Chapter 14: The Beginning, the Way and the End

Roban entered the house and was greeted by Patessa and Nigulla. They led him to a room on the first floor and rushed away before he opened the door. Light was coming from candleholders on the walls to either side of the entrance and a stack of wood was burning in a fireplace on the one outer wall of the room. Although it was a small room, a large four poster bed was placed in its center. The figure of a small girl huddled in a corner of the bed. It was the corner farthest away from Denyssa at one side and Bosko sitting on his haunches close to the foot of the bed. The dog’s head was tilted and if he had been able to, then his face would probably have been showing the same expression of concern that was visible on Denyssa’s face.

“Leave”

His voice was low and even, but carrying the sound of command it cut through the silence like a shout. Bosko simply rose and trotted to the exit of the room, but Denyssa was startled and swiveled around looking at Roban. While she was still staring at him, the dog stopped at the open door and looked back at Denyssa. Denyssa looked at the huddled figure of the little girl one last time before she stood up and followed Bosko out of the room. A tear rolled down her cheek as she closed the door behind her.

Roban walked over to the bed and lay down on his back beside her, resting his head on his folded arms. Menja didn’t move but Roban heard the pace of her breathing increase. He closed his eyes and waited. It took some time before her breathing slowed down and some more time until he finally could feel her move, slowly. She had turned around and was facing him now. A little later he heard her breathing increase again and felt the touch of a small hand on his shoulder. The hand immediately retreated but her excited breathing calmed down much slower. When it finally did, he heard her voice.

“Atady?“

It was a whispered question and he answered.

“Not yet but soon, maybe.”

Silence followed and then there was the touch again. No retreat, no fast breathing and the small hand stayed on his shoulder.

“You are Roban, Atady’s vessel. I can feel him inside you.”

Not a question this time, a statement, but a statement full of wonder. She was stroking his shoulder as she continued.

“I missed him so much.”

Another statement, more dangerous. He imagined Athea mischievously smiling at him, it calmed him. The small soft hand was touching his face, her fingertips sliding along his cheek, his brows, his closed eyes, nose and lips.

“The girl, she loves you. Do you love her too, are you her Atady?”

A question again, whispered with a quivering voice.

“Her name is Menja, why don’t you use it? She is very smart, brave and beautiful. She is also very bossy and a tattletale. Menja wants a daddy and I want to be her daddy. I do love her.”

Her fingertips were touching his lips as he answered her, whispering too.

“Does he ... does he love her too?”

Her fingers on his lips were trembling and the question broken by a sob.

“You don’t have to be scared. I could bite your fingers by accident if you keep trembling with them so close to my mouth.”

She pulled back her hand in response but returned it a moment later, touching and stroking his cheek and not trembling anymore.

“Better. You did very well and He is even free now, but there is no real He anymore. By the way, what is his name? I always called him the beast.”

She giggled, then answered.

“Zeroth, but I always called him Atady.”

“Hmm, they are both from the old language. Atady is daddy and Zeroth means the End, am I right?”

Sliding closer, she hugged his arm and laid her head on his shoulder before she answered.

“Ghania, Eyna, Zeroth; the Beginning, the Way and the End,” she said.

No sobbing or trembling, but he could feel the wetness of new tears on his shoulder.

“Stop crying, little one, this isn’t your fault and no one is angry at you. You asked if He loves Menja too and the answer is yes, he does, but there is no He and I anymore, we are one. Do you know what that means? You don’t have to be scared, he will love you again, but it’s not just him who will be your Atady.”

He was hit with heart wrenching sobs, carrying the pain and misery of a little girl, abandoned and lonely for a thousand years. Every single tear fed the flames and the fire was greedy for more. Human or god, two or one, the dark flame was and always would be the center of his being, and it grew. How would it feel to let it happen, would he even feel anything at all when the darkness of his own being swallowed everything? Maybe one day he would know the answer, but not today. The blaze degenerated to a flickering fire, then into a small flame and finally it was no more than a candlelight of nothingness surrounded by darkness.

The girl’s crying had stopped and it was silent for a moment before she spoke.

“You won’t let him come with me? But we have to go.”

Roban didn’t know which was worse, the infinite sadness or the incomprehension expressed in her voice.

“I can’t little one; not now, maybe not ever. I have made promises. I made them long before I understood any of this. I have to keep them, those are what I do understand. But I will make you a promise as well.”

Roban lifted her from his side up on his chest. He held her small face gently between the palms of his big hands. Their noses were almost touching as he opened his eyes for the first time since he had lain down beside her.

“This world, the world you created, is my home now. It’s the home of my family and you are a part of it. I will take care of you and protect you, and never again will you be alone. Do you believe me?”

Her own sea-green eyes were sparkling with golden flashes as she looked into the dark void, surrounded by only a fine ring of pale blue light.

“I believe you... Atady.”

Her kiss was just the softest touch of her lips before she wrapped her thin arms around his neck, and pressed her face against his skin.

Roban held her close. He didn’t say anything until her sniffling stopped and her tears had dried on his skin.

“I would like to talk to Menja, little one. How is she?”

He was stroking her back as she asked her.

“Menja is scared and very angry at me. She was fighting me until you came here, and then she tried listening to what we talked about. Please talk to her and maybe you can make her not hate me so much.”

Roban felt the body of the girl relax into his embrace and then start trembling.

Athea and the other women were just entering the house as Denyssa came storming down the stairway from the upper floor.

“Who is she?” Denyssa yelled as she came to a stop in front of Athea.

“If you are talking about Menja’s new sibling, I am pretty sure it’s Ghania. This is a miserable day and I have had about enough, so you had better stop screaming at me,” Athea calmly replied but her frown and glowing eyes were clear signs of her own rising temper. “Did she say anything about Rhabina?”

“Ghania, the Great Mother? But ... no, I don’t know. Menja was either silent or suddenly screaming at herself to ‘go away’. First I thought she had lost her mind but then I saw her eyes were changing all the time. I remember that happening to you from the time you changed.”

The sound of a pained groan made them all turn around. Holding her by the belt of her dress, Jenaya was carrying the unconscious Marny Macathry like a bag at her side and it was she who was moaning.

“Is there a room in this house where we can confine her, until I have the time to think about what to do with her?” Athea asked Nigulla and Patessa.

“There are plenty of rooms here, but if she is a prisoner maybe the cellar would be best. The door is strong and there are no windows she could use to escape,” Nigulla answered seemingly not the least bit disturbed by Athea’s request.

“Sounds good to me. Jenaya please let Nigulla show you the way.”

Jenaya nodded and left with her bag, following Nigulla. “Do you know that you are drenched in blood?” They heard Nigulla asking as they vanished around a corner.

“I hope my brother got some news about Rhabina from Menja or Ghania, but that’s for tomorrow. I don’t know about you, but I want to rest now and end this day. Patessa, are there rooms ready for all of us?” Athea asked and Patessa nodded with a gentle smile on her face.

Athea tiredly returned her smile. “I want to thank you, as well as Nigulla and Denyssa, for all the work you have done, but now please just show me a room with a bed where I can sleep.”

It was a large, luxurious room on the first floor that Nigulla and Patessa had picked for Athea. Actually it was the biggest room in the house, even bigger than the one they had chosen for their mistress. A large canopy bed set in its center, many closets and the walls decorated with mirrors and paintings. There was a bathing room connected and a patio ran along the two outside walls of the corner room. The large windows were made out of real glass and clear enough to see through. Athea stood alone in the room at one of the windows and looked out into the night. She reached out for her brother, but the presence of another immortal close to him dulled her senses. Ghania was with her brother, the little girl in the sandcastle of his dreams. A symbolism far from comforting Athea’s troubled mind. Roban had told her everything about his dreams and every day they became clearer. Where was she when those two walked hand in hand away from the crumbling sandcastle?

Athea was worried, very worried indeed and ... jealous. On her own she could admit it to herself. The problem was that she never was alone anymore. Maybe Roban and Destruction really had united and became a single entity, but Athea felt Chaos presence in her mind and the bitch was gleefully enjoying her jealousy. She always did. Athea and Chaos had come a long way, but they were not ‘one‘. There was a reason for it, a very simple reason. They didn’t want to be one. Athea’s relationship with Chaos was complicated but it was a relationship. Not a ‘one’ but they had become an ‘us’. So Athea stood at the window, worried and jealous, but a new thought caused a smile to form on her face. If Chaos enjoyed her jealousy it only could mean one thing. There wasn’t a reason to be jealous. “Bitch,” Athea whispered and Chaos’ smile widened. Not a ‘one’ but an ‘us’.

Athea looked out the window once more and the white owl sitting on the banister of the balcony returned her level gaze. It had appeared a moment after Athea had pulled open the heavy window drapes and the owl sat there just looking at her. A rolled up letter was tied to one of its claws. A white owl in the center of a wheel was the symbol of Feya, the Goddess of Wisdom and Fortune. The owl was a messenger. Calmer now Athea felt ready and stepped on the balcony to receive the message. She couldn’t see the owl anymore but Athea heard it screeching in the distance as she stood on the balcony, the letter in her hand.

Leaving the balcony Athea walked over to the fireplace to read the letter.

Athea burned the letter after she read it.

When the girl lying on his chest had stopped shivering she lifted her head and looked at his face. Her eyes needed a moment to focus and when she could see clearly she knitted her brows and glared at Roban.

“You like her!” It was an accusation not just a statement.

“Of course I like her, she looks almost like you,” Roban replied and kissed the tip of her nose.

Menja wiped her nose with her underarm and wrinkled it. “But she is in my head and she stole my body. I hate her!”

“But she gave it back to you.”

“She is still in my head, I can feel her. She wanted to let that thing that looked like Rhabina into the house, and that thing is evil. I know it wants to kill someone of our friends and she knows it too. She even told me so but she doesn’t care!” Menja huffed.

“Tattletale,” Roban replied grinning.

Menja sat up and kneeling on his chest she stemmed her hands at her hips. “I’m not tattling. This is important.”

“That thing, as you called it, why didn’t it get into our house?”

“Bosko and I chased it away!” Menja stated proudly.

“You and Bosko protected all of us, thank you.”

Upon hearing Roban’s praise Menja’s frown was replaced by a beaming smile. “I was really angry and screaming, and then Bosko got really angry too, and was growling, and then that thing ran away.”

“How did you know that thing wasn’t Rhabina although it looked like her?”

“Because when that thing was close to the door as the girl in my head stole my body, but I could still see and hear them talking but now that thing didn’t look like Rhabina anymore. You know Rhabina is really pretty and has really pretty grey eyes, but her eyes were gone and there were just dark holes, and black slime was leaking out and running down her cheeks. That was gross and really spooky, and I was scared, but then I got angry and...”

Menja suddenly stopped talking. She was still looking at Roban’s face but her gaze had lost its focus when she spoke again.

“An Arguthary, what is an Arguthary and how do you know that?”

It was silent but Roban watched amused as Menja was intently listening.

“You can’t just make up names for things. All things have names, real names.”

More silence and then Menja’s gaze focused on Roban again.

“She says that thing is an Arguthary, but she just made up that name, and said that no one but she knows the name. That’s stupid, I think she is nuts.”

“Well, the girl in your head is Ghania. I’m sure you have been told that Ghania created everything on Calmyra, and even the Underworld,” Roban replied.