and he gripped me tightly, lifting with his hips as he started working my body up and down. That was a wicked confusion as his cock would slide a few inches one way and then drive back in with a sharp burst of pleasure. My cervix, I thought, or something. He was touching me there at the bottom of every thrust, like hitting a big button deep inside me that drove me to fuck him harder. I needed it so bad. I was rocking my hips and lifting my ass with Brandon's help, letting him push and pull me, fucking me with his big white cock. I was cumming so good and it didn't stop, they came one after another until I couldn't breathe. I couldn't do anything but gasp for air and ride his beautiful cock.

"I'm gonna cum ... Fuck me ... Fuck my cock, baby ... Oh yeah yeah! Cumming ... Oh fuck!" Brandon wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly and impaled on his prick while it throbbed inside me.

He was cumming and that just set me off again. One last orgasm to join his and my only regret, a dim and barely coherent thought in my feverish mind, was that I wished I could feel his cum mixing with mine. But this was good anyway. Brandon holding me against his flushed body, both of damp with sweat and sticking together. He was kissing my cheek and I turned my face so that he could kiss my mouth. We made out for a long five minutes without moving, just cuddling and enjoying the moment. His cock remained stiff inside me and my orgasm retreated slowly, leaving me with a wonderful glow inside. I was unbearably happy just then and I wondered how my body could ever contain it.

"Same time tomorrow?" Brandon asked me after we'd dressed, and I felt only slightly uncomfortable. I wasn't sure why, perhaps it was guilt, I wasn't sure, but after our sex I felt ... shy. I wanted him to leave.

"Do you want to?" I asked him and he rolled his eyes playfully. "I mean, yeah. Alright."

"No strings, remember?" He put his hands on my hips, standing close to me. "This is just for fun, so whatever you want is okay with me."

"Yeah," I smiled up at him, trying to sort out my feelings. Why did he have to have a girlfriend? "Fuck buddies, right?"

"Heh!" Brandon kissed me lightly on the mouth. "You're gorgeous, Kylie. Just call me if you ever need anything."

"If I need ... sex?" I giggled and nodded and I knew I didn't love him. I couldn't. I didn't know him, but he was there in my heart, you know? He was my first. Black guys didn't count. I'd given my real virginity to Brandon and I couldn't love him. That wasn't fair at all.

"Yeah," he chuckled, giving me a squeeze before letting me go. "Or just a friend, you know?"

"Okay." I cleared my throat and picked up my purse and book bag, letting us out of my room.

We had about ten minutes to get to our classes. Brandon went one way and I went the other and all I could think of was that tomorrow couldn't come soon enough. I was still horny as hell and that seemed ridiculous. I had a fuck buddy, a white man I could call anytime I felt the need to relieve some stress. I knew his name, I knew where he worked, and I knew a few meaningless bits of Brandon trivia. I knew he had a real girlfriend and he'd fucked me for sport. I had to be insane.

Stupid guilt. That's what it was. I was cheating on Rodney, who was about as much of a boyfriend to me as ... I don't know what. He thought we were serious and I just kept waiting for him to get tired of me and say goodbye. My parents. God! My dad would have a fit if he ever found out about this. He'd yank me out of college so quick I'd need a chiropractor. I was betraying everyone, or so it seemed, and the guy wasn't even my boyfriend. Brandon was just a guy I had sex with. Good sex. Great sex. The best sex of my life. Why was that bad?

I couldn't let Karen find out.

That thought hit me like a brick and I frowned as I made my way towards my class, barely aware of the people around me as I returned smiles and exchanged the occasional hello. Karen liked me. She loved me and I ... What did I feel? I'd avoided her Wednesday, all day long because of what I'd done Tuesday night. I wanted to forget it, actually. I wanted to rewind my life and never go to her room like I had. Why had I done that? Because I wanted something? Or was it because I thought I owed her something? I didn't know and I didn't want to think about it. Karen was complicated and sometimes I felt like I wanted to touch her, but I knew I wasn't gay. I wasn't a lesbian. I didn't find her attractive the way I did Brandon. She was my friend, my best friend, why did I have other feelings?

My head hurt and I had no answers. All I knew was that I didn't want Karen to know I'd had sex with Brandon. I tried to tell myself that it was because I didn't want to hurt her somehow or deal with jealousy if it came to that. But in reality there were other reasons too, selfish reasons that I didn't understand. I wasn't worried about losing her as a friend. Karen would still like me. She'd still be my best friend. She'd been trying to set me up with the guy anyway, so she couldn't be mad at me. It was the other that I didn't want to lose and I had no words for what the other was, but it was there. I wanted to keep Karen's interest, that's what it was. I wanted to keep her hoping and ... trying?

Did I like the way she looked at me sometimes? The way Karen touched me when she thought she could get away with it? Did I like the way she flirted and yeah, the way I flirted back sometimes? I did like it. I enjoyed the attention and I liked the teasing and I even liked the doubts, didn't I? This thinking in circles that I complained about, the confusion and tension we sometimes shared. I did like it and I didn't want to lose it, but I had no idea why. I didn't know what it meant or where it was leading me.