Chapter 34: A Friend In Need - Part Two

April 20, 1983 (continued)

It was quite fortunate that I had two back-to-back early afternoon classes that day. After spending a few minutes alone in my room, trying to process the enormous emotional hit that Julia's proclamation had brought about, I realized I was thankful for an excuse to leave the dorm for awhile. I was able to get out, and at least make an attempt at focusing on something else.

I knew it would be a temporary escape, however. I couldn't run away from the truth. Sooner or later, I'd have to face this head on.

As order began to return to my thought process, I knew this much: I wasn't going to crawl back to Julia and try to persuade her to take me back. Nor was I going to adopt the "fight for my woman" approach. No, siree. If she'd merely been unfaithful but remorseful, I'd surely have given it my best shot; for it would have been within the realm of possibility that something could still be salvaged. But leaving me in a flash for someone else, when everything had seemed just wonderful to me? And dismissing me with the pathetic explanation I'd had to listen to? She'd burned every single bridge with those actions. In my view, they were sins I could never forgive.

So, what now? Ever since last fall, just about everything I did centered around Julia. Upon waking every single morning, I went and knocked on her door. And that was on those mornings when we hadn't conspired to spend the night together. Every night ended with at least a goodnight kiss, often a lovemaking session. In between, if it was possible for us to be together, we were. Say what you will about love, and about feelings. To borrow a cliché: we humans are creatures of habit. Suddenly losing your constant companion in life to another, with seemingly no realistic hope of ever getting her back, results in withdrawal that can be nearly as excruciating as substance addiction. That was what I was looking at.

Of course, feelings needed to be considered in this evaluation, as well. We'd laughed together, cried together, loved each other together. This relationship had easily been more mature and intense than any I'd experienced, in either life. For me, it had been a validation that I could have a relationship of that nature. Coming on the heels of my year-long funk, I felt as though my relationship with Julia had been the driving force behind the rejuvenation of my self-image. Now, I had to wonder. Were mature relationships simply beyond my grasp? Had I been fooling myself? What lay ahead for me? Another long tailspin into isolation and poor life choices?

I knew that if I wanted to, I could drive up to the punk-rock club that very evening. If Lily wasn't there, someone just like her would be. And I could anesthetize myself with mindless, loveless sex, all over again.

Except for one thing: I realized that I no longer desired any part of that.

Rather, I could do what I hadn't done during my long doldrums period. Namely, reach out to the people closest to me. In particular, there was someone to whom I'd once made a promise to always share my problems and challenges in life. I'd broken that promise once, but I wasn't going to break it again. I walked over to the telephone and placed a call.

Evie was getting ready for a late afternoon class. I told her what had happened.

"Oh no," she replied. "Pat? Stay where you are. I'm coming over."

"You don't have to miss your class," I said in mild protest. "Come over afterwards."

"I'm coming now," she declared. "It's just one class." She got off the phone, not giving me a chance to raise any more objection. Ten minutes later, she was knocking on my door.

"I know it's a little early for dinner," Evie offered, "but why don't we go to Margarita's? My treat, and I'll drive." I wasn't about to refuse that offer; it was another opportunity to get away from this god-forsaken dorm room, and spend some time in a pleasantly familiar locale with some great company. It would be exactly what the doctor ordered.

No sooner had we gotten into Evie's car than she asked me, "I'm really worried about you. Are you okay?"

"Not especially," I told her truthfully. "But don't worry, I'm not about to do something stupid."

"I can't believe Julia would do something like that to you," Evie said angrily. "You were always so good to her! It's exactly the same thing..." Her voice trailed off, and when she resumed speaking, her tone was much milder. " ... that happened to me."

I hadn't made that connection until she mentioned it; my mind had been in a jumble since Julia's bombshell. How strange it was that we were talking about that the previous day!

"You must know exactly how I feel," I commented softly.

"I do," she offered in reply. "But you know what? I at least had an idea it was coming. You didn't. It must be even harder for you to swallow." She reached over and squeezed my hand in sympathy.

"I thought it was a little strange that she didn't want to go with us to Florida," Evie continued. "Thing is, I don't really know Julia that well, and I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship. Let's just say that if it had been me, I would have gone with you, if for no other reason than to give you support."

She suddenly grew quiet as she pulled her car into the restaurant parking lot. I asked her what was on her mind.

"I'll tell you when we get inside," she said as she flipped off the ignition. "Let's get seated, and we'll talk some more."

We sat down across from one another at a table. I looked at her expectantly.

"Let's talk first about what Julia did," she began. "An awful thing has just happened to you, you need to be telling me about it, and I need to be listening."

I told Evie the entire sad progression of events; she mostly just let me talk. But eventually, she got around to asking the big question.

"Do you plan to try to win her back?"

"This morning, right after she dropped the bomb," I said in reply, "I would have told you 'absolutely not' in a flash. Now that almost a full day has gone by, and I've had time to let it sink in, I hate to say it, but the answer is still the same. It might be different if she'd only cheated. But she made a conscious decision to start up anew with another guy, and for me, that puts it in an entirely different light."

"That's revealing, Pat," she observed. "Because you know what? I felt pretty much the same way after Doug dumped me. I was hurt beyond words, but I felt like just letting go of everything rather than at least making some kind of effort to keep the relationship going, talking to him about it, or whatever. I'll tell you what that means, and please excuse me for being frank. Julia isn't the one for you, and she never was. There's nothing wrong with that; it's just the way you feel. But that's how I came to the realization that Doug and I were never destined to be together, either. Even if he hadn't found someone else."

I thought about what Evie had just put forth. If this was true, I'd have to take an entirely different view of the last six months or so of my life.

"I don't want to say that you and Julia didn't love each other, or have a special relationship. Because in many ways, you did. Everyone could see that. The way that you serenaded her during that show we did in Mayra's basement? That was special, Pat. I talked about that with Inez afterward, and we both agreed that it made us want to swoon."

Upon hearing that, I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry.

"You may be right," I finally offered. "Time will tell. But right now, it doesn't mean that I don't miss her, because I do. And it doesn't mean that there isn't a great big hole in my heart, because there is."

"That's to be expected," Evie said with a smile that was full of empathy. "I felt like that for a long time. But I'll bet that in time, when the hurt is not so fresh and you get some perspective on all this, you'll recognize something about that relationship that wasn't quite optimal."

She took a deep breath, and then addressed another thing that was on her mind.

"Pat, I told you while we were driving over here that if I'd been in Julia's shoes, I would have gone with you to Florida to show support," she volunteered, sounding a little sad. "But it was hypocritical of me to say that."

Once again, I didn't want her to touch on that topic. "Ev, it's water under the bridge. No need to rehash all that."

"My conscience has been bothering me for quite a while," she confessed, "but especially since our little talk on the airplane last night. Let me tell you why. I'll give you an example. I've been wanting to tell you that the way that Dave and Paul were treating you – and are still treating you to some extent – is a disgrace. But I can't. And you know why? For the longest time, I was just as bad as they were. I should have gone to you, Pat. No ifs, ands or buts about it. And I shouldn't have read you the riot act, right here in this restaurant, when I was guilty of the same offenses that I was pinning on you."

Wow. Evie was really beating herself up over this.

"You're not the same as Dave and Paul," I assured her. "I can certainly understand you being more upset at me than those two. We had, and still have, a very special friendship. I had a higher obligation to come and talk to you."

"But friendship is a two-way street, don't you see? That same logic applies to me, in reverse. And that was one whole year of our friendship that we'll never have back."

"Just let it go, Ev. When it comes to things like this, I'm a 'what have you done for me lately' kind of guy. You're here now, aren't you? Look at what you just did. The instant you realized what had happened to me, you literally dropped everything you were doing and rushed to my side. How could I ever ask for anything more than that? I only hope that I'm able to do the same for you someday."

"It was the least I could do for you, Pat," she said remorsefully.

Back at my dorm, Evie came upstairs with me, and hung out in my room for a little bit. There was a knock on my door; I opened it, and there was Dennis. I hadn't talked to any of my dorm friends since Julia's announcement.

"Just checking on you, man," Dennis said right away. "I heard what happened."

Evie knew Dennis a little from his contact with our band. After a short while, she made a move to get going.

"I have some studying to catch up on," she related, "and with Dennis here, you're in good hands."

While Dennis stayed behind to hang out in my room for a few minutes, Evie and I walked down to her car. Before she opened the car door, she surprised me by kissing me, on the mouth – twice.

"The second one was for last night," she explained with a smile. "It turns out that I had every right to kiss you then."

She got in the car, started it up, and rolled down the window. As she pulled away, she assured me, "I'll check on you a little later."

Back upstairs in my room, I discovered that Dennis had been joined by two more sympathetic friends of mine: my next door neighbors, Holly and Annie. I had kind of half expected that most of our little gang would flee to Julia's side. That did not appear to be the case, which made me feel a little better.

"Pat," Annie told me, her voice full of sympathy, "it makes me sick that Julia would do that to you."

"And the thing is," Holly added, "we had to just watch the whole thing unfold, and we didn't know how to get in touch with you."

"We'll tell you the whole story if you like," Annie volunteered. "If you don't want to hear it, we understand. But you deserve the truth. Did Julia say anything at all to you about what happened?"

"Almost nothing," I replied. Holly, Annie, and Dennis all shook their heads in mute disapproval.

"It's not right that you should be hearing about it from us," said Holly. "But here goes. You know there was a party downstairs on Friday night, when you were out doing a show. We all went down together. You wouldn't believe how fast it happened, Pat. One minute, she was –"

"Hold on, Holly," Annie interrupted. "Are you sure you want to hear this, Pat?"

"Go ahead and tell me," I replied without hesitation. "In order for me to process all this, I need the truth."

"Very well then," Holly went on. "One minute, she was hanging out with us. Then, before we knew it, she was talking with this guy. I remember thinking to myself, 'Pat wouldn't be too happy with this.' They danced a little, and then she disappeared for a while. I feel kind of guilty for not telling you about it the next day, before you left, but I had no idea that Julia would dump you like she did. We saw her later that night. She was alone, but it was obvious she'd had more than a few drinks."

"Which is telling," I said softly, "because the Julia that I knew never drank all that much. And it also explains why she wasn't feeling well the next day."

"We didn't notice anything too unusual on Saturday," Annie said, picking up the story. "On Sunday, she seemed to be out most of the day."

"She was with me," I explained. "We went to the mall, and then to visit a couple of my bandmates. That's when we found out about Inez's parents. I tried and tried to get her to come with us to Florida, but she kept saying no. Now, I know why."

A second round of disapproving head shakes was expressed by my three friends. Dennis was being unusually quiet. I'd gotten the idea that he wanted to talk to me privately about something.

"Monday, when you were gone all day, is when it seemed to really snowball," Annie continued. "At the dining hall, we saw Julia and the same guy having lunch together, and acting all lovey-dovey. From that point on, they've been inseparable. That's it, in a nutshell, Pat."

"Who is this guy, anyhow?" I asked, feeling a need to know.

"He lives in this dorm, a couple of floors up," Holly offered. "His name's Roy something-or-other."

"Roy Greenfield," said Dennis. "I've met the dude before."

Hearing that name sent a chill down my spine. Suddenly, everything made a hell of a lot more sense.

I remembered how, in the other timeline, Julia had ended up getting married to someone she met in this dorm. His name? Why, it had been Roy Greenfield, of course.

In all likelihood, Julia had just met her future husband. It sure appeared that, in spite of everything that had happened between her and me, she was headed down the same path in this timeline. At some point, I knew I'd have to consider the time-travel ramifications of this development. But not now. And I realized that I was now doubly certain that I wouldn't be attempting to win her back. I'd be fighting against destiny, right?

At that point, I was just too desensitized to feel any more pain. Soon, Annie and Holly made a move to go to their own room.